by Tia Siren
“Why did you stop then?” I asked, tearing my eyes away before she noticed. “If you loved it, then why don’t you go back?”
“I have my reasons.”
“Like what?”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said stiffly. “I’m twenty-three years old. I’m a consenting adult like you are. This doesn’t have to be so complicated between us.”
“It is though. I have my son to think about,” I said, and my heart ached just thinking about everything he had been through over the past year. “I’m tempted; trust me. You don’t have to do much to sway me, but I’m not open to this because it only leads to heartache. I’m not a romance type of guy.” I looked over at Jenna as she sipped her coffee slowly. “How are you so open to a relationship after what you went through?”
Jenna’s eyes darkened as she looked down at the coffee mug cradled between her hands. Silence stretched on between us for a while.
“I have to be,” she finally said, looking up at me. “If I’m not open to anything, he wins, and I don’t want him controlling me anymore. He wants me to stay clear of other men, relationships, and anything that makes me happy.”
I met her gaze steadily. “So you run headfirst toward anything that would defy what he wants?”
“Maybe,” Jenna said, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s petty, sure, and not healthy. I hear about it all the time from my mother, but can you blame me? Don’t you ever want to defy what your ex-wife really wants from you?”
I had a creeping thought that Jenna had a valid point. She was doing her best to move on from a violent relationship. Taking her life back by doing the things he didn’t want her to do wasn’t necessarily healthy, by any means, but she had a good point.
It occurred to me then that there was only one solution to this problem, but for now, I looked Jenna squarely in the eye. She stared at me in wordless understanding.
“I think about that all the damn time,” I said. “All the damn time.”
Chapter Eleven
Jenna
“What is holding you back?”
I stared down at the brochure for one of the colleges an hour away that my mom had brought to lunch. Just staring at it made my stomach twist into painful knots. The last time I had been in school—
“You’re too stupid to be in college,” Leon said flatly. “Drop out. You can’t handle it. Look at this apartment. You can’t balance your duties here. Plus, I don’t want you hanging around some of those male classmates of yours.”
“Jenna?”
I blinked a few times before looking up at my mother, who sat across from me in a pretty white dress and a large sun hat. The sun bore hotly down on both our shoulders as we sat on a stone patio outside a brewery downtown. I could feel the tops of my shoulders burning.
“Nothing is holding me back,” I said. “I just don’t know if I can handle it right now. I’d have to drive an hour every single day to go to classes.”
“That never was the problem before,” Anna said. She looked at me intently. “Don’t let that man stay in your head. He is not in control of you anymore.”
“I know that,” I snapped, picking up my glass of water. “I just have a good job right now doing—”
“That isn’t a job, Jenna. Not a real one. He’s paying you for something else. I can feel it.”
“Mom—”
“Just listen to me, sweetheart,” she said, and she reached across the table to grab my sweaty hand. “As much as I am proud of you for doing what you have done, you have to take charge of your life fully. Getting your degree, getting a job—it’s all part of the process Leon never wanted you to do.”
There were times I knew my mother was still traumatized from what had happened. She became fixated on things she thought she could fix. The damage Leon had done on our lives, she wholeheartedly believed she could mend it if I let her.
Except she couldn’t fix all the damage, and I had a sneaking suspicion that this college brochure was one of the ways she planned on trying to fix me. There were things that couldn’t be fixed, plain and simple.
“It’s not about Leon anymore,” I said. “I’ll think about it, Mom. Thank you.”
Sensing the end of the conversation, Anna retreated into her normal pleasantries about the events going on in her retirement home. I drove her back to my house after she insisted on seeing the things I had fixed up on my own. In the middle of a pleasant conversation over slow-cooker recipes, she blurted out, “Is there a man on your porch?”
My heart raced when I leaned forward to see past my mother, who was also leaning forward to catch sight of who was on my front porch. The cross tattoo alerted me that it was Derek who was crouched in front of the porch railing in a pair of mesh gym shorts and a ripped tank top. He looked up when I pulled into the driveway.
“Who is that?” Anna asked suspiciously. She lifted her sunglasses to look at Derek as he stood with a hammer in hand. “Wow. He’s a bit strong. Who is he, Jenna?”
Sweat dripped down my back. My shirt clung uncomfortably to my back as I turned the engine off with a trembling hand. What is he doing at my house? Of all the times to come over unannounced, he does it when my mother is here.
“He’s my next-door neighbor,” I said, my voice hitching slightly. “He trained in the Navy SEALs, and he works for the police department as a cyber detective. I—”
“Is this the man who pays you to babysit his son?”
“Yes,” I said, and before I could say anything else, she opened the passenger door. “Mother, wait. Let me—”
She slipped away from my grasp before I could say a word. Her delicate heels clicked on the pathway up to the porch. Fumbling with my seat belt, I scrambled out of the car to follow behind her with my stomach knotting in dread. This would not end well.
“You must be Derek Summers,” she said coolly as she held out a delicate hand. “I’m Jenna’s mother, Anna Collins.”
Derek took ahold of her hand briefly. “Nice to meet you.” His eyes swept over to where I stood nervously next to my mother. “I was just helping Jenna fix up the porch railing.”
I didn’t let my skepticism show. I’d never asked him to fix the porch railing. I wanted to fix the house on my own. He knew that despite insisting on trying to help me whenever he caught a glimpse of me outside. There was something else he wanted.
“Right,” I said. “He helps me with things like the roof. I nearly broke my neck last time I tried to do something like that.”
Derek’s lips curved up in a ghost of a smile. He pocketed the hammer in the elastic band of his shorts and tugged on the porch railing firmly.
“It’s not loose anymore,” he said. “I better go then. I’ll see you later, Jenna.”
I nodded mutely, but my mother had been watching us with a curious frown. She reached forward to place a hand on Derek’s arm. He surprisingly didn’t tense at the contact. Every time I touched him, intentional or not, his muscles seemed coiled.
“Thank you for helping my daughter,” Anna said. “There’s not very many handy men in the world like you. My husband had been one of them.” She motioned to the front door. “Come inside to get a drink. I’m sure Jenna has something she can make.”
“That’s all right,” Derek said, and he caught my eyes as he brushed by me. The smell of freshly cut grass clung to the air around him along with the summer heat. “I have to get some sleep before picking up my son. You can thank me later for the porch railing.”
My jaw fell open at that. Was that some sort of hint? I watched Derek stride across my front lawn without sparing another glance. He hopped over the fence a second later before disappearing into his house.
“He’s rather curt,” Anna said, tugging on the porch railing herself. “What does he mean by thanking him later?”
She frowned in confusion. I clicked my jaw shut. There was no way in hell I was going to explain what he meant. I didn’t need that sort of lecture.
Fumbling through my purse, I found my
house keys. “No idea,” I said, and I opened the front door. “I’ll just tell him thank you when I see him later this evening.”
My mother swept into the hallway without hesitation. “Rather strange that he just shows up here, though.” She turned to give me a withering look. “Please tell me he doesn’t have a key to this house.”
I shut the front door with an exasperated sigh. “No, Mom. Why would I give him a key to my house? We don’t even know each other.” Unfortunately.
“I just know how you are, Jenna. You tend to fantasize about the bad boys. You did it in high school too. Why, I have no idea. Your father—”
“Mom,” I cut in, a headache starting to pound in my head, “let’s not talk about this anymore. Do you want to see the house or not?”
She smiled brightly then.
“Of course I do. Show me everything.”
I spent the next couple of hours playing hostess until my mother hailed a cab to drive her back to Lone Tree. I waited until her cab was out of sight before walking across the front lawn to Derek’s front door.
“Hi, Jenna,” Owen said, hugging my legs tightly. “I have something cool to show you from school. It’s a rock collection that Dad ordered for me.”
“Cool.” I grinned down at him. “I’m into rocks. You can tell me all about them.”
I closed the front door behind me while Owen bounced up the stairs to retrieve the rock collection. Derek poked his head out from the dining room when he heard my voice.
“I ordered you both some food from an Italian place that I know,” he said when I entered the dining room. “Spares you the task of cooking with Owen. It’s damn impossible too.”
The smell of garlic bread filled the room. My stomach grumbled happily at the thought of eating something besides TV lunches and dinners.
“Thanks,” I said. “Were you wanting something earlier this morning?”
“Your porch railing was loose,” Derek stated, and he didn’t turn around to look at me as he fastened his bulletproof vest. “I just thought I’d fix it for you is all. You’ve done a lot for me.”
His movements were agitated as he grabbed the things he needed for the night. Upstairs, we heard Owen’s feet darting back and forth in his room in search of his rock collection. My skin tightened against my body when Derek’s eyes darkened slightly. He took a step in my direction, and calloused fingers brushed along my neck a few moments later when I didn’t protest.
A shiver of pleasure went up my spine at the contact. I had been hoping it had had something to do with this. Being around Derek was just too damn hard. I forgot the world whenever he was around. I forgot Leon. I forgot all of it.
And I craved this more than anything in the world.
“Are you sure that’s what it was about?” I whispered.
The late evening light spilled in through the kitchen windows. It cast a soft and warm glow on everything, including the hard lines of Derek’s face. Up this close, I could see the silver specs in his eyes and the faint bristle of a beard on his strong jaw.
“No,” he admitted, his voice husky again. “I wanted something.”
Butterflies fluttered madly in my stomach. Heat seared through me when I tasted mint toothpaste on the lining of my lips. I was going to kiss him again. Screw the consequences. My hands reached out to gingerly touch the bulky vest underneath his shirt.
“Like what?”
“I wanted something like this.”
His lips pressed against mine in a hot kiss that instantly had me squirming against him in pleasure. I kissed him back just as fiercely as our tongues fought for dominance. Strong arms wrapped around my waist to hold me securely against the hardness of his body. It felt too damn good to pull away.
“Hey, Dad, have you seen—”
We broke apart hastily when Owen stepped into the kitchen. He looked between us with wide eyes while I stumbled back from Derek as quickly as possible. Tears filled his eyes, and guilt instantly washed over me.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his bottom lip quivering. “Why are you kissing Jenna, Dad? You’re supposed to kiss Mom only.”
I caught sight of the conflicted look on Derek’s face. It hit me then why Derek had fought so hard against our attraction. Not only was he scarred from his ex-wife, but he had a child who didn’t understand what had happened.
I chewed on my bottom lip nervously. I had no idea what to say to help Owen calm down, but it was clear from the crestfallen look on his face that nothing we could say would help. He turned on the heel of his foot before darting up the stairs again. His bedroom door slammed shut a second later.
“Fuck,” Derek said, rubbing an aggravated hand through his hair. He turned to look at me with a sigh. “I never know what to tell him when it comes to his mother. He doesn’t understand what divorce means.”
“He shouldn’t have to,” I said, twisting my hands together. “I could try to talk to him, if you don’t mind, while you’re at work. Unless you want me to—”
“No,” he said sharply. “Stay here. I thought about everything you said the other day.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did.” His eyes reminded me of a thunderstorm brewing in the distance right before it unleashed a downpour or rain and lightning. “I don’t have time to talk about it though.”
“Right,” I said. “We can talk later. I’ll talk to Owen.”
“Thank you.” To my surprise, Derek leaned forward to press his lips against mine in a quick kiss. “I’ll be back a little early, though, so we can talk. Is that a problem for you to be up early?”
I had no idea if it was a promise of things to continue, but there was no chance of me sleeping in. I’d stay awake all night after putting Owen to bed if I had to.
“I’ll be awake,” I said, and I kissed him. “I promise.”
Chapter Twelve
Derek
“It’s normal for a child to feel upset about this sort of thing. Divorce isn’t a concept in a child’s mind, and when it happens, it’s not a concept they like.”
I stared across the neatly organized desk of James Peterson. He was the psychologist assigned to help out the police department. I didn’t entirely mind him. He didn’t do the psychobabble I hated from the previous psychologist I had dealt with over the years. He had offered more advice on Owen than trying to understand me.
“I don’t know what to tell him,” I said.
Guilt tasted bitter in the back of my mouth. I still couldn’t erase that devastated look on his face when he had walked in on Jenna and me.
“Just be as honest with him as possible,” James said empathetically. “If this woman means a lot to you—”
“I don’t know her,” I responded sharply. “She’s just my neighbor is all.”
James smiled knowingly. He interlaced his fingers and leaned back in his chair to regard me with curious eyes.
“She sounds like a lot more than a neighbor if you were caught kissing her.”
“She’s attractive. What man wouldn’t want to kiss her?”
A surprising burn filled my chest at the thought of some other man trying to kiss Jenna.
“You know what I mean, Summers.” James chuckled heartily when he caught sight of my expression. “You don’t have to be stubborn about it with me. You can have an attraction to another woman after a divorce. No one will judge you.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not about that. I don’t give a shit what Sidney thinks about it. She’s moved on with her new boyfriend of the month anyway.”
“What’s the hold up with you then?” James asked.
“No hold up,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I just don’t think someone like Jenna would do good with someone like me.”
“How so?”
“For starters, I’m older than her by at least ten years. I have a kid who’s already confused enough with what happened. She’s just starting out in life, unlike me. You pick.”
“And none of it honestly has to do
with this past of hers you told me about?”
I looked down at the carpeted ground. It was so late, almost 11:00 p.m. I had called James into the percent to talk about Owen after leaving the house with his tear-rimmed eyes watching me from his bedroom window. Jenna assured me when I called in around 9:00 p.m. that he was calm and in bed. “He’s just confused,” she’d said. “I told him you would talk to him about everything. I didn’t think I’d be the best person to talk about it.”
Did her past bother me? I had no idea who the guy was. Jenna never mentioned his name, and I resisted asking because I’d look for information. I had access to everything on my computer. All I needed was a first and last name to look up the report.
“No,” I said shortly. “Thanks for the advice, James. I have to get back to work.”
I rose from the chair. James stood up as well and loosened the tie around his neck a bit. He clapped me on the shoulder as I held the door to the small, quiet room open for him.
“Next time,” he said, shaking his head, “call me in the morning if it isn’t an emergency. It’s too much trying to figure you out this late at night.”
“Right,” I said. “No phone calls unless it’s an emergency. I swear.”
I kept to my word for the rest of the night. It wasn’t until 4:20 a.m. that I remembered I had asked Jenna to stay awake for one good reason. I swallowed thickly when lust raged right through me just thinking of the few kisses we had exchanged. Jenna’s lips were soft, so soft that I had to tell myself not to press too hard.
Don’t do it, Derek. Don’t do it. You can’t afford to get caught up in another female’s charm.
I glanced down at the partial bulge in my pants. I sighed in aggravation while I clocked out for the morning. Something needed to be done, and even if it was wrong, Jenna had a point. Maybe just that one time would be enough to get it out of our system. She was great with Owen despite what had happened earlier. I didn’t want to compromise that, but my entire body would go blue in the process of having her around.