With all that finished, Kianna stood outside in the darkness of the midnight air and inhaled. It was important to give mother and son time to get used to the idea that the man they loved so dearly was no longer there with them. Kianna knew how that felt, all too well and having strangers in her face was the last thing she wanted. She’d wanted them all to go fly a kite and leave her alone. She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared down at the river.
The moon sparkled off the water like a blessing. She welcomed it all, all that this strange, exotic land had to offer her. But in the house behind her, death had reached in and snatched a father, a husband and a friend. That was a feeling she never wanted to have, ever again. Dao’s eyes had died when his father did, Kianna was no fool. She saw the light in those beautiful brown eyes go out. When she began removing the mirror, she saw him looking at her, but she did not stop.
Loneliness like no other would flow through Dao’s mother. It was a feeling that Kianna knew all too well. She was going to wake up in the middle of the night, roll over to bury herself within her husband’s heat, only he wouldn’t be there and her heart would break. She knew all this because even though she had only been with Dao, she knew how she felt all those years when Jace would tell her about sex and love. Then Kianna
would crawl into bed, have a rather raunchy dream and wake up reaching for her dream lover. She knew it all too well.
For a brief moment, she wished there was something she could do for Mrs. Zhi. But then she realized, she wouldn’t know the first thing to do in order to make the hurt go away short of taking the pain onto herself. The truth was, if Kianna could have pulled Mrs. Zhi’s and Dao’s pain onto herself, she would—if only to see Dao smile at her like he did during their lovemaking.
She smelled him before he wrapped his arms around her. She turned into Dao’s arms and cradled his face before he bowed and let his face fall against her neck. She felt his body shake gently and his tears flowed against the flesh of her neck. Tenderly, she caressed his neck and hair as he cried for his father. Kianna felt proud that this man, this sexy man, wasn’t afraid to show his true feelings. He was hurt and he sought her arms for comfort. She felt honoured.
He held her tightly, his face pressed to her neck, then her cheeks. He lifted his face to brush his tear-covered lips to her nose and forehead, before cradling her face and taking her lips. Kianna moaned in desire and utter pain as he drank from her. She felt the ever pulsating pain he felt as his heart broke. Everything he went through she would be right there. Her heart meshed with his,
going through the sensations, the terrible sensations of his absolute fear and dread.
There were no words for what they were feeling. There was nothing else to do but hold him as the moon began saying its goodbye. She allowed him to lead her around the house to a large rock that overlooked the Li River. Then he pulled her into his arms, pressed her head against his chest and there the sunlight found them. Kianna wrapped in Dao’s arms protectively, breathing softly in her sleep.
Time flew by Dao without him even noticing it. He had spent half the morning trying to convince his mother that she should go back to Canada with him and another half trying to convince Kianna to talk his mother into moving to Canada with them. When that hadn’t work, Dao had gotten frustrated enough to cry.
He watched his mother as she bathed his father and prepared him for the coffin. He had left her with Kianna and went into Guilin to get the coffin. There were no preparations made for his father’s death since it had been so sudden.
As the boat moved through the water of the Li River, Dao ached for it to go faster. The further he got from Xingping, the less he felt his father’s
spirit and that gnawed at him. He felt guilty that he wasn’t leaving for things to bury his beloved father in. It felt as though he was running away. He inhaled, but could smell nothing but death on the air. It was putrid, rancid, foul. He hated the smell of the air and for a moment there, he wished he didn’t have to breathe, but he had to.
He spent the day making deals, trying to get someone to go with him back to Xingping and bring his father, mother and Kianna back to Guilin so that they could bury his father beside his grandparents. With those deals finished, he ducked down to the plot and arranged for a hole to be dug. After all those errands were finished, he bought some new clothes, white to be exact—for both himself and Kianna, then returned home.
When he returned home, his mother still had not spoken to anyone, not even Dao. Once in a while she would mutter something, but it wasn’t audible and Dao feared for her. He would have taken Kianna back to Guilin with him, but he knew that his mother trusted Kianna and if Kianna was there, he knew that his lover would at least make sure that his mother ate something.
He spent the rest of the day watching over his father’s body. Finally he unfolded himself and went to find Kianna. He found her, dressed in a blue outfit with a hood over her hair, telling his mother a story as she lay, wide eyed on the bed,
listening. Kianna’s Cantonese was shaky, but she was getting her point through. He was surprised that she knew so much about his culture, but didn’t mention it.
“Hi, Ma,” he whispered before dropping a kiss on Kianna’s head.
“Shh,” his mother hushed. “She is telling me a story.”
Dao smiled sadly and left the room. The childlike sound of his mother’s voice broke his heart. He knew that he had not just lost his father, he lost his mother, too. She would never be the same. He couldn’t imagine what it felt like to have someone by your side for more than thirty years, then all of a sudden he’s not there anymore. Or to have someone kiss your cheeks whenever he came home from work, then suddenly one day, that person isn’t there anymore and the kisses are gone. He had seen her eyes light up when he spoke after entering the room, then they had died. It was as though she expected her husband and when she saw her son, she died a little more inside. For a moment there, he felt like a killer.
In the room where his father lay, he placed his father into the coffin and whispered a soft prayer. Lighting incense and candles, he sat on the floor and thought back to his childhood.
Chapter Twelve
K
ianna got up from where she had been seated telling Mrs. Zhi an impromptu story about a girl who honoured her family wonderfully. The older woman had been intrigued greatly by such story and though it brought a smile to her lips briefly, Mrs. Zhi could not stay awake to hear the end. Picking up the donation box that she had made out of cardboard for the funeral, Kianna searched and found Dao sitting silently on the ground. She moved in and sat down beside him, then pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He turned to look at her, then and she smiled at him. “How are you doing?” she
questioned softly.
“A little better.” His eyes danced at her in the dim candlelight. “You know, the first time I lit a candle around you should have been the night I am making love to you in our own bed. I didn’t want it to be a funeral candle.”
Kianna smiled at him, then glanced over to the altar where candles and incense burnt. “It’s okay,”
she whispered. “This isn’t your fault. And besides, I am thankful that you chose me to stand by your side in this.”
He wrapped an arm around her, then and hauled her into his side. Kianna moaned at his heat, “I smell funky,” she spoke softly, resting her head against him. “Is there anywhere I can take a shower?”
Dao laughed softly and kissed her head. “I would hold you in my arms even if you smelt like a cesspool.”
“Ugh.” Kianna socked him playfully against the thigh.
He simply laughed softly. “Yeah there’s a hot springs just behind the house.”
Kianna never understood why people whispered in the presence of the dead. They couldn’t hear it. Human’s knack for respecting the dead astounded her. She rubbed her hands up his back and stood. “I’ll go wash up. You can stay here…”
“No, I should come with you.” Dao stood. “Was
Ma sleeping?”
Kianna nodded.
“Okay, I’ll go in and look in on her, then we can go wash up.”
Before Kianna could respond, Dao slipped from the room. She went to where their bags still sat by the door and rummaged through hers to find
some things she might need. She only took out an organic body wash because she didn’t want to do any damage to the lovely country. Shaking her head, she stood and inhaled deeply. There was a difference to the air now. A slight cooling as the moon rose higher. She glanced out the window and was amazed at the loveliness of the moon. It looked bigger, fuller and more breathtaking than she could remember. Had she not looked before?
“Baby, you ready?”
“Mhmm,” she answered and turned to face Dao. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but she couldn’t due to respecting the home of her hosts. Blinking back her yearning, she took his outstretched hand and allowed him to lead her from the small home, past the stone where she had slept in his arms the morning before and up through some trees until they came to a lovely hole in the ground.
It was large, with rocks leading down slightly to the water that heat danced lazily upward from. Kianna’s mouth watered to be in it and it seemed as though Dao was reading her mind. He began undoing her shirt from behind. When the material gave, she lifted her hands out so that he could push the clothes off.
When she was fully naked, he stripped as well and led her down the path. She smiled lovingly up at him. When he lowered her into the water, she
moaned in satisfaction and moved into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Kianna pushed upward. “Can I please kiss you now? Is it disrespectful if I….”
Dao’s lips were hungrily on her. His arms pulled her tighter, crushing her into his body. The kiss felt to Kianna as though he was drowning and she was his only way to survive. She dug into his hair, moaning and tightening her fingers. He growled and lifted her slightly. That caused her legs to spread and when he lowered her, she sat astride him. Kianna slid further into Dao’s body, her softness pressing against his naked arousal. Shifting her body, he entered her and Dao’s mouth was ripped from hers. His head tossed back, his eyes widened and he growled at the full moon.
Kianna smiled as she rode him, slow at first, but as he began pushing upward and into her, her hips moved faster and faster. She whispered his name and pressed her breasts into his chest. His large hands moved down to her bum and began pushing her down against him even harder. Deeper and deeper he went until she began climaxing around him.
“Oh, Kianna,” Dao whispered before kissing her savagely. “I’ve missed you…”
She started pulling away from him, his arms greedily reached for and brought her back into his lap. With her back to him, Dao impaled her again.
Wrapping her hair around his arm, he forced her to ride him.
“Harder,” Dao whispered against her earlobe.
When she complied, Dao whispered something in Cantonese, but she didn’t care what it was. It sounded so sexy that her eyes rolled into her head. A purring sound escaped her throat as her back arched until her head rested against his shoulders. When he released her hair and reached around, a satisfied smiled spread across her face as he began massaging her breasts. The nipples were hard and tender. She began trembling against him again.
“Let it go, Kiki,” he growled in her ear.
She clutched at his arm, digging her nails in as another orgasm stormed her body. His arms tightened around her and his mouth pressed into her neck. She knew he was going to explode. She felt it the moment it happened. He stiffened beneath her in the warm of the water. His growl tore through the air, clouding her senses further.
Dao felt as though he had just purged his soul. He didn’t remember ever having an orgasm that powerful before and he was happy it was with Kianna. She had tightened around his arousal and Dao had literally lost his mind. She left his body weak and he craved that. He had missed her
terribly when his father died and he couldn’t touch her.
As he held her against him, he felt her shiver so he moved his body to a lower seat in the warm water so that the water was covering her up to the neck. Then he caressed her back gently and they both sat there in silence. For a long while, he listened to his heart pounding in his ears. Emotions were welling up inside until he felt as though he was going to explode. “Kianna.” he whispered.
“Yeah, babe?”
“I am going to say something to you,” Dao spoke not sure if he should. “I know that this may not be what you want to hear and if it’s not, then I’m sorry, but I have to let it out.”
She stiffened and turned to look up into his face.
He saw fear in her eyes and wondered why she was scared.
“You want to end it?” her voice cracked.
“No. Not by a long shot. That poem, my friend told me that I was only supposed to use it when I met the person who I wanted to be with…the person.”
“I don’t understand.” Kianna shifted again. “What I wanted to say was that Ngo oi ney,
Kianna. So much that when dad died and I couldn’t bury myself within you, I almost died. I
got it so bad for you that I feel being able to have you hold me again saved me from a fate that’s worse than anything I can think of. Kianna, I love you…”
Silence flowed between them and Dao felt as though it had been a forever since he had confessed his love to this woman. She said nothing, but caressed his face. He wanted words, needed the words. He wished she would tell him to go to hell or something—anything. Her eyes were unreadable, her body language was on mute and he just sat there, still, stiff and dying slowly on the inside, waiting for her answer. He was on the brink of putting her away from him and walking away.
“Ngo oi ney, too.”
Dao laughed and wrapped her in his arms again, “You scared the crap out of me,” he admitted. “I thought you were gonna send me packing.”
“The waiting is always the worse part,” she spoke with laughter in her voice. “But I love you, too. I know that now.”
Dao kissed her again and the two remained where they were, in the position they were in, for another little bit before heading back. He was beginning to feel guilty that he had taken time out to be with Kianna and not remain by his mother’s side. He did not mention it to Kianna, he simply
looked for her towel and led her from the water. He patted her dry, then helped her dress before he dressed himself.
“I’ve never had a man dress me before.” She smiled brightly at him. “Your father—did he give me his blessings?”
Dao brushed a knuckle gently over her cheek. “Yes. He gave you his blessings to be my wife— but that shouldn’t pressure you into anything.”
“I know…”
“You should get some sleep,” Dao whispered as they walked back inside. “I want you to get some sleep.”
“I know. I don’t think I could sleep.”
“But you barely slept since you’ve gotten here.
You took a nap in my lap so you must be tired.” She stopped at the door.
Dao willingly allowed her to pull him by the front of his shirt into her arms. Wrapping his free arm around her, he kissed her, long and hard. When he lifted his head to breathe, he smiled down at her. “Please. You can sleep in my old room.”
“Where are you going to sleep?”
“I’ll be fine. I have some things I need to think about.”
“About me?”
He caressed her cheek. “Partly. But I have to think of what I’m going to do about Ma.”
“She doesn’t want to leave, Dao. I don’t think you could get her to.”
Dao nodded. “I know.” He kissed her. “Get some sleep, huh?
She opened her mouth again.
Dao just knew she was going to give him a hard time. Before she could speak again, he plunged his tongue into the heat of her mouth. She moaned and slumped against him.
Chapter Thirteen
D
ao didn’t sleep that night. He spent the night praying by the candles and incense, spending time with his father. Somewhere along the way, Dao had fallen out of touch with his culture, with his father. How had that happened? When had
that happened?
Guilt washed through him as he thought about it. He never once wanted to fall out of face with his father, to lose his father’s respect. Even though Lee had told Dao over and over that that wasn’t true, Dao couldn’t help feeling like a failure.
Moving his body across the room, he straightened it against the hard floor and stared up at the ceiling. The hot spring had done wonders for his body, but he just knew that in the morning he would be in serious pain. He didn’t care. He needed to be next to his father for just a while longer.
Growing up, his father had been his hero. Lee taught Dao everything school didn’t and after he
left for Canada, Dao had somehow forgotten most of the things Lee had taught him. For the second time since his return home, tears flowed down his face. There, in the dim light of the night, Dao sobbed. It was as though he was cleansing his soul.
The tears flowed for his father’s death, his mother’s withering soul and Kianna—the woman who dared to take a chance and love him back. He cried for not trying harder to get his parents out of China and closer to him. He knew that if they had lived, even in Hong Kong, he would have been able to get help sooner.
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