by Ron Foster
“Be on the lookout for any signs of a gun battle having taken place in front of the building and particularly be looking for any warning or keep away signs with bullet holes in them.” Travis said as he cranked up the van.
“I am ready, give me a second first to let swap places with Tina. I think that I can do you both more good literally riding shotgun rather than sitting here stuck in the back.” Slim said worrying about Tina’s safety but also consciously doing what you might call in the south, manning up and standing up in front of danger. Most southern men will always insist on protecting others by standing before them and being the most prepared and ready to dish out a bit of back off from me now quick should a touchy situation arise!
Tina had no complaints about the seating order trade. Slim with a shotgun beat her with a 22 rifle any day should it come to a real fight, however she was a much better smooth-talking negotiator she reminded them than that old country boy Slim should they find someone friendly enough to talk to if it looked safe enough.
Slim grinned and said “You are better looking too!” to Tina before telling Travis he was ready if he was and they drove slowly towards the entrance. There was a small bait store that also used to coordinate and supply the ten or so year-round permanently moored deep sea charter boats that took out small parties of no more than six deep sea sport fishermen who had the money for such luxury’s. Sitting out in front of the small shack were two old deckhands who looked like they had seen their better days but had acutely clean rust free well-oiled pump shotguns within reach.
Travis and Slim waved and the two old geezers waved back good naturedly Travis pulled up and got out to greet them.
“Hi! You’re not open for business, are you?” Travis said as the assembled strangers studied one another momentarily and then greeted each other warmly.
“Well the bait store isn’t open but we might be able to help you out. What is it that you need?” Asked a man in a frayed bill fishing hat with an unknown logo on it.
“Well I guess you could say like everyone else we need a bit of everything and anything, but news is the main thing that we are particularly looking for right at the moment.” Tina said with a disarming smile.
“News I am kind of short of today, but gossip about yesterday and tomorrow I have a plenty of. You all are not from around, here are you?” Fishing hats partner said standing up and carrying on the friendly banter.
“No, we are not from the beach proper, we are staying not far from here though at our fish camp over by Vernon and we decided to come to town today to look for supplies.” Tina replied as Slim and Travis tried to make up their minds without showing any emotion that this was way too much information in their opinion to volunteer after a such a short meeting.
“I have fished Holmes creek up and down around that way and Wausau more times than I can remember. How are things going over that way these days? Folks getting along alright? My names Harvey, this here is a friend f mine called Billy lee.” He said extending his hand for an introductory handshake.
“I am Travis and this is my wife Tina and this is our buddy Slim. So are you all out here working or are all you just hanging out today?” Travis said shaking the man’s hand while looking towards the charter boats and seeing some movement.
“Well that’s a good question, we are sort of working you might say. We mostly hang out here informally and help keep an eye on things and if somebody comes around looking for something or needing something done then we study on doing it or getting whatever, it is they want.” Billy Lee responded.
“Basically, I guess you can call us self-appointed stool guards. We watch out for our bar seats here and the boat owners show their appreciation of us helping guard the marina and watching stuff by sharing a meal or two with us. I guess most of them figure if someone bothers us or wants to sit on our stools we can play canary in the coal mine for them, but don’t worry about that it stays kind of quite around here if folks mind their manners.” Harvey said patting the old wooden bar stool he was sitting on and raising one eyebrow.
“Now that sounds like a fine job to have. You get to sit here all day soaking up the sun and passersby conversations and let other folks do the fishing for you!” Slim said with a grin.
“Well it isn’t that simple or easy but I reckon we can go with that as a job description for now. You never did say what you wanted other than wanting to hear some news.” Billy Lee responded looking over at their van.
“You got anything to trade?” Harvey said hopefully also eying the van.
“No not really, you got anything you want to trade for?” Travis asked slyly.
“Could be we would have something to trade if we knew what it is you wanted. I got me a cast net; I could try to get you some good fresh bait if you have the time for me to try my luck to catch it.” Billy Lee said casually.
“I might be able to come up with a nice big fish for your dinner if one of the captains has caught any extra ones today.” Harvey offered.
“Well we might need a nice sized fish to cook later, right now we looking more for general information if you don’t mind. I got a couple extra MRE lemonade packets I can give you for spending the time talking with us some.” Tina offered.
“You don’t have to give us nothing just to talk to but some lemonade to wet our whistles would sure be nice. I ain’t got anything but bottled water to offer you in barter but that would be a good trade.” Harvey said producing a couple of bottles from a cooler between his weather worn wooden stool and his friends.
“Wow! Is that ice I see in there? You all have ICE! “Tina said excitedly eying the wondrous crystalline cubes.
‘Sure is, one of the Captains over yonder has an icemaker on his boat he runs off solar. We don’t often have any extra ice but he will sell you some if he likes you and thinks he can spare it.” Harvey said handing her two cold plastic water bottles.
“Let me go run back to the van for a second and get the lemonade. You wouldn’t take three lemonade mixes for some of that ice you got so we all can have a cold drink, would you?” Tina asked expectantly.
“No need for that but I will trade you another bottle of water for that extra lemonade and give you each a whole personal cup of ice free.” Harvey declared.
“Done!” Tina said laughing happily and rushed to get the MRE beverage mixes.
“You all are no fun; I would have made you a better trade if you had dickered a little bit more.” Billy Lee said with a smile before getting a hard look from Harvey.
“This was my trade, you just stay over there and listen or I won’t give you any of my lemonade to drink.” Harvey said before Billy lee objected.
“Hey we are in this thing together as partners, don’t mind him folks but watch your money or he will be wanting to count it for you.” Billy said kidding with his partner who was feigning indignant.
“Ah he is the one you better watch, he is the dishonest one doesn’t you know. He cheats at checkers so you can’t never trust him.” Harvey said poking fun back at his assistant bar stool guard.
Travis laughed listening to and enjoying the two old geezers banter about who actually cheated at checkers and who didn’t until Slim nudged him and said “Company is coming.” while watching a man and woman coming down the gangway of their boat and starting to walk down the piers sidewalk in their direction.
“That would be Captain Vic coming to greet you with his wife Stacy. They are ok; most likely all they want is to see if you have any news also. They have got family scattered around north some ways that they haven’t heard from since the grid went down up around Virginia. Have you heard anything about that state?” Billy lee said.
“Can’t help them there, I can’t even tell you any up to date Alabama news, our radio reception sucks out in the woods. Seems like only the strongest emergency broadcast signals reach us and they can be rather spotty coming in. “Tina said and waited for the couple to get introduced all around.
“Are you all having a party down
here?” Stacy said smiling at Harvey filling up a bunch of red solo cups half full with ice for his new guests.
“Nope, not unless you count ice cold lemonade. I ain’t asked them yet if they got any alcohol for trade to go in it yet.” Harvey said hopefully as everybody watched the newcomers for possible offers.
“No, we don’t have any, how about you all?” Travis said.
“I got two pints of vodka and that I might be willing to trade one of if the price was right.” Captain Vic said hesitantly.
“What kind of price do you have in mind for buying one?” Slim said speculatively.
“Well I don’t want to sound like I am trying to be gouging you any but that stuff is hard to come by as you already know. Me and Stacy here don’t normally drink much is the only reason that little bit is still left. I would rather trade it f or something than charge you cash, you got any more of that lemonade we might be able to dicker for? ´ Vic said watching Tina mixing a couple batches using her canteen cup as a measure.
“No, sorry, I only have a couple more packets so not enough to trade with you unless you have real bargain basement prices.” Tina replied.
“Tell them how much you want for that white liquor!” Harvey said huffily.
“Yea you tell them how much you want green cash price. Listen to how proud of it he is,” Billy lee added grumpily.
“Well like I said I would much rather trade you for it but for cash I want fifteen bucks.” Vic began before everyone sort of caught their breaths at what was considered outrageous pricing.
“That is for just one bottle? Kind of pricy if you ask me, you got any wiggle room or flexibility on what you’re asking for?” Slim said eying the small bottle Vic produced of a cheap brand of brewed down potato juice.
“Don’t waste your time trying to dicker with him, he is stingy and that sky high price of his is the only reason he has still got it. Me and Billie Lee have been trying to get him to lower it since day one and he ain’t budged!” Harvey said admonishing the miserly fellow good naturedly or otherwise it was hard to say.
“That’s right my cash price is firm. You got any 40 cal pistol ammo? Now barter we can adjust prices on. “Captain Vic said hoping that they were more flexible with their pricing than he was with his.
“No, all we got ammo wise is 9 mm and I don’t think we would trade any just for the sake of getting a drink apiece. What’s the going rate on that kind of ammo anyway?” Tina asked curious how things were valued.
“Well for me not much because I don’t have anything that shoots it but Captain Rawlins might want some so talk to him. He doesn’t have anything I want to trade him for by the way in case you got that notion.” Vic said.
“We are pretty much traded out around here as far as swapping with each other goes. That is why Vic came down here I bet.” Billie lee advised.
“I can maybe instigate something to trade for some ammo.” Harvey said rubbing his chin whiskers.
“No, like I said we don’t want to trade any ammo. How about silver as in hard currency?” Travis asked.
“I might be interested in that, what are you offering?” Vic asked.
“One mercury dime for the bottle?’ Travis challenged.
“Hoo whee boy! I thought you were cheap Vic, but this guy standing here gets the tater tot for cheapness offering you a deal like that!” Harvey said whistling sharply.
“Now! Now! That’s a starting place, and not an entirely bad offer. Hey, before we get started though let me tell you that I am only thinking by weight not the date rarity.” Vic said looking brightly at Travis.
“The rarity of any and all coins went up on the date our grid went down. I am kind of thinking a real silver coin is rarer than a pint of vodka now these days. How about if I offer you one dime for two bottles?” Travis said nonchalantly.
“My Lord! Listen to him! Don’t he have balls like a big brass monkey or something? Did you hear that Billie Lee! He offered the man only 10 cents for two pints of booze!” Harvey said incredulously.
“No can do my numismatic friend, let’s see now when it comes to silver dimes they come $5 face value in a roll and they used to go for a hundred bucks or so a roll on eBay so that was about 2 bucks a piece before the grid went down at melt value. I tell you what. If you give me 10 or 12 of them silver dimes I might sell you both bottles.” Vic said studying the deal as Harvey and Billie Lee studied the traders like they were crazy while wearing half grins listening to the barter talk.
“Not to offend you but that’s still way too steep for my blood. That bottle of vodka was what in the corner liquor store before the grid went down? Maybe three bucks, four at the most in a tourist area. So, at 5 times value the way you got it priced my dimes then ought to be worth up to five times more or 10 bucks apiece. In that case I would maybe trade you maybe 2 dimes for two pint bottles.” Travis said.
“HAaaaaaaaaaaa that’s telling him boy! “Harvey said letting out a yip like the old country comedian Jerry Clower did as a joke opening line when he was the star on the King Biscuit Flour Hour radio show back in the day.
“He got you their Captain Vic! Saints alive I believe you just met your match in trading!” Harvey said gloating and hoping his boisterous siding with the strangers might get him a small drink for aggravating the boat captain so.
“Hush up you smelly old wharf rat. You don’t have no dog in this fight so mind your manners and since I see you wanting to say something else smart aleck too Billie Lee the two of you bar barnacles just shush up and sit still . Three dimes and you got yourself a good deal Travis. Never mind these two old windbags perched over there, they didn’t even know nothing about trading any kind of silver until I taught them one day a thing or two. Do we have a deal? That is a fair price.” Vic said as his wife looked hopeful that the strangers would take the deal and they could talk about something other than haggling.
“I don’t know Vic; let me think on it awhile. Could be that there is something else that you might be willing to trade we can bundle some items. Got any food?” Travis asked looking up from the entirely too tempting bottles of vodka.
“I can give all of you a big dinner of whatever me and Billy lee can catch and cook up in next few hours. We got us a crab pot soaking and we put some baited trot lines in the water already. That is if we could maybe have ourselves a drink or two of that vodka if you end up trading this old skinflint for it.” Harvey said almost liking his lips over the thought of them complying.
“You don’t want anything them two old winos can cook up. They are liable to serve you bait in a bucket and heat it up to call it soup. Now me, I am an honest fisherman. I got a big sheepshead fish already freshly caught and soaking on my stringer that you can have with those two bottles of vodka if you go 3 dimes and two straight lemonades for me and the wife.” Vic said putting his hand out in anticipation of sealing the deal.
“I would get a look at that fish first before shaking his hand. Travis. Count your fingers after doing it also and see if you still have them all! Mind you Captain Vic has been known for stretching the truth and telling some fishing whopper stories don’t you know!” Billie lee said smirking and needling the frowning man.
“You see what I got to put up with?” Captain Vic said with fake exasperation at Harvey and Billy Lee’s aggravating antics.
“You hang around here long you will learn to avoid old Mutt and Jeff over there or it will cost you in ways that you never even heard of or thought about, particularly if there is any alcohol involved.” Stacy said chiding the two smiling old reprobates.
“Now Miss Stacy, why do you want to go mislead these nice people so badly? You have said yourself many times that we are quite handy to have around.” Harvey began before she cut him off.
“A bit too damned light fingered handy if you ask me. You two are always borrowing some hooks and line or something from everyone around here with promises of giving us something or exchanging value for doing an odd job for us that you soon forget about.” Stacy
said reminding the two that they needed to go hand pump the bilges on their craft out in payment of a previous debt they had been putting off paying in full.
“We will get around to that momentarily Miss Stacy, we are still on duty over here don’t forget. We stay at our post usually until all strangers leave or someone else takes over watching our area.” Harvey said nonplussed and casually patting his bar stool that he was guarding and then went back to listening to what was going on at his and Billie Lee’s self-assigned security guard outposts.
“Tell you what… Let’s finish this. I guess I can see my way clear to be doing both deals and ending this jibber jabber! Let’s finalize now because I am getting pretty thirsty eying them two bottles of Russian hooch and it’s been a long time since I had a drink” Travis said with a grin and shook hands with Captain Vic and Harvey.
“Hot Damn! Now you’re talking Travis! You are some nice folks! Me and Billie Lee are sure glad you decided to stop by here today! “Harvey said lining up with Billie Lee with their coffee mugs pointing out in front of Vic and Travis waiting for the exchange to take place so they could collect on a couple shots of vodka to go in their lemonade.
“See I told you, these two are nothing but old besotted lot lizards trying to bum a drink!” Vic said with a smile as he handed over the bottles and informed them that they needed to come down to his boat to collect on the fish.
“Oh, we will come grab it later. You two can have a free lemonade on the house and I am guessing that we maybe got enough vodka now so that good old Frick and Frack can have themselves two drinks apiece and we get the rest of it to enjoy, how long do you boys need to get your end of dinner together?” Tina asked.
“Depends on the fishing, not more than a couple hours. Give us about a half hour to get started and finish our drinks.” Harvey said receiving his libation in shaky anticipatory hands.