by Linda Ford
“Very nice thoughts.” Her eyes shone with what could be teasing, but he hoped there might be something else in them. Perhaps a tiny bit of sweet regard for him. “I thought how nice it was of Tanner to help me plant the garden, to plant the crop when he wanted to be working with his horses. And then to fix a hoe so I could hack at weeds.”
“Oh.” Had he hoped for more? Something beyond the work he did?
“Maybe I thought, too, of how nice it was of you to show me the cathedral of trees and to take me to town.” Her eyes darkened as all teasing fled. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “How nice it was to be held and comforted when I was afraid.” She ducked her head. “And other stuff.”
He laughed, not out of amusement but out of sheer joy. He knew what she meant by “other stuff.” She meant their kiss. He cupped his hand over her neck. “Other stuff was nice, wasn’t it?”
She nodded. “It was nice.” Her eyes said things her mouth did not.
They looked deep into each other’s eyes, searching probing, asking. He’d never felt more welcomed, more at home than right here at this moment.
Robbie’s laughter brought them back to the everyday things of life.
She gathered up the dishes and returned to the house and he returned to the horses. As he stepped over the corral fence, his mind was still reeling, his heart still pounding. He wondered if Susanne experienced the same powerful feelings he had.
All he knew for certain was that he would never be the same old Tanner after today.
* * *
Susanne had said more than she should have. But she didn’t regret it. Her regard for Tanner had grown steadily and surely since the first day she saw him. Life would not be the same ever again.
“Auntie, what did you want me to do with these?”
She looked up toward the house and saw Liz in the yard holding two sheets, waiting for Susanne to remember that she’d asked the girl to bring them. They each had tears and she wanted to mend them. Normally she’d sit at the table to work, but not today. “It’s so nice out I believe I’ll sit outside.”
Liz didn’t appear to think the idea strange and helped Susanne carry out a chair and the mending basket. From where Susanne sat against the house, she could see the corrals and caught fleeting glimpses of Tanner as he worked with the horses. Frank, too, watched him, though his attention was dedicated and constant. She knew the boy meant to become a rancher someday and likely would capture his own wild horses. He couldn’t learn from anyone better than Tanner.
She cast a glance around the farm. The little ones, who had grown bored with watching the horses, played in the trees. Liz had wandered down the trail and sat on a fallen tree, relishing her solitude.
Susanne sighed as a sense of peace settled about her.
It was, however, short-lived.
Later that afternoon, after she’d taken Tanner a plate of food and shared a few secret glances, his dark eyes clinging to hers for several seconds, she’d returned to her mending chores. She’d barely done any stitching when Liz rushed to her side.
“Auntie, someone’s coming.”
Susanne glanced down the trail. The rider was too far away for her to recognize, but only one man ever rode up from that direction. Alfred Morris. Perhaps he’d see she was busy and leave her alone. At least Tanner was nearby if the man should get too direct in his advances.
“Liz, stay with Janie and Robbie. Keep them away while I talk to our visitor.” She gripped the needle between her fingers so tightly it would leave a mark. What would she have to do to make Mr. Morris realize she was not interested in having him calling on her?
Not that he’d ever asked her permission. He simply took it for granted she would comply with his decrees. Little did he realize she had done all the complying she meant to do while under Aunt Ada’s roof.
She carefully wove the needle into the fabric of Frank’s shirt where she’d been mending a tear. Perhaps for safety’s sake it would be better not to have the needle in her hand.
Mr. Morris rode up slowly, inspecting every inch of the farm with his narrowed eyes. His gaze lingered at the corrals where Frank sat. No doubt the man could also see Tanner at work. Not that it was any of his concern.
He stopped ten feet from where she sat and swung off his horse. He meticulously tied the reins to the hitching post and rubbed his hands together. For what reason? she wondered, the muscles in her neck twitching. There was something about that gesture that filled her with tension.
“Good day to you.” He touched the brim of his hat without removing it. Again she found it disturbing that he saw no need to show her that little courtesy.
“Good day to you, Mr. Morris. What brings you our way?” She congratulated herself on sounding neighborly.
“I’ve come to visit. And to again point out how foolish it is for you to stay out here alone.”
“I have four children. I’d hardly say I’m alone.” She stayed seated. She did not invite him inside; nor did she mean to bring a chair out and encourage him to sit for a spell.
“The children can do little to protect you.”
“I don’t expect them to. I mean to protect them if a need should arise.”
He rubbed his hands up and down the sides of his legs. “Your position is so desperate you are forced to accept the help of a half-breed.”
So that’s what this was about. She sat up straighter and faced him squarely. “I am not ‘forced,’ as you seem to think. I choose to accept his help.”
“At what price? Surely he expects something in return.”
How dare he make such a suggestion? Anger flared deep within her and she tamped it into submission.
“I see you understand my meaning.” He took her silence for something other than anger. Perhaps he thought she was sorry, regretted her decision, perhaps even that she was afraid. “No man is so noble and self-sacrificing to do the amount of work he’s done in planting the crop and not expect something in return.” He closed the distance between them until she felt crowded. Trapped. “Susanne, he will have certain expectations. And how will you prevent him from exacting payment?”
Expectations. The word reverberated through her heart. How often had Aunt Ada told her that every kindness had a cost? So often the words echoed inside her head, causing her to falter. But she knew better than to think they applied to Tanner.
“No.” She spoke firmly. “It’s not that way at all. Some men are noble. Some men have principles and live by them. Tanner is such a man.”
“He’s a half-breed!” He spoke the word with such bitterness she shivered. “Have you no idea of the cruelty of the Indians? Why look at what happened to Colonel Custer!”
Before she could bark out a retort, he leaned over her, forcing her to lean even farther back in her chair to maintain a safe distance between them.
“Susanne,” he ground out, his breath hot on her skin, his eyes flashing, “hear me and hear me good. No woman I mean to marry will entertain the likes of that man. A half-breed. I order you to put an end to him coming here.”
She sprang to her feet forcing him to back up, shooting him her fiercest, most defiant look.
He scowled, not liking it.
“You can’t order me about. I am not your wife. Nor will I ever be.” Arms akimbo, she took another step at him and knew a moment of triumph when he backed away. “I suggest you ride out. And don’t bother coming here again.”
He glowered at her, but she did not relent, instead challenging him with her narrowed eyes. After a few, interminable seconds his face darkened and he grabbed his horse. But rather than mount up and ride out, he crossed to the corrals.
“Get lost, kid,” she heard him say to Frank.
Alfred Morris climbed over the fence and dropped out of sight into the corral where Tanner worked.
Chapter Sixteen
Tanner had watched the man ride into the yard and recognized him immediately. He’d run into Alfred Morris a few times in town. All very unpleasant encounters. With his cruel and cutting comments, Morris had made it clear he hated anyone with Indian blood.
Apparently, too, the man had a hard time getting a message through his skull. Susanne had asked him not to return to her farm, but here he was again.
Tanner ground his teeth together to think that such an odious man would think he could court Susanne. A woman like her would have nothing to do with a man like him.
Tanner’s opinion of Mr. Morris didn’t change when he ordered Frank to get lost.
Mr. Morris stepped over the fence and dropped into the pen, sending Pretty Lady into frightened retreat to the far corner.
Tanner positioned himself between the horse and the man, hoping the horse would realize he meant to guard her.
“You.” Mr. Morris jabbed his finger toward Tanner. “Who do you think you are?”
“I know who I am.” Tanner shrugged. “Do you need me to tell you? I’m Tanner Harding, eldest son of the Lakota woman Seena and Big Sam Harding, of the Sundown Ranch. The biggest ranch in the area. Maybe you hadn’t noticed.”
The man’s nostrils widened and he breathed hard. “I don’t care who you are.”
Tanner shrugged again. Too bad it wasn’t true.
“Have you any idea what you being here is doing to Miss Collins’s reputation? Why, why...” He tossed his hands upward. “You might as well paint her red.”
Which was the color Tanner saw. “Red?” Did he refer to him, a redskin? His fists tightened. His jaw muscles bunched into a knot.
“Yes, you fool. That’s how people will view her when they learn that she’s been keeping company with you. Why, you should have heard the rumble after you escorted her to town.” The man’s beady eyes grew even more narrow. “People even saw her in your arms down by the river.” The man seemed to vibrate with rage. “Who is going to consider marrying her when they learn she’s been escorted about the country by a half-breed? You dishonor the lady.”
They stared at each other, Tanner’s eyes, no doubt, as full of fire as the smaller man’s.
He could thrash the man for the way he besmirched Susanne’s name. But he knew to do so would only give Morris more reason to think poorly of both Tanner and Susanne.
“If you were half a man you’d leave this place while her reputation can perhaps be salvaged.” With a muttered oath, he climbed the fence, swung to his horse and galloped away.
Tanner’s insides churned. Much as he might want to deny it, there was some truth to Mr. Morris’s rant. No doubt Tanner’s presence on the farm tarnished Susanne’s reputation. Should he, in fact, ride away? His head and his heart went to war, a battle raging between what he thought he should do and what he wanted to do. He didn’t know which would win.
One thing was certain. He could not stay here right now, could not hope to gentle his horses when anger and pain filled him. He needed to calm himself.
He swung over the fence, saddled Scout and rode away without a backward look.
He would not return until he had his thoughts sorted out.
* * *
The children remained at the window long past the morning hour Tanner usually arrived, despite Susanne’s urgings they come away.
She saw silent tears drip down Janie’s face and off her chin. The child had cried herself to sleep last night because he hadn’t said goodbye.
“He’ll come back,” Frank said over and over as they watched out the window.
Liz said nothing, but she held Janie and, every once in a while, wiped her eyes.
Another half hour passed before Robbie jumped from the chair and kicked one of its legs. “I’m going out to play.”
Frank sighed as he turned to Susanne. “I better see that the horses have water.” Nothing said they all knew he wasn’t coming more than those few words.
“Come on, Janie, let’s go look for flowers.” Liz perched her little sister on one hip and shut the door behind them.
Finally, Susanne was alone and could give way to her fears. Whatever Mr. Morris said to Tanner it was cruel enough, vicious enough to drive him away. No doubt the man had made Tanner regret who he was.
Susanne closed her eyes and groaned. Little did he know that he was exactly what she wanted and needed. But she’d failed at convincing him. Would she get another chance?
Please, God, let me see him again.
She looked about the kitchen. She needed to keep her hands busy and her thoughts diverted from missing him. The big pantry needed a good cleaning. In a few minutes, she had everything pulled out and set about scrubbing the shelves and walls with hot water.
While the wood dried, she sorted out the items she’d pulled out. The food items she’d put back, and the odds and ends she’d put in another place. Like the handful of screws and nails. Jim had gotten careless about keeping organized in the past couple of years. She understood so well how Alice’s illness and death had left him struggling. She felt much the same way now. Without Tanner, what did it matter if the cupboard was clean, the items organized?
Only her rigid training under Aunt Ada enabled her to continue while her heart hemorrhaged pain.
The door flew open and her heart jumped for joy. He’d come. She’d known he would. But when she spun around, her heart sank. It was not Tanner but her two nieces standing there holding out a bouquet of wildflowers. She forced a light to her voice that she did not feel. “I see you found lots of flowers.”
“We would have found more,” Liz replied as she filled a jar with water and put in the flowers, “except there’s a storm coming.”
Susanne rushed to look out the door. Thick black clouds rolled in waves across the sky and a cold wind battered the house. She’d been so lost in thought she hadn’t noticed. “Boys,” she yelled. “Come to the house.”
Frank stepped from the barn and closed the door behind him. As he trotted across the yard, lightning flashed and thunder rolled. She wanted nothing more than to close the door behind her and block her ears to the sounds. But she was missing one child.
“Robbie. Robbie.” She called again and again, but Robbie didn’t come.
She closed the door. “Is he in the house?” He might have slipped in while her head was in the cupboard.
Frank and Liz searched the rooms. “He’s not here.”
The rain had begun, slashing against the house. The lightning and thunder intensified.
“I’ll go look for him.” Frank headed for the door.
“No. I’ll go.” Her teeth chattered and not because she was cold. “You stay here. Do not go out for any reason, you hear?”
“We hear,” Liz replied on the children’s behalf.
Susanne put on Jim’s old black slicker, which covered her clear to the ground, and pulled the waterproof hood around her head. It might protect her from the rain, but what would protect her from the storm?
She thought of bits and pieces of verses she had memorized years ago. Thou hast been a refuge from the storm... Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee. The words became a litany in her mind.
The last time she saw Robbie he was playing in his favorite spot among the trees. Oh, God, don’t let him be struck by lightning.
She ducked her head and tried to run to the spot, but the long slicker caught about her legs and she was forced to slow down to a jog.
“Robbie, are you here?” she called out over the wind that roared through the leaves. The lightning blinded her and the thunder sent her heart into erratic beating. But still she searched. To no avail. She returned to the barn and looked in every nook and corner. No Robbie.
She searched the corrals, every bush
, and still did not find him.
She returned to the house. “Did he come back?”
Three pairs of eyes filled with tears. “He’s not here,” Frank managed.
“What was he doing? Where was he when any of you last saw him?”
“Maybe he went to the creek,” Frank replied, his voice thick with fear. “He kept talking about those gold rocks.”
Susanne closed her eyes and forced herself to take slow, calming breaths though they failed entirely at their aim. The creek. It was the last place in the world she wished to go in the midst of a rain storm. Dark, turbulent waters reaching for her, pulling her under, suffocating her.
What had Tanner said? Think of something else. She shrugged out of the slicker and went to her bedroom. With trembling fingers she pinned her mother’s brooch to her dress. I will think of your smile, how much you believed in me and loved me. Most of all, I will remember how you taught me about God. How He will never leave me or forsake me.
She returned to the kitchen, pulled on the dripping slicker once again. “Stay here until I get back.”
“Are you going to the creek?” Frank asked.
“It seems the most likely place to look.”
Liz sobbed and Janie clung to her sister. Susanne reached out to hug them, repeating her command. “You stay inside and keep safe.”
Frank followed her to the door. “You’ll be okay?” He sounded so much like Jim that her heart felt new grief at her brother’s loss.
She patted his cheek. “I’ll be back when I find Robbie.” She stepped out into the storm. It had not lessened while she was indoors. If anything it raged even worse. She pressed her hand to the brooch on her chest and walked into the storm.
It was two miles to the creek. Two miles of slashing rain, blinding flashes of lightning and deafening thunder that rolled from one clap to the next. Two miles of canvas slicker slapping at her legs and slippery mud pulling at her feet. Two miles of fear and prayer. But she kept going. She had to find her nephew.
* * *
Tanner watched the storm approach and wished he had gone to the farm despite the continued turmoil of his thoughts. His brothers noticed his frame of mind and at first had teased him. But now they watched him out of the corner of their eyes.