I actually feel physically sick. I sense that we’ve stepped into some kind of alternate world, and that he will walk in any moment and act as though nothing had ever happened and it was my seedy little mind working into overload. I’m dragged from my thoughts when I hear a rustle behind me.
“Morning Lulu.” He cheekily slaps me on my jean-clad bum. “Ahh Cup-of-Tea.”
He grabs the cup and snatches a triangle of my toast and marmite. Screwing his face up when he starts to chew. Then slowly he starts to shake his head from side to side, weighing it up and jutting out his bottom lip, a la De Niro he mumbles, “Not bad. Always thought I’d be a hater.”
I do nothing but stare at him, frozen to the spot. What the fuck? Why was he acting like nothing had happened? I am in that dreaded alternate world.
“Any chance of a lift home Lu? God what did we drink last night? I’m not sure I’ll be hitting the gym today.” He rubs his forehead, wincing at the slightest touch.
“Champagne. Beer. Wine. Oh and those slippery nipple shots that Jess made us all do.” I instantly regret mentioning the word nipple, as my obvious blush prickles up over my face and across my scalp. He either doesn’t notice how uncomfortable I am or decides to ignore it and continues.
“Oh God yeah. Good night though - your mate Meg’s fun. Oh I borrowed your spare toothbrush. Hope you’re OK with that?” he frowns at me inquisitively, lifting my favourite red and white striped mug to his mouth - my cup of tea.
“Urgghh!” he sputters after a big gulp, handing me back the mug. “I forgot you have sugar in yours.” His face wrinkles in disgust. It served him right.
“Maybe you should get your own, next time,” I mutter, going to the sink to pour the offending tea away.
Is he kidding me? What an arse-hole. I can’t believe he even mentioned Meg. Well two can play at that game. “Chris seems nice too? I’ll need to get to know him better, now that he’s staying at yours.”
One look at Seb’s face and I know that I’ve touched a nerve, and its had the reaction I’d hoped it would, even if he isn’t sure of it yet and its warms me smugly. If he were jealous about that then he wouldn’t want Chris to be my first since Niall - or Leo; or worse yet, Niall again. He doesn’t need to know it probably wouldn’t be any of them. Chris and Niall, not a chance. Leo highly unlikely, but the jury’s still out.
I can’t be around him any longer though, not with this stagnant uncomfortable banter and I need to get out of his vicinity right now, before I jump him - no sex for nearly a year and lets face it nearly a decade of crap sex, meant that a quick fumble without release, with someone who knows what they’re doing is like putting new batteries in the vibby and sticking it on full-blast - responsive much?
Grabbing my car keys and not waiting for a reaction from him I huff rudely. “Right, come on then, as I’ve got to pick up Finn. I haven’t got all day.”
I don’t wait to see if he is following, I know he is. I can feel his sheer presence at my back; it’s palpable. Everything is totally fucked up. As I lock the front door and we climb into the car together, I realise that he doesn’t appear to remember anything that happened between us last night, and I’m not sure whether what I am feeling is huge relief or massive disappointment.
The drive to his house is shall we say, difficult. We both remain resolutely silent. I concentrate on the winding road ahead and he seems to have found the view out the passenger window, particularly interesting all of a sudden. Luckily he only lives ten minutes away from mine but those ten minutes feel like a lifetime though enable me the quiet time I need to put my plan in action.
I’ve barely pulled to a stop outside his house when he unclips his seatbelt, jumps out the car, slamming the door in his desperation to exit. It’s been a while since I’d been to his new home and hunching down I look out of the passenger window up at the imposing structure. It’s huge glass windows wink at us, like watchful eyes, hooded by the immense dormers that house them. The finished article was a masterpiece - a real piece of architectural design.
As I watch him fumbling with his keys outside the car, I grab my phone and hurriedly locate his contact info, to create a new message.
It was now or never.
Last night had been a total disaster but it hadn’t been planned and what it had shown me, was…
A) He was interested in me sexually!
B) We were compatible, boy were we compatible!
C) I had issues about my body that I just needed to get over, with someone I trusted.
I’m bloody sure he could manage one night of passion with an old friend. He was willing to tumble almost anything in a skirt, surely he could help a girl out in need and be my fuck buddy?
I type the words I’d been forming in my head all morning. The letters blur in front of me in my hurried fumbles. I’m keen to send the text quickly and see that he actually receives it. A quick glance up to see his whereabouts, tells me that Sebastian must have pressed a button on his keys, as the huge gates lurch into motion and they seamlessly open inwards into the curved driveway. He strolls through them and they begin to close. Quickly running my eyes over my typed message, and licking my lips in both determination and apprehension I hit send, before I can back out.
I have a proposition for you.
Consider this - one night of sex between friends.
No ties, no commitment. I’m open to anything.
I need to get back in the saddle and I trust you in every way.
Think about it.
L x
Oh Shit - what have I done?
Wincing, I peek to see his reaction. Surely he’s got it by now? My hands are literally trembling and I span them firmly on the steering wheel in front of me, my knuckles whitening as I take a deep breath. I glance one last time in his direction and in that moment Sebastian turns towards me, having the decency to bend and mouth, “Cheers!” but obviously in a hurry to escape. I see him extend his thumb and little finger and put them up to his ear, waggling them in the call sign.
Cheers?
Then I watch him locate his phone from his pocket, presumably peruse my message and stop dead in his tracks, his back to me, obviously deep in thought.
Bet you never thought I’d be this daring Mr. Silver?
I wait a few seconds longer, watching to see his next move before losing all bottle and flooring it to escape any potential embarrassment. He could message me his answer, that way it felt more official somehow and if he said no, he wouldn’t see my utter devastation.
“Mum… meeeee!” Finn throws himself at me, like a launched missile, as I walk into my Mum and Dad’s house. I wrap his chubby little legs around my waist and bury my nose in his freshly washed hair, spinning him around until he squeals in delight.
“Hey gorgeous. How’s my favourite boy?” He giggles and plants a wet kiss on the end of my nose.
“I’m your only boy Mummy, silly billy.”
Yes you are I think to myself. He doesn’t realise how true that statement is and until now it hadn’t really mattered. I carry him into the kitchen, where my mum is dutifully cooking Sunday lunch for us all.
“Hey Hunny.”
She glances up and then goes straight back to stirring the gravy.
The smells evaporating from the enormous black Aga are divine and envelope me in much-needed home comforts. Trust your mum to always make things better.
“Hey you, yourself. Thanks for having Finn Mum. You’re an absolute star.” She smiles in adoration at our little man. “It’s my pleasure Darling. You know how much we love to have him. He was as good as gold, as he always is for his Ninni,” she stresses in the goo-goo-ga-ga baby voice she reserves only for him.
He preens under her gaze. God we really don’t help women do we? From the minute these men are born, they are pandered to, pampered and generally made to feel as though they are Gods in our eyes. I have to admit this little guy was to me but I was going to have to watch it, as he grows and
ensure I don’t turn him into a total chauvinist - his future partner will thank me in years to come!
My mum continues chattering. “He slept through until 7am and then came into our bed and bounced on your Dad, until he finally caved and took Finn to the wreck with Madame Tina, to burn off some energy.”
She is of course talking about the family Shih tzu, so named due to her uncanny likeness to one of Mrs. Turner’s infamous stage wigs. I laugh at the thought of my Dad juggling the two of them at sparrow fart O’clock. Poor thing, he is good.
Kissing Finn’s soft hair again I put him down onto the oak floor and pat his squishy bum. “Off you go and find Gramps, whilst mummy helps Ninni with the food.”
I give my mum a big hug and kiss her Chanel No.5 scented skin. Nina Myers still looks fabulous with a figure and velvety skin that any woman half her age would be proud of. Unfortunately I haven’t inherited her size 8 genes - Suzie got those, the lucky bitch - but I did get my green eyes from Mum, and as there are apparently only 2%, of the population with green eyes, I am grateful for their uniqueness, at least.
“Love you mum. You’re so good to me.”
She puts down the tea towel she’s been drying her hands with and places one hand on the sink to balance herself.
“Everything OK Lulu?”
Bless, she was so intuitive. No everything was not Ok I inwardly screamed, I am desperate to talk to someone but my Mum was not the person…yet anyway. She adored Sebastian and had spent years trying to encourage (in her non-gentle patter), a romantic relationship between us but if she was given even a glimmer of hope that this was on the cards, God help us all. She’d have her wedding fascinator all picked out by the end of the day.
“I’m fine, just very tired that’s all. I didn’t get much sleep.” Due to the fact that I had a beautifully buff man lying beside me all night, who had started something monumental, thought better of it and seemingly not remembered anything in the morning.
“Did you and Suzie have a good night most importantly?”
Hmm, what could I say to that? “Great night actually.” Which was partially true. “We went to the Champagne Bar in Lords, and boy am I paying for it today. Serious hangover.”
She wrinkles her nose in disapproval. A devout non-drinker, she didn’t like it when her daughters went on the lash. It wasn’t feminine or necessary to indulge in alcohol, which blurred the lines of reality.
I hold my hands up in a defensive pose. “I know. I know, but it was Suzie’s birthday and I needed to blow off some steam. They made me do it.” I pouted and followed it with a chuckle, as memories of chanting down in one, down in one came back to haunt me.
Mum continues peeling the vegetables that are neatly arranged in front of her. “Gino told your Dad that Sebastian is back from Dubai. Is that true?”
God you can’t keep anything quiet from our lot. Through gritted teeth I shrug, “Yeah, he joined us last night. It was good to see him again.”
Stop there! Don’t – say – anything - else. My mum has a natty way of getting information out of people that they neither wanted to provide, nor often realized that they had. She could have sidelined as an interrogator for MI5.
Admitting defeat my mum patted my arm. “Go call your Dad Honey to wash up, we’ll be eating in about 20 minutes. Get Finn to show you the new bike we bought him, he’s getting really good with the stabilisers on. God that little boy is cute. We’re all thoroughly obsessed!”
She is right of course, we are all devoted to Finn and I immediately feel guilty again that I’ve been acting more like a floozy than a faithful mother.
“Are you sure I can’t do anything to help?”
“No off you go. Your Dad needs some time with his little girl.”
Smiling to myself I head out to the garden - I’m hardly his little girl anymore but she’s right I do need to spend some time with my Dad. He seemed quiet these days, since he’d retired from the legal circuit. It really was beautiful here; a hidden dip, nestled in the Yorkshire Dales, which relaxed my inner turmoil’s the minute I arrived - it was a stress heads paradise - the ideal mix of tranquility and opulence. My dad had found the land, whilst out jogging thirty years earlier - an old mill site desperate to be developed. And that’s what they did - built, dug and renovated to achieve their dream home, complete with granny flat and huge lake. My stay-at-home mum had utilised her naturally born design skills on the interiors and I’d been bitten by the bug, watching her develop and choose colours and fabrics. It had been wonderful growing up there.
Snapping out of my thoughts I hear squeals of delight ricochet in ripples across the lake, echoing alongside Madam Tina’s incessant barking at Ken the swan. Finn is obviously finding it hilarious. My Dad, as calm as ever, is going into the extreme details of the lesser-spotted woodpecker, happily tweeting away in the tree above them. The smallest and most rare of the woodpecker family, so unusual to find in our vicinity, Finn’s far more bothered with removing Gramps flat cap and launching it into the water beneath them. Simple things!
“Finland - don’t do that to Gramps’ hat.” I try to sound cross, and fish it out of the pond, twisting hard to drain the excess water.
“Soz Dad.”
“No worries Lulu. It’s Finn’s new game. Thanks for rescuing it. Wasn’t so lucky with my reading glasses, this mornings paper and one of my slippers.”
I wince - maybe we should find a fishing net?
“Mum said lunch is nearly ready so we should wash up but I just wanted to watch the Finnster on his new bike.”
“Yay!” Finn wriggles his body to a point where my Dad has to release him, before he drops him from a great height. “Watch me Mummy.” I grin as he puffs his chest out with pride and disappears into the garage to clamber onto his shiny new toy.
“Thanks for treating him Dad - you’ve spoiled him… again!”
“Gramps’ prerogative my chucks.” Drawing me in for a cuddle, I relax into his familiar strength, squeezing back when he drops a kiss onto the top of my head. “We enjoy it. Brings back lovely memories of you and Suzie. Just wish I’d been around more to enjoy you two.”
I look up at him then - his eyes wistful. Mac Myers had just retired after 20 years as a Crown Court Judge, and 22 years previously as a criminal Barrister in Lords. His reputation was second to none - a demon in the courtroom, and a gentleman on the golf course. He really had made it in his chosen career but at the sacrifice of his family time with us when we were young, and now that I have Finn, I understand how hard it must have been for him.
Trying to lighten the mood, I chatter about Suzie’s birthday, work and The Ashton as we marvel at Finn’s capabilities on the new bike. I’m surprised when he changes the subject. “Bob Silver and I played 9 holes the other day. He’s got a wicked slice. He said Sebastian is back in town?”
Here we go. “Yeah. I saw him last night actually. He was out with us all.”
“Really? Bob said that Silver Con is booming - something about a Dubai Hotel, Juna something or other…?”
“Jannah Hotel,” I correct him.
“Jannah… well, anyway if the sale goes through, at the expected price, Sebastian is set to make a cool 10 million from his investment. That lad is going places. Real drive and ambition. Always knew he had it in him. 10 million!”
This is just like Dad - trying to sell Sebastian with his achievements and financial stability. I understand it - after Niall I need to feel safe - but this is probably why I’d never looked in Sebastian’s direction seriously before. Everyone wanted us to be together - the pressure was immense and I’m not sure we could ever live up to it. God I hope The Silver’s weren’t pushing me on Sebastian - how embarrassing.
“Yes Seb is doing really well Dad. He’s never home but goes with the job I suppose.”
“I like him - good solid upbringing, family values. Bob & Bitzi Silver are lovely people. Is he seeing anyone?”
Really? “I’m not sure.” P
lease let’s not go into this. “Finn come on pet, time for lunch.”
We turn to head back towards the house, and I link arms with Dad, as Finn zooms past at breakneck speed. “Ha ha beat you!” We both laugh at his silliness.
“Hasn’t Seb got a brother too?” Oh come on?
“Nathan. Dad I’m fine you know.”
“I know you are Darling. I just want you to be happy and it’d be nice for Finn to have a male role model, under 50 to look up to on a daily basis.” I can’t disagree there.
I lean in to kiss his cheek. “Not all men are as fabulous as you Dad. Thanks for caring though.”
“A father never stops worrying Lulu. Us parents know a good thing when we see it - it’s our duty to point it out to you and Sebastian is a good thing.”
Admitting defeat here I smile up at him and we head into the dining room to eat. He’s right Seb is a good thing. He’s also very very bad…
As I leave my parents’ house, stuffed to the gills and the car brimming with cling-film covered tupper-wares that would feed Finn and I for the next week, I smile with fondness. I do the usual six-beep salute, 1-2-1-1-1, as we cruise up the winding, Christmas tree littered drive and laugh, as I see the full-family send-off in my rear-view mirror. They never disappoint. The minute I reach the top of the drive, my phone woofs at me. The reception must have finally kicked in and glancing at my iPhone I can see that there are two missed calls, and a text. They are all from Sebastian. I want to punish him by ignoring the text for at least 24hours but curiosity gets the better of me - I’ve butterflies in my tummy as I open it. What if he says,“no thanks?”
Thanks for last night Lu. Must do it again soon. x
Eh? What does that mean?
No mention of my offer? Does he now remember what happened or is he just being a mate about our night out? Talk about cryptic. I decide not to reply and to sleep on it, something I hope he’s also considering. I desperately need some serious shuteye and my head is in fucking bits. Why did I put myself out there like that?
The One Awakened: Book 1 in The One Trilogy Page 9