by T. D. Jakes
While she stood at the foot of the stairs, she could hear Carl in the bedroom packing. She left the stairs and ran to their bedroom. “Carl, what do you think you’re doing? Stop it, Carl. I want you to stop it, now.” Delores planted herself in front of the chifforobe to try and stop her husband’s progress.
He began to grab things from the dresser drawers. “Delores, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Can’t you see that this is all her fault? Everything that has happened to us was and is her fault.”
Carl didn’t answer, he simply continued packing.
“She had it planned all along to break us up. She doesn’t have a family, so she wanted to break us up.”
“Claudia is a child. She didn’t break us up, Delores. We broke us up. I’m not leaving because I don’t love you, Delores. I’m leaving because I have to save her.”
“Can’t you see that it’s killing me?”
Carl stopped and held up his hands. They were full of socks and underwear from his wooden chest. “I don’t know what else to do. I shouldn’t have to choose between my wife and my grandchild. We both should be protecting her. You can’t do it, so I have to.” He resumed packing.
“You’re choosing her over our son. You’re choosing Claudia over Carl Jr. Who are you going to believe? If people find out, even if he’s acquitted, his career is over. And what about us? What about the firm? Don’t you see that this is going to tear us apart?”
Carl stood up and walked to her. He laid his hands on her shoulders. “Can’t you see, Delores? If we have to lie to save who we are supposed to be, then the truth was never in us. If we have to sacrifice a child—or two children—to hold our nice little world together then it isn’t a world worth saving.”
“Who are you trying to fool, Carl? You’re not strong enough to survive on your own. You’ll be crawling back. When you come back, don’t bring that teenaged monster with you.”
“Don’t make me lose respect for you before I go, Delores. I want to leave here feeling that there may be some slight chance that you may be right. Don’t make me lose that hope before I go. Let me leave feeling that you didn’t tell me and that you didn’t do anything when you found out about Carl Jr. because you were just too weak—you just didn’t have the heart. Leave me with something, Delores.”
“Carl, you’re ruining our lives. You said you loved me.”
Carl looked very sad then. “I don’t want to go, Delores. I don’t know what else to do.”
Within an hour Carl and Claudia were packed. It was raining outside. The asphalt on the drive was wet and almost shiny so that it softly reflected light from the lamps along the walk. Delores watched them leave through the raindrops on the upstairs front window. The two of them rolled six suitcases from the house and stuffed them in the trunk and back seat of a waiting car. Claudia looked even smaller in her dark coat; the rain plastered her hair against her head. Carl looked harried and beaten.
He would call her later, he said, when he and Claudia were settled.
Delores waited for the call to come. It came not long after midnight. It was the call she did not want to hear. She heard the sound that she had always feared she would hear in her son’s voice. My uncle is the father. He was at the police station, Carl Jr. said. How could his niece make up a wild story like this? After all he had done for her.
Delores knew, when she heard his voice, that it was true—what Claudia said was true. Delores had been right about the sound in her son’s voice all along. The sound gave it all away. It cut just as deeply as she knew it would . . .
Delores had not been right about other things. She still loved her son after she knew for certain what he had done. Delores still put her arms around her only son when he was released on bail to come home. It cut more deeply than she thought it would.
Miz Ida watered her flowers and then headed out to visit baby José. It had been a good morning already. Michelle had called with good news: she and Todd were working things out. She was moving back home and applying to schools. Tonya had gotten her promotion and Shadrach, Tonya, and her son Malik were spending more time together. “Looks like it’s getting deep,” Michelle said. She really wasn’t sure about Mrs. Judson. “She still has that wall up. No one can see in or see over.”
Just before she hung up, Michelle’s voice had turned shy. She sounded like a little girl.
“Miz Ida, thank you. Thank you for all the prayers and love you planted in me. You made the difference in my life, and in my mother’s life. You loved me and you didn’t judge me. No matter how ugly I acted you forgave me. It’s been the same way with Todd. You’re right, Miz Ida, God keeps showing me His love through all the people in my life. All of you have been loving and kind and forgiving. And I’ve been thinking, Miz Ida, much is required of those to whom much is given. I can’t learn to love and forgive others and not let that blessing begin at home. If you pray for me, Miz Ida, I’m going to call Cassie—I’m going to call my momma.”
The seasons were changing again. Miz Ida stood near a sign and next to a bench full of people waiting for the bus to come. A young man caught her attention and motioned to her, offering her his seat. Miz Ida sat down and smiled. It was so unusual to see a young man offer his seat. When people commented on how rude young people were, though, she always said the young just didn’t know how to be good when no one took the time to teach them. It was good to see a young man so kind.
“Thank you, young man.”
He nodded. “Do you recognize me?”
Miz Ida studied him. The young man was clean shaven and his hair was newly cut. His clothes were not new, but they were washed and ironed. “No, son. I’m sorry to say it, but I don’t.”
The young man nodded. “It’s probably best that way.” He began to walk away, but stopped and turned back to Miz Ida. “But I said if I ever saw you again, I would thank you and tell you that I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, honey?”
“Sorry for what I said to you and how mean I was to you. Don’t you recognize me now? From the front doorway?”
Miz Ida laid her hand on her chest. “No, it ain’t. Is that you?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She looked the young man up and down. “Well, what has come over you?”
“I don’t know, ma’am. I guess you just spoke to me on the right day. Maybe I just needed somebody who cared enough to take the time to wake me up.”
“My goodness, son. Praise the Lord! It’s a new day!”
“Yes, ma’am. But I got a long way to go.”
“Well, you be encouraged, young man. Don’t give up.” Miz Ida leaned back on the bench. The sun on her face felt good. It was indeed a new day. Miz Ida looked at the young man. “You go to church, baby?”
“No, ma’am.”
She smiled at him. “Well, if you really want it to be a new day, we gone have to see what we can do about that. Son, every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before.”
No doubt about it, there was still a lot of work for her to do.
The Final Bow
I have enjoyed this journey, this time that I have spent with you. Like you, I thank the Cover Girls—Michelle, Tonya, Mrs. Judson, and Miz Ida—for sharing their lives and exposing their hearts to us.
No matter what your season, your condition, or your role in life, I want to remind you that your heavenly Father, your Daddy, loves you. His love transcends color, gender, socio-economic status, and gender. Don’t try to hide your struggles or your pain from Him. You don’t have to present a perfect picture to Him. You don’t have to hide or cover your scars or your issues.
God wants to touch you where you hurt. He wants to heal that broken wounded place that you’ve been trying to conceal. The truth is, all of us have those things we cover. We cover our issues with clothes, money, jobs, relationships, and even addictions. God knows; He sees; and He cares. Run to His arms and let Him love away and heal those tender places.
Trust God to love you as only H
e can, and to prepare you for the wonderful and complete life He has always purposed for you. You are safe in His arms. Don’t run from Him anymore, run to Him. You are Daddy’s precious girl—it’s time for you to take your place on stage.
Bishop T. D. Jakes
1 See Psalm 27:10 (back to text)
2 See Acts 9:4-6 (back to text)
3 See Proverbs 27:17 (back to text)
4 John 16:33 KJV (back to text)
5 Psalm 30:5 KJV (back to text)
6 Psalm 27:10 NKJV (back to text)
7 See Matthew 10; Luke 12 (back to text)
8 See Jeremiah 1 (back to text)
9 See Luke 13; Matthew 23 (back to text)
10 T.D. Jakes, Woman, Thou Art Loosed (Tulsa, OK: Albury Publishing, 1993) 175-176, paraphrased. (back to text)
11 Matthew 18:20 (back to text)
12 Psalm 25: 4-9 NIV (back to text)
13 Proverbs 10:22 (back to text)
14 T.D. Jakes, “Change Your Mind—A Soul Secret,” Holy Bible: Woman, Thou Art Loosed edition (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1998). (back to text)
15 Corinthians .13:4-8, 11-12 NIV (back to text)