“You are always welcome here Abs - always.”
I hear the patter of feet; weakly tapping along the oak floor in the hall and looking up see Suzie enter. “Hey Sis. How are you feeling?” She looked rather washed out but still lovely.
“Urgghh. Don’t ask! Roll on 16weeks.” She settles next to me in a large high backed black velvet chair.
My questioning look and raised eyebrows alert her and she shakes her head. “Sorry. That’s when sickness is supposed to get better.” We all nod our heads in succession.
Seb hands her a tray with a tall glass of sparkling water, 4 crackers, and 4 ginger biscuits. She looks shell-shocked at his thoughtfulness.
“Gino said this is your menu of choice at the moment in the morning. I hope I got it right?”
“Yes, absolutely. Oh you’re a star Sebastian. The sparkling water has been a Godsend - it really does help. The cracker/ginger biscuit combo, is odd but doing the trick to get me up and running and at least some food in me.”
She looks like she could get emotional so I pat her knee and she shrugs in a cute Suzie-way, and lifting a cracker bites into it delicately, holding a flat palm up at Gino as a no-no, to come near her, after his piggy-bacon sarnie. Poor G, the hormones were rife and he was just going to have put up with the moods for the sake of their offspring. Pregnancy must give you serious sensory overload, as he had been practically in the kitchen.
Seb’s slips an arm along the back of the cushion, behind my back, just as Nathan comes to join us and he and Gino chatter away about the Rugby game that’s on that afternoon; Gino safely at the other side of the room. I look up at his sexy-stubbled face and pout.
“Well, much as I’ve had a great time I really need to go. I must pick Finn up from my Mum and Dad’s before lunch and I need to change first.” I say looking at my phone. It was already 11am and that didn’t leave me much time.
His own phone bleats at the same time. I can see a blurred text come through. But he ignores it. Who has he been on the phone with all morning and why don’t I feel comfortable asking him that simple question?
Making a move to stand up I place my mug on the large glass coffee table and straighten my evening gown, when I turn at the sound of footsteps.
“Morning All!” Chris Booth’s booming voice carries as he enters the lounge, all smiles and cheeky-chappiness about him.
I feel Sebastian plant a hasty kiss on my cheek, slide from behind me and head his way, in a hurry.
“Chris. You’re back. How’d you get on last night - I’ve been ringing you?”
“All good. All good. Toni escorted home. Party end well? Look’s like nothing was ruined?” He looks directly at me.
Seb answers for me. “Party went great. Thanks mate. Anyway, help yourselves to food, there’s plenty but I’m about to get Lucia home now.”
“Ah mate, think you might want to think twice about that. Maybe someone else could give her a lift?” He looks around at the rest of our friends wincing.
Seb looks pissed. “Why would that be then Chris?” Seb didn’t like to be told what to do by anyone, friend or foe.
“Because I bumped into another lady friend of yours, delivered outside in the drive and was kind enough to let her in. She’s come all the way from Dubai, Seb.”
Seb looks behind Chris in horror, shocked to see what he’s taking about but there’s no one there. “Chris, what are you talking about?”
“She’s just nipped to the toilet, said she’s been calling you all morning?” He holds his hands up relinquishing all responsibility as per. “Anyway I’m beat so I’m going to crash. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Winking at Seb. “Thanks for that set up mate - girls are always up for it when they’re on a downer with another guy.”
God, could this guy get any viler? He really didn’t get it, did he? Talk about thick-skinned. I didn’t like Toni but she didn’t deserve to be used; no one did.
Abby’s eyes meet my own over the table and we roll them consecutively to the ceiling. I don’t know why, but I had a bad feeling low down in my belly and suddenly everything that was good about this morning was beginning to feel like it was about to take a huge nose-dive.
It gets worse as I hear a seductive, honeyed female voice cooing from the hallway.
“Hello Sebastian. Did you miss me?”
The lady friend’s slim sleek body is spilled into a navy and pale blue stewardess uniform, her glossy hair in an elegant low bun. She looked like an Estee Lauder counter girl. Make-up perfect, legs endless and lip-gloss in bucket loads. I shrink, feeling uncomfortable, in last nights dress, messy hair and bare feet.
“Ray. What are you doing here?”
To give Sebastian his due he looks as perplexed as the rest of us but I’m not hanging around to find out the answer to his question. Its pretty obvious that she is more than a friend, and here to stay, going by the Louis Vuitton vanity case on her arm and three large suitcases at her feet.
Suzie warily looks at me, her eyes nearly popping out in their desperation to silently communicate. “We are going now, so we can give you a lift, as I drove. Remember?”
“Get me out of here now!” I gulp, muttering it low to her and Abby, who now has her arm around me and is looking as worried as I am. The general vibe has gone sour. My initial feeling is to panic and go but something makes me halt.
Ray makes her way over to Sebastian and places a long well manicured hand on his chest, leaning into his body. “Darling, what do you mean, what am I doing here? You invited me. I missed you.”
She kisses him on his cheek, just at the corner of his mouth and I hear my own gasp and release the breath that I’d unknowingly been holding. I run my eyes around the room and can see that every other person is watching her actions with the same look of horror and then their eyes travel to me to see my reaction.
What and who the fuck was this? How could he do this to me?
My eyes fill with hot expectant tears, my lungs are tight - I feel so stupid and to do it in front of all our friends. The total bastard!
“Right.” I hear my voice thankfully clear and calm, and air stewardess Ray, turns to focus upon me, for the first time, as if to say and who are you?
“I’ll make a move then. Thanks for a great night Sebastian. It’s been… informative.”
His face is taut, angry, annoyed, and despondent. I almost feel for him. He’d been caught out big time; this time it appeared for real. I was here to see him with my own eyes.
“Lu, don’t go. Let me deal with this and then we’ll talk…” Rachel continues on, reaching behind Sebastian and helping herself to a pecan danish, daintily taking a bite.
“Darling? Which one is our room? I’m totally shattered after the night flight.” Her overly bubbly voice flows throughout the now extremely quiet house. You could seriously hear a pin drop.
“Rachel. Just. A. Moment!” Seb rubs his hand over his hair, in angst. I can tell he’s trying to weigh up the situation and figure out how to deal with things. Unfortunately, Ray has other ideas and she whines at him in a babyish voice.
“But S - your friends can see to one another now. You haven’t seen your girlfriend in three weeks. We’ve some serious making up to do.” I feel nauseous, bile rising.
Ray or Rachel or whatever her bloody name is, is oblivious to the total carnage she has just caused but she is not willing to relinquish any of Sebastian's time and I don’t want to spend another minute in his vicinity. The man has just proven what I’d always feared he was, an utter player. He’d never change.
His girlfriend? He had a bloody girlfriend! How could I be so stupid?
My mouth is dry, I can’t get my breath; I feel sick. Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Nathan and Abby are great. One look at my ghostly pallor and they sidebar Sebastian, and Suzie and I head straight for the door - Gino quickly tagging along behind. Nathan would be in big trouble later with Seb but I don’t care and remind myself to t
hank Na later. I just had to get out.
I turn as I remember I’d left my bag on the lounge sofa and dart back into grab it.
“Start the engine Suze. I’ll grab my bag and be out in a tic.
“You sure?” Suzie queries warily, but heads out at my nod, and scuttles outside, and Gino quickly follows her lead.
Taking a deep breath, I pelt back inside. Sebastian is hand gesturing and gesticulating with Rachel whilst she is coyly looking all-innocent. All I hear as I run past them is…
“Rachel why now? You said no when I asked you to come visit last month.”
“Sebastian Darling, Dubai or Dull Yorkshire? Seriously. How was I expected to keep up this tan? But pretty soon I realised I should have come home with you - The Middle-East was no fun without the Silver Con team.”
I’m definitely going to be sick. Get out without him seeing you now!
Oh Crap. He’s seen me. Sebastian continues pumping her for information
“Why didn’t you call? Some notice would have been good?”
“I did!” Her voice squeaks. “I spoke to your PA and she said she’d let you know. Then late last night she confirmed my flight and sent me your address info. She’s awfully efficient.”
More head rubbing.
I take back everything I’d said earlier about Toni, she deserved everything she got!
“I’ve been on the phone most of the morning with Toni and she never mentioned you.
In fact she is no longer an employee of mine.”
I locate my bag on the couch and jump, as I hear Abby hiss from her hidden stance at the corner of the wall, behind the area where Seb & Ray are talking. Bless her, she is majorly eavesdropping and I know it’s for my benefit.
“Pssst.”
She waves me over with the crook of her arm and I see Nathan, to our left, frantically tidying up in the kitchen. Obviously trying to occupy himself, with something. Seeing me he makes his way over. My shoulder slump; I don’t want pity. I just want to go.
“Are you OK Lu? I thought you’d gone. All was a bit manic.”
Abby sshhh’s him with her finger and using the hitchhiker sign points to the wall behind her. “They’ll hear you and I’m ear wigging!”
“I’m leaving now Na. Thanks for earlier. I can’t deal with this now.
“Stay and speak to Seb, let him explain. Rachel and he, well… she’s not you.”
I look up at that. “You knew about her?” To give him his due he bows his head like a naughty schoolboy.
I don’t wait to hear his answer, feeling betrayed by him too.
I walk out into the hall, visible to both parties but keep my head focused on my exit. Unfortunately the sound of my heels on the wooden flooring alerts him to company and looking over his shoulder he sees me, frowns when he acknowledges it’s me, and then rushes forward arms outstretched.
“Lu? Wait. Thank God you’re still here. Please hear me out.” His voice is pleading.
Great he hadn’t even noticed I’d left.
“No Sebastian.” My voice could, cut glass. It’s lethal and threatening and off enough to raise the neatly arched brows, of Ray.
“But you’re not allowing me to explain.”
“For once in your playboy life, you are not going to get what you want. I’m leaving.
“Who is she Seb?”
“Yes Sebastian who am I?” I mimic her cutesy tone and look at him directly, willing him to use this chance to put this right but he isn’t given the opportunity.
“Lu. Lu?” Rachel is racking her brain for where she knows my name. “You’re not Lucia are you his mate from Uni - Ah I’ve heard about you from Seb and Chris?”
I bite my lip and nod my head through gritted teeth.
“Yep. That’s me - Sebastian's mate, from University. That’s all, just a friend. We’ve never been more than friends.” I look right at Seb at this point, willing him to fight for us.
Why is he just letting this happen?
“Oh Hi - I’m Ray - his girlfriend.”
I purse my lips tightly together and nod, giving a sarcastic you don’t say expression.
“Lu - this isn’t what you thin…” He finally grows a pair and intervenes but I don’t allow him the courtesy of finishing.
“Pretty much got that one too.” I ignore him and direct my reply solely at her.
Shame I didn’t know that a few weeks ago before I bared my fucking soul.
Sebastian actually buries his head in his hands. What the fuck?
“Well, that’s nice for you, Rachel but you’ll excuse me if I don’t stick around for the niceties and introductions as I said I’m late to collect my son.”
“No problem. I’m sure we’ll meet up soon.”
I wouldn’t say she was nice, but she wasn’t a bitch either. Just straight to the point.
“I don’t think that likely.”
If she is surprised at my distinct lack of warmth, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she shrugs her shoulder, in a whatever kind of way and wanders off around the hallway, commenting to no one in particular about the decor and how lovely everything is. My shoulders raise a degree if that is even possible. Any higher they’d hit the ceiling.
Seriously love - She’s like the female version of Chris.
Sebastian and I lock eyes.
The pain in mine is reflected in his. But he does nothing. Nothing! Doesn’t move. Says nothing!
I will him to speak - rush forward and claim me as his; to thrust Ray to one side and drag me back to his bed. Please let me go back to sleep and have this all be a horrific nightmare.
Breathing through my nostrils, my jaw tense and cheeks hollowed; I break into a million pieces for the second time in a week but find the ounce of resolve I need to make it out of the doors in one piece. This man has taken my heart, ripped it to shreds and handed it back on a silver platter and I had no one to blame but myself. He had only ever been what I had feared.
He’d never promised me anything but monogamy whilst we were together.
More fool me.
The pain is physical, slashing through me, knifing through my heart for both my loss of him as a lover and my best friend. We couldn’t ever be friends like we were, after this. He was no better than Niall.
My chest is burning; it feels like I have a tight band of steel wrapped around it, making it hard to breathe. I look at his beautiful face once more; his own chest is rising and falling in desperate waves.
Why had I told him I loved him? Why had I given myself to him so freely; so completely? Why had I risked fucking everything?
Fuelled with all types of emotions I angrily yank open the door and pause, I needed to give him this last chance to explain. I owe it to him as my friend; deep down I should but I can’t be here anymore. The pain is sheer agony. I feel broken.
I watch his face, a montage of the past two weeks sexy moments, flickering in front of mine, and grit my teeth, as a hot tear, makes its descent down my cheek, plopping onto my shoulder. I knew all this was too good to be true.
“You knew the type of woman I was Seb – I’m not a one-night kind of girl. That’s your thing. You’re the bloody whore. Sorry, man-whore!” I correct myself, the contempt in my voice evident. “It took everything I had to ask you to spend these past few weeks with me. It was amazing - everything I’d hoped it would be. But there are too many secrets and I simply don’t trust you. First Toni, now… her!” I lift my arm out in Ray’s direction.
“I never thought that you of all people would make me feel so used, so worthless... so cheap! You don’t seem to have taken my feelings into consideration nor had any kind of respect for our friendship. I can’t see how we can ever be friends after this.
I stare long and hard at him, trembling with anger, despair and loss - the pearls at my back, swinging and holding me prisoner to memories of that monumental night at Scarlet House. Biting my lip I take a deep breath.
“ I lov
e you Sebastian but this is goodbye.”
I rush out, desperate to escape him, the silver heart at my wrist jangling alerting me to its presence. I yank hard on the chain, wincing as the links catch the fine skin there. The break reverberates close to my ears with a forceful snap and I feel the heavy heart drop and raise my palm to catch it. The warmth and smoothness comforts me for a split-second, and I allow myself to remember when he gave it to me; allow myself that one memory. With a last glance I throw the treasured heart backwards, over my shoulder and don’t look back to see where it lands - then climb into the waiting getaway car.
I’d jumped into this far too quickly. Messed up the one true friendship I’d ever had with a member of the opposite sex. Seb had never pretended to be anything other than a lover of woman. He was the ultimate player.
Bugger - isn’t that why I’d gone to him in the first place?
This had to have ended at some point and whilst I’m utterly distraught, it was better now than in another couple of weeks, when I’d fallen deeper.
I love him. I need him. I ache for him. I fucking hate him.
This beautiful sexy man, had done what it said on the tin - showed me a great time, got me back in the saddle, with no ties and no commitments. The only rule we hadn’t managed was to retain our friendship. My heart clenches painfully; that wasn’t possible, not when I feel like this.
He was it. He is the one.
The one who I’d been waiting my entire life for but I hadn’t been enough for him - not enough for him to commit to one person. Not enough to fight for.
I flick on the TV, in the hope that it will drown out my tears - last thing I need is Finn hearing me, then pick up my work pad and pen. I’ve so much to sort for tomorrow’s big week at The Ashton and I half-heartedly, draft out a to-do list. I feel raw - vulnerable - used but at the same time back in my comfort zone - here I was safe and in control.
A bright light glints outside the window, interrupting my tears and I glance up, rubbing my eyes spontaneously. Its hard to see out into the blackness and I presume its a neighbour and settle down under martyr duvet. Just another hour and I’d head of to bed. Tomorrow I’d start my week without Sebastian - just that thought rips at my heart.
The One Awakened: Book 1 in The One Trilogy Page 42