by alex seymour
The war and ayahuasca made me face many of my own fears. And I understand a lot more about what fear is. Many ancient wisdom texts have revealed that the opposite of love is not hate but fear. In Helmand, in the filth of war, the marine mentality is to use all of the physical senses all of the time to detect threats, which is the mentality of animals in the wild. Fear serves them, and us, at the basest level—that of survival. For all the good of the higher, more abstract values that the marines instill—honor, commitment, self-sacrifice—this basic survival instinct is foundational. The problem is that this survival instinct is foundational to us all, even when our survival is not threatened. We function too often from a fear-based self-interest, mostly in “me” mode (what’s in it for me?) , rather than “we” mode. My experiences in the Amazon led me to an understanding that consciousness and intelligence cannot evolve rapidly and healthily when we are predominantly in the me state of mind. By moving from fear to trust, peace, and, ultimately, love, we enrich not only our own lives but the greater good.
Andreas and Richard, and other pioneers like them at the extreme frontiers, are contributing to the evolution of global consciousness. Andreas and ayahuasca were a particularly potent combination. He is an enigma and unmatched polymath, a renaissance man, larger than several lives. I am particularly indebted to him because my fear-based frame of reference led me to doubt him, and I now realize he is a brave man who has surmounted enormous personal challenges. We should not check our healthy skepticism or good sense at the door of expanded perception, but at the very least we do have to be willing to probe into our own biases to see where we are fooling or blinding ourselves. Like Andreas, the truth-teller is sometimes disguised as a trickster, the prophet as a fool. Sometimes the only way to crack the wall of our resistance is to put ourselves in situations that are not only unfamiliar but downright uncomfortable. The Mythic Voyage was bizarre—but good bizarre, beautiful bizarre.
Needless to say, the ayahuasca ceremonies in the Amazon were some of the most profound experiences of my life. Ayahuasca taught me many things, and one of the most important is that we always have choice. We have the power to choose our beliefs and our attitudes. And a more empathetic civilization makes sense. The more separate we become, the more conflicts will arise. When you realize that profound joy, peace, and love reside innately in all of us—when this realization is not instilled as a belief but experienced as true—you cannot easily forget this or indeed would ever want to. You cannot unlearn such a teaching.
For all their benefits, entheogens and ayahuasca are not for everyone. Many people don’t want to relinquish control of themselves, even for a few minutes. That’s understandable. It can be alarming, especially the first few times. But over time, you begin to develop a trust in the glory of this sacred plant. The indigenous peoples say that ayahuasca is a being—they call her Mother Ayahuasca. Like most mothers, she both loves and admonishes. It is said that she shows you what you are ready to see. And just about everyone who has been under her tutelage agrees that what they see is beyond description and sometimes beyond belief. That is precisely the point.
Yet, surrender cannot be partial. To find out who you truly are, you have to let go of everything you think you are going to discover. As boundaries dissolve—even temporarily—you get a glimpse of the whole, of which we are each a precious part. The word entheogen means engendering the divine within, finding the God within. Isn’t that worth surrendering your fear to experience for a few hours? You don’t need to keep repeating the experience once you get that you are God and God is you. That’s why I rarely use entheogens anymore. But there is always more to learn, to explore.
Life is an adventure. To truly live life and deprogram, we have to become adventurers. After the war I sensed an opportunity to free myself from shackles snapped shut from earliest childhood: from my upbringing, education, religion, institutions, media, and authority figures. Breaking free is an ongoing process. But the victory, really, is to realize that you are shackled in the first place and to dare yourself to set yourself free. And so—I dare you. Because one thing I’ve learned for sure is this: everybody dies, but not everybody lives.
APPENDIX
Using the Shamanic Experience for Healing Trauma
Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle, illuminating the way for the whole nation. If veterans can achieve awareness, transformation, understanding and peace, they can share with the rest of society the realities of war. And they can teach us how to make peace with ourselves and each other, so we never have to use violence to resolve conflicts again.
THICH NHAT HANH, ZEN MASTER BUDDHIST MONK
An Idea Begins to Form
O n the final day, as we sailed back to Iquitos, I knew it would take me a long time to assimilate the experiences from the Mythic Voyage. An idea began to form. If I could be inspired by the Amazon, then other veterans could be. The contrast between Afghanistan and the Amazon was staggering. Serenity, harmony—this Eden had it all, and I knew now that it had the potential to inspire men out of maudlin, postwar introspection and despair and perhaps offer a climax to each person’s odyssey, a landmark initiation and regenerative rite of passage. I mused about what might be.
Currently, no ceremonial restoration process exists for veterans to acknowledge the duality of the good and evil we experience as humans. Men have to muddle through in their own way, and many never achieve integration. They experience too much bitterness and anger as they try to fit back into society, while still dragging behind them the weight of the chaos they were just immersed in. The experience of pain makes the preciousness of true peace all the more exquisite. Choosing war, even for noble reasons, can be a doubled-edged sword, and this is why, following service, choosing its opposite—immersion in natural bliss—can be so valuable.
Many pacifists seem incapable of grasping the fact that some people are born defenders; it is primal. They are driven to serve in what they believe at the time to be justifiable conflicts—protect the weak and fight injustice. And so, for that person, his or her opportunity to experience both these polarities—war (for the right reasons) followed by bliss—can enable him or her to grow and develop, perhaps restoring personal peace.
In the years since the Afghan war started, so many men had encountered extreme conflict and stress that I began to get a hunch that the way to deal with it was not to bury the experiences, masking them with pharmaceuticals or alcohol, but to confront them in a safe setting in a majestic environment. We could create ceremonies and rituals that are currently missing from a veteran’s decompression process. We should bring ayahuasca legally to the northern hemisphere and create rituals that honor the choices that these men and women have made—regardless of whether history ultimately judges a war to have been won or lost, morally right or wrong. After all, when someone makes the choice to go to war, he or she is operating with only limited information. The tricky part is making choices that you think are good, knowing that history may ultimately deem them bad. Only time will tell if you chose the right side to fight on.
Meanwhile, society needs to act now, while the veteran still lives and is still seeking healing and, ultimately, understanding. Working with an experienced shaman in a ceremony could help acknowledge that goodness and wonder exist in a complicated world where evil seems to widely prevail. Ayahuasca might be the “good medicine” and opportunity for regenesis that so many veterans need, to help them integrate paradoxes and acknowledge that the choice to serve was altruistic. Such ceremonies might reinforce the notion that collectively, as a species, we are good—that the veterans are still good, despite what may have happened to them and those around them in the war. Each of us could move forward, and together we could make better choices; at the very least we would learn. Veterans will become more than they were, more readily capable of teaching. Motivated veterans will pass on the knowledge of how to be good and how to inspire others. This was my emerging hope. And some of it was borne out over the coming years, as more
and more veterans began heading to the Amazon for the healing potential of ayahuasca.
The Next Step
By writing this book my sincere intention is to heighten the awareness of interested veterans to the potential healing experience of South American shamanism. Alternate states of consciousness and military culture traditionally had mixed like oil and water—until now. The building of the bridge between the military and psychedelics is underway. There are already medical doctors in the Amazon advocating integrative approaches to medicine as well as Vietnam veterans self-medicating with ayahuasca, forging themselves a new path to redemption where convention and pharmaceuticals failed them. We will need to encourage the judicious application of disruptive thinking to break down the remaining barriers.
Shamanism can take place without the ingestion of a psychedelic or an entheogen. For those of a bolder nature (and there are no shortage of these people in the services), integrative treatments could be extended to incorporate the use of ayahuasca. Extensive scientific research is already under way to treat veterans with PTSD with the psychoactive drug MDMA. Ayahuasca is 100 percent natural and could be used in conjunction with MDMA or as an alternative. There is still much work to be done, and we will need to tread carefully. It’s not for the meek, but neither was Afghanistan. Every man or woman there had been a willing volunteer to go and fight. The Amazon experience is safer and infinitely more inspirational. Yes, it might blow your mind for a few hours taking you “out of this world,” but the elixir also has the capacity to leave sunshine in your heart. I figure that, given the opportunity, many veterans will welcome the chance to go.
The conventional approach to dealing with PTSD is with pharmaceutical drugs—which is a Band-Aid approach to solving the real problem. Veterans have earned the right to choose how they heal. A retreat to the Amazon offers the potential to deliver what many ex-servicemen still want—adventure and a challenge. They want to be tested. Ayahuasca will test you. This approach to healing is not for the faint of heart. Of course, there is always the option to offer a mild or a wild experience, depending on the needs of each man or woman. Many veterans still have a cavalier and buccaneering spirit that attracts them to risk. Working with ayahuasca has the potential to grant them that, plus the added potential for a metaphysical experience, a direct sense of connection to the Creator, to the divine, to diminish anxiety and fear of death.
Experiencing alternative states of consciousness brought about by consuming psychoactive plants is not illegal in most South American countries. Indigenous peoples and even some governments respect that nature has given us this resource. Clearly, ayahuasca is not a potential healing solution applicable to everyone, but if it helps even a few veterans assimilate back into the society, then it has its place. All it asks of you is the will and a good intention.
Of course, it’s not just veterans who can benefit from exploring their consciousness. Millions of people experience trauma and suffering. The choice to stick with conventional medicine will always remain for those that want it, but there are alternatives, such as natural plant substances that alter consciousness and can raise self-awareness. When you take entheogens in the right setting and in the right dose, you don’t need faith to help you connect to the metaphysical. But what you do need is courage to take the step—not much, just enough to provide you with new direct personal experiences. In turn, these experiences will provide you with the foundation upon which to construct new, more fulfilling, life-sustaining beliefs.
Some Practical Advice
Nearly everything we do in life is either to minimize pain or maximize pleasure, and psychedelics can take you to heaven or to hell. For every uplifting and inspiring story you hear, there are always the bad stories—people becoming frightened, losing control, or feeling paranoid. Bad trips can be averted, and if they aren’t averted, then they can be managed. There are plenty of inner explorers who have charted the territory for us, so it behooves anyone thinking of using entheogens to learn the “rules.”
Start by doing your research. Talk to people who have had the experience. Read books on the subject. Join related forums on the Internet and leverage first-class websites. Here are a few recommendations to get you started:
Erowid.org. An excellent nonprofit educational organization that provides information about psychoactive plants and chemicals that can produce altered states of consciousness.
Vetentheogenic.org. VET (Veterans for Entheogenic Therapy) is a 501. C3 nonprofit organization—“healing veterans one plant at a time.” Founded by United States Marine Corps Infantry veteran Ryan LeCompte to help spread awareness about alternative medicines for the treatment of PTSD in veterans. They have one mission: heal fellow vets through plant medicine and mindfulness-based therapeutic practices.
Maps.org. MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) is a foremost nonprofit research and education organization that applies professional scientific rigor to psychedelic research therapy and education.
Reset.me. An amazing online resource created by former CNN news reporter Amber Lyon who suffered from work-related PTSD and then healed herself.
Set and setting are vital. Get the dosage right. Measure it precisely. Start cautiously. Finally, it is wise to prepare to integrate the experience into your life, something you do to get to know yourself more deeply, and so it can take months to integrate. Don’t rush into the next experience before you have explored the insights from the last one. Sometimes that means weeks, months, or even years.
If you follow these rules, you will reduce the chances for having a dark or frightening episode. As the shamans say, the plant teachers take you where you need to go, and sometimes you have to descend into the dark before you are ready to emerge into the light. If you do have a rough experience, there are ways to manage it. One technique is to sing. Everything is a vibration, and the internal vibrations made from singing can help shift the energy of your consciousness. Sacred song—or vibration—is integral to the ceremonies conducted by most Amazonian shamans and by many other kinds of shamans in different contexts. In ayahuasca ceremonies, these sacred or magical songs are called icaros. Using only a few lines of an icaro, an ayahuasquero can shift your consciousness as if it were attached to a string, moving you from one state to another with a melodic tug here and another one there. When your mind seems to be descending into the dark and you don’t want to go there, or stay there, take the initiative. It’s your mind after all—change it! And remember that this too shall pass. Sometimes you really can just wait it out.
Perhaps the biggest challenge to a bad trip—and to breaking through to a sublime one—is giving up control of the ego. The ego is easily threatened when it feels it is not in control, and it will resist surrendering for all it’s worth. Letting go can be a real challenge, as it feels as if you are losing your identity, maybe even dying. If you can remember what the struggle really is about—loosening the grip of your ego and not your actual death—you can move past the struggle and release yourself fully into the visions and insights.
These widely acknowledged rules can help you reap precious rewards. You may experience ecstasy as you never have before. You may feel the boundaries of yourself dissolving as you realize your rightful place within the web of life, existing in a state of graced unity, at one with the divine.
To the shamans, there are untold numbers of dimensions and beings. Shamans make it a life study to explore these realms and figure out the way they work. For example, it is common for people using psychedelics such as psilocybin, mescaline, and ayahuasca to see—and even engage with—entities that appear to be entirely alien. Such contact can be mind blowing. There is a well-known story of an anthropologist who, during an ayahuasca journey, encountered batlike aliens claiming that they were going to take over the world. They and their threats were very frightening. When he recounted this experience to the shaman the next day, the shaman remarked casually, “Oh, don’t worry. They’re always doing that.”
The
shamans have already encountered anything you will, and so they know how to respond. Their knowledge can greatly assist. They rarely assign moral judgment to a bizarre or frightening scenario. They are pragmatic and have navigated these strange otherworldly realms professionally. They are not easily tricked by the spirits, beings, and whatever else from other dimensions. That’s why in some South American languages, the word for shaman literally means “clever fella.”
Psychedelics, intelligently combined with science, are the “on-ramp” for the truly magical road to enlightenment. They are the power and force. Thanks to the Internet, the genie is out of the bottle. It is now clear that humankind is vibrating at a much higher frequency and shining with more brightness and intensity than most people realize. The whole of humanity is entitled to these free and abundant plant teachers, which, coupled with the right intentions, steer us to what some may call our Homo luminous destiny.
Footnote
*1 . Some of the names within this book have been changed.
About the Author
ALEX SEYMOUR enlisted in the Royal Marines Commandos as a teenager, serving for 6 years and completing 2 tours of duty on active service. Twenty years later he returned to the service as the oldest frontline commando in Helmand Province in Afghanistan. He is currently the Technology Account Director for a global technology company and lives with his wife and children in Buckinghamshire, England.