Mayhap she wanted to be found out, to entice me into bedding her. He further thought, she must have known she would be taking a chance, I would not come back to the cabin and catch her in a state of undress, thus her secret would be known. I must be careful not to fall for any trap she may be setting for me. Yes, he thought, she will be a pleasure to teach the passions of lovemaking, but I will have to be very careful not to let my heart become ensnared by her charms.
Without saying another word, Daniel rose from his chair, donned a clean shirt, grabbed his woolen mantle off of the hook next to the chamber door and left the cabin.
Maura was stunned. Her mouth, left agape.
She spoke aloud to herself, "What on earth did I do now! He asked me ta tell him of myself, I do and he gets up and leaves without saying a word! Ugh! I am so thoroughly frustrated with that man!" She sat for a few moments, tapping her fingers upon the table, in utter exasperation, then decided she'd better get started with her daily chores.
“God knows what his mood will be like when he returns!"
§
When she was through with her chores she donned her cabinboy attire and went up on deck to begin her duties there. She met with Godsey, who usually had a long list for her. It was always good to be with Godsey. He was her only true friend she could trust aboard the ship. In some ways it was like having her father near by.
"What be the matter, lass? The Captain givin' ya a hard time, is he? He said in his most fatherly tone.
"Godsey, I don't know about that man. One minute he's as nice as can be and then the next he's bitin' my head clean off." She explained the gist of the conversation she had with him, earlier, in his cabin and that she had made this surprise breakfast for him and he just left without a word. “I don't know how to behave around him.”
Godsey tried to comfort her as best he could. "Look, lass, ya goal here is ta get ta America in one piece, unharmed. Try ta stay out o' his way is all ya can do."
"That's a little hard ta do, Godsey, considerin' we're only feet away from one another each day and night. The frightenin’ part is I am beginin’ ta have these feelings I don't understand. Maura searched Godsey’s face for some fatherly advice.
"My heart beats so fast whenever I'm near him, Albert. I get a flushing in my face and I tell ya I canna hardly sleep at night for wantin' him near me. What is that, Godsey? What?" She began to sob.
"Oh, gel, I ain't no father. Never had a daughter o' my own, but what ya be describin' ta me sounds a lot like love, lass. Ya are fallin' for the Captain." He tried his best to console Maura.
"Love, Godsey, I never so much as had one suitor in my whole life.” Maura exclaimed. “What do I know of love?" She gasped.
"What does anybody know of love, gel? Godsey continued. “Look Maura, mayhap I'm talkin' out o' my arse here, gel. Excuse my language, lass, I'm not used ta talkin' ta young women, but this could be a good thing for ya. The Captain, he is a good man. He wouldna treat ya mean, and he could take good care o' ya." Godsey reasoned.
"Oh no Godsey, he'd never love me. He thinks I am a liar and he hates liars, he told it me, honest, Godsey. Besides, he is betrothed to another. I saw her painting in his desk drawer." Maura’s tone smacked of defeat and Godsey would have none of that.
"Oh I know who ya be talkin' 'bout. That be Missy Gilmore. That ain't no real love o' his,” Waving his hand in the air, as if swatting flies. "He's got some deal with her pa that was set up a long time ago. He's been puttin' that union off for many a year and she's not exactly waitin' 'round pinin' for him, if ya know what I mean, lass." He stated with a wink.
"I don't know Godsey, I'd feel bad, drawin' him ta me and makin' him be unfaithful ta his betrothed."
Godsey, in his frustration, lost his temper, just a tad. "Wake up and smell the salty sea air, fer Christ sakes, gel. The Captain's a rogue. He's not been faithful ta her, ever. Why ya couldn't do any more harm ta that union, if ya tried!" Then seeing the hurt look on her face, for his sharp tone, he apologized. "I'm sorry for speakin' ta ya so sharp, Maura, but ya've got ta start lookin' out for ya self, now, lass. Do whatever ya have ta do ta survive the rest of this voyage safely. That may mean cozyin' up ta the Captain. He ain't such a bad sort ta have ta get used ta. And your already halfway there, gel. At least ya like him, and the outcome could, in turn, save my old hide as well. If he fancied ya enough, by the time we hit land, why, he might want ta marry ya, lass." He was just about begging Maura to save his old hide from the lash.
"Oh I don't know, Godsey. Ya see I’m wantin’ more from a marriage than just some man ta give me his name. I want love, romance, friendship… I want it all!" Maura’s head was up in the clouds, at this moment, and Godsey was trying to bring her back to the reality of her fate.
"Girl, you're naive. That does naught exist between a man and a woman.” He explained.
“Marriage is usually for material gain. What ya think I'm not married for? I never had nothin' ta offer to a lady so I just never bothered." Godsey dropped his eyes to the water and went silent.
"Were ya never in love, Godsey?" Maura asked.
"Yes, once, a very long time ago. Her pa wouldna allow the union o’ cause I didna have anythin’ ta bring ta the marriage. He gave her dowry to a well ta do gent in the city o'Dublin. I never saw her again.” The regret was evident in Godsey’s eyes, as he spoke. “Never wanted ta set myself up for that kind o' hurt again. So I started sailin’ the seas and have me a woman every now and then for physical reasons only, if ya get my meanin'." He chuckled and elbowed her in her side.
They both shared a laugh. It took her mind off Daniel, for the moment.
If this was to be the closest thing to having a daughter, then Godsey was glad to have her in his life. He put his arm around her and gave her a fatherly hug that reminded her of her own father and for a few minutes she stopped to wonder how he was doing and if he was worried about her.
Those solmn thoughts jolted her memory. She had written a letter to her father, last eventide, in the hopes Daniel would slip it to his friend and upon his return to Ireland, mayhap he could get the letter to her father, so he would know she was faring well. Maura excused herself and started to make her way to the helm.
Daniel had been watching Maura and Godsey the entire time they were on deck. He was glad she had him to comfort her and that she thought of him as a father figure.
Maura looked up to see Daniel had his eye on her. This, hopefully, would be a better time to speak with him about the letter, especially since the flagship had not set off as yet.
Maura cautiously walked towards Daniel, and waited for him to be alone at the helm, then approached him. She was beginning to feel those feelings again, as she gained closeness to him. "Permission ta have a word with ya Captain." Standing as tall as any of his men, and respecting him with a sharp salute.
With a smirk on his face, he could hardly contain himself. He turned to face her, and said in a gruff tone, "At ease mate, permission granted."
She stood with her legs apart and her hands clasped tight behind her back.
Daniel was impressed at how well she had adapted to the life of a seaman. Why, she hadn't thrown up in weeks, and was keeping up with her duties no matter what. "Well, speak, if you’re goin' ta." His tone was rough.
"Captain, I was hopin’ that ya might ask ya friend ta take a letter back ta my father so he knows I am well, sir." Looking about to make certain no one was listening in.
He looked into her eyes and for once he decided not to rake her over, and would just grant her this one small request. "Aye, I will ask Captain Robertson ta hand deliver the letter as a personal favor. Not ta worry, lad. It will get ta ya father.” After a few seconds pause Daniel dismissed her.
As she turned to walk away Maura heard him softly say, "And Maura, thank you for the breakfast, this morn. ‘Tis been ages since I had a real home cooked meal."
Maura turned to face Daniel and did return his compliment with a civility, as well, and quietly replied
, "Your welcome Captain." She handed him the letter, their hands touched, and again those now all too familiar sparks ran through both of them every time they were near each other.
She smiled. He smiled. Then they both turned from each other and went on with their day, but with a much happier feeling than how they first started out.
§
Later that day Daniel called for Godsey to meet him up on the quarterdeck.
"Yes, sir Captain, Ya wanted ta see me, sir?" Nervous this was the hour of his reckoning.
"Yes, yes, Mr. Godsey. At ease, man." He stated in a stern and agitated tone.
"I would like ya ta take Miss McCoveny down ta the cargo holds and let her pick out a few articles o’ clothing and any other womanly articles she feels will make her more comfortable.” Daniel continued with his instruction.
“When she's on deck she'll have ta don her usual boy's attire, but when in the cabin for the evening, she may look forward ta feelin’ a bit more feminine. That'll be all Mr. Godsey." And Daniel strode, back to the helm.
Dumbfounded, but relieved, Godsey replied, "Yes sir Cap’n. I'll see ta it straight away, sir." Cap in hand, scratching his head.
Godsey found Maura in the galley, cleaning up after the cook. He told the cook,
“The Captain is needin’ his boy for more important duties, down in the cargo area.”
Grabbing Maura by her forearm, he pulled her towards the passageway, leading to the steps down to the cargo holds.
Stumbling over her own feet, trying to keep up with him, she screeched, “Slow down Albert, lest we’ll fall and break our necks! Where are ya takin' me?" She asked.
"The Cap'n wants ya ta pick out some womanly garb, that ya might be a little more comfy at night, when off deck!"
Maura could see Godsey was excited and happy about this turn of events.
“This be ya chance ta win him over, lass. This will help the both of us, Maura." He said, pleading with her to comply. "If he falls for ya, gel, we'll both be better off. Get my meanin'?"
Godsey fumbled with the keys to the cargo holds, not noticing the disappointed look on Maura’s face.
"Aye, I get it just fine.You're no better than most men, Godsey. I'm disappointed in ya. I thought ya really cared for me, like a father."
The tears began to well up again in Maura’s eyes and Godsey didn't know what to do.
"There, there, gel. It ain't like ya think. I do care about ya like a father. That's why I'm wantin' ya to flash ya feathers, lass. Ya see the Cap'n, he's a good and decent man, child. He'll be able ta care for ya. I can tell he's got the eyes for ya. Why, since he found out ya was a female, he can hardly take his eyes from ya, when you're on deck. He don't wanna marry that tart, back in New England, anyway. Everybody knows it. You can make him happy, I know, if ya just give it a try." With one final jiggle of the keys he finally got the door open and began to look for the cargo marked feminine.
Maura stared past Godsey and felt that all men cared about in this world was how to trick a maiden from her virginity and then leave her with their bairn. Even the marriages she was acquainted with, through her father or as a governess, were loveless and lonely, for the woman. She wanted real love, and wanted to choose for herself, the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. Not some forced union by others or to save her own neck from doom. She wanted the kind of love she'd read about in books. Strong, lasting and unconditional.
Maura let out a deep sigh then considered perhaps Godsey is right and that kind of love doesn't exist, that she is behaving as a foolish school girl, with her head far and away in the clouds.
Then Godsey awoke her from her thoughts. "Maura, Maura. Are ya listenin' ta me gel? This is the best for ya. Ya've got ta trust me on this, now."
Maura answered with feelings of defeat in her heart, "Yes, Godsey I'm hearin' ya. I'll try."
Clapping his hands together, and breathing in a deep sigh of relief, he opened yet another door inside the cargo holds. They both looked about, holding lanterns high, to be able to distinguish one crate from another as there were no windows this low in the ship.
Finally they came to the crates containing women's apparel and accessories. With an iron bar Godsey worked at the sides of the crates to pry them open. When he finally achieved his goal, Maura's eyes lit up as though it were Christmas morn. All at once, for now anyway, she drew a huge smile to her face and Godsey was relieved.
"Nothin' like a new dress ta make a lady smile, eh?”
Maura immediately began pawing over the many and varied shades and styles to find just the right ones. She finally chose a pale pink gown. It was three different layers of fabric. Satin under garment, covered by a gosimerlike eyelet lace. It had an empire waistline with a pink satin ribbon that tied in the back. The bodice was snug fitting to show off her obvious womanly curves and the neckline was well below the décolletage area, as was the current style. Yes, this is the one. She thought.
Godsey spoke up and interrupted her thought process. "He says you was ta choose as many as ya wanted."
Maura replied, with a smile, “I am up on deck most all the time when I am not doin’ my cabin chores, so this will be fine. I will, however, choose several sets of under garments ta change inta after I've bathed." Maura chose several cotton and silk chemises and pantalettes, two pair of silk stockinet’s and one pair of satin slippers to match the dress she had chosen.
Then she eyed a white lace and satin dressing gown. She held it up and placed it in front of her, the length of her body and imagined what she'd look like in it.
This must surely be for the intimacy of a brides wedding night, she thought and then found herself imagining she was wearing this garment for Daniel.
All at once she opened her eyes and was immediately ashamed of her thoughts. She set the dressing gown atop the crate, for now, and continued on to the next, as Godsey now had that crate opened for her. It was filled with all sorts of hair ribbons, combs, soaps, lotions, and perfumes. Maura made her way through the crate in a most disciplined and orderly fashion, being very discriminatory in her choice of fragrances. She made her final choices and told Godsey to close up the crates, as she was finished with her selections.
Godsey did and then hurried her towards the cabin's portal, so no one would see them carrying the items back to the Captain's cabin and become suspicious.
As Maura started to exit the portal she reached back and quickly snatched up the white satin and lace dressing gown from the top of the crate in a last minute after thought and threw it over her shoulder.
With a few quick jiggles of his keys, Godsey locked the door to the cargo holds.
Once back inside the Captain's cabin Maura hurriedly put her new treasures away, for she still had plenty of the days work left to do.
§
The sky was a bright line of fiery pink,now that the sun was below the ocean horizon. This was Maura's signal the days work, on deck, was finished and she was to make her way below deck and begin the usual nightly ritual of getting Daniel's dinner from the galley and readying the great copper tub for his after dinner soak in a steaming hot tub.
This time she was excited to be able to return to the cabin. She could not wait to lavish herself in the wonderful smelling soaps, lotions and perfumes and don her new gown.
Ahh, to feel feminine for the first time in over one month, were the only thoughts occupying her mind, at the present. It felt good to have thoughts other than the trappings of fear gripping her mind.
“As soon as the evening meal is collected and kept warm atop the woodstove, I’ll put the kettles up to boil for Daniel's bath water, then go straight to work on myself. I want to look perfect for Daniel when he returns to the cabin.” She spoke aloud.
“My stomach feels as though I’ve a cage of butterflies living within.” She giggled. “Why am I feeling this way?” She kept asking herself, over and over. She touched her hand to her cheek and found it was aflame. She was frightened of her own thoughts.
“G
odsey is right. I must make certain to keep myself safe for the rest of the voyage,” she reasoned with herself. “But still, should I not be ashamed of myself for tricking him this way, through seduction? Listen ta me, as if I truly have any idea how ta seduce a man a’tall.” She chided herself for her wicked thoughts.
Or could it be Daniel is right after all? She further thought. Mayhap all women are as he said, looking for someone to take care of them and give them an honest name for their brats.
But in the end her desire to look and smell like a female, again, overrode any and all other thoughts. Maura began her transformation from boy to woman.
†
Chapter Eight
Her transformation complete, Maura stepped away from the mirror on the back of the cabin door. Turning this way and that, giving close inspection to her final creation atop her head. She worked her long black wavy tresses on top of her head with the combs she had chosen from the crates below.
She selectively let a few stray curls fall where they may to give a sense of allurement and innocence. Her skin was scrubbed and scrubbed with the scented soap and then lotions applied to the most heated parts of her body. Maura was a natural beauty. She need not wear any color to her cheeks, lashes, or lips.
Her nervousness made her quite warm in anticipation of how Daniel might react at seeing her for the first time dressed as a female. Her chest heaved with excitement and anxiety. There were moments when she could not take in enough air.
She thought, mayhap a small glass of brandy will calm my nerves. She walked to the cabinet above the desk and opened the beveled glass door, took out the crystal decanter and poured a full glass of blackberry brandy.
Maura recalls only tasting brandy once, at a cousin's wedding, when she was just thirteen summers and it was only a small taste, at that. She had no idea the amount she had poured for herself would be too much for her to tolerate, for her small stature. She raised the glass to her lips and with eyes squeezed tight, in anticipation of a horrid tasting elixir,
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