The next morning, while Keith was still resting, I searched for airline tickets on the Internet. Sasha had asked me to come to New York soon, so I checked the prices to see which day was the best one to go. I found a good deal for this Thursday, for a flight departing St. Louis at eleven and arriving in New York at a little after three. There was a deal on hotels too, so I search for one that was close to where Sasha lived. I didn’t think it would be appropriate for me to stay with her, especially since she already had a girlfriend. And if things didn’t pan out like I intended them to, I could always go back to the hotel, pack, and bring my tail back home. Without further ado, I booked the flight and paid for three nights at the hotel. I didn’t have a lot of money in my account, so I pulled a few hundred dollars from Keith’s account and put it into mine. I did that often, and I was sure that he wouldn’t trip.
After booking my trip, I called Kayla to check on her. She had been calling me, but every time I called her back, she didn’t answer her phone. I had started to go by her condo to check on her, and I would do so if she didn’t answer this time around. Thankfully, she did.
“Girl, where have you been?” I said.
“Here and there. At the movies, at Jacoby’s school, over at his girlfriend’s house, and in a hotel room with a young white man who showed me what I’ve been missing out on.”
“What? Stop playing. And something like that would happen only in your dreams.”
“I am very serious. You know I wouldn’t lie to you about anything like that.”
“You sound serious, but what made you go there? I’ve never known you to just up and have sex with someone you barely know.”
“Well, sometimes you get tired of the same ole, same ole. I wanted to explore something different, and I’m glad I did.”
“I can’t be mad at you for that, and I hope it was good to you.”
“It was, and you won’t hear any complaints from me.”
“Anything serious brewing? Have you spoken to him again or not?”
“Nope. But I’m good with that. I don’t need the hassles, and there are times when I prefer to be alone.”
“I know you do, but on another note, how have you been doing with the drinking thing? Be honest, Kayla, and you know I can tell when you be lying to me.”
“The truth is . . . I’ve been doing okay. Not drinking as much as I was, but I’ve still been drinking here and there. The key is to keep myself busy and stop worrying so much. I also realized that there are certain things that I can’t change, and that refers to other people too. I stopped by your place the other night to tell you about the guy I met. It looked like you and Keith were asleep, because the whole house was dark. I left your place and went to Evelyn’s. You’re not going to believe whose car was parked outside.”
I pondered this for a quick second and then stared at the bookshelf in front of me in disbelief. “Please don’t tell me Cedric was over there.”
“Yes, he was. It took everything in me not to go to the door, but then I asked myself what for. He’s not my husband anymore, and he’s free to screw around with whomever. If Evelyn is who he wants, so be it. I don’t have much else to say to her, because I’m sick and tired of being played like a fool and lied to. I thought she was sincere this time, and more than anything, I thought she had learned a valuable lesson.”
Hearing Kayla tell me this just broke my heart. I had thought the same thing too. I didn’t think Evelyn was that in love with Cedric, but maybe she was. Maybe he was in love with her too, and neither of them knew how to come clean about their feelings. This was so messed up. I really didn’t know what to say to Kayla. Never again would I ask her to forgive Evelyn.
“I’m glad you’re not taking this too hard. And I feel bad for forcing you to move on from the past when she keeps slapping you in the face.”
“That’s all I’m saying. And you didn’t force me to do anything. I thought that forgiving her was the right thing to do, but sometimes you just have to let go.”
We both agreed on that. I asked Kayla if or when she planned on telling Cedric about the situation with Jacoby. With her spilling her guts to me and Evelyn, we knew it was just a matter of time before she ran back and told him everything.
“I’ve been thinking about that too,” she said. “Jacoby’s been bugging me about allowing him to explain the situation to Cedric, but I just don’t know. It looks like that conversation may have to take place real soon, and to be honest, I’ve already been searching for an attorney to represent him.”
“That’s good. If I can do anything to help, let me know. Keith’s parents know a lot of people, and I don’t mind reaching out to them and asking for their help. I don’t know how his mother is feeling about me these days, but I’ll do whatever to help.”
“What happened between you and Keith’s mother? I thought she liked you.”
I explained to Kayla what Evelyn had done while she was over there, trying to settle things between herself and Bryson. Kayla didn’t have anything nice to say about it.
“Trina, you are too darn nice. How much damage are you going to let her do to you? That kind of mess didn’t slip, and she intentionally said that to tell your business and put you on blast. She doesn’t want his parents to like you. It was her way of making sure his mother views you in a different light.”
“I never know what Evelyn’s intentions are, but if his mother holds that against me, then she never liked me, anyway. I haven’t spoken to her since then. Normally, she calls to check on me and Keith, but she’s been reaching out to him on his cell phone, instead of calling the home phone.”
“How do you know she calls on his cell phone, and why are you checking his messages? Only insecure women do that, and please don’t tell me that you have a reason to be insecure.”
“I don’t, but I do look at his calls from time to time. A woman can never be too sure, and after all that has happened, you know how difficult it is for me to trust anyone. There are times when I don’t even trust myself.”
“I know exactly what you mean. But tell Keith I said hello, and if his mother doesn’t call you, call her. Don’t let Evelyn’s nonsense come between y’all.”
I told Kayla I would call Keith’s mother, but a huge part of me was afraid to. Netta was good at reading people, and I didn’t want her to question me about my experiences with women. I would wait to make that call. After Kayla and I hung up, I made a mental note to contact Evelyn about what Kayla had told me. The fact that she was screwing Cedric again was a big disappointment. It was yet another blow to our friendship.
Keith woke up around noon. I was upstairs, sketching a picture on a small canvas, which I intended to ship to Sasha before I left.
“I’m going outside to cut the grass,” he said. “Maybe we can go to the movies or something later. I want to check out that new comedy movie, and if anybody needs a good laugh, it’s me.” He looked tired, and it also seemed that he had something weighing heavily on his mind.
“What’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it? If so, you know I’m here.”
“I know, but I don’t want to discuss it right now. I get tired of talking about my family, and one of these days, I’m going to move away from here and be done with everything. You gon’ move with me, aren’t you?”
“Where you go, I go. I’m riding this out with you all the way to the end.”
Keith walked farther into the room to give me a kiss. He then left the room and headed outside to cut the grass. I felt horrible inside. I knew that I was about to lie to him—I was going to tell him that Evelyn, Kayla, and I were going to take a trip somewhere together—and I decided to wait until later to do it. While he was outside, I called Kayla back to make sure she would cover for me, just in case.
“What? Why are you lying to that man like that? And where exactly are you going?”
“I’ll tell you all about it another day. Right now I’m going outside to help my man cut the grass.”
“Please do call me
back. I want to know what is up with you.”
I told Kayla that I would call her later, but just like when I spilled my guts to Evelyn, I feared being judged. Some people just didn’t understand how difficult it was when you just hadn’t discovered yet who you were or who exactly you wanted to be with. It was a scary feeling to know that loving someone just wasn’t enough to fill the slightest void inside.
I put on my sweat suit and went outside to help Keith cut the grass. Afterward, we showered together, indulged in a quickie, and then went to dinner at Applebee’s. During dinner I finally told him about the fabricated trip I was taking to Las Vegas with Kayla and Evelyn. He seemed okay with it, and I was shocked that he didn’t even gripe about me going with Evelyn.
“You must have something really heavy on your mind,” I said. “I can’t believe that you didn’t complain about me going somewhere with Evelyn.”
“I don’t have time for Evelyn right now. Besides, all I want is for you to have a good time. You need to get away, and I’m happy that you’ll be spending some time with your friends. Maybe this is what y’all need.”
“Maybe so, but what about you? Are you ready to tell me about what is bothering you? I don’t know why you always try to keep things about your family a secret. You know you can talk to me about anything.”
“I do, but some family matters have to stay in the family. When you become my wife, then I’ll tell you.”
I smiled. “Is that a proposal?”
Keith scooted close to me, then wrapped his arm around my waist. “No, it’s not, but I assure you that it’s coming.” He pecked my lips, then rubbed my nose with his. I swore that I loved this man. I truly did, but it was difficult to express what I was going through.
“You say it’s coming, but I have a little feeling that your mother is trying to stop you. Am I right, and are her comments about me starting to bug you? I noticed that she hasn’t called me ever since Evelyn told her about me. And I also know that she’s been in touch with you.”
Keith released his arm from my waist. “I have to be honest with you about this, so yes, she has been making comments that I don’t approve of. But my mother is set in her ways. I can’t do anything about that. She has these issues with you, but what she needs to do is have a real talk with her son. Bryson continues to lie to her, and just the other day, I got a call from his daughter’s mother, telling me some crap about what he did to her while they were in London. He’s out of control. I don’t know what it’s going to take for my parents to stand up and put him in his place.”
“Bryson is a grown man, Keith. You all speak about him like he’s some kind of teenager. Your parents have no control over what he does, and if that’s how he wants to live his life, so be it. His girlfriend shouldn’t be calling you or anyone else. She has put up with his mess for a long time, and what she needs to do is end it. I don’t get why so many women stay in abusive relationships like that. She knows that he goes both ways too, and I guess she’s in denial, like he is.”
“All of that could be true, but it still doesn’t stop my mother from calling me and crying about it. She’s upset about not seeing her only grandchild, and I’ll sure be glad when we have a baby. I really want you to stop taking your pills. Are you ready to have a baby with me, or would you prefer to be my wife before we venture there?”
I almost choked on the water I was drinking. This was a conversation that I wasn’t looking forward to having. Of course I wanted to have his baby, and one day I wanted to be his wife. Now . . . today I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t know how to say it, but I replied in a way that I didn’t think would offend him.
“I want to have your baby, but you know I have to get myself together financially. I don’t want to depend on you for everything, and you need a wife who has a solid career and who can contribute to the marriage.”
“Money is not an issue, and you already know that. I don’t care if you contribute one dime, and there are other ways that you can contribute without dishing out money. It may be years before you feel as if your career is solid. The art industry is a tough business, and it took me almost eleven years before I started to make some decent money on my paintings.”
Damn. Why did he have to go there with this? I was forced into a conversation that required me to be on the defensive.
“Money isn’t an issue for you, but it is for me. And while I know you can and will provide for us, I still want to contribute more than good pussy. I have no desire to be barefoot and in the kitchen with a lot of babies. That’s not me, and I think you already know that. At the moment, it’s easy for you to make ten or fifteen thousand dollars on one painting. I’m not there yet, but I’m trying to get there too. Just be patient with me. In time you will have everything you want, and so will I.”
Keith didn’t reply. He picked up a buffalo wing, then bit into it. After tossing back another drink, he said he was ready to go home. The movies were squashed, and we spent the rest of our evening watching TV and not saying much at all to each other.
9
Kayla
I had put the bottle of alcohol down and had got serious, especially after seeing Cedric’s car at Evelyn’s place. She had left several messages for me, but I had ignored all of them. Instead, I had got motivated to deal with this situation with Jacoby and come up with the best solution. I didn’t want to waste much more time on this, and I had a feeling that it would be just a matter of time before the police were knocking at my door to take my son away. Thanks to Evelyn.
Last night Jacoby and I had spoken to a lawyer, who had seemed very helpful. He had encouraged us to do our best to work this out with Cedric. “The truth,” he’d said, “will set you free,” so I had decided to invite Cedric over and let Jacoby tell him what he’d done while the two of them were in my presence.
After Jacoby got out of school and was done with band practice, I called Cedric at work. He sounded as if he was busy, so I hurried to tell him the purpose for my call.
“Jacoby and I need to talk to you about something very important. If you can come over after work, I would appreciate it very much.”
“I don’t mind coming over, but it may be around six or seven. Do you care to tell me what this is about?”
“I will once you get here.”
“I don’t like surprises, Kayla. Did Jacoby tell you why he has distanced himself from me, or are you going to tell me that I’m going to be a grandfather? I’m not ready to be one of those yet, and you need to stop him from spending so much time with Adrianne.”
There he was again, telling me what I needed to do. I rolled my eyes, then sighed. “No, you’re not going to be a grandfather, and I love his relationship with Adrianne. She has been there for him through thick and thin, and he is blessed to have her.”
“Thick and thin, my ass. You shouldn’t put that much trust in her, and neither should he.”
“Why? Because you know something that we don’t? I guess you’re going to announce that you’ve been screwing her too.”
There was silence. I could tell that my tone annoyed Cedric, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t help it.
He finally spoke. “She’s not my type, and I’m surprised that he’s stuck with her this long. Her head game must be fierce.”
That about did it for me. I didn’t have anything else to say other than “I’ll see you later.”
After that, I moseyed on by the liquor cabinet, thinking hard about making a drink. I needed a little something to calm me before Cedric got here, but after I began to pour myself a drink, I stopped. I poured the liquid down the drain, then rinsed the glass. To keep myself busy, I started to clean up. I vacuumed the floors, washed a few dishes, and then cleaned Jacoby’s bathroom. I noticed two condoms in his trash can, and I was kind of pissed that he and Adrianne had been having sex in his room. I wasn’t sure if I was going to call him out on it or not, especially since tonight would wind up being hectic for all of us.
When Jacoby came home, he kissed my
cheek, then rushed to get something to eat in the kitchen. As he sat at the kitchen table, eating two hot dogs and some chips, I sat with him.
“Are you nervous about this evening? Cedric said he would be here around six or seven.”
Jacoby shrugged. “I’m a little nervous, but I’m ready to get this over with. Whatever he decides to do is up to him. And whatever my punishment may be, I’ll accept it.”
“There will be no punishment. You’ve already suffered enough.”
“Unfortunately, Mom, that won’t be for you to decide.”
Hearing him say that made my stomach hurt. Now I needed that drink even more than I had needed it earlier. Jacoby seemed much calmer than I was, and when the doorbell rang almost an hour later, he still seemed calm. I was flustered. I almost tripped on a rug as I made my way to the front door, and when I swung it open, it was not Cedric. Instead, it was Justin. I hadn’t seen him since we had sex at the hotel, and we had talked on only one occasion after that. For him to show up at my door was a total surprise. His timing couldn’t be more off, but I didn’t want to be rude.
“Normally,” he said, “I don’t just pop up like this, but I was in your neighborhood. Just thought I’d stop by to say hello and find out what you were doing this weekend. There’s a jazz concert at the park. I remember you telling me how much you like jazz. We don’t have to go as a couple or anything like that, but it would be nice to hang out with you again.”
I didn’t mind hanging out with Justin, but I had to let him know that this thing between us wasn’t going anywhere. I told him just that as I invited him inside and asked him to have a seat in the living room. I closed the French doors just so Jacoby wouldn’t hear our conversation.
“I suspected that it wasn’t that serious for you,” he said, raking his hair back with his fingers. “And that’s fine with me. You’re fresh off of a divorce, and I get that the last thing you want to do is jump into another relationship.”
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