by Rebel Hart
“Hey, Chris...I was thinking…You don’t have to keep going along with all of my demands. I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this. Sometimes I get so stubborn and caught up in how I want things to be, I take it too far. I love Palmers and want the store to do well. I’ll write a good feature for you.”
There it was. The thing I thought I wanted. To be off the hook. So why did I suddenly not want it so much?
“I told you before. You have nothing to be sorry about. Besides, I’m kind of looking forward to seeing how the Malones celebrate Christmas with the extended family. Your sisters and parents are a hoot. I can only imagine what all of your crazy aunts, uncles and cousins must be like.”
Her eyes grew wide. “What?”
“You invited me last night. The Malone family Christmas feast. You don’t remember?”
She buried her face in her hands, cringing. “Oh god. Sorry. No, I forgot I mentioned it.”
I paused for a moment as a weird silence fell over the room. “Unless...you changed your mind. I don’t have to…”
“No, no. It’s okay. Of course you can come. You deserve a home cooked family meal for the holidays, considering how your own family is. And I owe it to you after putting you through all of this.”
I buttoned up my shirt and crossed the room. “As I’ve said over and over again, you don’t have to be sorry and you don’t owe me anything. Last night was more than enough,” I winked before leaning down to kiss the adorable tip of her nose. “I’ll see you tonight?”
“Yeah. See you tonight,” she smiled.
I was playing it cool, but the panic set in the moment I walked out her door. I didn’t have time for a relationship, or the energy or desire for one. Not that Hazel seemed to be in any rush to find one for herself. But with this piece hanging over both of our heads, it complicated things. One wrong move and lord knows what kind of angry seething vengeful thing she might fire off about me and the company. I couldn’t very well lie or play along with anything just because of that though.
But that wasn’t what landed us in bed...or rather her living room floor the night before. I wasn’t trying to do anything...except indulge in something I suddenly couldn’t resist. I tried to keep reminding myself...All I had to do was keep my head on straight and get through our one last commitment to each other. After the dinner that night, we could go our separate ways. We could laugh the whole thing off. That was what we both wanted, right?
I went to work for a while then went home to shower and get ready to pick her up. When she appeared out front by my car and driver, I was taken back once again. Whether she was done up in a formal gown, had just woken up, or was all cozy in a knitted sweater...she looked great and my body was finding it harder than ever not to respond.
“You ready?” I asked as she climbed in.
“I’m ready. The real question is...are you ready? These dinners can be a whirlwind.”
“Well, you saw the gala. Surely if I can handle that, I can handle a small family dinner.”
She laughed. “Oh, just wait.”
I knew what she meant within ten minutes of being at her parents’ place. Every room was filled with members of her family, half of them closely resembling her or her parents. It was kind of fun to search from traces of Hazel’s features in their faces each time I met another one. But they were a chatty bunch, to put it lightly. And not dull small talk like I was used to at the gala. When they talked to you, they really told you things. And when they asked questions, they really listened to your answers. Like they really wanted to get to know you. They weren’t just passing the minutes until someone more interesting with better connections came along.
After what seemed like an hour of talking and getting to know everyone, we gathered around her mother’s large dining room table and said a prayer before digging in. I couldn’t remember the last time my family and I actually sat down and shared a meal together, aside from my father’s business dinners which I had been accompanying him on for years.
The room was so full of love and laughter, and the food was just as good as what any five star gourmet chef could prepare - if not better. It was warm and intimate. I could have easily fooled myself into thinking I was one of them with the way they took me in like I was a part of the family instantly.
It all went by in a rapid whirlwind, just as Hazel said it would. Before I knew it, we were telling everyone goodnight and walking back out to my car. I was full of food and ready to sleep, but being alone with Hazel again made me feel like I still had some energy left in me.
“I can see why you love the holidays so much,” I told her on the drive.
She smiled wide. “That makes me happy, I suppose. I just wish you had your own reasons for loving them.”
“Maybe after this year, I will.”
“Hey, you’re always welcome to join in on the Malone holiday fun. I mean, we’re friends right?”
I felt her staring into me from the passenger seat. She was testing me, trying to figure out what was going on between us. The problem was I didn’t know anymore than she did.
“Friends,” I nodded. “Friends who should go back to my place for tonight.”
“Oh? And just what do you intend on doing with me there, Mr. Palmer?” Her brow raised.
“Getting you all liquored up like you did to me last night,” I grinned. “Consider it revenge.”
“Do your worst.”
After parking the car, I met her on the passenger side and offered my hand to help her out. The moment her feet touched the ground, I swooped her against me and kissed her again. This time - softer, deeper, more intentional. I didn’t know what we were doing, but maybe there was an answer somewhere between her lips...or better yet, her thighs.
We were all smiles on the elevator ride up, doing our best to keep our hands off each other. Once inside my penthouse, I served up two glasses of whiskey.
“Your liquor, or I guess I should say poison. As promised.”
“Why thank you.” She cupped the glass in her hands and took a slow sip with a smile on her face before turning back to me. “You know, you’re nothing like what I thought you were when we first met.”
“Neither are you.”
“And just what did you think about me?” she asked, leaning her cheek against her hand as we settled deeper next to each other on the couch cushions.
“That’s a trap.”
“Fine. I’ll tell you exactly what I thought about you,” she said. “I thought you were cocky, arrogant, and rude.”
“I don’t think you made any secret of that.”
“And you thought I was...what? Uptight? Controlling?”
I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. “I told you I’m not falling for it. Although I guess there is one thing I thought about you that I can share.”
“Uh-huh. Go on…”
“I thought you were…,” I paused for a moment and looked deeper into her eyes. “One of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.”
Her expression grew tight and serious as she sat up straight. “No you didn’t,” she whispered.
“Hazel, are you blind? I think most guys think that when they see you.”
“Well then...if we’re being honest...I could say I thought the same thing about you.”
“You thought I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen?” I teased.
She playfully smacked my arm. “Oh hush! You’re insufferable! You know what I meant.”
Our laughter faded again as I leaned in closer to her, brushing her cheek. “I know exactly what you meant. Now drink up. I’m on a mission to get you drunk.”
“I don’t have to be drunk to sleep with you, you know,” she rolled her eyes.
“You don’t?”
She stared at me for a moment, thinking it over. I could see the same panic I had been feeling creeping back up inside of her, spreading across her face.
“Okay, maybe I do,” she laughed nervously, throwing back more of her drink. “But not becau
se...you know...I don’t want to or anything like that. Ugh, okay. I’m going to stop talking.”
“I like it when you’re all nervous and chatty like this,” I noted, taking in more of my drink as well.
We kept drinking and talking, just like we had done so effortlessly the night before. And after a while, our clothes came off just as easily. Everything with her felt so simple and fun. I didn’t have to put on any kind of airs or be perfect. I could just be myself, and the more she loosened up around me in return...the more I liked her.
I didn’t know where the hell this was going, but for the moment - I was really glad it was happening, whatever it was.
15
Hazel
I was quickly learning that the only thing that could somehow make the holidays even more grand and magical was to fall for someone in the middle of it all. I was on cloud nine over everything with Chris as I strolled to work, swearing to myself that all the lights on the streets and buildings seemed to twinkle a little brighter. The decorations looked even shinier. Everything had been dusted in a whole new fresh coat of exuberance that I didn’t even think was possible.
I pranced down the sidewalks, taking extra time to soak in each sight and scent, while waving and smiling at almost everyone I saw. Maybe I looked like a madwoman to some people, but it all felt too good to care.
Walking past a small gift boutique, something in the window caught my eye. I stopped and marveled at the small Christmas tree ornament dangling in front of me and thought about the first time we kissed at the Christmas tree farm. Maybe it had just been an accident, but that one moment led to everything else that was happening between us.
I marched into the store and emerged a few minutes later with the tree ornament wrapped with care in tissue paper and tucked away in a small box, gift wrapped to perfection with a ribbon and all. The perfect Christmas gift for Chris.
With the present in hand, I finally made it into the NonPareil headquarters and settled in behind my desk. I was still smiling as I slipped out of my scarf and coat, flopping them over the back of my chair. I was bright eyed and ready to work, feeling like nothing could possibly put a damper on the day. And when it was all over, Chris and I would have dinner together.
We had avoided “the talk” about what we were or what was happening between us. Putting words to it felt like it’d kill the buzz, I thought. What I did know for certain is that we were spending most nights together, ravaging each other in bed. And when we weren’t doing that, we were wrapped up in each other’s arms doing other normal things...like eating, talking, watching TV...Even the most ordinary things felt a little more special with him around. Just like Christmas, but in human form.
It all felt so natural and easy. And it felt like if we just kept sinking deeper into it, and we didn’t say anything, maybe it could go on forever.
After diving into my emails, Veronica and Joel came knocking on my door. They didn’t wait for much of a response before showing themselves in with huge smiles on their faces.
“Oh, I see you two are in a good mood,” I grinned curiously. “What brings you by?”
“We have great news,” Joel replied.
I shut my laptop and turned my full attention to them. “Do tell.”
“You’re free,” he shrugged, laughing a little. “You don’t have to worry about this Palmer guy or the article anymore.”
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”
“Haven’t you seen it?” Veronica asked, pulling out her phone to hand over to me. “Look. Apparently when they announced that this would be the last year of the display, it sparked a whole outrage about the chain. People are calling out their declining sales and saying they’ve been out of touch for years. Everyone’s claiming the whole company is sinking fast, and of course everyone wants to blame Chris.”
“Not just blame him,” Joel added. “He has quite the reputation for being too abrasive and moody. With his father’s charm out of the picture, no one wants to put up with them anymore.”
“But he’s not really like that,” I defended. “This is just a stressful time and…”
“Hazel, don’t you get it?” He cut me off. “You’re off the hook! We can publish your original article! You were ahead of things by even writing it in the first place, and now it’s all anyone is talking about. I owe you an apology. We should have published it weeks ago when you first wrote it.”
“But you said they paid us for a good feature.”
“I did, but now this is trending! We don’t need their money. If we claim our spot on the anti-Palmer bandwagon now, we’ll drive enough traffic to the site to more than make up for our deal with them.”
Except, of course, there was one big problem with all of this. I was no longer on the anti-Palmer bandwagon. Now I was very much pro-Palmer.
“No, I’m sorry. Joel. There’s no way I can publish that piece now,” I explained, vigorously shaking my head in a mild panic. “I was wrong about Chris, and I really think if people would just give him a little time to settle into his new role, he’ll be able to turn everything around.”
He let out an incredulous laugh. “We can’t publish a positive piece about them now, Hazel. Do you have any idea what that would look like? Now we have all the other publications bashing the Palmers and their commercialism and their floundering sales. Your original take on Chris and his family’s stores was spot on! It’s on trend and it’s exactly what we need to be putting out right now.”
I nodded in understanding, taking a moment to steady my breathing. I slowly stood from behind my desk and tried to spell it all out calmly. “I’m sure this is frustrating for you. In the beginning, I know I argued that lying for the sake of money was not something I was willing to do. And sure, maybe it seemed like having the go ahead on the original article would fix that, but…”
“But what?” he groaned.
“But...the tables have turned. Chris has changed...or, I don’t know, maybe I just didn’t see who he really was at first. I just know that publishing the negative review now would be no different than how I felt in the beginning. It’d be a lie. Because I know Chris isn’t all about the commercial side of things at all.”
“Changed!?” he gaped. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Hazel, I don’t care what’s going on with you and this guy or why you keep flip-flopping. But unless you want to end up with a business that’s floundering as hard as his, you have to snap out of it and publish this damn piece! Everyone already knows we had a behind the scenes article on them in the works, and now they’re all dying to see it! And what you wrote is perfect!”
I stood quietly, unable to look at Joel when he was all riled up like this. Veronica had grown quiet too, maybe noticing the piece of the puzzle that Joel couldn’t pick up on.
“Unbelievable,” he fumed at my silence before storming out of the room.
“Someone should really tell that guy that people shouldn’t talk to their bosses that way. He does remember I’m the boss, right?”
Veronica flashed a soft smile. “He’s just trying to do the job you hired him to do...but maybe going about it in the wrong way.” She came over and leaned on the edge of my desk, placing a hand on mine. “Hey, you okay?”
“Yes,” I exhaled. “Well, no. I don’t know. I feel like I’m being a terrible pain in the ass, but I don’t know what to do. Maybe it was wrong for me to have ever written that article in the first place.”
“Is something going on with you and Chris?” she asked cautiously.
I couldn’t bring myself to answer, but the look in my eyes told her everything she needed to know. She gave me a knowing smile and said, “Look at it this way. Whatever happens to those department stores and that company, Chris and his family are wealthy people. They’re going to walk away from it all just fine as far as their personal finances go. But you...You have this amazingly successful blog that you’ve worked so hard for. And if it goes down, you’re going down with it. Surely a guy like tha
t can handle the blow so you don’t have to martyr your whole business over his bad reputation?”
Part of me knew she was right. But publishing that piece now? After everything? There would be no going home to Chris and romantic dinners and his kisses and...everything else he had to offer if I went ahead with this. And beyond what he thought, I could never forgive myself.
“Something to think about,” she offered, squeezing my hand one last time. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll keep Joel at bay for as long as I can.”
“Thanks, Veronica,” I smiled as she left, feeling completely torn inside.
I tried to tend to other work matters, but there was a creeping sick ache in my stomach that kept getting worse by the minute. Everything felt gross all of a sudden.
When I finally accepted that I couldn’t focus on anything else, I started reading through the trending articles about the Palmers. Many of them were far worse than anything I had written, and most of them weren’t based on anything more than rumors and financial stats. How could they be so brutal towards someone they didn’t even know? I guessed I had been prepared to do the same thing...but I knew how wrong that was now.
I read until my eyes hurt and shut my laptop, trying to pull my spiraling thoughts together. At least it was still Christmas, which was somewhat soothing to the twisting knots building inside of me. No matter what happened with me, Chris, or this stupid article...There would still be holiday ham and presents and time with family by the fire with hot cocoa and Christmas music and…
Was I crazy? Or was all of that starting to lose its sheen too? I had started imagining that Chris would be around for all of those things...but whatever I decided to do with this article could change that.
I finally gave up on getting anything done at the office and gathered up my things. The sight of the wrapped ornament in my bag almost made me want to cry. I couldn’t drag his name through the mud like everyone else now. I just couldn’t. Could I? Maybe Veronica was right. Maybe I had to look out for myself first, but nothing felt less in the Christmas spirit than that.