by Lena North
“Hey,” I whispered, and it tilted its head to the side. “Tell him I said hey to him too,” I continued, feeling better knowing I could talk to him without the rest of the world listening and judging. “Tell him, I’m sorry. I never meant to destroy his family.”
The bird screeched, and my brows went up. It sounded… angry?
Oh God, I thought. Am I destroying his relationship with the bird too?
“Tell him I’m sorry,” I repeated.
Then I drove down from the mountains to the small village by the beach where my friends lived. Jinx was waiting by the gates, and I walked straight into her arms.
“I’ve messed up,” I said and felt tears fill my eyes again. “God,” I said and wiped my cheeks, “I’m sorry.”
“Come,” she said calmly. “Let’s go home and talk, Wilder and Mac are already here.”
We sat down in Jinx and Dante’s big living room, and I looked at my friends.
“Do you want to talk to the girls alone?” Dante asked quietly.
I shook my head. They’d all hear about the mayhem I’d caused and I’d rather they heard it from me.
“I slept with Miller,” I said.
“Jesus,” Mac winced. “We know, Mary, so please, spare us the details.”
I couldn’t hold back a startled giggle, and he winked at me. Wilder nudged him and hissed something, but I suddenly felt better. Mac hadn’t acted as if it was something particularly odd about Miller and me doing the deed. Maybe I had overreacted when I’d left so abruptly?
Then I went on to tell them about how we’d started something, and how happy I’d been. And finally, I told them how Kit had called Miller grandpa, and me a slut. Dante frowned and was about to say something, when I added quietly, “I broke up their family. Carson and Bo were fighting, and Kit was so angry. I couldn’t be responsible for that. And then Hawker came.”
My voice broke a few times, but I managed to get out what Hawker had said and how Miller had agreed. I didn’t look at Wilder and when I stopped talking there was a long silence.
“I’ll kill him,” Wilder said in a voice that was completely void of emotions.
My eyes flew to her then, and I’d never seen her look so scary before.
“Wilder,” I breathed, but she raised a hand, and I stopped talking again.
“He’s an ass a lot of the time, and that’s okay because he doesn’t mean it. It’s mostly noise, and no one cares. Kit has some issues, and he needs to get a grip, but my damned dad stepped over a line with that comment, Mary.”
Our gazes held, and finally, I spoke again.
“It was so ugly, Wilder.” I had calmed down again, and added softly, “Hawker and Mill will have to work together. They have the birds, and they must get along, but I was breaking them up too.”
I sighed, and my eyes burned suddenly.
“Don’t you see?” I whispered. “I’m nothing. But Mill has a family, friends, his bird, and his work. I was breaking it all into pieces, and they needed some time without me destroying things.”
“I wasn’t your –” Jinx started, but I cut her off.
“They didn’t fight like that before I got into their family, so yes… it was about me. I just forgot, Jinx. I forgot that good things never last.”
“Mary, no,” Jinx murmured.
“Yes,” I declared. “I lost my family, and all my relatives, you know that. Then I ended up in foster homes, and they were so bad… They beat me for years and tried to molest me, so I ran away.”
“God,” Wilder murmured.
“More than a year,” I said, and they stared at me. “For more than a year I lived on the streets, and I tried so hard to make something good out of it, but I just couldn’t catch a single damned break. Then finally…” I trailed off and smiled weakly at the memory.
“Joelle and Reuben took me away from Prosper, to their home, and things were good. They were kind, and I slowly learned how to laugh. I started letting my hair grow, and they taught me how to live again. They were too old to take on more foster children, but they had a good track record, and they fought for me. No one had fought for me in a long time, and they swore they’d win, but something was wrong. I had fallen out of the systems. It was as if I didn’t exist, and the process drew out. I didn’t care. We were so happy, and I thought that finally…”
I stopped talking, but they didn’t say anything, so I swallowed. Then I told them.
“Joelle got cancer six months later, and she fought that too. God, how she fought. We all did. She lasted three years, and I was at her side every day, but then she lost. I lost that fight too.”
A few tears trailed down my cheeks when I turned to Jinx again.
“I forgot. I should have known that good things don’t last.”
There was a long silence, and then Dante leaned forward.
“We don’t have a lot in Marshes, and there’s no fancy museum or any galleries where you can work. But I promise you, Mary. You can stay here in the village for as long as you like, and if Miller is a bigger fool than I think he is, then you have a home here forever. One that lasts.”
His beautiful face was serious, and I pressed my lips together to stop myself from bawling uncontrollably.
Chap
ter Twelve
Curveballs
“You really need to get your shit together,” Wilder said calmly.
“What?” I asked.
I’d been in Marshes two days and had spent most of that time sitting on the beach, thinking about my life. I’d sent a text message to Miller, telling him where I was, and he’d replied with a short, “I know.”
“They’ve all been here, or most of them, at least,” Wilder told me, and went on when I raised my brows, “Dante is holding everyone back, Mary.”
“Eventually they’ll ignore him, and you’d better know what to say when you find one of them in my living room,” Jinx added.
“Them?” I asked weakly.
“Miller or Carson will be the first to snap,” Wilder said calmly. “Bo makes a lot of noise, but he’s a marshmallow, so he’ll do what Carson tells him to do.” She turned to me and added, “Dad knows to stay away, though.”
Then she wiggled her hand a little and grinned. There was a huge bruise on it, and her knuckles were scraped.
“Wilder, no?” I said, putting it as a question even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what she’d done.
“Hell, yes,” she muttered.
“Mary, honey, she’s right. You need to plan,” Jinx pushed, and I looked at her.
“Of course,” I said, and sighed. “Can I rent your house?”
“What?”
“I need to have somewhere to live for a while.” I paused, thinking about what to do. “Right,” I said resolutely and started picking up the pieces that were my life. “I’ll schedule my final exams, and then I’ll take a break. I don’t like my condo in Prosper anyway, so I’ll let that go, and if I can rent your house, I’ll stay there. I’ll paint some, and maybe I could do some freelance work, or –”
“Mary!” Wilder shouted.
“What?” I asked.
“Jesus. Miller?” she asked back.
I blinked, and forced myself to smile, happily and widely.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll be fine. I won’t join your gatherings for a while, though I’m sure over time we’ll figure something out,” I said, and my voice was slightly forced although to my satisfaction, calm and even.
“You have to talk to him,” Wilder said. “There are –”
“No,” I cut her off and raised my hand when it looked like she’d protest.
“Mary,” Mac started.
“I’ll go for a walk,” I blurted out, and then I walked out of the house, and down to the beach.
When I’d calmed down, I started planning, for real and not the stupid plans I’d told my friends. I would have to talk to Miller. I’d panicked, and I hadn�
��t given him a chance to explain, but I would. I’d try to make him understand my side, though he was stubborn so maybe he wouldn’t. I told myself that I wouldn’t walk straight into his arms if he asked me to, but I loved him, and I knew I would. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, I thought. I’d get some more time with him. We could make it work. If I talked to Kit alone, I could perhaps calm him down. I couldn’t go to Carson and Bo’s, and that thought hurt, but I knew they had to be upset with how things had been. I’d send them an email with my apologies, I thought.
“Honey,” Jinx murmured next to me.
“What?” I said, hoping that my voice was happy enough to fool them.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about Miller. We shouldn’t have pushed,” she murmured and sat down next to me.
Dante was there too, and he sat next to her.
“I love him, Jinx,” I said. “I can’t live in a world where he’s unhappy. I owe Carson and Bo so much, and I never meant to hurt Kit. I have to find a way –”
“You’re not responsible,” she interrupted.
“I’m not sure that leaving them was for the best, Mary. He looked like shit when he was here,” Dante murmured. “Carson was with him, and he looked like crap too.”
I felt a small twinge of hope, and of their own accord, my lips curved. Maybe I’d have a little more time with him after all.
“But of course you can use my house if that’s what you really want Mary,” Jinx murmured, and added, “Give me a hug.”
“What?” I said because she hadn’t hugged me ever before unless I hugged her first.
She turned toward me, wrapped her arms around me and held on tight for a little while.
“That’s the rent for the first year,” she said, but winked and went on, “I warn you, next year I’ll double it.”
“I don’t have much money, Jinx, but I’ll pay rent,” I said.
“Pooh. I have so much money in the bank I could buy a whole suburb to Twin City,” she said with a grin.
Dante straightened, and his mouth fell open.
“Uh, Nellie,” he said. “Is there something you haven’t told me?”
“There are probably many things I haven’t told you, honey,” she replied calmly.
“You have a savings account with that kind of cash?” he asked, in a voice that sounded oddly strangled.
“Not cash, I’m not that stupid. Stocks, mostly. Some government bonds.”
“How much?” he asked.
She told him, and his face went pale. Then he swallowed a few times, collecting himself.
“Okay,” he finally said.
“Okay,” she said.
Her face gentled, and then he put his hand on her shoulder, and murmured, “I guess we’ll have enough to put our kids through University then.”
She giggled, and replied calmly, “Yeah, baby, we have enough for that.”
“Okay,” he repeated with a slow smile, and I could have kissed him.
The curveballs life threw you when you built a life with someone like Jinx Sweetwater wasn’t for everyone, but he was steady as a rock and just calmly dealt with whatever happened.
My phone made a sound, and since it had been silent for the past days, I jumped. My heart leaped when I saw it was a message from Miller.
“Miss you.”
That was all it said but I still smiled, and then I got another message. It was an image he’d taken of himself, and he was making such a fake sad face, I started laughing. Then I turned the phone around and showed my friends.
“What are you going to do, Mary?” Jinx asked, and I noticed how she put her hand on Dante’s, which I guessed meant they talked silently in each other’s mind.
“I’ll call him,” I said.
I missed him too, and maybe there would be a way to sort everything out. I had to try, I decided.
“Good,” Jinx said and got to her feet. “Come, Dante. There’s no need for us to hear Miller grovel.”
“Don’t be silly, Nellie. I totally want to hear that,” Dante said, but they walked off anyway.
I took a deep breath, and then I made the call.
“Baby,” Miller murmured, and I could hear him moving.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said again. “Where are you?”
“Norton,” he said, and I opened my eyes.
“Are they still –”
“I wish you hadn’t left,” he murmured.
“You needed –”
“If you tell me again that I needed time I’ll scream, swear to God, Mary.”
I blinked.
“But –”
“This is ridiculous, baby. I’m working tomorrow, but then I’ve got some time. Can I come to Marshes so we can talk about what happened?”
I didn’t have to think about what to answer.
“Yes.”
“Good. I’ll let you know when I leav –”
There was a loud crash in the background, and I heard Hawker growl something that sounded unpleasant. Miller swore softly.
“Is Hawker angry?” I asked.
“When isn’t he angry?” Miller asked back, and it sounded as if he didn’t know whether to laugh or curse.
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“Don’t worry, I’ve handled him my whole life. Right now, he’s unhappy because his daughter refuses to talk to him.”
I heard another sound and Mill started chuckling. I had no clue what was going on, but I loved hearing his laughter, so my mouth curved.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Miller,” I said.
“Yeah, Mary. Tomorrow,” he replied.
I didn’t want to hang up, so I just sat there and waited for him to close the call. After several long seconds, he started laughing, and I giggled quietly. We were ridiculous, but I felt so happy.
“Tomorrow, baby,” he murmured, and then he closed the call.
I sat on the beach for a while longer, smiling stupidly, hoping that we’d find a way to be together. Then I went through the village and followed the river for a while until I reached Jinx’ lab. Since the patio doors were open, I walked straight through them only to find her staring at her instruments.
“Am I disturbing you?” I asked.
She turned slowly toward me, and she looked absolutely crestfallen.
“Can you leave?” she asked quietly.
“Okay, sorry,” I said, knowing well how she could be when she focused on her research.
I walked down to the beach, and since the weather was nice, I spent the afternoon on a blanket, daydreaming. Nobody bothered me, and I sat there making up stupid scenarios for how everything would somehow work out, and how everyone would be happy again.
Dante told me that Jinx had gotten caught up in something at the lab, and since I’d seen that first hand, I just smiled. Then he took his grandmother and me to a small restaurant by the water, and we had a lovely dinner. People in Marshes were enormously friendly, and more than a little bit curious, so we had company at our table for most of the evening. I had no clue how word had spread, but they all seemed to think that I was Miller’s girlfriend, and a few of the men told me to pass on messages. Since Miller was coming the next day, they could talk to him themselves, though I didn’t tell them that. I wanted to keep that small piece of happiness to myself for a little while, so I just smiled and nodded.
I didn’t see Jinx until late the next day. Snow was on a surprise visit, and we took Jinx’ dog down to the beach and exhausted both him and ourselves by taking turns throwing his beloved ball into the water. I hadn’t met the tall, black haired girl before, and she was a surprise to me. Jinx had told me something bad had happened in her childhood and that her parents were both dead, so I had expected her to be solemn and quiet, but she was bubbly and happy, and we laughed as the huge golden dog continued to shake water
off him and on us.
It didn’t take me long to suspect I knew what she was doing. Pain suddenly flashed through her eyes even as we were giggling, as if she was covering her hurt up beneath a layer of happiness, hoping that by not talking about it the grief would somehow magically disappear. I’d been doing just that myself for years. When we were finally sitting on the blanket and Joe had plopped down next to us, panting and looking like he was laughing at the same time, I turned toward the ocean.
“My parents died when I was ten,” I said quietly. She made a sound, but I kept talking. “I didn’t talk about it, not once, until a few weeks ago when I told Wilder. I couldn’t, Snow. It hurt too much, and I was afraid I’d lose myself in sadness if I ever tried to talk about it.”
“Mary,” she whispered, but I turned to her and put my hand on her arm.
“It made me feel better,” I said. “Just think about it, Snow. Make yourself say the words, just once, to someone you trust.”
She held my gaze and after a long while she sighed, and nodded.
“I’ll think about it. There’s someone I could t –”
She pressed her lips together when we heard Jinx calling my name from the sand dunes, and the moment was over. I wondered who she would unburden on. Dante, probably.
“I need to talk to Mary alone,” Jinx said quietly when she reached us.
“That’s okay,” Snow replied and got to her feet. “I’m hungry, and Mrs. C has made cookies.”
They grinned, and Snow turned to me.
“Thanks, Mary,” she said, and added quietly, “I’ll try.”
I nodded and our eyes held for a little while, but then we both smiled. It had been a good afternoon.
“What was that about?” Jinx asked when Snow had disappeared.
“Nothing,” I said.
“I worry about her,” Jinx whispered. “She has withdrawn from Dante, and he doesn’t like it. She’s better at hiding her thoughts these days, and he doesn’t want to poke around in her head uninvited anyway.”
“She’ll be fine,” I said, hoping that I was right.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked quietly, and I grinned.
Miller was coming to see me that evening, and I hoped we’d figure something out, so I was feeling a lot better than okay right then.