by Leanne Davis
“Cheapest rates.” She grins. “And what’s more, your dad is in Yakima right now and can take a few days off to meet me here, so it all just worked out. It’s so spontaneous.”
“Not so spontaneous you couldn’t call me.” I grumble, passing around her and running my hand through my hair.
I catch Mom’s face falling. She spins, following my progression to the bar. “Is it a problem? You’re going climbing, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“A lot of studying?”
Dear God, even my mother thinks I am a loser, a lame do–nothing. That’s the only reason she can think of for why a guy wouldn’t want his mother surprising him at eight in the morning on a Saturday? Duh. Mom. I almost say.
Eventually, my silence seems to register with her and her cheeks turn pink as she puts a hand up to her mouth. “Oh.” Her tone is no more than a squeak. “Oh, no. You have—”
“Yeah,” I finish for her with my eyebrows raised and my mouth puckering. This is embarrassing.
She flushes redder and drops her gaze before turning and pretending to dig around in her behemoth purse. “Since when… when did you start dating someone?”
“A while ago. Actually, you know her.”
“Oh. Emily?” She turns back to me, smiling. I can see the utter relief all over her face. Emily, Melissa, and Christina are the only girls of that age she knows around here.
Emily again. Are we really so well matched? I’m dumbfounded, because not once has my brain or my libido been attracted to her. “No, she’s still with Harrison. She’ll probably marry and get old with Harrison.”
“Oh. Wait… Melissa?”
Okay, I hear the unmasked reproach in her tone. It isn’t subtle or diluted, not even out of deference for what I just told her.
“Yes, Melissa. Don’t sound like that.”
“Like what? Shocked? Appalled? You’re telling me you have Melissa Hendricks in there?”
“Yes. Lower your voice.”
She hisses at me instead. “She’s a train wreck.”
“Sometimes, yes. But she’s genuinely working on it.” My coffee machine sputters and I pour a cup and offer it to my mom, but she’s too worked up. I pass around her and lean my hip against the counter, sipping the coffee. “You’ve said more than once to me how sorry you feel for her.”
“Well, yes, sorry because she’s a screwed–up mess and for wreaking such havoc on Jessie, and even Will of late. He didn’t come home for several nights because of her. Jessie was freaked out. She sounded hysterical to me on the phone, saying how unsure she was for what to do with her. I am well aware of all the things Jessie worries over, and it’s certainly not what I want for my son.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Luckily, you can’t decide whom your son chooses to be with.” I keep my tone respectful, low, and calm, and blow on the hot coffee. My tranquility only infuriates her more.
“Sex. You’re just having sex with her.”
“No. I’m dating her.”
“You would have told me.” She nearly smiles with glee as if she figured me out.
“Well, I didn’t. Perhaps I had a feeling you’d react like this.”
She groans and walks over to flop on the chair across from the couch so she can still face me. “Seth. You can’t mean this. You… you are so brilliant. Hard–working. So steady and calm and loyal. You have so much to offer. Why? Why would you settle for that messed–up, emotional mess? She’ll do nothing but ruin your life and make you unhappy.”
I start to interrupt her but she puts up her hand to silence me and continues, her voice gaining passion. “It’s all fun right now. I get it. She’s an exquisite creature. I’ve honestly never been in the same room with a woman as beautiful as Melissa Hendricks. I’m sure it’s overwhelming, so capturing her attention must be wonderful. But Seth, it won’t last. Reality will sooner rather than later infringe on your joy. You’ll see she isn’t right for you. She isn’t someone that you can spend your life with, or share your knowledge and brilliance. She’ll hamper all the marvelous things you have to offer the world. She’s average. Ordinary. No, actually she’s below average. And that’s if we’re lucky. She was blessed with a pretty face and body, I’ll give her that. But girlfriend material? No. She’ll commit one childish, impulsive act after another. I’ve listened to the Tales of Melissa long enough to know. You can’t really mean this is serious?”
I start to open my mouth to refute her comments, but hesitate. I realize my mother isn’t just spouting. She has firsthand information about Melissa, the intimate knowledge provided by Melissa’s own mother. I know how it looks to my mom. She assumes I am so flabbergasted to be with someone as perfectly beautiful in face and body as Melissa. I swear, I try to get used to it, and not be so aware of it, but sometimes, it still stuns me when I catch a glimpse of her. And sure, her problems might not be so cute or sweet or fun after the bloom wears off. I know the bloom will wear off too. I’m not that stupid; my penis hasn’t replaced my brain.
The bedroom door clicks and Melissa steps out, wearing pajamas. She has slippers on her feet and one of my sweatshirts over her. She tucks her hands over her stomach and lets her hair swing free. It is long, curly, and snarled. There’s something sexy in her newly awoken, messy casualness. She only punctuates my mother’s predictions and beliefs.
Melissa’s face is taut so I know she’s embarrassed. “Hi, Bella,” she mutters. We’ve been calling each other’s parents by their first names since we were old enough to talk. It would be odd to change that now, but I see her struggling with it, and these new circumstances.
“Hi, Missy.” There is no idle, fake chit–chat. My mom doesn’t do that. She’s a straight shooter all the way. Silence doesn’t intimidate her either. She doesn’t feel the need to break it. Melissa smiles and nods softly.
“Well, I’ll let my mom know you’re here. She’ll be happy.”
“Yes.”
And with that, Melissa spins on her foot, and exits. I stare after her. Did she hear anything? Or was it purely the awkwardness of my mom finding us together? I wonder at this point but I hope it’s the latter.
“I can’t believe this,” my mom says, jumping to her feet and staring out the window to watch Melissa crossing the yard. I sigh and start to get dressed. Fun times. Fun visit. I don’t think, however, that things are going to be very much fun the next time I see Melissa.
Chapter Fifteen
~Melissa~
I stomp across the yard and enter my house through the front door. I heard everything. Every single word about Emily. Bella was so happy to think Emily was in bed with her son. It didn’t even occur to her it could be me. And like before, when he was with his friends, Seth isn’t forthcoming about me.
Nothing quiet or subtle about my entrance. Unlike his stupid mother, mine knew where I was spending my nights. They’re up already, of course. They’re old so they get up just because they can on the weekends. They’re both dressed in casual clothes, having breakfast and coffee and whatever. I don’t eat breakfast often and seeing all of it makes my stomach pinch.
They glance up, surprised to see me so early as I clomp in. The cold air trails after me and I shut the door, blowing on my hands. I glare at my mom as if it’s her fault. “Bella’s here.”
I loudly clomp down the hallway and hear her calling after me. “She doesn’t know.”
“Correction, she didn’t know.” I whip around. “Why is that?”
“Seth never told her, I decided it was his and your business, and particularly, his.”
I shut my eyes. “You knew my boyfriend hadn’t told his mother about me and you didn’t tell me?”
My mom’s eyes bug out. “I thought you two agreed to keep it quiet. That’s what Seth alluded to when he asked me not to mention it to her. I just assumed… and it never seemed an issue for you. I wasn’t keeping it a secret; I just didn’t think you cared.”
I am furious. At Bella. At Mom. At Seth. At myself. Because the reason B
ella dislikes me with her son is solely because of my past history. All the bad things that I did, she knows about, thanks to my mother.
Irrationally, that pisses me off at my mom. I whip around and glare at her. “What did you tell your best friend about me?”
Mom presses her lips together and doesn’t immediately answer. Then her right eye twitches. “Listen, Missy, she’s been my best friend for almost thirty years. Other than your aunt, I don’t have any other adult woman that I regularly talk to. No one who knows about… me. No one that I trust. So of course she knows about my life. My kids. My problems.”
“And your endless struggle with the problem child, meaning me?”
“Well, I didn’t foresee you hooking up with her son. You two disdained each other for damn near twenty years. How could I have known what I needed to censor?”
“How bad was it?”
“It was… me at my most inarticulate. I call her when I just need to vent. Get it out. Half of what I say I don’t mean. She knows that. She’s used to it.”
“But she still heard it all, Mother.”
“Because you did it all,” my mom snaps back. Then she covers her mouth, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. But this isn’t all my fault. Seth wasn’t honest. He should have been. And I was just talking to my best friend.”
I wilt and start back towards the living room. My dad’s listening but for once, he stays out of it. I don’t care if he hears. Having secrets is sort of past us now. And honestly? My tame sex life with Seth, my monogamous boyfriend, is a huge relief to my dad so he’s pretty open and tolerant now.
“I did. Does she know about the newest revelation? My ADHD and all that?”
Mom sits down and folds her hands together. She’s on the edge of her seat as she nods. “She knows that stuff too.”
I glance up. “Do you think it’ll matter to her? Because she didn’t sound like it.”
“Did you say anything?”
“No. Just hello. And that I’d tell you she was here.”
Mom leans over and pats my hand. “That was very mature for you. And not impulsive at all. I’m so proud of you. You didn’t blow up then and there. Or make it worse. I’ll talk to Bella. I’m sure we can figure something out.”
I stare at our hands. “She doesn’t think I’m good enough for him. Is she… right?” The words come out of my mouth but unwillingly. I have wondered about this more than once. I hear Seth discussing his classwork and lectures from his professors with a friend and I can’t get what they’re laughing at. I see him working so hard and diligently and solidly and all I do is provide him with a temporary distraction from all that is serious. A good time. I am fun for him, something he lacked before. And we have sex. I provide those perks for him. But come on? The reality of me being his partner in any real sense? I pull my hand from my mom’s as it suddenly feels cold and cross my arms over my chest.
“Never mind. You’re my parents. You have to lie to me. You have to pretend to believe it, I guess. But we all know I’m not. Even he knows it, I’m sure, deep down.”
Mom is quiet. I feel them exchanging one of their private glances. Their intimate looks that convey their secret thoughts. Right now I’m just jealous they have such a good connection and I don’t.
“People used to think that about your dad and me. I wasn’t nearly good enough for the honorable, Captain Will Hendricks. You didn’t know us then. I wasn’t like this.” She waves a hand at herself. “I wasn’t a doctor. Or a mother or stable or normal. I slept around. I even slept with guys while I was with your dad.”
My mouth drops open as I suddenly jerk upright. Holy shit. I’ve never heard that part of the story. She smiles. “Well, that was our first marriage. When we weren’t actually together, we were just pretending. It’s a long story, but I had other partners just to prove I could.” She glances at my dad.
He shakes his head. “She was hurting inside.”
“I was a mess and made you look bad, and you hated that at first. I tarnished your image. People looked down on you for being with me. That was before anyone knew the truth. But I knew. And your dad knew. Still… you know what I finally learned, Missy? Years later?”
“What?” I glance over at her.
“Even if I hadn’t changed so much and even when I was the old Jessie he first met, I was still a person. I still had thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams worth pursuing and knowing about. I was still good enough. Maybe my life didn’t reflect that, but the inner me was good. As good as your inner self.”
I sniff. “I always thought I was adopted.”
My mom sits back. “You did not.”
“I did. Sure, I knew I wasn’t. I just didn’t know how I could belong to this family. Everyone else is accomplished and extraordinary, strong or smart or high–achieving. I am none of those. Bella told Seth I am below average, and ordinary at best. And you know what? She’s right. I shouldn’t even get angry that she said it, but it still makes me mad.”
“She has a skewed view of Seth, and is crazy protective of him. As are most mothers. She was just shocked and upset. I doubt she means anything by it, Missy.”
“She doesn’t like me. That was beyond clear. But Emily? She first thought I was Emily and oh, gee. That was just fine. Extraordinary Emily. So smart and accomplished. Athletic, and such a high achiever. True Hendricks stock.”
My mom laughs out loud and gets up and comes over to me. “I was not a true Hendricks. I’m pretty far from it even now. God. If you only knew all the crap I used to pull…”
“You were even shocked Seth was dating me.”
“Actually, I was shocked you were dating him.”
I bristle, angered by her implication that Seth was somehow not right for me.
“He’s amazing. Kind. Smart. Funny. Why would you think that?”
Mom ruffles my hair. “See? You like him now and I’m crazy protective of my kid too. Because only now do you think that of Seth. Only now do you find him so attractive.”
“He’s actually quite hot, Mom. You should see him climbing up the wall at his school.”
She grins. Dad winces. I smile. “He’s always just Seth to me, honey. I can’t… He’s like my godson. I can’t get there yet. But my point is, you only think that now, after you take all of him into account. You are just beautiful, without a word being said. You make most people speechless.”
“Until I open my mouth and ruin it all,” I mumble.
“You know what? Keep opening your mouth. You’re strong, opinionated and you don’t hesitate to speak your mind. I did too but I had to tone it down, or at least, I thought I did in order to be ‘good enough’ for Will Hendricks.”
I squint at my mom, bewildered by her tone. “You know, Will Hendricks is right behind you, listening.”
She laughs out loud. “He knows how his incessant goodness used to make me nuts. He knows I can’t always be that way. But my point is, people are stunned to learn you’re with Seth. And he knows that. So it’s kind of a two–way street. You two managed to find each other… and your essence. That chemistry and indescribable connection that goes beyond looks or intellect or how well you do in school or what job you take. It’s your essence, the real you. That’s the connection you’ve found. And you can’t let other people judge your relationship or instill any doubt in your minds. You determine whom you want to be with, not Bella or me, or Emily or some other student at school. And you’re not adopted. Actually, Missy, you’re a lot like me. The girl I might have been if I didn’t have the father that I did.”
I stare at Mom and my jaw drops. She said a lot. Nailed it on the head I think about Seth and me. Important stuff. But am I like her? It never occurred to me. Still, that doesn’t excuse Seth for not saying anything about me to his mother. “He didn’t say anything like that to his mother.”
“Then you need to have a discussion about that. But I want you to get the most from all this. This entire journey over the last few months—and hell, your entire life—has
brought you here, not Seth, and it has to start with you. What you think about yourself. Not your dad. Not me. Not Emily. And now, not even Seth. It has to be all you. And you sense that. You are searching for ways to better know yourself. You have a good gut instinct and I want to see you follow that. Embrace it. And give it the credit it’s due, okay?”
I’m grateful for my mom’s interference now. She talked me off the mental ledge I was perched on. I throw myself into her arms before I shower and dress.
But as I calm down, I realize Seth doesn’t realize that I know. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I tell my mom to keep quiet about it, explaining I need some time to think about what I want to say. I really don’t want to talk about it at all. So I don’t.
I go to work with Duke and the other dogs and pass the afternoon. Eventually, Seth comes out to the pasture.
I’m careful to keep my gaze on the animals and the horizon, while avoiding him. He is standing there, looking puzzled and unsure. He kicks the ground and rubs his neck, things he does when he’s unsure or nervous or doesn’t understand something.
“So my mom could have handled this better.”
“You could have too,” I answer, rubbing harder on Duke’s neck.
“I could have.”
I glance up. “How long is she staying?”
“My dad will be here later today. So just for a few days.”
“Well, they haven’t seen you much. You should spend some time with them. It’s okay. Despite the weird circumstances. After hearing about my countless mistakes and the stress I’ve caused my mom to suffer over the last decade, it’s no wonder she’s less than thrilled about us.”
“So you heard her?”
“I heard some parts. It doesn’t matter. Just spend all the time with her you need and we’ll talk after she leaves.”
He frowns, digging his hands into his coat pockets. “Thanks, Missy. I mean, she’s here and I can’t just avoid her, but I don’t want to upset you.”
Oh, I am already completely upset. But I don’t say that to him. I fake a smile and shrug.