Nathan laughed.
“Don’t worry; I’m not that much of a slave driver.”
Rachel had never believed this would happen. She never believed she would be in the Wild West, married to someone she found in a newspaper advertisement, and that her cousin would be following suit. After asking Justin if he knew someone who wanted a wife, Justin had steered her in Nathan’s direction. Nathan had expressed several times that he wouldn’t look for a wife the way his friends had but Rachel wore him down talking about her cousin. Eventually, he agreed to write to Charlotte and see how things went.
Before Rachel and Justin knew it, Nathan and Charlotte had been exchanging messages weekly. Nathan then began talking about bringing Charlotte to Canyon so he could propose to her properly. Rachel had been delighted; her cousin was coming to join her.
Underneath it all, she felt a slight pang of regret. Nathan wanted to propose face-to-face, but Justin had proposed through their letters. It wasn’t as romantic, but Rachel understood Justin wasn’t good at communicating his real feelings. There were times when he could communicate easily with her but then there were times he could barely get his emotions across at all.
Rachel knew that was something they needed to work on.
There was a knock at the door, and Nathan’s sister poked her head around.
“Sorry, Nate. Rachel, Justin’s here.”
Rachel gasped when she remembered. Justin had dropped her off and had promised to pick her up later. She had completely forgotten. She had been so busy getting things ready for Charlotte’s impending arrival that time seemed to have slipped by. Rachel looked helplessly at Nathan, who chuckled and ushered her out the door.
“Go. I’ve monopolized your time already.”
“But…”
“Go. Charlotte won’t mind if you spend time with your husband. It’s not going to kill you.”
Rachel knew that. But it wasn’t spending time with Justin that was the problem. It was simply the fact that his home was just outside of the town’s perimeter and it was so isolated. Yes, he had a couple of people working for him, but that was it. It was almost an hour walk into town, and Rachel hadn’t learned how to ride a horse without falling off, so the only way she could get into town alone was on foot. Justin offered to take her in when he could, but Rachel didn’t like to bother him.
So, she was often stuck at home with very nothing but her chores. As she worked so hard, those were soon done and then she was bored. Justin did his best, but he had the ranch to care for as well. Rachel didn’t want to say anything, but she was sure her restlessness would surely be noticeable by now.
Despite all this, she knew she was lucky. She loved her husband, and Justin was certainly a catch. Women took a second look and kept on looking. Rachel was proud she had a sweet, handsome man as her husband, a man who did like to spoil her whenever he could. He was focused on running the ranch and making money for them, but he did treat her whenever he could.
Yet Rachel still wanted more. Having someone who was handsome to look at wasn’t enough. She needed something to do, and everyone seemed to be busy apart from her. As soon as Charlotte had written to her to say she was coming to marry Nathan, Rachel had been delighted and Nathan, with much bemusement, had allowed her to help.
Justin hadn’t said a thing about it; he simply shrugged and let her get on with it. But Rachel had noticed him getting quiet and keeping his distance from his friend as if he didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Rachel couldn’t understand why but she wanted to address it. If she and Charlotte were going to be around each other a lot, then their husbands would be in each other’s presence too. If there was anything wrong, she needed to sort it out now.
Justin was waiting in the bar when Rachel came down. He greeted her with the usual hug and a quick peck on the lips, but it was cold, almost formal. Rachel liked having physical contact with him, and this was when she first noticed something bothering him. She wanted Justin to go back to how he was.
They were silent as they got onto the wagon and Justin set the horse to walking. They left Canyon and made their way down the wide, winding road around the hill to their land. Rachel wrapped her shawl around her shoulders as a sudden bite of wind whipped across them. She looked over at Justin, who was looking straight ahead with his hands on the reins. Normally he held her hand when they traveled, and Rachel found it comforting. The track was rough, and the journey made her nervous. Holding his hand was more than that, though, it was a gesture of love.
She wished he would go back to how he was.
“Justin?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s wrong? You’re rather quiet.”
Justin was silent. Rachel thought he wasn’t going to answer her. She opened her mouth when Justin spoke suddenly.
“How much longer are you going to be spending time with Nate?”
Rachel blinked. It was so abrupt and upfront, not like Justin at all. And… did she detect a hint of jealousy?
“I beg your pardon?”
“Ever since you found out your cousin was coming here you’ve been so excited and spending a lot of time at the saloon getting things ready. Nate isn’t totally incompetent, and his sister lives with him; he can take care of it himself.”
If Rachel could see herself, she was sure her eyebrows would be hidden in her hair because they were raised that high.
“Are you jealous you’re not getting my attention?”
Justin glanced at her for a moment before he maneuvered the wagon around the bend. His expression was sullen, his jaw tightened.
“You’re my wife, Rachel. You’re not married to Nate; you are married to me. Isn’t it a little unusual that you spend more time with a man who’s not your husband?” he demanded. “Wouldn’t that raise eyebrows where you come from?”
“It would... a little,” Rachel admitted. She would get a lot of hassle off her mother if she knew what she was doing. “But it’s harmless. I don’t have any feelings for Nate.”
“Not from the gossip I’ve heard,” Justin growled. His hands tightened on the reins. “And I don’t like gossip.”
Rachel was stunned. He was more willing to listen to people talking about something that wasn’t their business and twisting it around for their own amusement than his own wife. She didn’t like that she had to explain herself.
But Rachel didn’t want a fight. She didn’t like confrontation, and it upset her that they might be heading for their very first fight. So, Rachel swallowed back her frustration and kept her voice level, not looking at him.
“I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. It’s not intentional.”
Justin grunted but didn’t say anything. Rachel didn’t know if he accepted the apology or not. Either way, she had a feeling things were going to be a little tense for a while if she didn’t stop venturing out to the saloon so she could have an excuse to hang around Nate until Charlotte arrived.
She couldn’t wait to see her cousin. They had written to each other every day, but it was not the same as seeing each other in person. Her brothers wrote to her but that was only once a week, and Rachel had a feeling those letters would stop eventually, being youngsters with lives. Her mother and father had never written to her to congratulate her or speak with her. The only letter Rachel got was mailed the day after she arrived in Canyon from her mother’s solicitor, who told her that she owed money to her family for a variety of things that sounded completely ludicrous. Her mother only saw her as a glorified servant and was trying to get money out of her now she was going to be married to someone who did earn money. Evidently, her father’s salary wasn’t enough.
Justin had told her to ignore them as he was not providing for her parents but he would provide for her brothers if and when they asked for her help. Rachel didn’t think her brothers would ask of their own accord, and if they did ask it would be at their mother’s request.
Rachel was glad to be out of that family. But she wasn’t sure if she was glad to be away f
rom the hustle and bustle. She knew what she missed.
Clearly, Justin had other thoughts about that.
Chapter 5
Justin liked Charlotte on sight. She was a tall, vibrant redhead with a brilliant smile and twinkling green eyes. Her vivacious personality was infectious, and it was clear just by looking at her that she and Rachel were family.
As soon as she saw her cousin, Rachel had been squealing in delight and running to hug Charlotte, who was just as delighted to see her. Nate had stepped around them, and now he and Justin were leaning against the mantelpiece watching Rachel and Charlotte in deep conversation as they sat on the couch.
“Why the long look?” Nathan asked.
It took Justin a moment to realize that he was talking to him. Justin sighed and nodded at his wife. Rachael’s face and hands were animated as she talked to Charlotte, who showed the same animation as they chatted nineteen-to-the-dozen. This was the most excited Justin had ever seen Rachel, and it hurt to think he couldn’t get her to react like this after two months of marriage.
“They’re really pleased to see each other.”
“Well, they are close, and they are family. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nate, she’s eager to meet her cousin, and she’s been acting as if Christmas has come early.” Justin swallowed. This was embarrassing to admit, even though he could tell Nathan anything. “But she’s never eager to meet me like that. She’s never greeted me like that.”
Justin had thought their marriage was great. Rachel was sweet and gentle and looked after him and the house. He tried to get her to go out for meals every now and then or have a romantic evening in. Rachel seemed to relish this, and Justin enjoyed the time with just the two of them. But she was clearly restless. It was there in her eyes. She never said anything about being bored or sad, but Justin could feel it. And it made him feel bad.
Then when he had confronted her about her spending too much time with Nathan before Charlotte arrived and she had apologized for neglecting him, Justin had asked her if she was happy. Rachel had said she was, but Justin didn’t believe her.
That had hurt, and Justin could still feel the pain a week later. They hadn’t spoken about it, almost as if Rachel was choosing to forget the issue. But Justin couldn’t forget it as easily.
He loved his wife. He really did. But he was beginning to worry she didn’t love him. It was as if the magic of doing something new and the whirlwind romance was disappearing.
“You think she’s having second thoughts?” Nathan asked.
Their voices were low even with their wives just out of reach, but Justin felt as though they were shouting out their concerns. He lowered his voice to a whisper, turning so he put his back to Rachel so she wouldn’t see him speak.
“I hope not. But I’ve noticed the only times she seems truly happy is when she’s in crowds or with other people doing something. When it’s just us, she’s a lot more withdrawn, unsure of herself. It takes me a while to get her to do something. Once she gets going, she’s fine, but it’s that bit beforehand. It makes me wonder if those women are the same woman.”
Nathan looked sympathetic. He was newly married and could understand, now, where his friend was coming from. He patted Justin’s shoulder.
“She’ll come around. Don’t worry too much about it.”
“Easy for you to say,” Justin grunted.
“I know.” Nathan sighed. “I’m sorry if I monopolized her when Charlotte was coming. She wanted to do it, and I didn’t have the heart to say no. She’s a nice person, your wife, albeit a little pushy and hands-on.”
“I know.” Justin sighed and glanced back at Rachel, who was laughing at something Charlotte had said. “I don’t want to lose her.”
“You think if you keep on the way things are you’ll lose her?”
Justin didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to keep Rachel with him for a very long, happily married life. He wanted to grow old with Rachel and have a hoard of children and grandchildren. But, with the way things were at that moment, he wasn’t sure if they would even reach Rachel getting pregnant. She was there but not there. And Justin didn’t like it.
He was sure if something didn’t give between them soon, that he was going to lose the woman he loved.
Chapter 6
“That was a lovely dinner.”
Rachel smiled.
“Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.”
“You’re a good cook.” Justin stroked her hair. “But it sounds like you weren’t so sure.”
They were lying on the couch in front of the fire, which was burning brightly in the fireplace. Justin was sitting on the couch, leaning back against the cushions, and Rachel lay across him, her head on his lap. It was something they had taken to doing lately. In the two weeks since Charlotte had arrived in Canyon Justin had been working hard to spend more time with her. Rachel braved the kitchen and cooked a proper, romantic dinner every other day, and most evenings they would sit in the living room watching the fire and not talking. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. They could sit together for a while without speaking, and Rachel didn’t feel the need to.
She liked this closeness with her husband. Justin would stroke her hair and massage her scalp and shoulders enough that she drifted off to sleep. He had a magic touch and Rachel liked it; her headaches had eased off a lot since he had started this.
It was nice. Rachel could feel herself start to relax.
Only now she was reminded of her self-esteem issues with regards to her abilities. Justin had just praised her cooking. Rachel had never had that from anyone before other than it was an edible meal. She sighed.
“I cooked for everyone back in New York. My mother was the matriarch – or she liked to be seen as the matriarch – but she refused to cook. Said she wasn’t doing a servant’s job, but we couldn’t afford a cook. So, I’ve been doing it as soon as I was able.”
“I see.” Justin paused. “If I ever express a desire to meet your parents, tell me I’ve lost my mind.”
“I will do.” Rachel rolled onto her back and looked up at him. With the firelight flickering across his face he looked enticing, hypnotic. “My father was just appreciative he had a hot meal when he got home from work. My brothers gobbled down whatever they were given. Charlotte and her mother – my aunt – said my cooking was good, but my immediate family never gave me so much as a thank you. The problem is no one ever taught me... I just had to pick things up as I went along and I made a lot of mistakes. At one time, everyone would laugh at me, or moan because my meals were inedible. Now, sometimes I’m afraid to try... afraid that you will hate what I cook.”
“I would never do that, and your food is great. I bet they’re regretting not telling you now.” Justin leaned over and kissed her. “I’m thanking you now. And your cooking was delicious.”
Rachel smiled and kissed him back. Even with his bouts of moodiness, he was a good husband. He did show signs that he loved her and Rachel was glad. She had been falling in love with him since they first met. Even with her mind going crazy being in the middle of nowhere she loved him.
However, it was going to be difficult living here. If it came to it, it would a close contest choosing between her husband and a life where she was around people all the time. Rachel had an ever-growing fear that she could not have both.
Justin sat back and stroked her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently against her jaw.
“It’s going to be Christmas in a couple of weeks. Is there anything you’d like to do?”
Rachel had been thinking about it. She was looking forward to Christmas. Even a woman like Judith McCann liked Christmas. She made sure it was a celebration people didn’t forget. It was the one time where she was a loving mother. Rachel smiled, she had a lot of fond memories of Christmas. Suddenly she felt homesick... and yet that was silly. Her life here was so much better. She was respected, cared for... but she was still so lonely.
Suddenly she knew exactly what she wanted to d
o.
“A party,” she said confidently. “I would love a big party, a true Christmas celebration. Invite all your friends and we’ll have a big feast.” She sighed. “I’d like to ask my brothers if they want to come and visit but my mother wouldn’t dream of coming out here. I think my aunt will come…”
Her voice trailed off when she felt Justin’s body tensing. She looked up and saw the scowl on his face. She sat up.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Justin grunted.
Rachel wasn’t going to let this go.
“No, seriously, Justin.” She laid a hand on his cheek and felt his jaw tightening. “What’s wrong?”
Justin’s lips tightened. He didn’t look happy. His nostrils flared when he looked at her.
“Do you really need to have such a big party?”
Rachel blinked.
“Of course. I thrive on lots of people. There’s something about big gatherings I really enjoy.”
“You might do but others might not.”
Rachel peered closely at him, noting the tension in his shoulders and his hands clenching into fists. Did the thought of being in a big party upset him? Frighten him? Rachel had never noticed the connection between that and his moods before and yet now it seemed obvious.
“Do you not like crowds?”
“Haven’t you noticed!? I’m not comfortable with lots of people around. It was just my parents and myself growing up, and we always spent Christmas like that.” The stress in his voice was obvious and as he spoke the tone rose higher and higher. “My mother’s parents joined us every other year, but it never got any bigger than that.” Justin looked at her. “Besides, I wanted to celebrate our first Christmas together. Just the two of us.”
“That’s really sweet.” Rachel was touched her husband wanted to spend a special day in the year with just her. But she knew it wouldn’t be easy for her to do nothing all day. “We can still do that, Justin, but just not all day.”
Christmas Miracles: Mega Mail Order Bride 20-Book Box Set: Multi-Author Box Set Page 19