by Jamie Zakian
“Cute.” Sasha dropped her gaze. This whole best behavior shit really sucked and could only last so long. “I didn’t mean to leave for good. I got a room at the motel in town, plan on staying for a while.”
“Oh. Okay.” Dez rose from the bench, stepping in front of Sasha. “You think I’m stupid. The second I turn my back, you’re gonna grab Tyler and run.”
Sasha didn’t think Dez was stupid, until now. That ridiculous idea never crossed her mind. What the fuck would she do with a kid, alone?
“I would never take Tyler from his family.”
“What, you’re not his family?”
“I’m a stranger to him. A face from a picture. He probably wouldn’t dig me very much if he got to know me.”
Dez snickered, but he didn’t crack a smile. His face stayed blank, cold, hurt. “Why’d you leave? What did I do?”
Sasha wanted to hold Dez, attempt to soothe his broken soul, but fear of rejection held her hands to her sides. “Nothing. You don’t understand. I woke up and my mom was dead, found out I had become a science project to grow a baby. I freaked. It wasn’t real.”
“The only thing that wasn’t real was your love for me. The only person you ever loved died, and you rolled.”
Dez walked away, and Sasha fought to keep from chasing him. To make a scene would only freak out the kid. It’d be the worst move to plea her case of I’m-not-a-fuck-up.
In a slump, Sasha walked off the porch.
“You just taking off?” Vinny barked from the clubhouse steps, and Sasha groaned. It took all she had not to scream at the sky.
“I’m not leaving town. I’m staying—”
“I don’t give a fuck where you’re staying,” Vinny said, his face twisted in anger. “Don’t you think you should say goodbye to Tyler. You know, in case he never sees you again.”
Sasha expected this type of treatment, even from Vinny, but Jesus Christ it hurt more than she could ever imagine.
“Look, Vinny. I—”
“If I would’ve known seeing my face would make you bolt, I wouldn’t have wasted four years at your bedside.”
“Well, maybe you should’ve lied to me. Told me everything was fine, then eased me into this future of horrors,” Sasha yelled, before she could stop her jaw from flapping.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna stand here and blame me. You think I haven’t beaten myself up over that while I was driving all over the country looking for you.”
“Vinny, I’m…” Sasha grabbed Vinny’s hand, and he yanked his arm back.
“Don’t fucking touch me, and don’t you dare apologize. It won’t mean shit.”
Sasha glanced around at the people pretending not to gawk as Vinny stomped away. Thankfully, Tyler was nowhere in sight, but Dez had caught the full show from the doorway. For the first time since setting foot on this cursed land, she saw a smile on his lips. Even though Dez was mocking her, his grin was a view she’d drive to the ends of the Earth to glimpse.
Dez stepped back, melding into the crowd, and Tyler pushed his way onto the porch. The kid’s little face scrunched as he looked around, his tiny fingers balling the ends of his shirt. He was looking for her. She’d strolled into this kid’s perfectly fine life, threatening to devastate it if she left.
“Hey, little dude!” Sasha yelled out, almost by instinct.
Tyler jumped off the porch steps, stumbling over his own feet as he ran across the lot. “Are you going back to the hospital now?”
“Nah,” Sasha said, waving her arm. “I’m all done with the hospital. I got a place in town, so I can be close to you.”
“Why don’t you just stay here?”
“Maybe, one day. I…gotta take care of some stuff first.”
“Yeah.” Tyler smiled a tiny little Dez smirk. “I got stuff going on too. You should come over tomorrow. We can play with my Hot Wheels.”
“Okay!”
Tyler wrapped his arms around Sasha’s waist, and she melted.
“Love ya, Mommy.”
Sasha stood there, mesmerized by the little kid’s enormous embrace. Even after Tyler ran back into the clubhouse, she remained frozen in place. Only once the shakes left her body, and the tears decided to stay put, did she walk to her truck.
Chapter Five
Sasha sat on the edge of a stiff mattress in a skeevy motel room, breaking out roaches on a wobbly nightstand. It had been a good, long while since she’d had to do this. Not even ten miles from the biggest drug traffickers in the Midwest and here she was, with no weed.
After rolling the remnants of once glorious joints into a passable bone, she sparked it up and settled back. Just as a mellow buzz filled her head, a knock shook the door.
Sasha hopped off the bed, dropping the joint on the nightstand. Shag carpet tickled her toes as she hurried across the room. She hoped it was Vinny, prayed it wasn’t Otis, would totally take Kev’s company right now.
The face she saw when opening the door forced her legs back. “Dez?”
Dez didn’t say a word, didn’t have to. His eyes said it all. A world of hurt had come to pay a visit.
“What’s up?” Sasha muttered, scanning the floor for her gun.
Sasha flinched as Dez reached out, her eyes snapping closed. Whatever he had in store for her, a beating, a blade to the throat…fuck it, she deserved it.
Fingertips ran along her cheek, sliding into her hair, and she opened her eyes. Hate still burned inside Dez’s gaze. Its fire snuffed out any trace of affection, but Sasha wasn’t afraid. She should be. A smart person would flee from that glare. Then again, nobody had ever accused her of being smart.
Dez gripped onto the back of Sasha’s neck, pulled her close, and she crumbled inside his tight clutch. Their lips connected, syncing together like they’d never missed a beat. Dez’s strong arms holding her tight, his solid chest gliding along her own, hadn’t felt this safe before. Their bodies had never fit so perfectly all those years ago.
Dez’s leather jacket hit the floor, its clink sending chills up Sasha’s spine. Dez kicked the door shut without breaking her kiss or missing a swirl with his tongue. Her hands left the ripples of his chest only long enough to tear off her own shirt. She wanted to feel his skin on hers, needed to.
Somewhere between sinking her teeth into Dez’s neck and running her nails down his back, she lost her pants. Not a problem, since his were gone too. He guided her to the mattress, his weight covering her in a blanket of tingles. Before he could even creep inside her, a flood of heat shuddered her body and forced the deepest moan from her lungs. Damn, only he could make her cum with a look and a touch. It only got better when he slid inside her. His lips floated along her skin as his teeth grazed her nipple. He gripped onto her hips with his strong hand. This moment, when her will fell under Dez’s control, was all that she’d missed and everything she loathed. To think she couldn’t be complete without him, a man, warped her mind.
Dez flipped Sasha over, on her hands and knees. The way he pulled her hair, rammed into her, he probably thought this was a punishment, but goddamn did she like it. Her mouth locked tight, sealing in moans. Best to let him believe he was punishing her good and proper. Then maybe he’d love her again, the way he used to.
“Oh fuck, Sasha.”
Hearing her name roll from his lips in a soft quaver broke her moans loose and crippled her ability to keep rhythm with his thrusts. She cried out, her elbows sinking into the mattress. Shivers nearly took her all the way down but Dez held tight, drawing her to his chest.
His rough hands ran over every inch of her body, trailing sparks. He drove into her, letting out a long groan, and she grinned at the feel of his legs quaking. This would be the part where he showered her with kisses, whispered into the back of her neck, except that shit didn’t happen. Dez climbed off the bed, pulling on his pants.
“What’s this?” He grabbed his shirt from the floor, looking at the scatter of burnt paper that littered the nightstand. “You’re smoking roaches?”
>
His little half-snicker/half-snort was too cute, so Sasha didn’t hurl sass.
“I burned through my bag on the ride here.”
Dez dressed like the room was on fire. Fuck, it could’ve been. The way her flesh vibrated, she wouldn’t feel a thing nor give a shit.
The click of Dez’s jacket lured Sasha’s stare. He dropped a baggie of green buds on the nightstand and walked to the door.
“What’s that, my payment?” It was meant to be a joke, but something told Sasha she hit the nail on the head.
A smirk lit Dez’s eyes as he glanced back. He shrugged, stepped into the night, and slammed the door closed behind him.
“Whatever.” Sasha sat up, breaking out a joint. The joke was on Dez. That was the best sex she’d had since waking from a coma, and she got a bonus bag of weed.
Dez’s coldness left a sting, and a hollow vibe circled the room, but Sasha chose to ignore those things. Her focus lingered on the way Dez’s fingers trembled against her back, how he’d held her body so tight. They were signs. Maybe, somewhere amongst shattered heart pieces, Dez still craved her as much as she craved him.
A few more days, that’s all Sasha could take of this martyr bullshit. If tunes didn’t start changing by then, she’d break the fucking record.
***
Vinny
Vinny hopped off his bed when a knock shook his door. It had to be Sasha. No one else would be rude enough to fuck with him after the day he’d had.
A lump rose in Vinny’s throat, higher the closer he got to the door. He hated the shit out of Sasha right now, but he couldn’t wait to see her face. His hands were actually shaking. Vinny took a deep breath, clicked on the internal switch for coolness, and opened the door.
Crystal waved from the landing, her smile like a blade piercing Vinny’s chest. He’d slam the door shut, close off her needy leer, but she’d probably set up camp out there.
“I think we need to have a talk,” he said, blocking the doorway.
“I see. Sasha’s back, so now I’m out.”
“You were never in.”
“We’ve been together for six months!”
Vinny almost busted out laughing. If Crystal thought degrading sexual acts were a relationship, the bitch had to be straight-up delusional. He had to keep shit on the real, or he’d never shake the woman.
“No, honey. I’ve been trying to dodge you for six months while you begged me to fuck you.”
Her jaw dropped, a tiny gasp squeaking out. And then came the waterworks. It seemed like the best time to slam the door in her face, so he did.
Vinny shook his head as he trudged back to his bed. He should feel like shit, but he was so relieved he didn’t. Fuck Crystal. Fuck all them bitches. He’d never trust a woman again. Every piece of tits and a smile that wormed into his life left it in tatters. His own mother walked out on him without a glance back. He wasn’t good enough. Ellen, the mother he thought would never betray him, only kept him around as a pawn. Ellen’s betrayal was a lack of strength and smarts on his part. But Sasha? That dirty bitch was the devil in disguise. He gave Sasha his soul, and she split without giving it back. It was empty. His chest, that section of his brain reserved for compassion. Empty.
Vinny leaned against the pillows, looking around the room. A week ago, this place was a shrine to Sasha. Her shit had been scattered on every surface. The makeup she left on the dresser, the clothes strewn in every corner were things that once kept him going. By now that shit should be ash, at the bottom of the bonfire that raged outside the clubhouse. Sasha wouldn’t care. If she had wanted any of that crap, if she had wanted him, she would’ve come back seventeen months ago.
An entire joint, half a bottle of whiskey, complete darkness, nothing would stop Sasha from grating his mind. Her wicked grin clung to his eyelids. That sweet voice haunted him, her moans, giggles, even her asshole jabs. They’d all be his right now, to savor, relish, fall into, if only he were enough for her.
Heat rolled beneath Vinny’s skin, and he sat up in bed. Any second now, a flood of tears would burst free. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t spend another night crying over something he’d never had, something that almost was.
A roar burst from his mouth, and he hurled the bottle in his hand across the room. Glass shattered. The jingle of fragmented pieces raining to the floor cut through the darkness around him, slicing the edge off his wild thoughts. The whiskey would stain the floor. It already left one hell of a stench, but braking that bottle stopped his tears, so fuck it.
Before a load of self-pity could crash back down, Vinny dropped his head to the pillows. He closed his eyes without bothering to undress. If he didn’t beat the demons, catch sleep before his twisty thoughts returned, he’d never get any rest.
***
Dez
Dez sat in his truck, staring at the big house. What little shit he had was sitting in that grand Victorian. His son called the place home, but it didn’t give off that home vibe to him. Not that he would know. The inside of a jail cell was the closest he came to home, before holding Tyler. He could be in the middle of a fire-laced cyclone, and as long as his boy was in his arms he’d be happy. Up until an hour ago, he thought he’d already gotten the best part of Sasha. He’d forgotten. The softness of her skin, that glimmer in her eyes were memories he had to let go. He should’ve known they’d come back with a vengeance, seeking to fuck up the life he’d been forced into.
A tap rattled the window and Dez flinched, groaning at the sight of Otis’s smile. He opened the door, climbing from his truck. “Is Ty good?”
“Yeah. Put him down about twenty minutes ago.”
Otis’s voice held an icy tone, frostier than his narrowed eyes. Dez slammed his door shut and crossed his arms, preparing for a lecture. “What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Dez leaned against his truck, straining to shake the guilty vibe. “You want me to give Sasha the cold shoulder.”
“Didn’t say that.”
The words came out casual, but the hard stare lingered.
“She was young,” Dez said, not exactly sure why he was defending Sasha. “A lot of shit got dumped on her all at once.”
“That’s your dick talking.”
“Fuck you.” Dez walked toward the house, thought of a great comeback, and then doubled back. “You wanted to forgive her the second you saw her, and you know it.”
“She’ll hurt us again.”
“Probably,” Dez yelled, his arms out at his sides, “but at least we’ll be ready this time.” Otis seemed more terrified than consoled by the notion, and saying it out loud shook Dez to the core. He might not make it, when Sasha ran off on him again. None of them would. “Come on, I got a bottle of the good stuff I’ve been saving for a rainy day.”
“Crystal’s in there,” Otis said, following Dez onto the porch. “She’s bawling her eyes out, talking about quitting.”
“Fuck! She’s one of our top earners.”
“Why do you think I listened to her shit for the last fifteen minutes?”
“What does she want?” Dez headed for the door, running through the nice guy routine a few times in his head.
“You,” Otis said with a snicker.
Dez walked inside, following light sobs to the parlor. His girls were lucky. Tyler honed his patience skills on a daily basis, making it possible for him to deal with their shit and not dish out slaps.
“What’s wrong, babe?” Dez sat on the couch, and Crystal dove into his arms.
“Vinny was way harsh.”
Dez rolled his eyes, catching Otis’s smirk from across the room. “He didn’t put his hands on you, did he?”
“No! That’s like, the problem,” Crystal said, as though Dez were thick-headed. “I think maybe I should get away for a while, decompress.”
“Is that smart?” Dez asked, scooting closer to Crystal. “You’re hot right now. I’ve been getting a lot of calls about you, from important people.”
“Really?” Crocodile tears were replaced by a flirty gaze as Crystal ran her hands under Dez’s shirt. “You’ll take care of me, won’t you?”
Dez glared at Otis, silently begging for a reprieve, but got a goddamn shrug.
“Absolutely,” Dez said, gripping onto Crystal’s wrists and prying her hands off his body, “but I’m your boss.”
Crystal jumped up off the couch, her pout warping into a scowl. “Guess I’m not that hot.”
Otis lifted his arms as Crystal stormed by, offering to take care of her.
“Ew.” Crystal raised her hands, keeping them high in the air until her long legs stomped from view.
“See!” Otis pointed with his cigarette-filled fingers. “Told you Sasha would hurt us.”
Chapter Six
Sasha
Sasha pushed her old pickup’s engine, ignoring the clunks it emitted as it struggled up the mountainous road. Sunlight glinted off the compound’s dented gate and Sasha squirmed, setting off a concert of squeaks from the truck’s worn bench seat. In the light of the day, one glimpse of the compound’s gravely slope should trigger a scorching wave of sadness, except it didn’t. She drove up the steep hill and actually felt giddy. It was a first. Relief, dread, terror, those were the emotions she’d always experienced when driving onto this property, never any variation of excitement.
The motor chugged, cutting itself off as Sasha parked in front of the clubhouse. Before she could climb from the rusted cab, Vinny was on the clubhouse porch. He sneered, and she smiled. That seemed to royally piss him off, since he charged down the steps.
“What the fuck do you want?” Vinny yelled. All venom, every sharp syllable. The dude was taking grudge to a whole new level.
Sasha opened her door a crack, and Vinny didn’t budge so she squeezed out of the truck.
“Tyler invited me over, to play Hot Wheels.”
Vinny stepped back, snickering. “Good luck getting past Dez.”