by Beth Michele
The hotel room walls are narrowing. My chest is imploding with feeling, my brain with thoughts I want to blot out. I know what would do it. But I promised myself I won’t, and I promised Gran, too.
Shit.
I roll off the bed and snatch my leather jacket from the chair. Maybe some fresh air will do me good. I can probably hit up a movie and grab some dinner. Anything is better than sitting around here.
My phone dings a text from Braden as I’m heading out and I chuckle.
How’s the hot chick situation?
You missed out, dude, you should’ve come.
That’s fucked up.
Hey, you snooze, you lose.
All good there?
Yeah. The city’s great. We need to come back here. How’s everything there?
I stare at the screen a little too hard as I wait for his response.
Same old. I stopped by to see Evie, but she was out with Nora. I’ll keep you posted, don’t worry.
Thanks. Heading out. Catch you later.
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Later, man.
The door closes behind me and I make my way down the hall, pulling up Google on my cell to search for nearby theaters. The elevator is slow and I’m considering taking the stairs when someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to find a woman with caramel-colored hair, bright pink lipstick, and enough perfume to knock out half the city, smiling at me.
“Did you drop this?” she asks, her deep voice a vast contradiction to her appearance. It throws me off and takes a minute for me to glance down at her outstretched hand. As I do, a tingle slides up my spine and I blink several times.
Sitting in the palm of her hand is a small plastic star, much like the ones I used to have on my bedroom ceiling.
“N-no,” I stutter, “that’s not mine.”
“It’s mine,” another voice says, and I whip my head around, searching out the sound that makes my heart leap from my chest. My smile makes a debut for the first time in weeks. Our eyes catch and hold for several long beats. Gradually, I become aware that the woman in the hall has disappeared. I wonder now if she was even real.
“Evie.”
“I seemed to have lost my way,” she confesses, so much regret in her expression that it hurts my heart, “but… the stars helped me find my way back.” She smiles through her tears and I go to her, falling to my knees, resting my hands on her thighs. “I miss my best friend, and… I wanted to tell him how sorry I am for being such an idiot. I’m hoping he might forgive me.”
“Oh, Evie.” I curve my hand around her soft cheek, brushing her tears away with my thumb. “There’s nothing to forgive.” A rush of breath escapes my lungs. “I can’t believe you’re here. Come on. Let’s go talk in my room.” I force out a smile through an incredible amount of nerves and her face brightens.
I intertwine our fingers, holding onto her the entire way to my room, which is only five doors down. I don’t want to let go, afraid she might disintegrate into thin air. After inserting the key card into the door and pushing it open, only then do I release her hand.
“Beautiful room,” she comments, and I glance around, quickly returning my gaze to hers.
“I hadn’t noticed it before. But now, yeah, it is.” I drop to bended knee in front of her, laying my head on her lap. “I missed you so much,” I whisper, and she strokes my hair with her fingers, my heart spreading its wings again.
“I’m so sorry, Dylan,” she mutters, the shakiness in her tone making me lift my head. “I just—”
“Shhh—”
“No,” she cuts in, “let me get this out.” She pushes away a few strands of hair that have fallen over my forehead, then caresses my jaw. “It took a village for me to see the clearing past the trees,” she starts, and when my brows draw together, she clarifies. “A brave little girl, a nosy physical therapist, a concerned grandmother, an overprotective sister, oh, and a crazy friend who eats way too many Tic-Tacs for her own good.” She smiles, and it reaches up to light her eyes. “But most of all it was you, Dylan. For not letting me forget who I am.”
She exhales a hard breath. “Our whole lives you’ve stood by me. Even when things were an absolute disaster in your own life, you were there for me, holding my hand, telling me everything was going to be okay.
“I’ve always known what I wanted, but, after the accident, I began thinking that I couldn’t be what you wanted, or needed anymore. I couldn’t fathom that I was more than the sum of two legs that refused to work. I couldn’t see that the two of us together and what we have, what we’ve been,” she slants her head, blue eyes holding mine, “was so much bigger,” she taps on the arm of her wheelchair, “than this. And after everything you’ve been through, you finally had a chance, and…,” her lips teeter into a frown, “I didn’t want the girl in the chair to hold you back.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret, but you have to come closer,” I whisper, and she leans in, bringing her forehead to mine. “I’ve never seen the chair. I’ve always seen only the girl.”
And then she kisses me.
With her tongue. With her lips. With her heart. Everything she couldn’t say before, I feel now in the way her hands are surrounding my face, lips moving over mine. She teases me open with the tip of her tongue and we find each other again and again, until I want so much more that I have to break away.
“I missed you,” she breathes out, chest heaving. “But, more than that… I love you.”
“And I, you.” Standing up, I shed my jacket and kick my shoes across the room. She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth, eyes gleaming.
“Nice bed,” she comments, looking past me to the king-sized monstrosity at the far end of the room. “The room I’m sharing with Nora just has two double beds.” And as much as I give Nora shit, it was great of her to come for Evie. I know she’d do anything for her.
“You’re about to find out just how nice it is.” I whisk her out of the wheelchair and set her down gently on the bed.
“You don’t have to go easy on me. I’m not fragile,” she says, her eyes eating me up, tongue peeking out as I strip down to my boxers.
“Oh, believe me, I know, Hopper. I was thinking more along the lines of hard and rough. I’ve got a lot of pent-up frustration to work out, so apologies in advance.”
“Ha!” She snorts out a laugh and I pounce on her, pinning her arms on either side of her head, sliding my tongue along the curve of her throat. My mouth moves over her skin, her scent making me crazy with want. She moans and I harden even more.
“God, I’ve missed this,” I whisper, my nose skimming her jaw, her breath gusting over my cheek. “I’ve missed… us.”
“Me, too. Now hurry up and undress me,” she demands, rubbing her breasts against my chest. “Then you can hold me down again.”
“Fuck, Evie.” I let go of her hands and gather the hem of her shirt, peeling it up and over her ribs. She raises up just enough for me to lift it over her head, revealing a black lace bra. “If this is what absence does, I need to take a lot more trips.”
“No more trips,” her smile disintegrates, “not without me.”
“Not without you,” I repeat, brushing her hair away so she can see the intensity in my eyes. “Wherever you are is the only place I want to be anyway.” I press a tender kiss to her lips. “Because wherever you are, is home.”
HIS LIPS WRAP around the words, and the words wrap around my skin, penetrating my heart. What Dylan and I have is something people only dream about. It’s a love that defies time or age, or even disability. I know this is what my mom meant when she said once in a lifetime love. I suspect she knew all along it would be Dylan, and wherever she is right now, I know she’s smiling.
“I want to feel you, Dylan,” I moan, trying to get as close as I can, wanting to crawl inside his heart.
“I’m right here.” He presses his erection against my belly while his tongue and lips travel down my neck and over the swell of my breasts. If I could
move my legs, they would be squirming with all the need that’s pooling in every part of my body. “Let’s get this off.”
“Hurry up.” I grin as he reaches under me and flicks the clasp, sliding the bra straps down my arms. His mouth goes to work on my nipples, while his stubble chafes delectably against my skin. The soft and rough sensation makes me whimper and I curl my fingers into his hair, guiding him closer. He hums as he sucks, and the need between my thighs grows more urgent. “I love your mouth,” I purr, and he stops.
“Just my mouth?” he smirks, lips wet, fishing for a compliment that I’m more than willing to give.
“That’s all you’ve shown me so far,” I taunt, rising up on my elbows. He accepts my challenge, pushing off of me but standing close to the bed.
“Let’s rectify that, shall we?” he teases as he slips his hands beneath the waistband of his boxers. It’s a slow but delicious torture that becomes completely unbearable when his hard-on is finally in front of me.
My cheeks are way too warm, my eyes much too wide for my own good. He grins, seeing my reaction, but it slowly evaporates as he climbs on the bed. With serious intent, he removes my skirt and panties, settling his weight on top of me until every part of his body is covering every part of mine.
“Is this okay?” His concern for me heightens my need for him and I glide my palms from his shoulders to the back of his neck, up through his hair. I stare into the dark pupils of his eyes.
“I need you so much, Dylan,” I tell him, breathless, “I need to feel you inside me.”
He reaches over me to the small table beside the bed, but his hand stops midway and he closes his eyes, a pained expression on his face. “I don’t have any condoms.”
“Oh.” My eyes roam up to the ceiling on a frustrated breath, then back to him. “Not even one?”
“I wasn’t planning on needing them here, Evie.”
“Right, and it’s a good thing, too.” I giggle, then chew on my lip, thinking, when there’s absolutely nothing to think about. “It’s okay. I’ve been on the pill for years, but more importantly… I trust you.”
“I’ve always used a condom and you know I’ve been tested… but we don’t have to, you know? I don’t want you to feel pressured. There’s lots of other things we can do.” His eyes roam to my breasts and his tongue darts out to tease me.
“I want to.” I reach down between us, gasping, when my fingers surround him. His skin is soft and silky, throbbing, and he groans when I stroke up and down his length. He separates my thighs, his thumb grazing back and forth over my wetness before he covers my hand with his own.
Together, we guide him inside of me, both of us moaning at the first feel of skin against skin. Dylan’s eyes move from where our bodies are joined together to find mine, and the love in his gaze multiplies every single thing I’ve ever felt for him.
“I love you, Evie Carmichael,” he breathes as he slowly rocks into me—in, then out, then back in again. His lips touch my forehead. “I loved you before,” then the tip of my nose, “I love you now,” and finally my lips, “I’ll love you always.”
STRAY PIECES OF loose gravel crunch under my feet as we move further into the quiet. The breeze has picked up slightly, blades of dark green grass shifting to and fro in the light of the early morning. Carefully placed flowers blow gently around each gravestone. Evie glances up at me, smiling, her hand wrapped firmly around mine. She’s always smiling now, and every time her lips curve, it fills me up just a little bit more.
We’ve come a long way since we returned from New York. We’re both attending the local college. Me for graphic design, and Evie for special education. Meeting that little girl in the grocery store changed her life. She’s passionate now about wanting to work with children who have disabilities, hoping not only to help them, but to inspire them as well.
While she still doesn’t have any increased feeling in her legs, she continues to push herself hard in physical therapy, and remains hopeful that she will walk again someday.
The doctors provided her with leg braces and hand crutches which she uses in small doses at this point, because she finds herself exhausted from the effort. She’s made peace with it, though. Whatever happens, she knows she’ll be okay—that we’ll be okay.
I hear her speaking to her mom and dad in a hushed whisper, and every now and then she laughs. I know how much she misses them.
Regretfully, I haven’t visited here very often. Now, though, not only do I want to pay respects to my mother, but I want to see my sister as well.
I slow as I near their gravestones and Evie wheels next to me, peering up at me with a warm smile. She reaches for my hand, folding her fingers around mine as we stare down at my mother and sister. My sister’s headstone reads Clara Rose. There is no last name and no dates, and for some reason sadness swells in my stomach. It’s almost as if she was a secret. In many ways, I guess she was.
“Clara Rose,” Evie says in a soft voice, “such a beautiful name.” I swallow and nod, clamping down on my emotions. So many thoughts sweep through my mind. What would she have been like? Would my life have been different if she had lived? The biggest one, looming like a dark cloud—if she had survived, would I have even been born?
As if knowing the path my mind is veering down, Evie gives my hand a gentle squeeze and brings me back. “You’re exactly where you’re meant to be,” she whispers, and I exhale all of the thoughts that were barging into my overactive brain, attempting to settle in for the long haul.
I place a small bouquet of daisies in front of my mother’s grave. A wave of sadness overtakes me unexpectedly. Thoughts of what she went through make my chest heavy with compassion. I knew so little about her. Even now, I don’t know whether or not she liked flowers, but I thought it would be nice to bring her some.
“Don’t forget this,” Evie reminds me, handing me the small pink teddy bear that I place on top of Clara’s flat stone. I press on its belly and set it down, smiling when “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” floats into the air.
After a few minutes, I shift to face Evie to let her know I’m ready to go. We leave the cemetery, the sky beginning to brighten as the clouds drift, giving way to the start of a beautiful day.
“So, what now?” Evie asks, lifting her face to the warm sun as we approach the car.
“Hmph. Well, it’s your birthday. I have a present for you at the house. I wanted to give it to you before everyone comes for the party.”
Her eyes shine like she’s ten years old again. She does this bizarre twisting thing to get herself into the car and my mind goes in the gutter with all the dirty things I want to do to her. Of course she picks up on it. “I feel you staring at me, your eyes are burning a hole through my ass.”
“I can’t help it. You’ve got a great ass, Hopper.” Her shoulders lift on a laugh and she smirks. I lean in, grazing her cheek with my lips, then brush past her ear, whispering, “I’ve got big plans for us tonight.” Her breathing falters, and now I grin before I back away to pack the wheelchair and close the passenger door.
“AND NOW FOR your present,” I announce, once we make it back to her house. It only takes me a minute to retrieve her surprise, and I set the gift behind one of the sofa cushions as she rifles for something in her purse.
As I walk over to her, my heart is pounding like a damn drum. I bend down, trying to make it look like I’m going to give her a kiss, but instead, grab her under her knees with one arm and cradle her back with the other.
“Dills!” she squeals. “What are you doing?”
I mean to have a perfect landing on the couch, but we end up flopping into a big pile of limbs and laughter. After it subsides, I manage to get myself into a sitting position with my back flush against the sofa. Evie fumbles around until she eventually pulls herself up and wriggles her way onto my lap.
“You know,” she says, somewhere between a giggle and a heavy breath, “I could’ve done that myself. I have these wicked maneuvers I can do now.”
She places her palm flat against my chest and my heartbeat quickens. “Surprisingly, I won’t argue with you on that.” She smiles and edges closer, our lips not quite touching as she stares into my eyes, teasing me.
“Back off, Hopper. I won’t let you distract me with your luscious lips.” She gives them a teasing flick with her tongue and I have to hold myself back from lips that are clearly my downfall. “So, this is for you.” I reach under the pillow and slide the gift out, handing it to her.
My throat is suddenly coated with nerves as I watch her play with the streams of purple ribbon, curling it back and forth between her fingers. Then she looks up at me, her eyes glittering as if there are a million stars behind them. As always, they hold me captive.
“You’re just so beautiful, Evie, and I feel….” I pause, the words not wanting to come. But I dig deep and find them. “You’ve owned my heart since the day you stole my caterpillar.” I chuckle and she cuts in with a taunting glare.
“Stole it? I believe you gave it to me.”
“You batted those blue eyes and we didn’t stand a chance. Me or the caterpillar.” My laughter gets cut off by the hammering inside my chest. “I saw your soul that rainy Saturday… I was drawn to it as if by some invisible thread. And the heart that I thought was dying, came alive. I fell in love with you that day, and every day since. Meeting you changed the course of my life, Evie.”
“Oh, Dylan.” The warmth in her gaze softens my insides. Her hands leave the present and frame my face, her thumb brushing over my scar. “Sometimes I think that….” She shrugs and looks toward the window, but I slip a finger under her chin to bring her back to me.