Dear Lissa,
Every day I go without seeing your sweet smile or hearing your voice is pure hell. I miss you so damn much. My heart aches for you. It aches so bad, I wish I could claw it out of my chest, so I could stop feeling and then maybe I could stop dreaming of you. Stop wanting you. Stop loving you and hating myself for fucking everything up. I can’t fix things right now but one day I will make amends for letting you down and for losing you. I know you are doing what I asked, moving on and living your life. My life is shades of grey and orange. One day I will no longer have to close my eyes to see your face. To hear your voice.
Until then I will go on loving you and hating me.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
–––—
Dear Lissa,
I thought I was unbreakable, but I’m broken. I can’t keep on like this. Staring at these walls wanting to break them down and find my way to you. I haven’t gotten any letters from you and I understand why but if there is anything worse than not seeing your smile or hearing you say my name, it’s losing your words. Not getting your private thoughts and the sweet things you save only to share with me. I miss lying in my bed and holding you while you told me of all the things you wanted in life. Where you wanted to travel. Foods you wanted to taste. Adventures you wanted to have with me.
I am afraid that one day soon I am going to lose what last bits I have guarded in my heart of you. One day you’ll fade away and I will have completely lost all I hold on to. You probably already forgot all about me. I reached out to a contact and he told me that you’re with someone and I can’t tell you how bad that killed me. I feel shredded that I’m not the one getting to taste your lips. That I won’t be your first. I don’t expect you to keep your promise, but I didn’t expect it to be so easy to break either.
Dying in here without you, baby. Dying without you period.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
—––—
Dear Lissa,
Tonight I dreamt of you. You were naked in my bed wearing nothing but a strand of pearls. Your perky tits were aching for my touch as you teased me. You were touching yourself between your thighs and fuck me if I didn’t wake up hard and have to settle for my hand. I want you so damn bad. You’re all I can think about. Every night. Every damn day. All I can think of is coming home to you. Claiming you and telling the rest of the world to fuck off. If I could burn down these prison walls I would. I’d set the world on fire to be with you. You’re my favorite girl.
I’ll love you forever,
Shawn
I crumble them up as I read them and throw them into the fire. Meaningless words. They don’t belong together. They never have. I’ll see to it that this fairytale life they are creating gets blown to bits. Nothing will be left of Melissa when I am through but dust and bits of bone.
Chapter 12
—Melissa
Now that Christmas is over, Shawn has already been busy getting a move on the kitchen renovation at the house. Sara is still in Drag Creek with CT and the twins getting ready for Harley’s upcoming wedding. Hades has returned, I heard Shawn on the phone with him this morning discussing Uno and club business. I tried not to listen in, but I overheard him talking about a merger between clubs happening and how Uno will be a Vice President. Shawn was annoyed about a patch party or something. The conversation was too hard to follow, and I grew bored with listening.
I have been getting Jimmy’s toys and clothes he received for Christmas packed up to move to the new house. I hate that I am shuffling my son around so much but hopefully this will be our last move for a long while. I am sick of packing up my small amount of belongings and living out of trash bags.
I do want a real home and to give Jimmy a stable life. I just don’t know how to let go and not worry when I am always looking over my shoulder. Maybe I should contact Jim and ask him to give up his parental rights, but what if he pursues charges against me for taking Jimmy out of state with no contact? I push the boxes down the hall to the front door, so Shawn can take them to the house later. I go back to my room and go to the closet to get the boxes I never unpacked when I moved in here. Shawn’s letters are important to me. I haven’t read through them all but someday I will. I look for the box not wanting it to get lost in the shuffle and can’t find it. Panic seizes in my chest and my blood boils. Things keep disappearing from here and I know it isn’t because I keep losing them. I hear Shawn and Jimmy come through the door.
I stomp down the hall and Shawn’s facial expression when he sees me is one of amusement and confusion. “Lissa, everything okay?”
“No.” I pout. “My letters, the ones you wrote me are missing.” I fold my arms across my chest. “Something fucky is going on around here.”
He smiles and licks his bottom lip. “Lots of fucky has been happening around here, but I don’t think we should discuss it in front of little man.”
“Ugh. You know what I mean,” I say with a groan and he chuckles. “You’re impossible. Be serious for a minute. My stuff keeps disappearing and it’s really pissing me off.”
Shawn grabs my shoulders. “Calm down.” Two of the worst words you can say to an upset woman leaves his lips. “Listen, I’ll find them. Maybe they got mixed in with the other stuff I already took to the house. I’ll check on the next load. I promise. They are bound to turn up. Who would want a bunch of sad love letters that I wrote to you anyway?”
I nod. He’s right. Maybe I did move them or put them on the last truckload. I’m just irritated. I am about to start my period and being hormonal.
When I get to work the prospect working behind the bar says there was a man asking about me. A man he has never seen in the club before, but he said he told the man he didn’t know who he was talking about. It had to be Jim and I am scared that he’s here to take Jimmy from me. At least I know he is protected with Shawn.
He won’t let Jim get his hands on him. I try not to feel shaken by this new development but I am. Is he breaking into my apartment and taking things just to fuck with me? It’s not really something I can see him doing but I don’t have any other explanation. I know I should call Shawn and tell him but then he’d make me come home. All night I feel on edge, waiting for Jim or whoever this mystery man is to make an appearance and fuck up the life I am starting to make here with Shawn. The life I was always meant to have.
Shawn is keeping Jimmy while I work in the office at the Cherry Room, making out the schedule, making sure the payroll is up to date, paying the utilities. And about five hundred other small things that keep the club running smooth. I go over the files for the girls making sure everyone has been passing their drug screenings. Shawn won’t fire them for smoking some weed or taking a diet pill, but he won’t put up with them doing any hard drugs.
I can’t get Carmen out of the back of my mind either. The way she showed up here last week pretending to work here. Just like Shawn told me she isn’t in the system. Could she be the one taking my things? Is she really stalking Shawn? I thought we were friends but maybe she holds a grudge against me because she likes my man. I know when I first came to Webb Hollow, she had mentioned thinking he was hot, but I never gave it much thought.
The rest of my shift is uneventful, and the man never returns that I am aware of. I have one of the bouncers walk me to my car as a precaution. I scan the parking lot but don’t notice anything or anyone suspicious. I call Shawn when I get ready to pull out. Him and Jimmy are picking up a pizza and I am going to meet them at the house. Most of our stuff has been moved and I am eager to start this new chapter even though I feel uneasy at the possibility of Jim being in town.
———
It’s New Year’s Eve. Harley is getting married in Drag Creek and I wish I could have gone but Shawn and I are both working. MaryAnn is keeping Jimmy for the night. I don’t know what I would do without my friends pitching in to watch Jimmy. The girls have all gone above and beyond to make me feel like a part of their
tribe. Like I belong. Like family. They are accepting of my relationship with Shawn. They don’t judge us or tell me that we are moving way too damn fast.
Even though they encouraged me to be with Uno, now that they have been around Shawn and me as a couple, they see how much he loves me. He’s out on the floor doing his part to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. I’m taking my time to get ready. I want to look perfect for my man. I’m doing a number that starts with me in a life-sized champagne glass. For the occasion I have a nude glittered bra and thing and gold glitter heels. I have my hair set in big rollers, to give me the old school glamour look. Heavily winged eyeliner, red lipstick, big full fake lashes. I want Shawn to think I am a goddess tonight. He sneaks back to the dressing room to bring me a drink before I go on.
I’m nervous. He did a lot of advertising for tonight. I don’t want to let him down.
“Fuck me. I want to ravish you here on the spot.”
I bat my thick lashes at him. “I wish you would.”
“Don’t tempt me, woman,” he grits, snaking an arm around my waist and drawing me flush against him.
“Hmm.” I kiss him, hoping I don’t smear my lipstick.
After we untangle, I go to the mirror to repair my makeup. “Want your lipstick smeared on my dick later.” He squeezes my ass then exits the room. If tonight wasn’t so important, I would take him up on the image his words just painted inside my head.
The Cherry Room is packed when I peer out from the side of the main stage. Everyone is working tonight. No one was exempt from this big party. I scan the crowd, watching the girls work the floor. Looking for Jim amongst the sea of unfamiliar faces. I never told Shawn about the man questioning Cyrus about me and my stomach rolls at the thought of him being here. I wish that I had mentioned it to Shawn but if I say something now, he’ll be mad at me and I don’t want to fight with him. Not tonight. One of the bouncers helps me up the ladder to the giant glass. The lights go down and excitement crackles in the air.
The glass is pushed onto the stage and I get into position. Normally we don’t do such elaborate routines, but Shawn wanted to make tonight special. Memorable for the customers. The music starts low and builds as the lights go from barely on to medium. I raise up to my knees, leaning over the brim of the glass, my breasts nearly spilling out of my bra. This dance is an homage to the olden days of burlesque. The crowd is so large and loud, I can’t make out anyone in the audience, though I keep trying.
My stomach drops as I continue to perform, getting plenty of hoots and whistles as money is thrown onto the stage when I lose my bra. The bouncer helps me out of the glass. The song changes and I move to the pole. I make it through my routine without incident. I hurry to change my clothes once I am backstage in the dressing room. The girls are all in and out freshening up and changing their costumes. They are making great money. Better than I have seen since I started working here. I’m dressed in a gold bandeau top and matching shorts, paired with my gold glitter heels, I wore on the stage. I let down my hair from the ponytail I had it in for dancing, allowing the long loose waves to tumble down my back and over my shoulders.
As I am walking down the hallway toward the door that leads from the back to the bar and the main floor, I bump into none other than Uno. His eyes are bloodshot and glossy. He reeks of pot and liquor. He holds up a jar of Black Rebel Riders’ MC moonshine at me. “A toast to the sexiest woman I ever had the pleasure of fucking.”
My cheeks flame in embarrassment and anger at his crass words. I can tell he is high and drunk, but the fact doesn’t lessen the blow his rudeness hits me with. “You’re drunk.”
He runs a hand over his head and smirks at me. A look that weeks ago would have made me go weak in the knees, but right now I feel nothing but irritation. “How about a lap dance for old times?”
“Wow. I’m walking away now.” Shaking my head, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the behavior. Uno isn’t exactly the man I thought he was. But I guess no man ever is.
“I thought I could love you,” he tells me.
I stop and turn to face him. He is looking at me with pure lust. After being with Shawn, a man who truly loves me…I can easily discern the difference between the two. “You don’t know what love is. All you know is some fucked up version of what you think it is supposed to be. I almost feel sorry for you, but the more I think about it, the more I see it all so clearly. You’re both sick. You and Stephanie. Whatever happens between you two—you definitely deserve one another.” It’s close to midnight and I want to find Shawn. I leave Uno standing with his jaw on the floor. I guess I have more fire and sass than he thought.
Chapter 13
—Cocky
Melissa approaches me, and I can tell she’s upset. I see Uno coming out from the employee hallway after her. “What did he say to you? Did he put his hands on you?”
She gives me a slight shake of her head. “He didn’t say anything of any count. Only thing that matters is that I’m here with you.” Her arms circle my neck as our lips meet in a kiss that is better suited for being shared in private. My hands are on her ass and her knee comes up on my hip. “Come on, let’s get you a drink, yeah?” I lead her to the VIP section where I saved us a table.
We share a jar of Black Rebel Riders’ Moonshine. I can tell she is feeling good. Whatever worry she felt burdened by earlier is now gone replaced with a desire to enjoy the now. There have been plenty of request for lap dances from my girl, but I don’t want any man being tempted to touch her. It doesn’t stop me from getting a dance of my own from her though.
Her luscious booty is pumping over my crotch. Up and down in beat with the music. My baby knows how to move. How to turn me on by swaying her hips. Her fingers scratch the tops of my thighs over my jeans. She’s getting into her striptease. I grab her by the hips and push her down on my lap, refusing to let her back up. Restraining her doesn’t stop her from moving to the music as she grinds her ass on my growing erection. Kissing her shoulder, I confess, “God, Lissa, I need inside you.
Looking back at me over her shoulder Melissa looks so damn sexy. Circling her hips, she rubs her ass against me, teasing me, and tempting me to take what I want right here right now. I slide my hand down the front of her shorts, teasing her clit. Stroking her pulsing skin in soft but quick movements. Giving her just enough friction to drive her wild. Her legs spread further apart, granting me better access to her sweet pussy. I hook a finger inside her. She lays her head back on my shoulder and I claim her mouth as I continue to twist and stroke my finger in a come here motion inside her. Trembling against me she continues to grind, riding my hand, seeking her release. I palm one of her tits, tweaking her nipple. Rolling the hardening skin between my fingers as I kiss her neck. Fuck me she is so damn wet and warm. Her tight cunt is throbbing for my cock. And Goddamn if I don’t ache to be inside her. To feel her squeezing me. To feel her cum on my dick.
Reaching behind her and between us, she undoes my zipper and flips around to straddle me face to face. Pulling her shorts to the side as far as I can I stick my dick in her slick heat. I take my girl right here at the table. No one the wiser except Uno. I see him watching from the other side of the club and I don’t do anything to deter him. Let him see what he gave up. What he lost to me. I have his strip club and Melissa. Two things he will never have again.
The music lowers and the Emcee begins the countdown to New Years. Melissa grips my shoulders, throwing her head back. Her lips part with a sultry moan. An orgasm rakes through her and I find my own release just as the clock strikes twelve. I hug her close, sucking on her neck, marking her with my teeth as she milks me dry.
Holding her face between my hands, I am still inside her, because I want her again. “I love you forever. You make me so crazy, baby. You’re my favorite girl.”
“I love you too.” She hiccups, and I chuckle. “I want a taco.”
“You’re drunk.” I thrust my hips and she giggles then kisses me. I pull out and zip my j
eans.
“Let’s go get you that taco.”
“I want two big ones. Lots of sour cream.” She grins at me and bites her finger.
—–—
I don’t want to be here giving Uno his proper send off, but I’m happy the bastard is finally leaving. All of his affairs here are settled and he has no reason to stay. Good fucking riddance if you ask me. I haven’t spoken to him since the hospital and have no plans of doing so now. I have said all I need to. Everyone else is practically sucking his dick now that he has been named VP of the Black Rebel Devils MC. Even the clubwhores are chasing after him, hoping he’ll pick one of them to take to the new club in Texas. I wish the bastard would take Carmen’s crazy stalker ass with him.
Stupid bitch has tried to talk to me three different times tonight. I still haven’t talked to Hades about putting her on a damn bus out of town. He’s been too busy negotiating our terms with the new merger and taking care of Sara and the kids. We’ve all been giving him shit. Telling him that he’ll be trading his Harley for a minivan. I hope I make Melissa as happy as my brothers make their old ladies. Everyone is in a good place. Shelly and Boogeyman are booming at their tattoo shop. Reaper and Harley just got hitched. Cupid and MaryAnn have a beautiful baby girl. Even Uno is having a baby. Terror and Amber are as crazy as ever. Amber made us some brownies. Wild ass is up to her same old tricks. Each pan of brownies has a note on the top.
Which reads:
Dear Filthy Fuckers,
Happy New Year. Just for shits and giggles. One pan has weed brownies and the other contains laxatives. Take your chances for a trick or a treat. Pick one, eat it, and wait thirty minutes. You will either giggle or you will shit.
Love,
Amber
Knowing Amber, she probably made them all with laxatives and super glued the toilet seats down. “Are they safe?” I question Terror.
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