“I don’t feel any of those things,” Aria admitted, leaning back in her chair as she tried to assess exactly how she felt. Part of her assumed Monroe had moved on. Their time together was just a short-lived fling he’d quickly put behind him.
“He’s been a mess,” Libby interjected. “I’m not supposed to tell you that part. James specifically told me I should stay out of the personal side of this. But Monroe is not bouncing back. He refused to come on this trip for fear of upsetting you. They’re looking at potential land sites, and they intend to make a purchase or two this week. Even with all that, he’s staying away.”
“It may be self-preservation,” Aria suggested. “If he thinks I’m upset, he doesn’t want to deal with it.”
“He thinks he cracked a little bit of you, and if he comes back, he’ll break you completely. He told me that in those exact words. The anguish on his face. It’s not something he could fake. Maybe it’s these damn pregnancy hormones, but I’m telling you, the man is in pain. It’s like he’s mourning.”
“There’s nothing to mourn. It was a fling. Something that happened and then ended.”
“You don’t believe that, and neither do I. It’s something you’re telling yourself.”
“Sometimes it’s all we have. The lies we tell ourselves to keep the truth at bay. I know what I felt for Monroe. I know what I hoped would happen, what I dreamed would happen. But it didn’t and it won’t.”
“Go back with me,” Libby pleaded. “Go back to Texas and talk to him. I know you can settle this if you try. He’s done so much behind the scenes to make sure you’re all right.”
“Tell him thank you,” Aria said coolly. “There are many people here who will be helped by his actions. I’m grateful.”
“But you won’t go speak to him?” Libby asked, the hopefulness in her eyes extinguishing as Aria continued sit rigidly.
“A lot of people didn’t know what they were getting into when they chose this place. Regret instantly filled their hearts. If they could do it over again, they’d never come. That’s not how I feel. No matter how bad it has been here, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made. I never will. Being with Monroe distracted me. It gave me a taste of everything I’m missing. What it didn’t do was change my life’s circumstances. All it did was make me feel worse. I won’t put myself through that again.”
“There’s always a way,” Libby pressed, but Aria stood up quickly.
“For billionaires maybe. But not everything can be repaired. What I don’t want is for Monroe to feel guilty for how he left things. He has no debt to pay to me or anyone else. Tell him to move on. Tell him to forgive himself. He did nothing wrong.”
“He was afraid you might say that,” Libby said, a pained look on her face. “In that case he wanted me to give you something.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a folder. “Monroe said you can keep it or put it in the trash. It’s up to you. I don’t know what’s in it, but I hope whatever it is, you keep it. I’m not sure what makes you certain you deserve so little out of life, but I hope something changes your mind someday.”
Aria reluctantly took the large envelope and clutched it to her chest. She couldn’t imagine what he might have gifted her. Especially considering it was only supposed to be given to her if she refused to talk with him. “I should go,” Aria apologized. “I am so grateful for your offer and your friendship. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, Libby.”
“I hope my mother is around to see it,” she said, blinking the tears away. “She has dementia. It’s bad. She lost so much in her life. Hurt by so many people, and every time she got back on her feet something knocked her down. I’m finally in a position to give her the best care in the world. A billionaire with every option at my fingertips.”
“That’s good,” Aria offered, but Libby didn’t seem relieved.
“Yet even with all that money, I can’t get her to remember my name most days. She might hold this baby and think she’s young again, and it’s me she’s holding. Or she might not live long enough to get the chance. If my mother was handed a gift all those years ago, I know she’d have taken it. And if she had, some of the years she spent suffering would have washed away. She can look back and say she struggled her whole life. But you,” Libby said, reaching out for Aria’s hand, “you have a lot of life left to live.”
Chapter 29
Aria sat alone in her lumpy bunk staring at the envelope. She’d shaken it, felt around the edges, and even smelled it. She had no idea what it might hold. Opening it felt like too big a task. No matter what was inside she was sure it held a choice. Like he said, either use it or toss it in the trash.
Lifting it again, she finally put her finger beneath the flap and ripped it across the top. Tipping and spilling the contents she reached first for the handwritten letter with her name at the top.
* * *
Dear Aria,
If you have this, it means Libby couldn’t convince you to change your mind. I respect that and you more than I can explain in just one letter. I’ve sat across from important people many times in my life. I’ve thought them to be strong and wise, yet they all pale in comparison to the awe I felt sitting across from you.
For a while I tried to sort out who held all the blame in this. Somedays it was all on my shoulders. Other days I thought it was the circumstances we were victims of. Now I realize there is no blame at all. Because blame doesn’t change things. Knowing who hurt you doesn’t make you feel any less pain.
That realization won’t stop me from saying I’m sorry though. I truly am sorry for leaving things unsaid and unexplained. I’ve never been good at transparency. It’s always made me feel too exposed. But I should have known I was safe to tell you everything.
The only thing I could think to give you is what you’ve actually been asking for this whole time. Peace. In this package you’ll find the information for a man on the island who will provide you with everything you need to start fresh. Pick a new name. Get a passport. He’s already been paid. You’ll have a whole new background, and you’ll be free of the worry of being found out.
Also, and I know you’ll hate this, but I’ve included cash. Plenty of it. Also a prepaid credit card with even more. Fly somewhere new. Be someone new. Do it in a way that doesn’t destroy you bit by bit. Do it somewhere you love.
I won’t know your new name or where you end up. You’ll have true anonymity, even from me. It’s the only way I can let you go. If I know where you are, I’ll get drunk one night and hop a flight to wherever you are.
If you ask yourself why I’m doing this, if that matters to you, I’ll tell you it’s two things I know to be unequivocally true. First, more than anyone I’ve met, you deserve this. Whatever penance you feel you needed to make, you have. The second thing I know without a doubt is that I love you. You might think I’m crazy. You can’t figure out you love someone in the short amount of time we had together. You’re right about that. I didn’t know I loved you during that time. It’s every minute I’ve been without you that makes me sure what we had was love.
Whatever you do, don’t be a stubborn idiot. When you decide what to do, consider your own happiness. Things at the Carle De Blu will be rectified. All your friends who helped me while I was there are being well taken care of. Libby is seeing to that on her trip. Everyone else will be as well, though it might take more time. I’ll see to it. Now is your time. Take it.
Love,
Monroe
* * *
Aria clutched the paper so tightly it crumpled under her grip. She hadn’t realized she was crying until tears blotched the ink on the letter. Lifting the contents of the envelope she saw cash, the contact information, and bottle of the cream she loved so much.
“Damn,” she breathed out as she began to read the letter again. She’d been almost certain before she opened it that she’d be tossing its contents into the nearest trash can. Almost certain.
Her mind drifted to the pictures that used to hang on her
wall as a child. Paris. Europe. Her backpacking trip. Every dream she had was suddenly at her fingertips with no strings attached.
Cramming the cash and everything else back into the envelope, she clutched it again to her chest. Aria had said no to so many things in the last few years. There was always a reason not to do something. He’d taken all those reasons away. There was only one thing standing between her and freedom. Fear.
There was something about this kind of captivity that no one understood if they hadn’t experienced it. You could hate the chains that held you, but miss the weight of them, the familiarity once they were gone. You could hate a place and still worry when it was time to leave it.
A far-off rumble of thunder echoed in the night, and soon the sky opened up with sheets of unrelenting rain. Like always, drips found their way through the thatched roof and plunked against the wood floor. When lightning crashed nearby and the wind grew fierce, part of the roof tore away. A small section above her bed. The storm howled on, and Aria stared at the sky as rain wet her face; she finally knew: it was time to leave.
Chapter 30
It was with great force that Monroe got through each day without Aria. Like a wound bleeding profusely, he applied pressure to stave off the loss. No matter how low he wanted to sink, someone always pulled him up.
He was positive they were now inventing work in Texas at Libby’s order, just so he’d be forced to stick around. Tonight was Mathew’s birthday, and while they’d been like oil and water, Libby insisted Monroe had to eat. It was a basic human need. He might as well do it with them.
“Someone should get me a shirt that says fifth wheel,” Monroe suggested as James, Libby, Mathew, and his girlfriend, Jessica, took a seat in the large corner booth.
Jessica, with her edgy eye makeup and big bangle bracelets, waved him off. “These two are one stupid comment away from being kicked to the curb, so the math could change pretty quickly.”
James opened the wine list and looked at Monroe with a knowing look. “I’d like to say she’s kidding, but these two are a force to be reckoned with. Now with a baby on the way I know I have to keep my ass in line.”
Mathew, looking like he had something to get off his chest, cut in. “Can we get this out of the way early? If a hoard of clapping waitstaff comes over singing happy birthday and shoving cake in front of me, heads will roll.”
Monroe could see little smirks on all their faces as Libby innocently tried to act surprised. “Would we ever do anything that embarrassing to you? I mean it would be repaying you for the time we were eating at that very exclusive downtown restaurant for my birthday and you had a man who makes balloon animals come in and make me a crown. I had to wear that thing through the whole meal because I was too afraid to offend that sad clown.”
“Or,” James recounted, “it could be payback for the time a few years ago when you and I were in Boston and you told that guy at the bar you saw me on a wanted poster at the supermarket. The cops pulled me out of there, and you had a damn good laugh about that.”
“If you could have seen your face,” Mathew laughed, though he did have a look of apology. “It was stupid. We could have gotten in a lot of trouble for that stunt. Let’s all agree we’re way too old for that stuff now.”
“I’ll agree to nothing of the sort,” Libby countered playfully. “You’ll get your present tonight, whether you like it or not.”
They settled in to their meals and continued their playful banter. Occasionally one of the men would be foolish enough to bring up some work detail and Libby or Jessica would lightheartedly scold them.
Monroe watched the four of them as though it were a formula to be decoded. How had they all managed to sort out their relationships and he had failed so miserably? From all accounts each of them had struggled, climbed great hurdles, to form the lasting relationship they had today.
“I should have chased her,” Monroe said, interrupting whatever banter was happening, and eyes around the table stared at him. “I gave up too easily, right? More than that, I gave her a way to disappear so I could never find her. You were right, Libby. I really am an idiot.”
“Monroe,” Libby replied sternly, “I sat across from that girl. I looked her right in the eye. She didn’t want to be chased. She didn’t want to be won back. She was broken. Space was the only thing that would help her, and you were brave enough to give it to her. Kind enough.”
“I could have convinced her to come back with me. If I’d gone down with you two and begged her in person, she would have come.” Monroe stared at this half eaten steak and felt queasy. As if he’d been made drunk by reality.
“I agree,” Mathew said coolly, and Jessica shot an elbow into his ribs. Getting his breath back, he continued, “Let me finish. From what I’ve heard, she probably would have come here with you. Maybe she would have forgiven you. But it’s like snipping flowers and sticking them in a vase. They look beautiful at first. The water you give them is enough for a while. But at some point it stops being enough to sustain them. They wilt. They die. You could have made her come with you, but you couldn’t have fixed her problems. Not until she wanted help. Not until she was ready.”
“Wow,” Jessica said, patting gently at the spot where she’d hit him with her elbow, “that was pretty profound. Is that what you did with me?”
“No.” He laughed. “That’s what you did with me.”
Chapter 31
“It’s pouring,” Jessica groaned as they stepped out of the restaurant but kept dry under the large canopy out front. “Should we cancel the next spot on the birthday tour? I’m not dressed for this weather. These shoes are suede.”
“I like that idea,” Mathew beamed. “Let’s call it a night. I have the best present right here.” He grabbed Jessica by the waist and pulled her in close.
“We were going to walk,” Libby reminded them. “You’ll need to call the car service and have them pick us up here.”
James reached for his phone and began to dial as a wet, disheveled female bumped into him. The phone went flying and landed with a sploosh in a puddle. “Shit,” he called out, bending down and snatching up the phone.
“I need help,” the voice called from beneath a mess of soaked hair.
“What’s the matter?” Monroe asked, closing in on the woman and losing his breath as she looked up at him. “Aria?”
“I need help,” she repeated, still standing outside the canopy, drenched by rain. “I want to know the truth. I want to know what really happened when I was three.”
“Okay,” Monroe said, frozen for a moment by shock. “Get out of the rain.” He took her hand and led her under the canopy.
Libby sprang right into action. “James, give her your coat,” she said, practically yanking it off of him.
With a stumble he was free of it. “If my arms are still in there, can I have them back?”
“She’s soaked and cold,” Libby said, as she draped it over her shoulders. “How did you get here? How did you find us?”
“I used the money Monroe gave me to book a ticket to Europe,” she explained, never taking her glittering eyes off of him. “I was all ready to go. Then I heard them call for a flight here, and I realized that was the plane I wanted to be on. I got to town found the big building with James’s name on it and begged the receptionist to tell me where you all were. Please don’t be mad at her; I really was relentless.”
“We’ll get her a fruit basket in the morning,” James assured her.
Aria grabbed Monroe’s hand and continued on desperately, “You said you’d do anything to help me. I just wasn’t sure I wanted it. Now I know I can’t live my life like this anymore. You gave me the opportunity to hide. It’s what I thought I wanted, until I realized it meant I’d be giving you up too. So help me.”
“We will,” James said, tucking his soaking wet phone away.
Aria shook her head as though she were just now realizing there was anyone else in the world besides Monroe. “I don’t want to put you
all through this. I have no idea where it will take me, what I will find out.”
James tipped his chin back confidently as though he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Every one of us,” he said, gesturing to the five people who had formed a circle around her, “has a skill that might help. A contact that could be useful. Or a shoulder to lean on. Even if you think you can convince the rest of us not to get involved, you are too smart to believe you can get Libby to mind her own business.”
Libby looked at James fondly. “I’m taking that as a high compliment,” she said with a smile.
Mathew looked at them all skeptically. “Before you volunteer me or my contacts, I think we should know exactly what is going on here. What truth are you looking for, and how much trouble are we going to get in by trying to find it?”
James laughed, “You’ll have to forgive Mathew. Essentially the only way any of us have stayed alive and out of the poor house is because he’s the human equivalent of a yield sign. Let’s find somewhere dry and warm, and you can tell us what’s going on.”
“Tomorrow,” Libby said, stepping into the rain and hailing the first passing cab. She opened the rear door and gestured for Monroe and Aria to get in. “Let them be tonight.”
Monroe still couldn’t believe Aria was here, soaked to the bone, desperate for his help. “Come on,” he said, tossing his arm over her shivering shoulder and leading her to the cab. “I’ll warm you up.”
Chapter 32
“I’m so sorry to show up like this and ruin the night,” Aria said quietly as she pushed her wet hair off her face. “I haven’t been fair to you.”
“If nothing good happens in my life again, this would be enough to keep me grateful until I die. Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was sure I was screwing it up. Screwing everything up.”
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