It’s my turn to say it. “Oh.” I wish I hadn’t asked. I never know how to react when people give me sob stories. Ugh, no. I don’t mean to make it sound like that, like I think their problem is trivial. I totally don’t. I just mean that when people lay it all out, I don’t know how to react. You don’t want to say, “Oh, I’m sorry,” because it seems all fake. Everybody says that. So I usually wind up where I am right now, not saying anything at all.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m used to it. My parents died when I was six, so I don’t really remember them too much. They were both only children and my grandparents died before I was even born.”
“How did your parents die?” A nosy question, but I can’t help but ask.
“A drunk driver ran into their car. They were coming back from dinner. The babysitter had to tell me. I’ve been living in foster care since then.”
“Oh.” I say again, like a total idiot.
He grins at me. “Sorry you asked, huh?”
“Yes! I mean, no … well, kind of. I’m really sorry.” Ack, said it anyway. I’m such a dork.
He gives a self-deprecating chuckle. “No one ever knows what to say. Don’t worry about it.”
Wow, he seems like he really has a good handle on things. I have no idea what I would feel like if something like that had happened to me, but I can pretty much guarantee that I wouldn’t be taking it as well as he is. You still don’t want to bring up my first, and last, pet fish with me. Splashy’s buried in the garden in a nice shady spot with a hand-carved wooden marker (well, okay, a hand-lettered block of wood, but I did use really good penmanship) that says, Here Lies Splashy. May He Swim in Peace Forevermore. Amen.
“Anyway, I’d never really thought about being a vampire or anything like that, but I met this one crazy kid at the last foster home I was in. Well, I guess he wasn’t really crazy, since he was dead on, but he talked all the time about vampires being real and stuff like that. Then one day he just disappeared. That’s not really all that unusual since kids like him run away all the time. But he left me a note about where to find him. And so I looked him up one day when I was feeling bored and he’d been turned. And I thought, why the heck not?”
“So that’s all there is to it, huh?”
He gives me another impish grin. “Well, if you want to get all psychological, I guess you could say I’m trying to compensate for the untimely death of my parents by living forever. But I’m really not that deep.”
I doubt that somehow, but I don’t argue. “So where do you live now?” I mentally give myself another smack for being nosy. He’s just so easy to talk to.
“I’ve been in the system long enough to know how to work it, so when I heard they had a larger vampire community here, I wrangled a move and a place by myself. I was close enough to eighteen that they approved it. Honestly, I think they were probably glad to get rid of me.”
“So you live all by yourself?” That blows my mind. But, I guess, I’ll be doing that soon enough myself. Still, it’s really weird to know someone in high school doing it. I mean, how do you live? Who cooks dinner and does the laundry?
“Yeah. I’ve got a part-time job at a bookstore and the government helps subsidize the housing. It’s no big deal.”
“How come you were never adopted?” Wow, I should really buy myself a muzzle or something. I’m obviously going for Nosy Nellie of the Year.
He doesn’t seem to mind the question, thankfully. He laughs again, this time his mid-range goofy chuckle. “I was a rotten kid. I didn’t want to be adopted at first because I didn’t believe my parents were really gone. And then it got to be like a game. You know, how many pranks could I pull before this family gave up on me and things like that.”
“Oh, I’m sure you weren’t that bad.” I can’t imagine him being that mean. He really seems pretty nice once you get to know him. And way more fun than I would have thought. He looks so normal. But, I guess, how normal can you be when you’re thinking about becoming a vampire?
“You have no idea,” he says. “I was terrible. I grew out of it after a while, but by then it was too late. Once you’re past twelve or so, there’s very little hope you’ll get adopted. Now, how about you? I know your parents are vampires, but how did you wind up in the vampire sessions now? You’re a junior, right? Most of us are seniors and a couple people graduated last year.”
“Well, The Council didn’t actually know about me until recently. My parents never exactly told them they had a kid. And now that they know … ”
I was about to explain about the whole Uncle Mortie fiasco when Lorelai sweeps into the room, pulls me out of my chair with a quick, “Sorry, George, girl business,” and bundles me off to a corner of the room. I give George a shrug and wiggle my fingers at him, which he hopefully takes as, Thanks a lot and talk to you later, okay?
“Girl,” she shrieks, “you totally did not call me! What happened with Aubrey yesterday?”
I had completely forgotten about calling Lorelai. In fact, I have no idea what I even did with her number.
“Sorry! I completely forgot. It was pretty low key. He couldn’t stay long.” She looks immeasurably disappointed for someone who barely knows me. “But he did ask if he could come over for dinner on Sunday.” She perks right up.
“Ohmigod! That’s huge! What did you guys talk about?”
“Nothing, really. He mostly just asked about my family.”
She simmers down again, looking a little confused. “That’s weird. Who cares about that stuff? He didn’t mention what you were wearing or anything like that? You did wear something decent, right?”
I shrug my shoulders. I had already decided that I wasn’t going to worry about the why’s or wherefore’s and just enjoy it. It’s not every day that some sexy guy asks me out. Not even every other day. Generally, I’m a magnet for losers, geeks, and members of the band.
“Oh well,” she says. “You better call me Sunday night after dinner. Remember this time!”
I nod and make a mental note to search through my backpack once I get home for her number. That’s usually where anything I lose winds up. I don’t know what I’ll do when I’m out of school and stuck with a dinky purse. I have way too much stuff for that. I’ll be like one of those old women carrying around a beach tote or a duffel bag.
I’m about to head back and apologize to George for ditching him (not like I had a choice) when Aubrey walks in and heads in my direction. Lorelai gives a little squeal and runs off so I can be alone with him. One thing you gotta give to cheerleaders, they know what to do about boys. No question about that. But she could definitely be a little less obvious.
“Hi, Mina,” he says. Thank God he didn’t call me Tina again.
“Hey, Aubrey.” I manage to croak out. I clear my throat so hopefully he’ll think I have a cold or something instead of just being the dateless dork that I am.
“So, are we on for dinner on Sunday?”
“Yep, everything’s cool with my parents.” My mom was actually surprisingly cool about it, considering that Sunday is technically a school night. She asked me if he was cute (Dad cringed), and when I told her just how cute, she gave me a high five. Mom is awesome.
“Here’s my address. Around sixish?” Maybe I’m a little like my dad, since I was anal enough to write it all out for Aubrey. Or maybe I’m just anxious. I could have just called, but I thought it would give me an excuse to chat with him in person if I waited.
“Great,” he says and wanders off with a little wave. And that was it. I guess he’s not much for chatting. Hopefully he won’t just wander off in the middle of dinner on Sunday.
I look back at George, but he’s not looking my way at all. In fact, he’s deep in conversation with Linda with his back turned to me. I’ll have to thank him for the notes later.
I take a seat next to Lorelai and fill her in on the latest development with Aubrey. Admittedly, it wasn’t a long conversation, but she congratulates me anyway and shoots a dirty look at R
aven, who just wandered in.
“I’m so glad he’s cozying up with you instead of Raven,” she says.
“Why?” I’m not real fond (obviously) of Goth Girl myself, but I have to admit she probably isn’t really that bad. Maybe. And I can totally appreciate why she’s so protective of Aubrey.
“Because she’s got such a chip on her shoulder about the whole vampire thing. She acts like she’s better than all of us. Says she’s been ‘practicing’ for years.”
I snort. “Practicing? Is that what she calls prancing around in that Goth getup? I’ve got news for her. None of the vampires I know dress anything like that.”
“Good thing,” says Lorelai, “it would totally clash with my cheerleading outfit.”
I’m about to laugh when I realize she’s serious. Man, I’m just not used to cheerleaders. I never know when they are joking and when they are serious. It’s like they speak another language, Cheerleaderease. Luckily, Grandma Wolfington picks that moment to come in.
“Today we’re going to talk about vampire law. Some of these laws are officially set down by the Councils while others are just commonly understood. You will all be expected to follow these laws without question.” She gives a stern look around the room to emphasize the point.
“Arguably the most important and inviolate law is that you must never, ever reveal that you are a vampire to a human.” I notice she looks right at me. Great. I resist the urge to give her a thumbs-up. I guess that’s why I had to pretend I hadn’t known about my parents and Uncle Mortie. I wonder what they would do if they knew my parents had broken that law years ago?
“In keeping with that, you must also not turn a human without first having consulted with The Council and sponsoring the human as a candidate.”
Between those two right there, how in the world are new vampires ever created? And that sure isn’t what happened to Uncle Mortie. He was blindsided by the whole thing. He never went through any silly vampire lessons.
George holds his hand up and Grandma Wolfington nods at him. “What happens to those that break those laws? I have definitely heard of cases where one or both of those rules were broken.”
Hmmm, yeah, that weird friend he was telling me about, for one. And everyone in my family, but I’m not volunteering that to the class.
“They are dealt with,” she says menacingly. Looking at her, I don’t doubt it. I wonder what happened to the vampire that turned Uncle Mortie? Did they do anything to her? Man, I better make sure I don’t slip up and say anything about my parents.
“Well,” he continues, “how do normal humans find about vampirism then? If you can’t talk to anyone about it, how do we ever get new vampires? I mean, vampires can’t have children, so if no one gets turned … ”Yes! My question exactly! I give George an eyebrow wiggle for encouragement. We must be on the same wavelength.
Grandma Wolfington gives him a deep look like she’s trying to determine whether he’s a troublemaker or what. I’m not sure what she decides, but she starts pacing the room with long strides. “There are always those humans that believe in us, no matter what they learn in school. Those humans always find a way to reach out to us and many of them are accepted. Some of you in here today fall under that category. And yes, there are instances where the laws have been broken.”
She stops pacing. “But you must remember something. We do not actively recruit new vampires. We are limited in number and must remain that way. After all, we live so long that if there were hundreds of thousands of us, it would be noticeable. When there are few, we can blend in more easily.” She turns and looks right at George and then at each of us in turn. “Always remember that vampires can be killed. Humans can be many things to us: friends, lovers, enemies, prey, but if our secret were widely known, we would be hunted.”
No one says a word. When she puts it like that, it all sounds so deadly serious. Do I really want to be hated? I mean, if people knew? And prey? I can’t imagine ever thinking of the kids I go to school with as prey, not even Bethany, as much as I’d like something horrible to befall her. Like a plague of zits that never go away or toilet paper stuck to her shoe. But not anyone actually hunting her down to chow on.
“Anyway, continuing on, we do not kill if we can avoid it. Unnecessary deaths draw attention that we do not want.”
Yikes! That certainly implies that there may be unavoidable deaths, doesn’t it? Ohmigod. I am so not killing someone.
“Following on with that, just be discreet in general. Do not flaunt your powers or anything that might peg you as a vampire.”
It’s obvious that she’s never been at our house for Halloween and seen Uncle Mortie all dressed up. I bet he’d get a talking to. I’m very sure he hasn’t killed anyone, though. Except maybe with bad jokes.
“Those are the most important laws to follow. There are many more that have to do with how the vampire community is run, how the Council members are chosen, and what they are in charge of. I’ve prepared a pamphlet for you.” She hands them out to us.
She’s big on these brochure-pamphlet things. This one is quite thick and looks to be some really dry reading.
“I expect you to read through the pamphlet by our next session.”
Great, vampire homework on top of my regular homework.
Grandma Wolfington spends the rest of the session talking about the proper not-against-the-rules ways to obtain blood, which kind of grosses me out. The easiest way seems to be to stop by a vampire “watering hole” that’s essentially a blood bar. I’m not at all sure how they get the blood though. Ew. I don’t really want to think about that. I guess it’s better than attacking someone in a dark alley though.
She even mentions that some vampires live wholly off of animal blood and there are butcher vampires across the world where you can stock up discreetly. Good to know it doesn’t have to be human blood. That’s one discussion I’ve never had with my parents. I never really wanted to know where they get their blood. Hopefully they’re just the animal-blood-drinking variety of vampire. They keep a fridge down in the basement, but I never go in it.
G.W. wraps things up with another dire warning to not break any of the rules. She never mentions what the specific “or else” is, but that’s another thing I think I’d be perfectly happy not knowing.
“And lastly, be sure to contact your sponsor and check in. They should have some activities planned for the coming week.” This time, she looks at me. “And if they don’t, please let me know.”
Knowing Uncle Mortie, our planned activity will probably involve either:
a) food,
b) hot chicks, or
c) food and hot chicks.
I still can’t believe he’s my sponsor.
I get stuck talking to G.W. about the importance of filling out all forms on time, no matter what and don’t get to do more than wave good-bye to Aubrey or George. The woman has been a vampire for so long her blood must have gone to dust years ago.
11:22 P.M.
MinaMonster: u have any idea for ur paper yet?
SereneOne: yah, im psyched. im gonna.do a study of the vampire legends in Romania.
SereneOne: i chckd out some cool books from the library
MinaMonster: sweet
SereneOne: u?
MinaMonster: derno. gonna read a lil more and c if anything hits me
SereneOne: nothing like leaving it to the last minute…
MinaMonster: yah, yah, thx mom
Too bad I can’t give Serena all those notes I got from George. She’d probably get an F though, since no one would believe any of it was true. Not even Tweeter.
8
I stayed up half the night reading that stupid book and the more I read, the more pissed off I got. Where did Bram Stoker get off on calling women weak and no-good? I mean, it’s Mina that does all the work and actually pieces everything together, and Van Heising and her stupid husband Jonathan just take all the credit. I am so pissed. I can’t believe Ms. Tweeter is having us read this pro
paganda.
At least I know what I’m going to write about for my term paper now. Something about the women in the book getting the shaft and no pun intended there either. Yeah, Lucy was a total twit, but all her boyfriends sure didn’t have any trouble killing her once she was an ‘evil’ vampire. Shoot, she had more personality as a vampire than as a person anyway. Ugh.
I know, I know, I probably wouldn’t be this worked up about it if I didn’t have my own big vampire question hanging over my head.
All the stuff I’m learning in the vampire sessions is kind of intriguing. Granted, G.W. is totally toeing the party line and doesn’t really talk about any of the bad stuff. (Well, except for humans potentially wanting to stamp out all vampires if they knew they were real.) And I know that vampires aren’t hideously ugly or evil like in Dracula or the movies. Okay, Uncle Mortie isn’t exactly a pretty boy, but Mom is definitely better than average. Not that looks are the most important thing. Gah!
All I’m trying to say is that maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world to be a vampire. The end of your life, yeah, kind of. But not the end of the world.
On the ride to school in the Death Beetle, Serena bubbles on and on about all the Romanian vampire legends she’s been reading. I’m dying to tell her which ones are true and which ones aren’t (I actually read some of George’s notes last night whenever Stoker was really pissing me off). I’ve always been horrible at keeping information to myself. Dad says it’s my giving nature. Mom says I’m just a blabbermouth. I hope she didn’t tell The Council that.
Nothing exciting happens all day until after English. (Ms. Tweeter totally dug our project idea and was even all over the idea of a Tarantino tie-in.)
Nathan pulls me aside and says, “Hey Mina, we’re all going out for pizza tomorrow for lunch. You want to come?” Serena, standing right behind him, starts dancing a little jig and high-fiving the air. I try to act all cool like I get asked to hang with the popular kids every day.
Sucks to Be Me: The All-True Confessions of Mina Hamilton, Teen Vampire (maybe) Page 5