Angel noticed that, too.
“What’s wrong, doc?” When I glanced up, she frowned. “Did you hurt yourself?” She reached for my abdomen and I flinched, pulling away. “What happened? Is that from sparring?”
I saw Black in the spaces behind my eyes again, his gold eyes visible in the dark.
Doc? Panic wove into confusion, a kind of terror as he slowly woke himself up. Gaos... Miriam! Are you all right? Gaos... answer me, doc! Answer me! Gaos... jukelia d’regulem... what have I done?
Sighing, I combed my fingers through my hair, shaking it off.
“It’s fine, Ang. Really. Just an accident.”
Angel frowned, her eyes openly skeptical. “What kind of accident?”
I grunted. “The usual kind, around here.”
I hadn’t hurt myself sparring.
Black had nightmares. Those dreams still woke him, and me, by extension, at least a few times a week. The night before, he’d punched me in the stomach while I’d been trying to wake him up. He hadn’t been awake. He hadn’t known what he was doing.
It didn’t seem to matter how many times I told him I understood.
Gaos, Miri... di'lanlente a' guete. I’ll handcuff myself to the fucking bed. Gaos... I’m so sorry, Miri... I’m so sorry, honey...
He’d been crying. That had been harder to take than anything.
Forcing it out of my mind a second time, I shook my head, looking at Nick, then Angel.
“Where was Black this morning?” I said. “Do either of you know?”
Nick frowned, looking at Angel. “He went running, right? With Cowboy?”
I shook my head. “I don’t mean his cover story. I mean where was he really.” At their blank stares, I firmed my lips. “I ran into Cowboy in the gym downstairs, about twenty minutes after Black left and a good two hours before he got back. I wasn’t spying on Black,” I added, feeling defensive for some reason. “I was looking for him. I couldn’t sleep, so I went down there... sometimes Black works out with swords in the middle of the night, when no one else is down there. I went down to see if he wanted any company.”
Nick frowned. “He practices sword fighting in the middle of the night?”
I clenched my jaw a little, shrugging. “You really don’t know where he was this morning?”
Again, Nick looked from Angel to me and back again. “I honestly don’t know, doc. Did you ask him, when he got back?”
I grunted, toying with the oyster shell on the plate in front of me. “You say that as if asking Black anything directly ever does any good. He gives the same vague, non-answer answers every time he disappears and I ask him where the fuck he was,” I muttered.
“He disappears a lot?” Nick said, his eyebrows lifting. “Like how often?”
I gave Nick a dark look. “Often enough.”
“But you did ask him, doc?” Angel pressed. “About this morning?”
I nodded, firming my mouth. “Of course.”
I remembered that conversation, too.
I get that you can’t tell me everything... I’d been standing by the open door of the walk-in closet of our shared suite, watching as he buttoned up a white dress shirt. I get that. I really do. But you’re not even bothering to lie to me convincingly anymore. What is going on?
He’d frowned, clicking softly as he averted his gaze.
Black––
I don’t want you to know everything I’m doing, Miri. Staring at me with those gold eyes, he’d snapped on his military watch, his thoughts openly warning. There are things I don’t want you to know. All right?
I’d frowned right back at him, watching as he slid a black leather belt through the loops of his pants. So I’m just benched now. Is that it? I’d forced my thoughts neutral, but I had no doubt Black heard the anger there. Just one more possession of yours... one more thing you need to hire other people to guard. Have I got that right?
He’d turned, staring at me, his expression morphing to an angry incredulity.
“A possession?” he’d said aloud. “A fucking possession, Miri? Are you serious?”
In the end, he’d finally told me the truth.
Well, enough of it, at least.
“Fine,” he’d snapped. “You want honesty? Here it is. You might be better than good at keeping me out of your light when you want to, but your shielding sucks operationally. I had several of your uncle’s people test you that night we were in Queens. I gave them three targets to find on you...” At my outraged sound, he’d held up a hand. “Non-personal things, okay? Their only goal was to get in. They managed it easily. You also don’t keep your consciousness split... you had no idea they were even tagging you. And you totally missed a threat I had Arden place in one of the onlookers’ minds to see if you’d catch it.”
“Black, what does any of that have to do with––”
“Charles’ intelligence suggests they have at least one seer working for them, Miri,” Black growled, cutting me off. “I can’t risk you knowing some things, all right? I can’t risk having you in the field with me when I don’t know who or what might be there.”
“So you tell a human those things instead? You have a human guard me?” I nearly shouted it, angry enough to forget Cowboy could probably hear us from the other side of the suite’s door. “Where’s the logic in that? Or is it just that he happens to have a dick?”
Black aimed a finger in the direction of the door, his mouth curled in a frown.
“That human holds a shield better than you do, Miri,” he snapped. “I had your uncle’s people test him, too. They didn’t get a fucking thing off him... he’s like a goddamned monk.”
At that, I could only stare at him.
A pain started in my chest, growing harder as his words sank in.
“You asked me,” he growled, pointing at me now. “You fucking asked me, Miri. You want me to be an asshole to you? I can be an asshole. You want to be my equal in the field, then you need to work harder. It’s not fair. I know it’s not fair. You’re having to do in weeks and months what took me years to learn. But we don’t have the luxury of time. You’re in this now. I can’t wait for you to catch up. I won’t... not when it risks your life. And mine.”
The anger in his voice grew more prominent.
“You can make this a me thing all you want. But until you’re up to snuff on the seer stuff, you don’t get to know everything.” He scowled at me again. “I’m also going to have people guarding you. Both in the Barrier and in the physical. Cowboy’s handling the physical for now, because I trust him. You don’t get a goddamned vote on that.” His voice hardened more. “Got it? Or am I still not treating you enough like I do ‘everyone else’? Because this is pretty much how I talk to everyone else, doc...”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “Nope. I got it.”
“You sure? Because I have a few more dickish things I could say.”
I gave him a hard look. “I got it, Black.”
I did, too.
I’d asked for the truth.
I also knew he was primarily angry because he didn’t want to say those things to me and I’d more or less forced him to do it. I could know all that and still feel hurt. It hurt that he didn’t see me as an equal, even though it made absolutely no sense that he should, in this area at least.
When I’d looked at him next, his expression pretty much mirrored what I knew, his eyes lost somewhere between regret, frustration and another emotion I couldn’t put my finger on.
Grief, maybe. Or maybe worry.
Before I could tell him to forget it, he’d closed the gap between us, moving faster than I could react. He’d wrapped both hands around my face, cupping it between his palms.
When I turned away, he’d held me more firmly, so that I faced him.
“I don’t mind protecting you, doc,” he’d murmured. “I don’t mind. Do you get that? I don’t give a fuck about you being combat-ready as a seer.”
He’d kissed my face, pressing his cheek to mine and exud
ing heat.
I’d opened to him, half in shock and half in relief. Of course, all that only made me realize again how starved I was for affection from him. I’d clutched his arms and felt him flinch that time, too, but he didn’t let go. Kissing me again, he’d murmured in my ear, curling his fingers into my hair and holding on, tight enough that I softened in his hands.
“I need your brain,” he’d murmured. “I need your fucking insight, especially into humans. I need your education and training. I need your brain, okay? That’s the military side of you I need. The rest is just me being selfish. I want you with me. I need you safe. You wanted to be with me, too. I thought we were on the same page here. Was I wrong?”
I shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”
“But you still want me to treat you like an employee?”
I shook my head again, jaw tightening. “I don’t want you to have to. I was more or less running things while you were gone, Black.”
Heat had plumed off him, along with an unmistakeable wave of desire. “You were fucking amazing, Miri. I’ll never forget what you did. Believe me.”
I hadn’t wanted his gratitude, though.
I still didn’t want it.
Instead of arguing the point, I’d tried to take a more conciliatory approach, but that more or less backfired, too.
“Fine,” I’d said, trying my best to sound calm, rational. “I’ll talk to Charles. He must have someone. A seer he can recommend. Someone who can train me faster––”
“Charles?” Black abruptly stiffened. “You don’t want to train with me anymore?”
At that, I could only look at him in bewilderment. Seeing the probing look in his eyes, I let out a humorless sound. “I think you have your hands full, Black. Don’t you? And you just said I need to move faster on this. So that means I should work with someone else.”
His fingers had curled tighter in my hair.
Jealousy left his light.
Not just jealousy. Fear.
Both things hit out at me like knives. Sharp. Strong enough that I flinched.
“Have you been doing that already?” he growled.
I could only stare up at him, bewildered.
“Have you been working with other seers, Miri? On the sight stuff?” His fingers gripped my hair tighter. Tight enough to hurt. “Fucking tell me. Tell me the truth.”
“No.” My bewilderment had turned rapidly to anger. Shoving him off me, I’d stared up at him in disbelief. “And what business is it of yours, if I had? Do I have to ask permission before I do anything now, Black?”
That time, my only answer had been silence.
I wasn’t ready to call that an answer in itself, but it sure felt like one.
“Doc.” Angel waved a hand in front of my face, her lips pursed. “Doc? You still here?”
I shook my head, fighting my mind back to the present.
When I looked down, I realized the waiter must have come back somewhere in my absence. The second margarita I’d ordered sat on a red cocktail napkin in front of me. The first had disappeared. I also noted a new plate of a dozen oysters sitting in front of Nick.
Toying with the stem of my glass, I sighed.
“Sorry,” I said, to no one in particular. “It’s been a long day.” Picking up my glass, I took a few swallows of the new drink. Lowering it, I let out a breath as lime juice, triple-sec and tequila ran down my throat. I knew I was probably drinking too much on an empty stomach, but I didn’t much care about that, either. “Did Ravi say anything about what they found on Mozar? Anything new on this Horne guy?”
Angel and Nick both shook their heads, glancing at one another.
Then Nick frowned slightly, inclining his head.
“More or less what Black already told us,” he said, gruff. “They’re shit-scared one of their clients is a terrorist. This guy, Horne, didn’t give Mozar a lot of details, but something must have tipped them off to a possible connection with what happened in Texas. Horne went to Mozar behind his partners’ backs, looking for a way out.” Nick gave me a grim look, pushing his beer bottle lightly between both hands where it rested on the table. “I guess Horne was skittish about talking to Black directly. He’s pretty paranoid about prison.”
“Then why was Mozar at the studio?” I leaned back in the booth, my margarita in one hand.
Nick shrugged. “Apparently Horne’s more afraid of his clients than he is of jail. He asked Mozar right off if he could qualify for witness relocation... which is pretty bizarre, frankly, for someone with that much money.” Nick shrugged, taking another drink of beer. “Horne trusts Mozar. I guess they go way back.”
“Does Ravi think this mystery client is actually Brick?” I said, frowning. “Or is that just a working theory at this point?”
Nick shook his head. “He didn’t say. I’m pretty sure they all think at least one vampire is involved, though. Ravi mentioned Charles had some dealings with Horne’s investment company before.” Nick shrugged, downing another swallow of beer. “They stripped Mozar naked though, looking for bite marks, and didn’t find anything. They couldn’t find any other evidence of tampering either... although Ravi admitted they’re only just now starting to study that, in terms of the psychic stuff.” Nick shook his head, grimacing. “Poor bastard.”
I frowned. “Mozar?”
Nick nodded, taking another drink. “From what Ravi said, he’s just trying to help out an old school pal.”
“That’s what he thinks he’s doing anyway,” I muttered.
“Yeah.” Nick gave me a harder stare. “Which is why I feel bad for him. You got to admit, this whole thing has been pretty crappy for him, regardless of whether he works for them or not. Ravi said he’s still pretty broken up about Hawking being murdered right in front of him.”
Flinching, I nodded, taking a longer drink of the margarita.
“Yeah,” I said.
For a long minute we only sat there, staring out the window at the setting sun.
I found myself thinking about the people on our team again, especially the ones I didn’t know, or didn’t know well. My mind kept returning to Cowboy.
Frowning at the reflections on the windows, I turned then, looking at Nick and Angel.
“How did he get here?” I blurted. “Were either of you around when Black got him out?”
Angel and Nick both gave me blank looks.
“Who, doc?” Angel said finally. “Who are you talking about?”
“Cowboy,” I said, frowning back at them. Realizing I hadn’t filled them in on the drift of my thoughts, I pursed my lips. “Black’s using him a lot. I’m just wondering if we need to take a closer look at him, is all. Do you know how Black got him out of that prison?”
Angel and Nick exchanged looks.
Then Nick frowned, staring at me. Leaning closer, he laid a hand on my arm. Worry bled through his fingers as he rubbed my skin.
“Seriously, doc. Are you okay?” When I only frowned back at him, he exchanged another look with Angel. “Why are you asking about this?” he said, the puzzlement more prominent in his voice. “Did something happen when you and Black got him out?”
My face scrunched in disbelief. “What? No. I’m asking how it happened.” At their increasingly worried and bewildered looks, I clenched my jaw. “Cowboy was in prison with Black, right?” Looking between them, I frowned at their silence. “He was in prison, and Black was saying he wanted to get him out… and then he was out, and we were all coming here, to New York. How did Black get him out, exactly? Do either of you know?”
Again, Angel and Nick just looked at me, as if they couldn’t tell if I was serious.
“Weren’t you with him when Black got him out, doc?” Nick said finally.
I stared at him. “Why would I be asking how it happened if I was with him?”
“Doc,” Angel said, her voice just as puzzled, but more openly worried. “You were with him. You and Black left San Francisco for a few days, and when you came back, Cowboy wa
s with you.” She motioned between herself and Nick. “We never got the full story on what happened. Black gave us some ‘need to know’ thing about it, and Cowboy won’t talk about it, either. Black made it sound like it was dangerous for too many people to know.”
I shook my head.
“No,” I said, pursing my lips. “I assure you both… I wasn’t along for that. Maybe Black told you I was, but I had nothing whatsoever to do with him getting Cowboy out.” Grunting, I folded my arms tighter. “Black didn’t tell me he was even planning to do it, not specifically. I knew he wanted to. But I have no idea when that turned from a thought into a reality.”
Frowning deeper, I shook my head, gazing out the window.
“Truthfully? I don’t even remember Black being gone. Not while we were still in San Francisco. I figured he handled it through his Pentagon contacts or something.”
At their continued silence, I felt that cold feeling in my stomach worsen.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to dig into what their silence meant.
Folding my arms, I squinted out at the fading sunlight, trying to think through the pounding of my heart, and the faint headache that seemed to be growing worse. I fought to remember when I’d first seen Cowboy hanging around the offices in San Francisco.
On some level, it felt like he’d always been there.
On another, it was like he materialized one day out of nowhere. I remembered seeing him by the reception desk of Black Securities and Investigations, talking to Lizbeth about filling out a W-2, along with something to do with his health insurance.
I don’t remember being introduced to him, not specifically. It was like he was already a part of our lives, and I missed the transition.
He’d turned, smiling at me, like he knew me.
He smiled at me like we were already friends.
Weirder still, I don’t even remember thinking that was strange.
6
CONSEQUENCES
“YOU REALIZE HOW insane you sound, saying this now?” Alan Horne turned incredulous eyes on the man seated behind the wooden desk. “You want to get in deeper with these psychopaths? After last night?”
Black Of Mood (Quentin Black: Shadow Wars #2): Quentin Black World Page 8