‘Ahh Mr. Dunne. Mr. Norton,’ he said warmly. ‘So wonderful of you to come. It’s always a pleasure. And ladies,’ he nodded his head and half bowed towards the girls, ‘I trust everything was to your satisfaction. Mr. Dunne. The wine. Service, etcetera?’
‘Yeah, it wasn’t too bad,’ replied Billy.
‘Oh I’m so pleased. I really am. And don’t even bother to book gentlemen, there’s always a table here for you.’ Big Danny bowed and scraped a bit more and graciously opened the door for them, letting the girls out first, and giving Billy a knowing wink as Colette unravelled herself off his arm and stepped daintily outside, followed closely by Francis. ‘However, there is just one thing I’m afraid I must ask you,’ he said, taking Les, who was bringing up the rear, discreetly by the sleeve of his tuxedo. ‘Please Mr. Norton. Next time you’re in here would you mind not tipping so heavily. It embarrasses the staff. Thank you sir.’
‘That’s quite all right. I understand.’ Norton took 20 out of his pocket and pressed it into Danny’s palm. ‘Here you are, my good man, a little something for you,’ he said, checking out the top of Big Danny’s head where the crown was starting to thin out. ‘Slip down to Sirs and put a deposit on a toupee for yourself.’
‘Oh thank you sir. Thank you. Your generosity is exceeded only by your good looks.’ Big Danny let Norton out and started to close the door slowly. Just as it had about two inches to go a rather loud raspberry came vibrating through the crack, then it clicked shut leaving the four of them standing on the footpath.
‘Do you know that guy?’ asked Colette.
‘Never seen him before in my life,’ replied Billy. ‘Seems a decent enough sort of a chap though, I must say. Come on, let’s go.’
The short walk from the Mandrake Room to the Crest was fairly uneventful; it was almost 4.30am and the crowd had started to thin out noticeably. Billy and Colette were walking arm in arm as they threaded their way happily through the people along the footpath, but Norton was keeping a circumspect distance between himself and Francis — though he did talk to her and point out a few little things of interest. Before long they were in the foyer of the Crest, Colette had picked up the key and the next thing they were listening to the piped music as they rode the lift up to the girls’ room.
‘I hope they’ve given me the right key this time,’ said Colette as she slipped the key in the lock and gave it a turn. ‘That dill of a desk clerk gave me the wrong one last night.’ It was the right key, Colette opened the door and they followed her inside as she turned on the light at a switch near the door.
‘Not a bad sort of a joint,’ said Norton, casting a quick eye round the tastefully furnished room.
‘Hhhmph. It ought to be for the money it’s costing,’ replied Colette.
The room was fairly spacious, about half as big again as your normal hotel room. As well as a bedroom there was a small lounge room where a brown velvet night-and-day plus a lounge chair faced a tiny curtained-off sun-deck across matching shag-pile carpet. The soft interior lights reflected gently off a glass topped Manilla-cane bar with a built-in fridge; a TV sat next to this and on top of it were the control for the stereo-radio.
‘Bacardi and Cokes do you?’ said Colette from down behind the bar as she rummaged around for some ice and glasses.
‘Yeah. Good as gold,’ said Les, settling back on the lounge and crossing his legs. Billy sat on the lounge chair while Francis headed for the bathroom which ran off the bedroom. She got back just as Colette had made the drinks and handed one to Les, sitting herself down clumsily on the lounge next to him. Colette handed Billy his drink and he reached up and pulled her gently down on to his knee.
Norton took a sip of his drink and eased back on to the lounge, trying not to feel too awkward and embarrassed as Francis inched cautiously towards him along the ottoman. She had a dreamy sort of romantic look on her podgy face and any trepidation she might have shown earlier about bringing the boys back to the room appeared to have been forgotten; she was just about frothing at the mouth waiting for Les to grab her on the knee.
‘Yeah. Well. What do you reckon Francis?’ said Norton, sort of fumbling for the words. ‘Not a ah — bad sort of a night eh?’ He felt a bit gauche with the other two in the room.
Francis just looked pie-eyed at Les and smiled. ‘Mmhh,’ she sighed absently. ‘It’s wonderful.’
‘Yeah. Bacardi and Coke’s nice.’
‘Mmhh.’ Francis sighed again and wriggled another inch or two closer.
Norton stole a quick look out of the corner of his eye at Billy and Colette sitting to his right on the lounge chair. Billy was nuzzling the side of her neck and gently caressing the back of her head with one hand — the other hand was half way up her dress rubbing the inside of her thigh. Colette had her eyes closed and was running her fingers lightly through his thick brown hair.
‘Yeah. Well, it — certainly is a top night,’ repeated Les, turning to face the starry-eyed Francis.
‘Mmhh,’ she sighed again, ‘and you’re a top man too, Les.’ She wriggled forward another inch or two.
‘Yeah.’ Norton laughed lightly, feeling slightly embarrassed again at Fran’s last remark. A sudden movement caught his eye and he turned around just in time to see Billy leading Colette tenderly into the bedroom. Well, you’re sweet son, he thought, as the door clicked shut. Now that just leaves me and Fran. But he did feel a little better with the two of them out of the room.
He took another sip of his Bacardi and Coke and winked at Francis who was sitting on the lounge like a smiling Buddha. Well, what am I going to do with you ‘Fat Fuck’? he thought. Will I throw you up in the air or not? You’re a beast, there’s no two ways about it, but it wouldn’t really hurt me I s’pose. He took another sip of his drink. Ah, bugger it. I may as well give you one, it won’t kill me. It might even be all right.
Francis, by now, was starting to breathe a bit heavily and being left alone on the lounge next to big Les she was also starting to get very hot and sticky round the violet crumble.
Les reached over to Francis and put his hand lightly on the back of her head. ‘You know what I miss most since I left Queensland, Francis?’ he said, gently massaging the muscles around her neck.
‘Ohh what, Les?’ Francis almost moaned. She was a shot duck now.
‘Queensland girls, Fran. I can get Queensland beer, I can get Queensland papers. I can even get Queensland food if I want it. But I can’t get Queensland girls, Fran, and these NSW chicks don’t do a great deal for me.’ He smiled and winked at her. ‘Give me a nice Queensland girl anytime.’
He placed his drink on the floor, lifted Fran’s chin up and kissed her gently on the lips. Fran’s eyes spun around like two bubbles in a piss-pot. She gave an audible moan and wrapped her fat arms around Les’s neck as her tongue darted hungrily into his mouth. Norton closed his eyes and kissed her avidly in return.
He stroked her throat softly for a moment, then ran his hand carefully over her ample breasts, which although they appeared to be just big and fat, turned out to be quite firm and sexy for their size. He ran his hand over her stomach and up the inside of her dress. Francis spread her huge legs and Norton placed his hand over her by now steaming crutch and started rubbing her ted through the silkiness of her flimsy knickers, giving her clitoris a firm but exciting stroking with his middle finger. Francis, by this time, was starting to cough and backfire like a lawnmower with a dirty spark-plug — she gave another loud moan and started rubbing at Norton’s fly.
Whether it was the fuzzy feeling through lack of sleep, the Bacardi or what it was Les didn’t know, but suddenly he had a horn that hard you could have hammered horse-shoes on it and where he was a little reluctant to do any business before, now he was raring to go and get on with the job as Francis started to turn into Raquel Welch.
He squashed his tongue into her ear as she started to undo his fly, and giving her crutch another solid rub he hooked his thumb in the side of her knickers to start easing them
down over her backside when a shrill scream from the bedroom made him open his eyes and turn in that direction with a start. There was another scream and what sounded like a hefty slap then the noise of something, like a lamp-shade, crashing to the floor followed by another scream, a slap and what sounded like Billy cursing heavily.
‘Shit. What was that?’ said Norton rising up off the lounge.
‘Oh God,’ said Francis throwing her hands over her face. ‘I knew this would happen. I just knew it.’ She pushed herself away from Les and stared in terror at the bedroom door.
‘Knew what would happen?’ Les was mystified as Francis sat stock still on the lounge, her hands over her nose and mouth, her eyes still staring out in horror over the tops of her fingers towards the bedroom.
Suddenly the bedroom door burst open and out stormed an absolutely ropeable Billy Dunne with a completely terrified Colette gripped savagely by the scruff of the neck. Tears were pouring down her pretty face and she was almost choking as Billy viciously shook her around like a dog with a rat. He still had his tuxedo on but the front of Colette’s dress was undone and her bra-strap was down over one shoulder. Billy was totally livid, Norton couldn’t even remember seeing him in such a state, his eyes were rolling around in his head and his face was almost black with rage.
‘Have a fuckin’ go at this,’ he hissed vehemently through clenched teeth as he switched on the main light and speared poor little Colette roughly on to the lounge. She burst into more tears and tried frantically to crawl over to Francis for protection but Billy grabbed her brutally by the hair and dragged her back.
‘Have a fuckin’ go at this!’ he roared again as Les stood up to get out of the road. He was dumbfounded but at the same time curiously amused.
‘So this is your sister Colette, is it? You fat fuckin’ bitch,’ he snarled at the ashen faced Francis sitting trembling at one end of the lounge. ‘Your sister, eh?’
Wild-eyed, Billy reached down and lifted up Colette’s dress. She made a pathetic attempt to stop him but Billy gave her a short back-hander across the top of her head, making her scream and cover her face up with her hands. He pulled her dress up over her chest, then grabbing hold of her skimpy little lace knickers tore them down over her legs and flung them across the room.
‘Here Les,’ he roared again, spreading Colette’s legs wide apart. ‘Have a look at this. What’s that?’ He stabbed his finger in the direction of Colette’s crutch.
Feeling a little embarrassed but at the same time slightly bemused, Norton bent down over Colette for a closer inspection of her little brown fanny and find out what Billy was going on about. It was all clean and tidy and trimmed up all right but instead of a nice, neat little ted, sitting there was a tiny little penis, not much bigger than the filter on a King-size cigarette. And dangling loosely beneath it was one, solitary, medium sized testicle.
Norton stood there blinking for a moment. ‘Well I’ll be buggered,’ he said bending down further for a closer look. ‘It’s a dick.’ He gave it a little flick with his index finger. ‘And that’s a ball.’ He gave it a little flick too and looked up at the still fuming Billy Dunne, trying not to smile. ‘It’s definitely not a drop-kick, mate. Definitely not a snatch.’ He stood up and shook his head slowly. Being an old Queensland country boy he’d never encountered anything like this before. ‘Well I’ll be buggered,’ he said again, slowly stroking his chin.
‘Yeah. A bloke. A rotten fuckin’ drag-queen. But I’ll tell you what. It’s the last time you’ll ever pull this caper, you prick of a thing.’ Billy pulled back his fist to punch Colette in the face but Norton grabbed his arm just as Francis screamed.
‘Hey come on, turn it up,’ he said pushing Billy up against the wall. Norton wasn’t turning on his good mate but Colette wasn’t much bigger than a jockey and the state Billy was in and with his strength if he’d have hit Colette there was no doubt he’d cause her a serious injury. Possibly kill her. ‘Come on mate, settle down. Don’t do something you’ll only regret.’ He stood between Billy and Colette with his hands held up but open and hoping to Christ he wouldn’t have to belt one of his closest friends for his own good. Billy’s eyes flashed murderously at Norton for a second then over at the two on the lounge then back at Norton. He stood there shaking with rage for a moment then started to settle down a bit, running the back of his hand across his mouth and wiping a few flecks of foam from his lips. He gulped in a few short breaths of air, still glaring fiendishly at Colette but after a few more seconds he calmed down a bit more. ‘Come on mate. It’s all sweet,’ said Norton, slapping him lightly on the shoulder and winking. ‘It’s all sweet.’
The terrified Colette in the meantime had crawled up to Francis and was cuddled trembling into her ample bosom, noisily crying her eyes out. Francis had her fat arms around her and was softly patting the back of her head. ‘There, there, Col. It’s all right. No one’s going to hurt you. It’s all right.’ She made a pitiful sight as she looked up at Norton. Her face was all red and flushed and big, glistening tears were streaming down over her fat cheeks, splashing on her double chins. Her eye make-up had run everywhere, leaving black lines all over her face and it looked as if someone had got two prunes and squashed them into the sockets of her eyes. ‘Please don’t hurt her,’ she pleaded up at Norton. ‘She didn’t really mean any harm. Please Les.’ She hugged Colette closer into her and gently patted her head again. ‘I’m sorry it happened. I really am, but if you want some money there’s some money in my purse. You can have it. But please don’t hurt us. Please.’
Norton couldn’t help but feel a sense of squeamishness and sympathy at the pathetic sight of poor fat Francis trying desperately to protect her sister, or brother or whatever from the pair of them, big and all as they were, and the pitiful look on her tear-stained face as she offered them her money to try to shield Colette tugged awkwardly at his heart-strings. Though Les was the kind of bloke who wouldn’t think twice about kicking some mug’s head near off his shoulders in a street fight, the very thought of hurting poor Francis and to think that she might think he would, filled him with compassion and revulsion.
He looked down at her and gave her a bored sort of smile. ‘No one’s going to hurt you, Francis,’ he said, shaking his head slowly. ‘And I sure as hell don’t want your money. But there’s one thing I do want. I wouldn’t mind a bloody explanation as to just what is going on here. Even if it’s only for Billy’s sake.’ Norton nodded seriously at Billy, still scowling at them sullenly from against the wall, and turned back to Francis. ‘Now I’ve been pretty fair dinkum with you all night,’ he continued, pointing his finger at Francis. ‘I even fancied you, being a Queensland girl. I mean I wouldn’t have come back here if I didn’t would I? So what about levelling with me. What’s all this shit you’ve been feeding me about hair-dressing salons in Brisbane and coming down for your sister’s operation. What’s the bloody truth?’
Francis produced a crumpled kleenex-tissue from somewhere inside her dress, blew her nose vigorously into it and dabbed at her eyes. ‘Well,’ she sniffed, ‘most of what I told you is true Les. We do own a hair-dressing salon in Brisbane and Colette did come down for an operation. But . . . it was a sex-change operation.’
‘A sex-change operation?’
‘Yes, that’s right. A sex-change operation.’
‘Yeah?’ Norton’s curiosity was suddenly aroused. ‘What do they do? Cut it off and tuck it in sort of thing.’
‘Something like that. Col goes into the Wolvermann Private Hospital in Edgecliff on Monday and she’s out on Wednesday. It takes about 14 days to heal and then Col’s finally a woman.’
‘Just like that?’
‘Just like that.’
‘Ah well, that explains everything Billy,’ said Norton turning to the expressionless Billy Dunne standing against the wall. ‘You were just a fortnight too early old son. Another two weeks and you wouldn’t have known the difference.’ Billy said nothing but muttered something filthy under his breath
.
‘You don’t know what it’s been like all these years, Les,’ continued Francis, giving her nose another wipe. ‘Col’s been like that since . . . well since the day she was born. Basically she is a woman. But she was just unfortunate to be born with that . . . that . . . what ever it is.’
‘One and a bit I s’pose you’d call it.’
Francis ignored Les’s laconic description of her sister’s genitalia. ‘We’ve had to hide it in the family through school, work, going to the beach. Col’s 22, she’s always been good looking but never seems to have a boyfriend. The rest of our relations and other people are always wondering why. It hasn’t been easy, Les, I can tell you.’
‘Well why didn’t you get the bloody thing done in Brisbane years ago?’
Francis laughed scornfully through her tears. ‘A sex-change operation in Queensland? Are you kidding, Les. The way Bjelke and the rest of those Bible bashing Right-to-Lifers have got it sewn up up there you just about need a prescription to get a brassiere. Besides, they cost almost $10,000 with your accommodation and air fares. And you don’t get any of it back.’
‘Yeah. Fair enough I suppose.’
‘Col didn’t mean any harm. But Billy asked her for a dance and he just swept her off her feet. She told me when we went to the ladies he was the spunkiest guy she’d ever met. She . . . she just literally fell in love at first sight. She just couldn’t help herself. And I like you too, Les. You know that?’
Up against the wall Billy was still glaring at Colette with hatred and contempt but his ego had just been given a bit of a massage so his temper came down a couple of degrees. He looked at Norton for a moment or two but still didn’t say anything. Finally Les spoke.
‘Well, what do you reckon mate?’ he said, checking his watch and giving Billy a light slap on the shoulder. ‘It’s gettin’ on for five o’clock. We hit the toe?’
You Wouldn't Be Dead for Quids Page 23