As for the rest? I was dealing with it one step at a time.
The news of the prospective sale hadn’t reached investors until after the scandalous events of Punta Cana, so the stock didn’t take much of a beating. I felt like my desk had been turned into a complaint hotline more than anything else, except everybody wanted to comment or complain about me personally and not Goodman-Westfield as a company.
All the same, I deserved it. I took full responsibility for my actions, and would spend the entire week mopping up this mess if I had to. It wasn’t my fault that the guy was a complete dick, which made it all seem a little unfair, but at least I got to remember the sweet look of horror on Baldric’s face the moment his nose cracked.
I’d be remembering that with glee for a long time.
I was too busy throughout the day to talk to Emma, and I didn’t know what to say to her in the first place. An apology was in order—that much I knew. But then what? I had all these feelings swirling under my skin, so close to the surface, yet too far away for me to identify.
The intensity of emotions I’d felt on that trip were beyond anything I’d grown to expect in these kinds of relationships. Or any relationship. The fury, the fear, the worry. And something a helluva lot warmer than any of those.
I almost wished I could talk it through with someone, to map it all out visually like I normally did with big ideas and questions in business, but the person I normally did that with was sitting outside my office quietly hating my guts. She was the only one I wanted to talk to about this, or about anything, really. She’d become my rock and now that I’d screwed that up, I didn’t know what to do.
Around midday there was a lull as people went off to lunch meetings and the like. Normally, this would be around the time Emma ordered us lunch, but I was still surprised when she buzzed to tell me she was on her way in.
I sat up straighter in my chair and adjusted my tie just as she walked through the door. She was carrying a folded piece of paper, and at first I thought it was a new take out menu to add to our collection. The paper wasn’t glossy though, like one would expect, and as she handed it to me she looked away.
“What’s this?” I took it and unfolded it. After reading the first two lines, I dropped it onto my desk. “You’re quitting?”
Emma pulled her lower lip between her teeth and her brow creased.
“Yeah,” she said. “Technically resigning. I’ve already started drafting a job posting for the website and I’ve contacted a couple recruiters.”
“Emma...” I rose, walking around to her side of the desk.
She backed away, which stopped me in my place. Each step she took backward felt like something being ripped from my chest.
“I’ve made my decision, Max.” She lifted her gaze to mine and held it unwaveringly.
“Let’s talk—”
The door banged open and Jeremy stormed in. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
It didn’t end, did it?
“Jeremy, if you woul—”
“Yes, I would like to come in and sit down and talk about this, thank you very much, Max.”
I stared past him at Emma, who was quietly slipping out of the room. She shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with a headache on legs.
“You’re getting upset over nothing,” I said. “I’ve been handling it all morning. It’s not as big a deal as it seems.”
“Not as big a deal as it seems?” Jeremy hissed. “The only reason I didn’t come down here earlier to tan your hide is because I’ve been on the phone with Hammond’s lawyers all day, convincing them not to press charges.”
“It’s not my fault he can’t take a punch.”
I knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as I said it, but seriously—what kind of coward presses charges for a punch he rightfully deserved?
“What has gotten into you?” Jeremy asked. He plunked down into the chair across from my desk as I sighed and took my own.
“You sound like my mother.”
“She and I do get along rather well. I wouldn’t be so surprised.”
He picked a pencil out of my holder and snapped it in half, staring me dead in the eye. He then dropped the pieces to the floor. Now he was just being belligerent.
“Tell me what the hell could possibly have influenced you to punch and—as his lawyers are saying—nearly kill a man who only hours before you’d been close to sealing a highly profitable business deal with.”
“Nearly killed?” I asked incredulously. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Even Lance took a punch better than this guy.”
“Yes, nearly killed. Apparently if you hit a man the right way you can jam parts of his nose up into his brain. They sent over a diagram. It was disgusting.” Jeremy rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Are you telling me that punching people is a habit you’ve gotten into lately? Are you trying to start some sort of rich boy fight club?” He dropped his lawyerly act for a minute and grinned. “If so, why haven’t I been invited?”
“Because there is no rich boy fight club,” I groaned. “And even if there were, I doubt they’d invite you.”
“They’d be missing out then.” Jeremy began twirling a paperclip in circles against my desk, and his eyes grew more serious. “Come on now, Max, why don’t you tell me what’s really got your panties in a twist here? Why can’t you stop punching people?”
“You make it sound like I’ve got a chronic problem. I’ve only hit two people.”
“While that may be true, the condensed nature of the assaults indicates that there’s a deeper problem. So why don’t you tell me what’s really going on.”
His gaze was nothing short of piercing. Jeremy rarely found himself in a court room, but I didn’t have to see him at work to know his interrogation skills were second to none. I’d admitted more to him over the course of my life than anyone else. As well as being an excellent lawyer, he also knew how I ticked.
“You seem like you already have an idea,” I muttered. “Why don’t you just tell me your theory and I can correct you if you’re wrong.”
Jeremy stopped the spinning paperclip and leaned forward in his seat. “If I tell you what I’m thinking, do you promise not to knock my lights out?”
“I promise.”
He sat back. “You, my friend, are in love.”
That wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting. I thought he might say something about my mother, or how overworked I’d been recently. I didn’t think he would suggest that it was love at play, because I hadn’t quite figured that out for myself yet.
When I stayed silent another moment, Jeremy’s lips twitched into a triumphant smirk. “I knew it! So, who was the first guy, huh? Baldric wanted something rude, I know that much, but what got you throwing jabs in the first place?”
His enthusiasm was mildly irritating. At this point I would have preferred him chastising me like everybody had. I wasn’t sure I was ready to discuss something as personal and raw as love, especially since I hadn’t even settled into the realization myself. As far as I knew, I had feelings for Emma, but I’d never bothered to classify them further than that. Did I love her? Was it possible?
My heart warmed.
I did love her and it was possible.
It was a big problem on top of an already complicated situation, but that didn’t mean I could just ignore my feelings.
“The first one was her ex-boyfriend,” I said. “You could say he was also being rude.”
“Ha! Love it.” Jeremy bent over and retrieved the broken pieces of pencil from the floor, letting them tumble back onto my desk. “Of course, that doesn’t help the whole Baldric situation, but I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”
“How did you guess?” I asked.
If Jeremy had correctly guessed, did that mean Emma knew as well? My mother, maybe? Hell, did the whole office know and I was the last one to find out because I was useless?
“You’ve never put anything ahead of your bus
iness before,” Jeremy said simply. “And quite frankly, you’re not normally so rash. I work very hard to get a reaction out of you sometimes so I was a bit peeved to hear you’ve been reacting like a motherfucker all over the place.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” I said somberly. “Emma quit not a quarter of an hour ago.”
“She didn’t!”
I nodded. “She did. I’ve got her resignation letter right here.” I tapped at the paper, and Jeremy reached over the desk to snatch it away. His eyes tracked along the lines as he read, then he passed the paper back.
“It’s quite a cold resignation letter. Did you do something to upset her?”
“Yes,” I said without thinking. I didn’t really want to get into my relationship troubles with Jeremy, but since there was nobody else I could talk to and he was a willing and enthusiastic listener, I began to explain the events of the past twenty-four hours and what I’d done to earn Emma’s disdain.
Afterward, Jeremy shoved out his bottom lip and nodded slowly, indicating that he’d absorbed everything I tossed at him.
“Well, you obviously can’t let her quit,” Jeremy said. “She means a lot to you and if she’s quitting just because of that fight, I think she can easily be brought around.”
“I don’t know if she’s quitting just because of the fight.”
He cocked his head. “Oh no? Why not?”
“Because you barged in here just as I was about to find out.”
“Right, of course,” he replied, laughing. “You’ll have to forgive my insistence on doing my job to the best of my abilities. It makes me a real menace sometimes.”
Sure, that was what we’d call it.
“What are you going to do?” Jeremy asked. “I don’t think she’ll leave if you ask her not to. She’s crazy about you. Between you and me, I’ve even seen her on Pinterest looking at a bunch of wedding shit.”
I laughed and thought about how mortified Emma would be if she knew that Jeremy had seen her.
“That’s not for me specifically,” I told him. “She just really wants to get married and have the perfect wedding.”
“One of those, eh?” Jeremy lit up with a wry smile. “So, what are you going to do about that? Aren’t you in some sort of anti-marriage crusaders club?”
“Very funny,” I replied. “As for your actual question, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve never wanted to get married before, but I’ve also never cared for a woman like I care for Emma. She’s special to me.”
“Special enough to marry?”
I shrugged my shoulders, unsure of how to answer. At one point, I might’ve said that there was no woman in the world who could convince me that marriage was a good idea. When Emma came along many things had changed. She was something special, yet I still balked for whatever reason. I didn’t like marriage, and marriage didn’t like me.
I sighed. “I need to talk to her. Is there anything else you need from me to sort all this shit out?”
Jeremy’s face cracked into a blinding smile. “I didn’t need anything from you in the first place. I just wanted to see what your problem was.” He rose nimbly, buttoning his suit jacket as he headed to the door. “Good luck, my friend.”
I gave him a short salute and followed his progress to the door. Once he was gone, I poised my finger over the intercom button and buzzed.
Chapter 29
Emma
Jeremy flashed me a grin as he walked past, which I found more troubling than anything else. He’d been in such a mood when he originally stalked into Max’s office. What had gone on in there that had made him so smiley?
I didn’t have long to wonder, however, since the moment Jeremy was on his way to the elevator, Max buzzed me in again.
I didn’t buzz back to ask him what he needed. I knew he wanted me to come into his office to finish our conversation, and I’d been preparing for it while he and Jeremy talked. Handing in my notice was one of the hardest things I’d ever done and my heart ached. I had spent the past ten minutes trying not to cry at my desk, so I didn’t know how well this conversation was going to go. I didn’t know whether it would be better for him to beg me not to go or just accept my resignation with the cold attitude he displayed on the flight.
Rearranging my skirt, I rose and walked over to his office door. I took a final bracing breath before I entered.
Max was waiting inside, his intelligent crystal-blue eyes watching my every movement as I stepped into the room. He looked stressed, his hair a tousled mess and his suit jacket and tie hung on the coat hook by the door. I immediately wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around his thick torso and squeeze until he forgot everything that was plaguing him. Unfortunately, one of the things this time was me.
“Why don’t you sit down,” he suggested, gesturing to the chair Jeremy had only just vacated. I would’ve known Jeremy had been right there even if I hadn’t just seen him, there were paper clips and other detritus strewn all around the otherwise immaculate desk space.
I nodded and sat down, folding my hands in my lap and looking at Max expectantly.
“I’m at a bit of a loss for words, Emma,” Max began. “I guess I should start by saying I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, looking casual and very handsome. “I was a complete asshole to you on the way home from Punta Cana and I would take it all back if I could. I figured I’d get a chance to explain myself to you, though. I didn’t realize it was so bad you’d end up quitting.”
“That’s not why I’m quitting,” I replied, shaking my head.
Genuine confusion twisted his features. “It’s not? Then why?”
As much as I appreciated his apology, I had to remember that I’d made a decision on this. I couldn’t change my mind just because he was saying a few things that I wanted to hear.
“I got this job because I was seeking independence,” I said. “Sleeping with the boss completely negates that fact. I want to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits. I need to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits.”
Max looked almost hurt. His eyes grew wide, his brow creasing in the middle. His hands twitched on the desk as if he was suppressing the urge to reach out for me. I was suppressing the urge to reach out for him too.
“Emma,” he said softly. “You will always succeed on your own merits here. You’re great at what you do. Brilliant at it, really. If you’re not happy with an aspect of your position, I’m more than willing to negotiate.”
If only it were just a problem with my job. This relationship was much too deeply embedded in my position though, so any problem with either was going to slip into the other.
“It’s like I said, Max, it’s an independence thing. I’ve loved working here and I hope I can count on you for a good reference, but I need to be somewhere else.”
Somewhere far away from you...
I wondered if there would come a day when it wouldn’t hurt to think of Max anymore. I reminded myself that I was doing this for my future happiness, and my future happiness depended on me leaving this job and Max. I needed a clean break.
“You want to go out on your own,” he said, slowly nodding. “That’s something I can understand, certainly. I’m happy to support you in this transition. My only question is if this means you’re quitting me too?”
My heart thudded painfully. This was what I’d been dreading, the very thing I’d hoped to avoid as long as possible, even though I knew it needed to be ripped away quickly and cleanly like a band aid.
“Yes.” My voice was so soft that I was worried he hadn’t heard it. He was staring at me blankly, completely still save for the rise and fall of his breathing.
“I can’t let you do that.”
A spark of irritation flared to life inside of me. “You can’t let me do that?”
He shook his head, gazing down at his folded hands. “I think you’re going through something right now, and I can understand you wanting to quit the job, but I can’t und
erstand you wanting to end things when I know how you feel about me.”
I shot to my feet. Did he have to make everything sound so much like a business transaction? Not that it would have swayed me, but it wouldn’t have hurt for him to use this as an opportunity to tell me exactly what he felt about me. Instead, he said we couldn’t break up because of how I felt about him? That was exactly the kind of arrogant shit Max would pull.
“Gee, with an impassioned declaration like that, there’s no way I want to break up.”
Max stood and walked around the side of the desk. I watched his approach with my fists clenched at my sides, staying perfectly still. His eyes were warm… and filled with kindness. I didn’t resist when he pulled me against his chest, because it felt too good to have him hold me. He swayed me back and forth, lips pressed against the crown of my head. I loved it when he held me like this and tried to commit the feeling to memory, since this was the last time I could allow it to happen.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m a bit new to all of this. I don’t always know the right thing to say.”
“No shit,” I said, my voice muffled against his shirt.
His deep laugh rumbled through me. “You mean a lot to me, Emma. I don’t want to lose you. Tell me what I can do.”
It was amazing to hear him say those words. Sometimes he had his sweet moments where I felt like the most important girl in the world, but there were other times when I wondered if he cared about me any more than any of his other business contracts.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I sniffed, tears threatening. “I already had a relationship where I waited the whole time for our interests to line up, and I can’t do that again. I care about you and it’s hurting me to have to leave, but I can’t keep waiting for something that’s never going to happen.”
Max stiffened, no longer swaying me. He pushed my shoulders back until our eyes met. His eyes narrowed on mine, sky to earth.
“I want you, Emma.” His voice was thick with emotion and frustration. “I want you so bad that I would rather peel the skin from my bones than see you walk out that door. Isn’t that enough?”
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