Yet his mind would be still no longer. The blank emptiness that had been shielding him these past weeks had finally slipped away. Since the convocation, he realized, hed been insulated in that place deep inside, where he hid from himself. Now worry had drawn him out, and he couldnt go back, couldnt drift away and dissolve into mist like a ghost. He pushed the worry down, focused on his surroundings, on the workings of his ship.
A piece of his chrysalis had been incorporated into it, just as with his staff. Two of the Kinetic Grimlis, the group of mages that made the ships for all of them, had stayed behind after the end of the convocation to help him integrate the chrysalis, and to train him in the ships operation. He had listened with little interest to their rapid instruction regarding engines, weapons, maintenance. What good was a ship, if the mages were all to withdraw to a hiding place for the indefinite future? He might as well travel with Elric, as he always had in the past.
Elric had convinced him to take a few training flights, but Galen had felt little desire to explore the capabilities of the ship, or the nature of his connection with it. More than that, he had found the connection uncomfortable. Associating with the ship, as with his staff, triggered a startling surge of nervous anticipation, as if hed been injected with adrenaline. The energy from the chrysalis interacted with the restless undercurrent of the implants in a phenomenon mages called parallelism. Thoughts and feelings echoed back and forth between ship and implants, repeating themselves again and again, trapped in a rapid, swelling reverberation that could easily become overwhelming. It was a state he preferred to avoid.
This time, as he associated with the ship, it had been his concern for Elric that had echoed between him and the chrysalisthoughts of Elric weakening, of Elric dying, quickly escalating into panic. He had done a mind-focusing exercise to calm himself, and gradually the panic had lessened. He had maintained control of himself, and the tech. Yet still his fear persisted, holding him pinned to the present and the pounding of his heart.
Elric had been the one certainty in his life, the wall of strength beside him. Out there on the mak, he had thought Elric was burning to death. Hed thought Elric would die. And though Elric had survived, the fire had left its mark. He had aged before Galens eyes, the frown lines between his eyebrows deepening, his chest curving inward, his body growing weak. Elrics standing stones had crumbled to dust, just as Elizar had foretold. Perhaps Elric himself had not yet crumbled, but the process had begun.
How rapid his deterioration might be, how many years might be cut from his life, they would learn only with time. But after Kells resignation, the mages could not afford to lose Elric. And Galen could not stand to lose him.
In his minds eye, Galen checked again on Elrics ship, seeing through his ships sensors. They gave him the full view of the area surrounding his ship, as if its walls were transparent. A steady distance behind and to starboard, the sleek black triangle of Elrics ship cut through the billowing red turmoil of hyperspace. Its side radiated the three frequencies high in the ultraviolet in which mages hid signs. Correctly combined, the three signals revealed the rune Elric had chosen to represent himself. The rune came from the language of the Taratimude, the ancient, extinct species who had, a thousand years ago, created the tech and made themselves into the first techno-mages. Elrics rune signified integrity.
The familiar symbol offered no reassurance, though. Elrics strength was broken. Their home was destroyed. So much had been lost. Nothing was the same as it had been. Nothing ever would be.
His anxiety was echoed by the ship, echoed again by his tech. His pounding heart quickened.
Again he forced his mind away, focusing instead on the steady stream of data communicated to him by his ship. It fed him information about hyperspace currents, surrounding conditions, thrust output, fuel consumption. It calculated and updated his position. As the ship did all these things, it felt as if he were doing them, as if a part of his mind were engaged in these tasks, just as a part of him might be engaged in walking while the rest of his mind concentrated on other things.
To direct the ship, he selected from a menu of options in his minds eye. The result was a ship that, while not alive in and of itself, was an extension of him, like an extra limb. The intimate connection allowed him to control the ship more quickly and with greater instinct than any traditional pilot.
Galen had long daydreamed about having his own ship, going on grand quests to restore the glory of the techno-mages, quests he had planned with Elizar. Now he had his ship. But he no longer dreamed of quests. He no longer believed the glory of the techno-mages could be restored. Not when they had decided to turn their backs on the universe.
But they certainly had fast, sophisticated ships in which to flee.
Galen realized that his ship had reached the end of its hyperspace course and was preparing to form a jump point for the drop into normal space. Elrics ship would follow.
He formed the jump point, an immense vortex of orange with a tiny heart of blackness at its very center. With a great rush of speed he was sucked into it. For an instant the ships readings went blank, and he lost all sense of direction or movement.
Then the calm blackness of normal space appeared around him. He looked anxiously toward the jump point behind him, now a swirling blue. From the eye of the vortex Elrics ship emerged.
They were on the outskirts of the Selic system. Here all the mages were gathering in preparation for their flight to the hiding place. The system and those surrounding it were unoccupied, unfriendly to life and of little commercial interest. The gathering place was on the fourth planet, where two hundred years ago a religious cult had built a retreat. Poor organization and corruption had left many of the loyal believers without food, and those who hadnt been able to flee on the few available ships had died after a brief descent into cannibalism.
Elric had commented that he hoped their use of the facility would be more successful.
Blaylock had discovered the unused facility some years ago, and had proposed it to the Circle as the perfect place for the mages to cloister themselves from outsiders and focus on realizing their destiny: forming a perfect union with the tech. Although the Circle had rejected his proposal then, they had realized Selic 4 was the perfect place for them to gather now in secrecy. The facility had required numerous repairs and upgrades to sustain them for even this short time, but under the direction of Blaylock, the work had quickly been completed.
As Galens ship moved past the massive fifth planet, he visualized the equation to create a message. He didnt want to disturb Elrics rest, but Elric would not appreciate Galen landing their ships while he remained asleep. And Galen would feel much better knowing Elrics condition. He composed the message. We are nearing Selic 4. Shall I continue to control both ships ? He sent it to Elric.
While he waited anxiously for an answer, he noticed an object approaching the fourth planet at right angles to their course. It was another mage ship. It displayed the rune for knowledge, Kells sign.
Memory flashed through him. He had last seen that symbol as Kell had flown away from Soom, leaving the mages after revealing all he had done. The shape burned into Galens mind, reaching down into buried layers. Alone with Elric for the past month, Galen had been able to forget much, to turn his back on the memories surrounding the last convocation, as he had turned his back on those of his parents years ago. But Kell had been the mover behind those recent events. He carried with him those memories, and as Galen looked at his ship, they closed around him with increasing pressure, threatening to bleed through.
Galen had thought he would never have to face Kell again. Kells knowledge could no doubt be useful to the mages, and for any help Kell might offer them, Galen would be grateful. But while part of his mind carried on these superficial, charitable thoughts, in another, deeper place, anger was seeping out from where he had buried it, anger at all Kell had done: the deceptions, the reckless manipulations. And when Kells plans had failed, he had simply walked away. Galens an
ger was echoed by the ship, echoed again by his tech, the echoes overlapping and quickening, reflecting back and forth, building like the tolling of a bell in a bell tower to overwhelming intensity.
Kell had known of the Shadows return. Kell had kept secret the Shadows. Kell had encouraged Elizar to go to the Shadows. He had helped to create a killer. Kell had sent them needlessly into danger. Kell had sent them to know what was already known. There had been no need. They could have stayed. Then everything would not have changed. Everything would not have been lost. But because of Kell, she was dead. Dead.
She.
Isabelle.
He had spent a month hiding from that name, and now it rang inside him. The techs agitating energy welled up in a rush of heat, energy driving through him, urging him toward action.
Isabelle. Isabelle.
He could not see her face, only the small clear tube of ash that had lain on his palm. In conjured fire her body had been reduced to dust. Dust to dust.
The rage swelled, reverberating through him. He had been holding it inside all this time, holding it so tightly he hadnt even known it was there. He had kept it in so long; could he not be allowed, finally, to act?
His body was trembling, fists clenched, heart racing. Fire burned along the meridians of his tech, the same fire that had consumed Isabelle, that had crippled Elric. But in his case the fire was a source of strength, a source of hate and destruction. Morden had told him, and Morden had been right. Galen was just like the Shadows. All he wanted was destruction.
He would take that hate and strike back against the pain, strike back at his enemy. Kells ship was well within range of his weapons. He brought them to bear.
He need only select fire from the menu of options. And Kell would be killed.
Then her face came to him, slack in death, as it had looked after Elizars spike had wound its way into her brain. Her head was tilted to one side. A partially healed cut ran down the right side of her forehead into her thin, upslanted brow. Her lips were slightly parted, her grey eyes blank and cold. Her skin carried an odd shininess, a sense of artifice. This was not her. This was an empty vessel. The light of her essence had gone.
And he had failed to save her.
The full weight of his grief at that moment fell upon him, and more than anything he wanted to lash out, to find some release from the pain. Yet he knew. She had died because he had upheld his vows. He had sworn to be worthy of the Circles trust. He had sworn to follow the Code. And he had done so, even when it had cost her life.
Now would he break that Code? Would he reveal that she had died for nothing?
No. No.
He took refuge in a mind-focusing exercise, blocking out the images of the ships sensors, closing down his thoughts, burying the memories, narrowing his attention to a blank screen in his mind. First he visualized just the letter A in glowing blue on the left side of the screen, fixing on it with ferocious intensity. The image echoed back to him. Then he visualized B appearing beside A , and he held the image of them both in his mind. Then it was ABC , all in his mind at once, each individual letter clear while the whole also remained clear. Retaining clarity required concentration, and became more difficult as the exercise progressed.
He added letter after letter in a neat row, keeping the images of them all in his mind at once. The orderly progression echoed back to him. Bit by bit, the energy calmed, decreased. Gradually his heart slowed; his trembling stopped. The heat dissipated from his body. The anger remained, and the constant undercurrent, yet he would not act on them.
He had almost slipped, as he had when hed attacked Elizar at the convocation. He had determined then never to let it happen again, and he had maintained control through much more difficult circumstances than this. Yet over the last weeks, in his desire to lose himself, to fade into transparency, he had relaxed his tight control. And today he had nearly attacked another mage.
Galen realized he had a message from Elric. He opened it quickly, worry echoing through him.
I have tried to contact Kell. There is no response. No life signs in the ship beyond those of the chrysalis .
He had been so blinded by anger, he had nearly attacked an empty ship.
Galen used his sensors, confirmed Elrics findings. Then where was Kell?
They had received reports of some mages being attacked, and of others who seemed to have disappeared, not arriving at the gathering place at their scheduled times. Whether they had encountered Shadows or Vorlons, decided to stay behind in defiance of the Circle, or died with the destruction of their places of power, no one knew. There was no time to investigate.
If Kell had been killed, his ship should not have been able to function without him. If Kell still lived, elsewhere, he could have associated with his ship and sent it on this course. Although he would remain connected to it, the connection would become tenuous as the ship moved away from him, so eventually he would be unable to alter its orders. A risky situation.
But why would Kell send his ship to the gathering place without coming himself?
Galen could think of only two reasons. First, Kell might be injured and unable to reach his ship, sending it instead to bring help. Second, Kell might have no intention of coming. He might have decided to betray them and send a weapon in his place. Galen couldnt believe that of Kell. No matter what else he had done, Kell had meant the mages no harm. Nevertheless, Galen scanned the ship for explosives, found nothing.
The ship was drawing close to the planet, as were they.
Another message arrived from Elric. The ship is preparing to land. The Circle has agreed to allow it to do so. We are to follow and observe it for signs of danger. You may release my ship now .
Galen resisted the temptation to ask Elric how he was. He was ashamed that he had nearly failed Elric again, with another loss of control, especially after Elric had made so great a sacrifice.
I will follow , Galen wrote. He released Elrics ship, and Elric took the lead, his movements clean, assured.
Kells ship revealed no unusual activity, so Galen examined the planet, trying to retain his focus, his fragile calm. Selic 4 was a world of ice and stone, whites and browns. It had a thin atmosphere, unbreathable by Humans. As Galen descended toward the surface, details of the towering mountains and vast ice fields seemed unnaturally vivid.
On a massive sheet of ice between two great mountain ranges sat the religious retreat, a plain grey rectangular structure. Galen knew it must be surrounded by mage ships, but they were not visible. Maskelyne was in charge of camouflaging their presence here. She must be generating an illusion to hide the ships, while allowing the facility to remain visible, so that nothing would appear changed. She had volunteered to make Selic 4 her place of power, even though they would stay only temporarily and she would soon enough have to destroy it. Establishing Selic 4 as her place would enhance her ability to create large-scale illusions.
As Galen came close he could pick out the boundaries of the illusion, which ran in a semicircle around the facility, covering several square miles. The crudeness of the illusion was apparent, the artificial simulation of ice too shiny, angular, and uniform. It was impossible to create such a vast illusion and retain realistic quality. Yet from a distance, the illusion would be convincing to both observers and instruments.
Kells ship set down about a mile from the facility. Elric landed a short distance away, and Galen directed his ship down beside Elrics.
To leave the ship, Elric would probably conjure a containment shield around his body that would hold within it enough of the heat and oxygen from his ship so that he could walk a short distance outside. Assuming he was not too weakened.
But Galen had never been skilled with shields of any kind. He would need a breather and something warm to wear.
He had only a lightweight coat, long and black. The temperature seldom fell to freezing on the mak. He dug the coat out of his valise, slipped the breather over his face, and hurried into the air lock. As he descended the
ramp, he had to shade his eyes. The sun was too bright, the landscape too clear. No comforting mist enfolded the land; no buildings obscured the landscape. He could see miles across the barren ice sheet to the ragged mountains.
As soon as he was clear of the ship, he visualized the equation to dissociate. Twin echoes from the tech and the chrysalis confirmed the conjury, then his connection to the ship broke; the second echo faded into silence.
Yet the undercurrent of energy from the implants remained with him, and it felt stronger than ever. It was restless and endless, quick to respond. And there was no dissociating from it. He was determined to remain in control, no matter what happened.
He jammed his cold hands into his pockets and tramped across the crunchy ice pack. Elric stood already before the empty ship. The ramp was lowered.
This is not Kells ship, Elric said. It has been disguised. His voice had regained its strength, and he manipulated it with his old skill, extending certain sounds, pausing at specific places, and modulating his intonation to almost hypnotic effect. In the bright sun, though, Elrics face looked worn. Perhaps it was the blue tinge of the shield covering his body that gave his skin a pale cast. With his scoured scalp and high-collared black robe, he still appeared stern and severe, yet now Galen sensed a weariness in the thin line of his lips, an effort in the frown lines between his brows.
Whose is it, then?
We will know soon enough.
They walked up the ramp, Galen matching Elrics slow steps. As they reached the air lock, the outer door opened for them.
Only one of us need go, Elric said.
But which one? Galen replied. He knew Elric would prefer him to wait away from the ship, and danger. As one of the Circle, Elric could order him to remain behind. But Elric had not given him an order since Galen had ceased being his student and had been initiated as a mage. Galen didnt think he would do so now. And Galen didnt want Elric to enter alone.
Babylon 5 17 - Techno-Mages 02 - Summoning Light (Cavelos, Jeanne) Page 5