A huge black wolf padded over and Cullen heaved a sigh. He’d hoped to have a little more time to think things through, decide on the exact words he wanted to use, but Adam’s arrival dashed that hope.
Adam whined and flopped down next to him, snuggling against his side, nudging Cullen’s muzzle fretfully with his nose.
Cullen could practically feel the concern rolling off his lover. He pushed down his irritation with Adam and licked Adam’s muzzle. It wasn’t Adam’s fault Cullen hadn’t told him what his problem was.
They lay quietly on the soft spring grass, watching the birds scratch at the dirt and listening to the water burble away in the stream. Cullen savored the warm body at his side, knowing this might be the last time he ever felt it. If he could freeze this moment and stay this peaceful forever, he would do it in a heartbeat.
But, of course, stopping time wasn’t possible and eventually the sun began to set. Adam nudged him again, and he reluctantly heaved himself to his feet. It was too cold to go traipsing about in the nude, so they stayed in wolf form until they made it home.
Adam shifted, opening the door and standing back to let Cullen go in first. Cullen shifted back to human form and turned to face his concerned lover.
“Cull?”
The vulnerability in Adam’s voice shredded his heart, and Cullen couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and brushing his lips against Adam’s. “We need to talk, Adam.”
“No,” Adam pleaded. “No. No. No.” Each word was punctuated with a desperate kiss.
Cullen never was able to resist Adam and he arched his neck so the other man could string a line of moist, open mouthed kisses down to his chest.
Hands gripped roughly, they fought for dominance. Adam shoved Cullen into the wall with a crash, pushing against his shoulders.
No way. Cullen pushed back hard, forcing Adam to stumble, mashed his mouth to his and herded Adam toward the bedroom. He knew he couldn’t win this battle. Adam was far too strong to even have a chance at winning. But if he was going to be taken, it was going to be on the bed. There was no way he was going to sport carpet burn on his knees for the next two days.
Once he’d wrestled Adam into the bedroom, he stopped fighting so hard. He didn’t mind being dominated so much. He just wanted his lover to work for it.
Adam pushed him onto the bed with enough force he bounced on the mattress. He loomed over Cullen, one corner of his mouth drawn up in a silent growl. “On your knees, Cull,” he snarled.
“Use lube,” was all he had to say, rooting around in the nightstand for the tube they kept there. He knew Adam would never hurt him, but he did get carried away on occasion.
Adam growled wordlessly and grabbed the lube from him.
What felt like the entire contents of the tube was dumped between his cheeks, and he shivered. “Cold.”
“You won’t be cold for long.” Adam grabbed his hair and yanked until Cullen was forced to bare his neck submissively. He used the fingers on his free hand to quickly stretch him out.
Cullen panted through the burn, concentrating on relaxing his muscles and pushing back onto those digits. He knew from experience the burning sensation would fade into a pleasure so intense he would be screaming and beg for release before they were done.
Adam’s fingers pegged his gland, and Cullen’s eyes rolled back. There was that pleasure he’d been waiting for. “Now,” he practically sobbed. He wasn’t sure if he was nearly weeping because of the pleasure or because of what they needed to discuss.
The latex-covered dick nudged his pucker and this time, tears really did start flowing. The condom just brought home the fact he and Adam weren’t mated. Their scents would never mingle to create a new one. Sure, other wolves would smell him on Adam’s clothes but without a mating-bite scar or their own unique scent, there was nothing to speak of their commitment to each other.
His body didn’t care, though. All it knew was the unspeakable pleasure Adam was giving it. His balls drew tight, and when Adam’s fist wrapped around his cock, Cullen howled and shot. Long, creamy ropes painted the dark blue comforter.
Adam grunted and froze for a single second. His grip on Cullen’s hair hadn’t loosened at all, and he tugged harder, forcing Cullen to expose his neck more than usual.
Cullen relaxed, knowing Adam’s wolf was close to the surface. The wolf wouldn’t hurt him, but Adam hated to lose control.
Sharp teeth grazed the sides of his neck and Cullen froze. God, could this really be it? Could Adam really be ready to finally claim his as his mate?
The growl that ripped from Adam’s throat told him just how close to the surface the wolf really was, and Cullen’s misery returned, the pain as sharp as a knife to the gut. Cullen knew the wolf considered him their mate. It was the human part of Adam that wanted no part in a formally committed relationship.
But allowing Adam’s wolf to take control and seal their fate by delivering the mating bite when Cullen could do something about it wasn’t fair to Adam.
“Adam. Adam.”
Adam pulled away with a gasp and collapsed on the mattress next to Cullen, panting and sweating.
And with that, all hope Cullen had for the future died.
Chapter 4
Adam watched his lover sleep, pushing a lock of chestnut brown hair off of Cullen’s forehead.
Those dreaded words, we need to talk, had stolen his breath and thrown him into a panic he’d never experienced before. Whatever Cullen wanted to talk about, it wasn’t good.
He’d taken Cullen three more times, until the man had passed out from exhaustion. But even in his sleep, unhappiness was etched all over Cullen’s face.
Cullen stirred, and his eyelids fluttered.
Damn. Adam had hoped for more time. He took a deep breath and watched Cullen drag himself out of sleep. He couldn’t help but smile. Cullen loved to sleep, and waking up was always a battle. But, God, he was adorable when he first woke up, all affectionate and warm and hard … and usually horny.
True to form, Cullen nuzzled close and pressed his morning wood against Adam’s hip. Soft kisses were dropped on Adam’s collarbone, and he reveled in the feeling until Cullen stiffened and pulled away. His face was a study in abject misery.
“Cullen, baby. Tell me what’s wrong? Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. If someone is making you feel this bad, I’ll rip their throat out. I promise.”
He meant every single word, too.
Cullen studied him and shook his head. “We need to talk, but I don’t want to do this here, in our bed.”
Adam swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “Okay. Just let me get dressed.” Somehow, this didn’t seem like a time for naked skin.
Cullen didn’t answer, just rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of sweats that had been sitting neatly on the top of his dresser. He walked out of the room without a backward glance.
Adam took a second to hit the head and stared at his reflection in the mirror as he washed his hands. Something big was about to happen, and he wasn’t sure he was ready.
The scent of coffee drifted up the stairs. Crap, this was worse than he thought. Cullen never drank coffee. In fact, the only time Cullen ever made coffee was when he was upset and wanted something warm to hang on to. Adam asked him about that particular habit back when they first started seeing each other. The answer Cullen had given him melted his heart. “I usually make hot chocolate when I’m upset. You don’t drink hot chocolate, so I thought I’d make coffee instead.”
No one had ever put him first. Ever. And it had scared the shit out of him then.
It scared the shit out of him now.
Taking a deep breath he left the bathroom and went downstairs, feeling like he was about to meet his executioner.
Cullen was standing at the huge picture window in the living room. He wasn’t cradling the coffee like Adam expected. There was a mug steaming on the coffee table, but Adam could tell from the scent that Cullen had poured it for him, since it held no hint o
f cream or sugar.
Instead, Cullen was staring out at the forest, his arms wrapped around his middle as if he was trying to hold himself together.
This was so not good.
“Babe? You wanted to talk?” Damn, if his voice got any more hesitant, he wouldn’t be talking at all.
Cullen nodded, the movement jerky, and the scent of tears flooded Adam’s nose.
He was at Cullen’s side in a flash, wrapping his arms around Cullen’s middle and tugging his lover against him. Cullen didn’t unwind his arms from around his waist but he did lean his forehead against Adam’s shoulder, his tears dripping down Adam’s bare chest.
Adam let him cry, totally at a loss. Cullen had never cried in front of him before, and the silent tears broke his heart. “Cull, you need to tell me what’s wrong, babe. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what I’m trying to fix.”
For the first time since they’d started seeing each other, Cullen was the first one to pull away. Adam shivered as emptiness invaded his soul.
Cullen swallowed once, and then twice before clearing his throat, clearly trying to get himself back under control. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Pure terror tugged at Adam, and he locked his knees so he didn’t collapse on the floor. “Do what?”
Cullen finally unwrapped his arms from around his middle and waved his hands around vaguely. “This. I want it all with you, Adam. I want to be yours. Completely, totally, unequivocally yours. I want to wear your mark and your scent. And I want you to be mine. That you don’t want to mate me is killing me.”
Adam’s stomach dropped, and ice began creeping through his veins. “So, I’m not enough for you?”
Cullen snarled and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. Adam had never seen him like this. “You will always be enough for me, Adam. That’s why I want to have that mate bond with you, you bastard.” The anger suddenly drained out of Cullen, and his grip turned from painful to caressing. “Sorry, Adam. I just … it hurts to know that you don’t love me as much as I love you.”
Oh God, and Adam thought his heart had broken a few minutes ago. That pain had nothing on this one. It was like his heart had shattered into a million pieces and someone was grinding those shards into dust. “Cullen, I do love you. Baby, we don’t need to get mated to love each other.”
Cullen stepped back, putting even more distance between them. “But getting mated is a commitment that every other wolf recognizes.”
Adam watched with confusion as Cullen pushed his pants down. Why the fuck was he getting naked now?
“Look, Adam. I get it. I do. Your parents fucked each other up. I know that you won’t mate be because you want an out if things between us go south. Thing is, we’re not your parents. I have spent the last six years trying to prove that to you. But I can’t keep living with the fact that you can just walk out on me without a word. I can’t.”
Cullen’s words hollowed out the already gaping hole in Adam’s chest. Cullen was right, of course. He’d always known Adam better than anyone else. “Cull. What are you saying?”
Cullen had been in the process of walking away, heading toward the door. Naked. He paused but didn’t turn around. “I don’t want to pressure you, Adam. But if you don’t have any intentions of even considering mating with me, then… I talked to Declan. He said that if it comes down to it, he’ll put my name in for a transfer to a different pack. Also, he decided to split us up for patrol. I’m going out now. I think he has you down for tonight. You’ll have to talk to him about your patrol shifts once you go back to the firehouse.”
He didn’t wait for Adam to reply before he shifted and bounded out the doggy door Declan had installed in all the pack houses.
What the fuck was he supposed to do now?
Chapter 5
Adam banged his way through the door of the Alpha house. “Declan.”
Quinn poked his head out of the front room and smiled at him. “Hey, Adam. Declan’s not here right now.”
Narrowing his eyes at Adam, Quinn pointed the way to the kitchen. “You look like someone died. Need a drink?”
Adam followed Quinn into the kitchen and sat at the table, more for lack of anything better to do than to actually have a heart to heart with the Alpha’s mate.
Quinn cracked open the fridge and came back out with a bottle of beer.
Adam’s lips curled up in a small smile despite the fact he felt like he was dying inside. “It’s only ten in the morning, Quinn. A little early to be drinking, don’t you think?”
“It’s noon somewhere,” Quinn said with a shrug. “Besides, you look like you could really use this.”
Well, he couldn’t argue with that. If there was any time for a beer, it was now. He took a swig and eyed the Alpha’s mate carefully. The man had an annoying habit of ferreting out exactly what was wrong, no matter who he was talking to. It was probably why he was so good with the pups. In fact, he ran a daycare out of the basement, and the kids adored him. Which, now that he thought about it… “Where are all the kids?”
Quinn smirked at him and shook his head. “Dude, you are really out of it. It’s Saturday. The kids are at home.”
They sat quietly, Adam nursing his beer, and Quinn sipping from his glass of juice. Unable to stand the silence anymore, Adam began to blurt out everything. When he was done, he slumped in his chair, exhausted beyond belief.
A glass of juice appeared in front of him, and Adam blinked. He had been so wrapped up in his despair he hadn’t heard Quinn move.
He waited for the other man to say something but Quinn remained silent. “Well?” he finally said.
Quinn gave him a sad smile. “Let me ask you this. What is the worst thing that can happen if you mate with Cullen?”
That was easy. “We have no way out if things go badly. We would end up hating each other. And I can’t have Cullen hate me.”
Quinn nodded and then sat forward. “And what’s the worst thing that can happen if you don’t mate with him?”
Horror crawled through him when he realized that he was already teetering on the very edge of the worst that could happen. “I’ll lose him,” he whispered.
Reaching across the table, Quinn patted his hand. “It’s okay to be afraid, Adam. Lord knows I was afraid when I got mated to Declan. But I’ve never regretted it.”
Adam thought back to when Quinn had first come to the pack, abused and looking like a survivor of a refugee camp. Mating with Declan had been life-changing for Quinn, and not just because he’d finally had enough to eat. The man had been scared out of his mind the night he’d stood in front of the pack and let Declan mate with him. The scent of rank fear saturated the air so thoroughly, it had been hard to smell the pine on the crisp fall air. But somehow, he’d found the courage to mate Declan so the man could take over as Alpha.
By comparison, Adam should have nothing to worry about. He’d been living with Cullen for more than six years and things had been great. Sure, they’d fought. They were two dominant wolves—things were bound to get heated sometimes. But they’d always been able to work things out with a minimum of damage. Usually any damage could be attributed to the make-up sex.
He sat at the table, thinking everything through while Quinn puttered away in the kitchen. While the thought of being tied to someone for the rest of his life with no way out scared the hell out of him, living without Cullen was unacceptable. He might as well cease to exist if Cullen wasn’t in his life.
“Hey, Quinn? Do you think Cullen wants a public mating or do you think he would be okay with a private one?”
Quinn pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. “I guess that depends. Why do you want a private mating? Because if the answer is that the fewer number of people who know, the better—I’d tell you to take a flying leap off a short pier.”
Adam grinned. Quinn certainly had a way with words. “Oh, when I mate with Cullen, I want every pack member to know that he’s off the market, as soon as possible. But I was thinking that a private
, romantic mating may be more meaningful than a pack-wide one.”
Quinn’s expression softened. “I think Cullen will love it. Does that mean I can go shopping for a mating gift?”
Now the fear racing through Adam was because Cullen could actually say no. That he’d finally had enough of Adam’s shit and decided he wasn’t worth the effort. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
“When?”
God, Quinn was a nosy little thing, but Adam felt no irritation. Not when he’d managed to get Adam to extract his head from his ass. “When I’m wearing Cullen’s mating bite and our scent.”
A huge grin spread over Quinn’s face. “Good deal, man.”
Adam stood up and stretched. Now all he needed was a plan.
Chapter 6
Cullen shifted to human form and walked back to his house. He’d spent the afternoon patrolling the grounds with Declan.
Adam had left a change of clothes for him on the front step, and Cullen pulled them on as he stared at the front door and gathered his courage. He’d never been afraid to enter his home before but the idea of Adam not waiting for him was terrifying.
What the fuck had he been thinking, giving Adam an ultimatum? Of course the man was afraid of mating. He’d been royally fucked over by his parents. He understood Adam’s reluctance to bind himself to another. He really did. But was it really so horrible for him to want that bond? Didn’t he deserve to know they had something permanent?
Gathering his courage, Cullen walked up the steps of the front porch and opened his door.
Relief flowed through him when he spotted Adam walking toward him. “Adam,” he blurted out.
Before he could say anything else, Adam crossed over to him and kissed him gently. “Would you take a walk with me?”
Cullen took Adam’s proffered hand and followed him back outside.
They walked together silently, Adam rubbing his thumb over Cullen’s knuckles with every step. Hope began to blossom in Cullen’s heart. Adam wouldn’t be this attentive if he was going to walk away, would he?
Beneath a Spring Moon (Those Sexy Shifters, Book 1) Page 6