“Billy?” she whispered, pulling him out of his troubled thoughts.
“Yeah?” he whispered back.
“Tell me about your family.” she urged gently.
Billy inhaled sharply, and stiffened up. She had asked about his family once before, and he still wasn’t sure he was ready to conjure up those ghosts. Even thinking about it triggered a lot of pain for him, making him feel like a vulnerable and damaged teenager again. He must have hesitated a moment too long because Alice leaned back to look at him. Her eyes held both curiosity and compassion.
“It is ok if you don’t want to talk about them, Billy. I can see that it upsets you,” she said kindly. “but you can trust me. I’m a safe person to open up to.”
Billy felt emotion rising in his chest but quickly choked it back down. He couldn’t recall a time in his life that anyone made him feel as safe as Alice did, and she was the one person he didn’t deserve it from. He shuddered involuntarily. Alice reached beside her and pulled the excess blanket over them both. He appreciated the gesture. Not just to cover their naked body, but to provide security for his naked emotions.
“It is not that I don’t trust you, Alice, there just isn’t much to share. My family is gone,” he said, hoping she wouldn’t press him further.
“Gone?” she pressed.
Billy sighed. Of course, she would. In a normal relationship, this was the appropriate time to share this kind of stuff, and she had been very forthcoming, especially today.
“My mom left when I was pretty young. I guess I was around the same age that Amy is now,” he began.
Alice searched his face mercifully, not showing him pity, just listening attentively.
“My dad raised me and my brother. Not well, mind you, he was an addict. Alcohol,” he explained.
Alice nodded, as though she were patching everything together.
“He died about ten years ago. Honestly, there wasn’t much left of him. The booze pretty much killed him,” he said, trying to control the bitterness in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Billy,” Alice said quietly.
Billy shook his head.
“Don’t be. He wasn’t a nice man,” he said, suddenly aware that maybe he had more in common with the old bastard than he liked.
After all, ‘nice’ guys didn’t go to lengths he did to get what they want, did they?
Alice placed a hand gently on his shoulder, silently comforting him. He resisted the urge to pull away, not because he didn’t want to be touched, but because he didn’t deserve it. Alice ran her hand down his arm and grasped his hand, entwining her fingers in his, intuitively reassuring him.
“And your mom? Have you not seen her since you were a child?” she asked cautiously.
Billy shook his head, afraid to reveal too much emotion. Spending time with little Amy that afternoon, seeing how trusting and honest she was, so hopeful for the future, made him realize just how cruel it was for his mom to just up and leave him and Brandon when they were so vulnerable and helpless. Maybe, just maybe, Bran would still be alive.
“Billy, are you ok?” Alice asked.
Her face held a concerned expression that Billy couldn’t figure out, until he realized that he was trembling. What the fuck was wrong with him? He cleared his throat and chuckled uncomfortably, trying to shake off his emotion. He rolled over onto his back, placing an arm behind his head.
Alice sat up, draping the blanket loosely over her breasts, and placed her free hand on his chest. He smiled up at her.
“I’m ok. Sorry. I don’t talk about the past too often, and this is why. I can’t trust myself not to act like a big baby,” he said, mocking himself.
“There’s no shame in being emotional. I’m not passing judgment on you, Billy. Just be yourself,” she assured him.
Just be yourself, she said. Here he was masquerading as a lonely, hardworking, honest, all-American cowboy and he never felt truer to himself in his entire life. Maybe William had been pretending his whole life. Was he really a powerful, tough as nails business man, impenetrable? The only thing that both personas had in common was loneliness. Billy shook his head, the irony not lost on him. He clutched her fingers gently.
“My mom never did come back, not even when my little brother Brandon died.” he admitted, choking on the words.
Alice bit her lip, but this time he took comfort in her expression. She was holding back her shock, reserving judgement, gathering her feelings so she could say just the right thing, and he appreciated that.
“How old was your brother when he passed?” she asked tentatively.
“Seventeen. Accidental drug overdose,” he explained before she could ask. “At least that was what they called it. I think he ended his own life.”
“My God, I’m so sorry, Billy. I’m sorry you lost your brother. And you had neither parent to comfort you. I can’t even imagine how painful that would be, or how much that could mess with someone,” she whispered, holding back her own emotion.
Billy was pretty sure that Alice could imagine that kind of pain. She had lost so much herself, and she too had to figure out how to navigate her way out of despair, and be strong for her own child at the same time.
“It wasn’t easy, but we do what we have to. I’m not sure how I got through it, but I do know that somewhere along the way I put up some awfully big walls,” he admitted quietly, as though he were just recognizing it himself.
Alice lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it gently. Billy shook his head and grinned at her, trying to lighten the mood.
“Come on, let’s get dressed and I’ll walk you back home,” he said, sitting up.
Billy and Alice walked back to the house hand in hand, respecting the silence they both needed. He was grateful that no one was waiting on the porch for them this time. Alice reached out for the door but Billy gently eased her back, pulling her into his embrace. She kissed him gently on the mouth, slow, deep, and heavy with intimacy, and even though it scared the shit out of him, he was more frightened by the thought of turning his back on that kind of passion.
“Good night,” she whispered as she pulled away from their kiss. “Thank you for tonight. I know it wasn’t easy to open up to me.”
Actually, it wasn’t that difficult, he thought, smiling warmly at her.
“Thank you for tonight, and opening up to me.” he said winking.
Alice feigned shock and chuckled then pinched his sides. He pulled back with a hearty laugh.
“Ok, don’t do that! I’m insanely ticklish,” he warned playfully.
Alice wrapped her hands around his waist, threatening to tickle him again.
“Ah, is that so? Have I uncovered your weakness, Billy?” she teased.
Billy grabbed her wrists and pulled her into another kiss, forcing her to behave.
“You’re my weakness,” he admitted, his words landing on her heart.
She cocked her head at him and smiled at him curiously, then turned around and went inside.
Billy walked down the porch steps. What he said to Alice was the truth, but what the hell was he going to do about it?
* * *
It was late, but Billy needed to talk to James. The man was a night owl so Billy had no reservations dialing his number. He sat down on his bed and kicked off his shoes, waiting for an answer on the other line.
Just before he anticipated being bumped into voicemail, the call picked up.
“Hello,” James said, his voice heavy with sleep.
Maybe it was too late to call, Billy thought.
“Hey, it’s me,” Billy said flatly. “Sorry to call so late.”
“What time is it, William?” James asked, more curious than upset.
“I dunno, maybe close to midnight,” Billy offered impatiently. “I need to ask you something.”
“Is everything ok?” James questioned, a little more alert.
“It’s fine. I just need to know something. How come we didn’t know that Alice had a daughter?” Billy asked
directly, wasting no time on pleasantries.
James was silent for a moment, breathing heavily on the other end of the phone. Finally he answered.
“I did know about the child. Of course I did,” he admitted, his voice tight with arrogance. “Is she back from Oregon already?”
Billy tightened his lips, trying to control his anger. Of course, James knew, and he also knew that Amy would be away for the summer. Did he hire a private investigator?
“Why wasn’t I made aware of this? A child is something rather important to know about, wouldn’t you say? Especially given the plan we were executing?” Billy asked, as calmly as he could muster.
“Well I did consider telling you, but I thought maybe the information would interfere with what you had to do. You’re far more sentimental than I am,” James chided. “I thought you would be in and out before the child returned.”
Billy felt his temperature rising. He was pissed off, but more than that, he felt played. Fucking bastard, he thought.
“Did it even dawn on you for one second that we were manipulating a single mother? That we could be hurting an innocent kid in all of this?” Billy spat, losing his patience.
“Of course it did, which is exactly why I kept the information to myself. Now calm down, William. This doesn’t change anything. Our end goal is to purchase the land from Miss White for as little as possible, but she is still going to walk away with plenty of money in her pocket. How the hell is that going to hurt anyone? The only ones who are going to suffer are you and I, if we don’t get that ocean front. We will lose out on millions, William. Millions,” James explained, as though he were the voice of reason.
Billy rubbed his forehead with his free hand, processing James’ words. They were both quiet for a few moments, the sound of their breathing the only evidence that they were both still on the line. Finally, James spoke up.
“Just keep moving forward with the plan. There’s still more to do on the arena, you have seen to that, right? When you ask for that last installment, the big one, it will flatline her account. She won’t have the funds to complete the job and a loan will be her only option if she wants to finish. She’ll be saddled with debt and a half finished arena. It will be over,” he encouraged, then added, “Nothing has changed, has it?”
His tone was bordering on accusation.
Billy wasn’t sure how to answer him. Technically nothing had changed, if you left out one minor detail, he was falling head over heels for Alice.
“Are we good, William?” James asked.
Billy still couldn’t respond. He cleared his throat, attempting to gather his thoughts.
“William, how do you think Alice would react if she found out the truth now? About what you have been up to?” James said.
Billy sensed a threat in his partner’s words, and didn’t care for his attitude.
“What are you fucking alluding to, James?” Billy replied curtly, ready to meet him head on.
James chuckled and tried to lighten his tone.
“I’m not alluding to anything. I’m just keeping it real. The fact is, no matter what happens now, the damage has been done. Whether you decide to take the moral high ground and come clean, or whether you see this to completion, Alice will despise you for double-crossing her,” James warned. “If you see this plan to the end without her learning the truth, she will probably beg us to buy the land, but if you admit the truth, there’s no chance in hell she sells to us, and it will all be for nothing. William, nowhere in this scenario is there a fairytale ending,” he concluded, a little more pompous than Billy liked.
Billy inhaled slowly, considering James’ assessment of the situation. He wasn’t wrong. Even if he told Alice the truth now, she would never forgive him. He would be walking away from the condo development without the girl, and a huge fiscal loss as well. He would return to the vapid life he had built for himself. His feelings would never be reciprocated and everything would lead back to that one simple truth. No woman could ever love him.
“So, are we good?” James asked cautiously, after a lengthy silence.
Billy paused for another moment, before he finally responded.
“Yes, we’re good. I’ll send you a report in a few days,” he offered flatly, hanging up the phone.
How the fuck did things spiral so far out of his control? William turned out the light and lay back on the bed, discontent and frustrated, considering every option, fighting like hell to extract all emotion from the equation.
Chapter 17
Alice
Alice was still on cloud nine the next morning. She had finally set aside all her fears to let Billy in and he didn’t disappoint. Their lovemaking had been intense and passionate, but more importantly, they connected on a deeply emotional level. She opened up to him, and he finally did the same. It wasn’t easy for him, but he shared his story and told her about his family. And seeing him so honest and trusting made her like him even more. She couldn’t stop smiling, and didn’t even mind when Lisa teased her about Billy earlier that morning.
Lisa had taken Amy into town for a play date. Her little one was very excited to go as she hadn’t seen her friend for more than two months. After Alice finished with her chores in the barn, she enjoyed a quick ride with Sadie. The weather was overcast, but the rain was holding off. She was grateful for that. Any delays on the construction site would slow down progress, and they couldn’t afford to push things back.
Alice was on the phone in her office, pacing behind her desk when Joe poked his head in. He wrapped his knuckles on the door frame to get her attention. She waved him in and gestured for him to sit down, then went back to her call. He took his hat off and set it down on the desk but chose not to sit down.
“Yes, yes, Andy. We are calling it the Oceanside Equine Arena. We should be completely up and running in four weeks or so. The facility? It’s a two hundred by eighty foot climate controlled indoor riding arena, with a fresh air exchange system providing clean air to both the arena and stables. It’s also humidity-controlled, keeping the arena comfortable no matter what time of the year people choose to ride,” Alice explained, her enthusiasm evident in her tone.
“The automatic sprinkler system will allow us to control the dust, and to reach the desired depths required for each individual event. It has a sound system too, available throughout the entire arena. Yes, it will be fantastic. We have already had enquiries from several organizations wanting to host their events here. Yes, of course we will be offering lessons as well. Western, dressage, jumping and various clinics too.
We will be breaking ground on the outdoor arena in the spring. That is phase two. I’ll be hiring in the very near future so if you know any good people, have them get in touch with me,” she suggested.
Alice wrapped up her conversation, promising to invite Andy to the open house once a date had been firmed up. She placed her cell phone on the desk in front of her and looked at Joe, offering him a warm smile.
“Looks like the arena is creating quite a buzz,” Joe said, opening the conversation.
Alice raised her brows and nodded.
“Hell yeah! Word is traveling faster than wild fire. I already have people calling me with inquiries about events, and lessons, and training facilities. I haven’t even updated the website yet! That reminds me, I need to work on that this week.” she said, her mind buzzing with ideas.
“Sounds like we are going to be busy,” Joe observed quietly.
“It sure looks that way, and I gotta say, I’m feeling so relieved. I had a fella call me earlier today looking for a training facility for his daughter. She’s training for the Olympics! How cool is that?” she said, her eyes wide with excitement.
“That is pretty cool,” Joe agreed. “Alice, I actually came in to talk to you about something personal. Is this a good time?” he asked, nervously.
Alice met his gaze, suddenly worried about what he might need to say to her. He never talked to her about anything personal. Was he planning on lea
ving her? Alice walked around to the front of her desk so she could stand closer to him. She leaned her bum against the edge, placing her hands on either side of her.
“What is it Joe? Is everything alright?” she asked warmly, her expression a worried one.
Joe nodded and cleared his throat. He looked anxious, Alice thought.
“I’m alright. I have just been doing a lot of thinking. Do you recall the conversation we had a few weeks ago? We were talking about my role around here and about you being careful with Billy?” he began.
Alice nodded. She did remember the conversation quite well. She had even pulled away from Billy for a while because of what Joe had said to her about keeping her head in the game.
“I wasn’t being completely upfront with you,” he continued, his words trailing off.
Alice knit her brows together, looking at him curiously. She wondered which part he was referring to.
“Go on, Joe. I’m listening,” she encouraged kindly, reaching out to touch him lightly on his elbow.
Joe looked down at her hand then back up at her face. He looked agitated. Alice was now completely convinced he was giving his notice or something equally dreadful.
“When I was asking you about my place here, where I fit in, I guess I was searching for some answers. I know you told me I was like family, but that was before you knew everything. I was holding back with you, Alice, because I was afraid,” he uttered, his voice so tight she could barely make out what he was saying.
Alice quickly tried to process his words to understand where he might be leading her, to what he was alluding to, and she didn’t like where she thought it was all going. She put her head down, afraid to look at him, and inhaled slowly.
“The thing is ,Alice, I love you. I guess it has always been that way,” Joe confessed.
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