by Tia Siren
I chuckled as I got up. “That’s alright. Caffeine isn’t good for the baby, anyway.”
Inside his fridge, I found some orange juice as well as bread and fixings for a nice sandwich. It wasn’t my typical breakfast, but after months of not even being able to look at food in the mornings, I was excited to have a feast. Once my sandwich was ready, I carried it and a glass of juice towards the table.
Kellan’s face beamed at my plate. “Hungry?”
“Oh, my god, yes!” I said a bit more emphatically than expected, making both of us laugh. Once our chuckles died, I cleared my throat and decided that now was as good time as any to say what I needed to say to Kellan.
“I’m sorry about what I said last night,” I started. “I was insensitive and out of line. I just . . . I just think you’d make a great father. I can’t help but feel sad that you and the little guy here will miss out on having a relationship with each her, but I won’t nag you about it anymore. I promise.”
He was silent for a long time and, understanding that the conversational part of the morning was over, I focused on my breakfast. Although I kept my eyes focused on everything but him, I could feel Kellan’s gaze on me as I ate. It was unnerving and exhilarating.
I was almost done with my sandwich when he spoke. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did,” I pointed out. Kellan rolled his eyes at my smart-ass reply, so I added, “Go ahead.”
He took a deep breath and said, “Why did you choose me that day at the show?”
My heart raced at his question. “You’ve already asked me that.”
“I know.” He nodded and added, “But you’ve never answered it.”
“No, I didn’t.”
For a couple of minutes, my words hung between us. My heart pounded in my chest, and I could tell by his heavy breath that Kellan was anxious as well. I had no idea why, though. He wasn’t the one about to completely humiliate himself. I was.
Briefly taken by self-preservation, I considered lying, but decided against it. He had been honest with me about his past, and I owed him honesty in return.
After a long breath, I started, “I didn’t choose you that day, Kellan. I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen.”
Kellan’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything, so I continued, “At that age, I vowed that you’d be my first. Looking back, I can see that it was stupid to make such a major decision based on a crush, but I saw you as this perfect man on a pedestal, and no one could ever reach you. In my teenage mind, it made sense.
“As I got older, my feelings for you grew to the point where I’d go on dates and imagine that you were the boy sitting across from me. I’d kiss guys and imagine I was kissing you. You were every man I flirted with and the only one I desired, so I continued to save myself for you even when it stopped to make sense.”
Embarrassed, I looked away from Kellan as I continued. “Then, I came back home from Harvard, and my dad invited me to that show. I knew you’d be there, and I wanted you to see that I wasn’t a teenager anymore and want me like you wanted the women you used to bring around to dinners and parties. I wanted you to want me as I wanted you.”
As I finished, I could feel my cheeks blushing. I could also feel his eyes burning a whole on my face. So I glanced at him and saw a mixture of amazement, confusion, and indignation.
“So, you seducing me was planned?”
“Yes,” I said with a weak nod. “But getting pregnant wasn’t. I promise you that. I never meant to trap you into anything. I just wanted to know what it would be like to be yours.” I looked up and stared him deep in the eyes so he could see I was honest. “I should have told you who I was from the start, but I was childish and, as you keep pointing out, stupid.”
Kellan caught the smirk on my lips and, after a heavy breath, smiled back. “You’re not stupid, Amelia. Naïve and reckless, but not stupid.” The kindness in his words eased the tension in my shoulders and the heaviness in my chest.
Neither of us said anything else as we finished eating. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was certainly weird. After so many years loving him in secret, finally having it out in the open made me feel like a weight had been lifted off my chest and I could finally move on with my life and be happy.
Once both our plates were empty, I knew it was time for me to go, but I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to him yet. “Would it be alright if I took a shower before I left?” I asked.
He nodded and stood up, “Sure, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”
I followed him down the hall, marveling at the way his white t-shirt hugged his muscles and his gray sweats curved around his butt. I knew I would never have him again, but wasn’t about to pass on an opportunity to admire his beauty.
We entered his bathroom, and, at once, I was in awe. The floors were made of white marble, and the glass shower was large enough to fit at least half a dozen people. It seemed funny to me that all this space and luxury was for a single person, but I guessed that if I were as rich as him, I’d also have a bathroom big enough to throw a party.
“The towels are over there, and you can use my toiletries,” he said, looking over at me and holding my gaze for a second too long. During that second, my heart fluttered with the hope that maybe he had changed his mind about us, but before I could dream too much, Kellan turned and walked out.
Once I was alone, I unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the floor. I admired my figure in the mirror and smiled. My belly looked even bigger today than it was yesterday, but it was a good thing. I had never imagined that a bulging midsection could make me feel beautiful and womanly, but it did.
I ran a hand over the tight skin of my stomach, hoping that my baby could feel the amount of love I already felt for him. Yes, he had been conceived by mistake, but I would make sure he never felt like that. As far as I was concerned, this child—my child—would live every day of his life knowing that he was loved and wanted by his mother.
I peeled my eyes from my reflection and entered the shower. I got the temperature just right and stepped under the cascading flow of warm water. I lathered my skin, allowing the soap to wash away the stress and secrets I had been holding in for so long. By the time I turned the water off I knew I was finally ready to enjoy whatever life had in store for me.
As I exited the shower, a single knock echoed through the bathroom. Before I could react and wrap a towel around me, Kellan walked in. He looked over my wet, naked body with nothing but lust in his eyes. Our eyes locked as he walked over to me.
Confused and frozen in shock, I just stood there staring at him. My heart raced when he clasped his hands around my waist and pressed my back against the door of his shower.
My voice was barely above a whisper when I asked. “What are you doing?”
Instead of responding, Kellan pressed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss. The surprise of it made me gasp, and he used that opportunity to run his tongue against mine. Jolted back to reality, I kissed him back with all of the passion I could muster. Every ounce of pent up lust and yearning I had for him poured out into that kiss, and it felt so fucking good.
I could feel his erection pressing against me as Kellan broke our kiss. “I need you so fucking bad,” he groaned dotting kisses down my chest.
“God, I need you too,” I moaned in response.
My fingers tangled in his hair as he pulled my legs up and around his hips, and carried me out of the bathroom. Carefully, he laid me down on the bed and pulled his shirt off. It took me a moment to fully process what was happening, but, by the time I did, he was already slipping off his pants and revealing the master of all erections.
Knowing what to expect this time around, I wasn’t as intimidated by the girth and length of his cock. Instead, I was filled with excitement and anticipation at what was about to happen.
With curious eyes, I watched as Kellan’s body covered mine. I was pleasantly surprised when instead of pressing his thickness on m
e, he started kissing his way down my body. Slowly, he ran his tongue in circles around my breasts until he reached my nipples. His breath was warm against my skin and that warmth spread across my body and pooled between my legs. As he brought one of my sensitives peaks into his mouth, his fingers pinched and gently pulled on the other making my lips part and my heart race.
Once my breath was heavy with pleasure, Kellan released my nipples and continued kissing down my body. He kissed and nibbled my ribs and the upper portion of my stomach, but he pulled away once he reached my bulging belly. I didn’t say anything and quietly watched as he placed his hands on it and admired my bump it with the eyes of a proud man. He kissed it once before continuing his way down to my warmth.
My eyes closed when his mouth covered my opening. It was hard to pay attention to what he was doing when my whole body hummed with pleasure. I lost track of time as Kellan kissed and sucked and lapped at my most sensitive part. When my body finally exploded with an orgasm, I cried out Kellan’s name as I had fantasized about doing for so many times.
As my heart and breath started to slow down, Kellan replaced his mouth with his cock. He pulled my hips towards his and caressed my breast as he slid inside of me. My mouth opened, and my back arched at the delicious fullness. He kept his eyes focused on my face, drinking in every moan that passed through my lips, as his hips started to move in a slow and rhythmic fashion.
Instead of the instant surge of pleasure the fiery passion of our first time created, the torturous pace in which he moved now create a slow build of pleasure that drove me half insane. My body ached and trembled as I wondered if I would never reach my final destination.
“Kellan, I won’t break,” I managed to say between moans.
He stared at me for a moment gauging if I actually meant it. Once he saw that I did, the focus and tension in his eyes melted away, and he started to really move. His gentle thrusts turned into ones of power. I could feel him stretching and filling me, and as he did, the whole world disappeared. All that existed was him and me and this moment.
Our voices echoed through the walls as Kellan sped his pace, slamming into me as our bodies became one. Never in my life had I experienced anything as thrilling and meaningful as that moment. I could tell, without a shadow of a doubt, that this time we weren’t just fucking. We were actually making love, and being loved by Kellan Shepard was way better than I had ever imagined it to be.
I dug my nails into his back as my body trembled with the sweet approach of my orgasm. Feeling how close I was, Kellan slammed his hips harder against mine, going deeper than ever. My eyes closed and I yelled his name I found my release and, with few more vigorous thrusts, Kellan groaned my name as he too gave in to the overwhelming pleasure.
Kellan kissed me deeply and collapsed beside me on the bed. Unlike the angry, lustful kiss we had exchanged the previous night, this one contained the hope for the future I had dreamt about for so long. I wanted to cry happy tears at the realization that, for the first time in forever, my hope wasn’t one sided.
“That was better than the first time,” I said as Kellan pulled me to his chest.
He kissed the top of my head and chuckled. “A bed and no clothes will do that.”
As a silly smile formed on my lips, fear that this would be only a one-time thing clawed into my heart. However, before it could completely take hold of me, Kellan covered my baby bump with one hand and reached for his phone with his other. I watched him with curiosity as he dialed a number and brought the device to his ear. Our eyes stayed locked as he waited for whoever it was he was calling to answer the call.
“Hey, Jo,” he greeted his secretary. “I have some personal things to take care of today so I won’t be coming in. Please, let Alex know and tell him I’ll call him later.”
Once he disconnected the call, Kellan turned off his phone and placed it back on his bedside table. He smiled at the shocked expression on my face. “What?”
“You’re not going to work?” I asked.
“Nope.” He shook his head and gave me a peck on the lips. “I have almost a decade of your sexual fantasies to fulfill and after that, you and I need to talk about how we’re going to tell your father about us and our baby.”
Oh, my freaking God! Was the only thought running through my head as I kissed the life out of him.
Chapter Ten
Kellan
It was a chilly autumn morning and, for the fourth day in a row, I was arriving at the office after nine in the morning. It was odd considering I had been the first one to arrive since Alex and I first opened the agency, but I had the best SEXcuse in the world for my tardiness. Amelia.
“Good morning, Jo,” I greeted my assistant with an uncharacteristic grin.
The woman looked a little uncomfortable as she smiled back at me. “Good morning, Mr. Shepard. Mr. Blackwell called to say he’s running late today, but he’ll be here in soon to go over the go-see schedule with you.”
“Sounds great,” I said as I unwrapped the scarf from around my neck and walked towards my office door. “Let me know when he arrives.”
“Will do, and one more thing, Sir,” Jo called as I opened the door and stepped into my office. “Miss Blackwell is waiting for you,” she added at the exact same time that my eyes focused on Amelia, looking beautiful in a white blouse and navy trousers.
I thanked my secretary and closed the door behind me.
Amelia sat at the exact same spot on my couch she had occupied on her first day working at the agency. Instead of the anxiety I had felt that day, today I felt nothing but a sense of comfort at seeing the mother of my son waiting for me. I smiled at her as I hung my coat and scarf and moved towards my desk.
“Good morning, Amelia,” I said as I placed my briefcase on the wooden surface. “How are you today?”
“Thoroughly satisfied,” she retorted with a wink. I chuckled as she stood and walked over to me, causing my heart to beat like a man on speed. “I’m also a little anxious. Are you going to talk to my dad today?”
I shifted from foot to foot and fixed my tie. She had been asking the same question for the past few days, and I could tell she was getting antsy. As much I tried to hide my hesitation, I knew she could see right through it.
We had talked about my fear of losing her father’s friendship a bunch of times, and though she had assured me that she would have my back and not allow Alex to turn on me, I still hadn’t been able to tell him the truth. As understanding of the whole situation as Amelia was, I could tell that it was making her question whether or not I was actually committed to her and our baby. I hated that I was making her feel insecure because there wasn’t a single question in my mind of how much I wanted both of them.
“I have a meeting with him this morning, I’ll tell then,” I said holding her hand. Amelia raised a challenging brow that made me let out a nervous chuckle. “I will, I promise. I’ll get him a nice cup of coffee and get it out in the open.”
He tilted her head. “You do know that caffeine makes my dad grumpier, right?”
“I’ll give him a scotch, then.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close.
Amelia laughed. “That’s better, though a.m. drinking may not be the route to prove you’ll be a good father to his grandson.” Her words filled me with a new wave of panic, and my face must have given me away because she laughed again and kissed my lips. “I’m sorry, I was just kidding. Relax! He already loves you and he’ll continue to love you because you’re going to do right by our son and me. He may get mad and yell, but he’s not going to hurt you, and he will forgive you. He’s forgiven me, and I’m his screw up daughter.”
Amelia’s words made me feel a little better. I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers. “It’ll be okay?”
“Yes, it will,” she assured me once again.
I nodded and kissed her once more. As I pulled back, Jo’s voice announcing that Alex had just arrived echoed through my office. I looked Amelia in the ey
es and she smiled.
“Go get him, tiger,” she urged taking the folder I needed from my desk and handing it to me. I chuckled, patted her stomach and kissed her one final time before walking to the door.
My heart was lodged in my throat as I approached Alex’s office. I felt like a kid going to the principal’s office, which was ridiculous since I was forty years old.
I stood outside his door and took a deep breath. After one single knock, I pushed it open and walked inside. Alex was sitting behind his desk, reading contracts and drinking something from a Starbucks cup. Crap!
Completely innocent to the fact that I was about to drop a nuke on his head, Alex greeted me with a smile. “Morning, Kellan.”
“Good morning,” I took a seat in front of him and placed the folder to the side. I had to do this now, or I’d chicken out again. “I know we have business to discuss, but there’s something I need to tell you first.”
Alex frowned at the seriousness of my tone and nodded. He closed the file containing the contracts he was reading and placed his reading glasses to the side. A lump formed in my throat when I realized I had his undivided attention.
“It’s about Amelia,” I blurted out.
At once, Alex’s features were covered in worry. “Is she alright? Did something happen?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. Feeling like a moron for starting this all wrong, I ran a hand through my hair and tried again. “Amelia is fine. Actually, she’s great. But she’s pregnant.”
Alex raised a brow. “Yes, Kellan. I’m aware of that.”
I knew what I had to say next. What I didn't know was if I had the strength to say it. A desperate desire to stand up and leave washed over me. As much as I wanted to be different from my father, I finally understood why he took the route he did. Being shitty was a lot easier than being decent.
However, at that moment, I realized something important. I wasn’t about to hurt my best friend with the worst truth he would ever hear because I wanted to be decent. I didn’t give a crap about that. I was doing this because I couldn’t imagine Amelia and our son living a life that didn’t include me and I didn’t want to imagine my life without them.