“Lisa is human. She made a mistake. We all do. God forgives us thankfully, so the least we can do is try to do the same.”
His gaze sliced through Hannah. “I’ll be back later with Andy.” Jacob strode from the waiting room before he said something he would regret. He’d heard the censure in her voice. But Hannah hadn’t lived with a drug addict. He had. His mother had ruined her life and had been well on the way to doing the same with his.
No, you did a good job of that yourself that night you killed Kevin. What she started, you finished.
His guilt that was always there swelled to the foreground, threatening to swamp him. Up until the appearance of Hannah in his life he’d managed to cope with what he had done. Now he didn’t know if he could continue to work with the children at Stone’s Refuge and see her. He’d thought he could, but he wanted more. He wanted a wife and a family—with Hannah. But how could they ever be really happy with what happened always hanging between them? How could she have really forgiven him?
Jacob found a parking space in the nearly full lot at the church and walked toward the entrance. The snow had stopped and a white blanket muffled the sounds, making it serenely quiet. Christmas music wafted from the sanctuary, reminding him how special this time of year was. He entered the place of worship and stood in the back, searching for the large group from the refuge. He caught Peter’s gaze, and his friend leaned around Laura to let Meg know Jacob was there.
Andy exited the pew and started for him. Following close behind the boy was a woman whose image was burned into his memory. For a few seconds the remembrance whisked him back to the hospital corridor where Hannah’s mother had accused him of ruining her life, that he might as well have killed her, too. Emotions so strong he staggered back a couple of steps inundated him as his gaze locked with Kevin’s mother’s.
Around him the congregation sang “O Holy Night” while Jacob desperately tried to compose himself enough to deal with her and Andy. He knew one thing as the distance disappeared between—that he didn’t want the parishioners to witness the scene. Fumbling for the handle, he wrenched open the door to the sanctuary and escaped out into the empty lobby.
Why now, Lord?
No answer came as Andy and Karen Collins halted in front of him. His attention remained glued to the older woman, who was slightly heavier and with strands of gray hair, but otherwise the same as twenty-one years before.
“Dr. Jacob, is my mother all right? Did you find her?”
Andy’s voice drew his gaze to the boy standing half a foot away, his head upturned, his eyes large with fear and worry in their depths.
Jacob forced a smile of reassurance. “She’s going to be fine.”
“Where is she?”
“At the hospital.”
Panic widened the boy’s eyes even more. “She’s hurt!”
“Hannah is there with her. I’ve come to take you to see her.” Jacob settled his hands on the boy’s shoulders, compelling the child’s full attention. “She has a lump on her head and some cuts and bruises, but she’ll mend just fine. She’s going to need you to be strong. Can you do that for her?”
Andy drew himself up tall. “Yes.”
“Where’s your coat?”
The boy pointed toward the hallway that led to the classrooms. “Back there.”
“Go get it, then we’ll leave.”
The second the child disappeared down the corridor Jacob’s gaze fastened on Kevin’s mother. So many things he wanted to say swirled in his mind, but none formed a coherent sentence.
“Hannah said you were wonderful with the children. She’s right.”
Her words, spoken with no anger, confounded Jacob. He stared at her, speechless.
“When Hannah first told me today you two were more than associates, that you were…friends, I didn’t know what to say to her. After she left to go with you, I had a long talk with God. I wanted to tell you that I’ve forgiven you for what happened, too. As my daughter pointed out to me, it was an accident that ended tragically for my son. What I said to you in the hospital that day was grief talking, but it took me years to realize that. It took finding the Lord and my daughter’s example to see what I needed to do. I’m sorry for what I said.”
Jacob heard her, but the words wouldn’t register. “How can you say that?”
She smiled. “Stop blaming yourself for something that was out of your control.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Jacob glimpsed Andy coming back. He rushed to the boy and clasped his hand. “We need to get to the hospital,” was all he could think to say.
A few minutes later he headed his car away from the church, still grappling with what Hannah’s mother had said.
“You aren’t kidding me, are you? Mom is okay?”
“I promise. I’d never kid you about something like that. She’s staying overnight at the hospital and hopefully will go home tomorrow.”
“I won’t get to see her on Christmas?”
“I’ll make sure you do. I’ll pick her up and bring her to the cottage to spend some time with you if the doctor says it’s okay.”
Andy heaved a long sigh. “Good. I don’t want her being alone on Christmas. She needs me.”
Shouldn’t it be the other way around? “You aren’t mad at her for all that’s happened?” The question slipped out before Jacob could snatch it back. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I love her.”
Is love the key? If you love someone enough, you forgive them?
God loved us so much that he gave His only son for our salvation. Hannah had said Christ has taught us to forgive, that she had learned from the Master Himself.
Could he? Can the Lord forgive him for taking another’s life? Could he forgive himself for surviving the car wreck? Could he forgive his mother for his childhood?
If he wanted any kind of life, he needed to figure that out.
“Where’s Dr. Jacob?” Hannah asked as Andy came into the hospital room.
“He needed to go see someone. He told me Peter will come and take us home.” The boy walked to his mother’s bed and took her hand.
Lisa’s eyes fluttered open. “Andy,” she said groggily.
“How are you?” The child’s voice thickened with tears.
“Hey, baby. Don’t cry. I’m gonna be fine thanks to Hannah and Jacob.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds. “I love ya.”
Andy lay his head near his mother’s. “I love ya, Mom. Dr. Jacob said ya could come to the cottage tomorrow if the doctor says so.”
“That’s…great. I can’t…” Sleep stole Lisa’s next words.
“Let’s go home and let your mother rest. You’ll see her tomorrow morning. We’ll come up here early.”
“Are ya sure?”
“Yep. It won’t really be Christmas without your mother there.” Hannah draped her arm over Andy’s shoulder and led the way into the hallway.
At the elevator the doors swished opened, and Peter stepped off.
“We were coming downstairs to wait for you.” Hannah let the elevator close behind her employer. “Church is over already?”
“No, but I thought I would come right away. It’s been a long day for you all.”
“Yes, and it’s not over yet.” She needed to find Jacob.
“My car is in the front parking lot.” Peter punched the down button.
“Peter, can you do me a favor?” Hannah got on the elevator when it arrived.
“Sure.”
“I need to pay a visit to someone. Can you drop me off then take Andy to the cottage?”
“Yes.”
Andy glanced back at Hannah. “Hey, are ya gonna visit the same person as Dr. Jacob?”
“I might be,” she said while Peter shot her a speculative look.
In Peter’s car Hannah started to tell him to take her to Jacob’s apartment. Then suddenly she realized that wasn’t where he had gone. She knew where he was and told Peter.
At the cemetery Hannah
saw Jacob’s car parked close to where her brother was buried. “Right here. I’ll have Jacob bring me home.”
Peter looked out the windshield. Although nighttime, the snow brightened the surrounding area. “Are you sure about this?”
“I’m very sure.” Hannah glanced in the backseat at Andy, who had fallen asleep. “I need to make Jacob understand what it means to really forgive someone.”
“Forgive?”
“I’ll explain later.” Hannah slid out of the car, and without peering back, walked toward the man she loved.
The next few minutes would determine the rest of her life. She firmed her resolve when Jacob lifted his head and glanced toward her. His eyes widened.
“How did you know I would be here?”
“You come every Sunday afternoon and put flowers on my brother’s grave. I’ve known for some time.”
“But this isn’t Sunday afternoon.”
“True. But I figured you might be here. I had Peter drop me off, so I’ll need a ride home. Will you give me one?”
Nonplussed, he blinked. “Sure,” he said slowly, raking his hand through his hair.
A snowflake fell, then another one.
“This is the season for hope, for new beginnings. When I came to Cimarron City, I never thought I would come face-to-face with my past, but I did. The Lord gave me a chance to right a wrong by coming here. It’s not right for you to stop living because of what happened. Kevin would be the first person to tell you that. I lo—”
Jacob pressed his index finger against her lips to hush her words. “I need to say something first, Hannah. Then you can. Please?”
She nodded.
The snow increased, causing Hannah to step nearer his body’s warmth. He encircled her in a loose embrace, tilting her chin up so she looked into his eyes.
“Over the years this has become the place that I come to think, to work through my problems. I feel as if I’ve continued my friendship with Kevin. That was important for me to believe. It kept the pain to a dull ache. Then you came into my life and made me really feel for the first time since the accident. I wanted it all—a wife, children, my life back. I just didn’t know how to go about getting it.”
Hope flared in her. “And you do now?”
“You were right. I have to start by forgiving myself and asking the Lord for forgiveness. That’s what I’ve been doing.”
“It’s not just yourself you need to forgive but your mother, too. What happened to you as a child has ruled your life too long. Don’t let it govern your future, too.”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m working on that. Being around Lisa has helped me see another side to the situation. An addiction isn’t easy to break. People with them need support and help, not condemnation.”
She snuggled against him, seeking his warmth and nearness. “Realistic support and help. You have to know when to cut your losses, like with Nancy’s mother.”
“I want to be there for Lisa and Andy. I want it to work for them.”
“Then we will be.”
He tightened his arms about her. “I like how you use the word we. Hannah Collins Smith, I love you and I want to see where this relationship can go.”
She chuckled. “Personally I’m hoping it leads to a house full of children, adopted and our own.”
He bent his head toward hers. “I love your way of thinking.”
Softly his lips grazed across hers, then took possession in a kiss that sealed an unspoken promise to love each other through the best and worst of times.
Epilogue
“This is my bedroom?” Nancy asked, standing in the doorway of a room with white furniture, a pink canopy on the bed and pink lacy curtains. “All by myself?”
Hannah entered and turned to face the seven-year-old. “Yep. Every square inch of it. What do you think?”
The little girl clapped her hands and twirled around. “I love it! I’ve never had my own room.”
Hannah’s gaze found her husband’s, and a smile spread through her as she basked in the warmth of Jacob’s regard. “We have a lot of bedrooms to fill.”
Jacob placed his hand over Hannah’s rounded stomach. “I don’t think we’ve done too bad in a year’s time. Two children and one on the way.”
“Just think what we can do with a little more time,” Hannah said with a laugh, thoughts of their wedding exactly a year ago producing a contentment in her that she had never thought possible until Jacob.
Terry skidded to a halt outside the bedroom and poked his head in. “Welcome to the family, Nancy.”
The little girl beamed from ear to ear. “Thanks.”
“Have you checked out the backyard?”
Nancy shook her head.
“C’mon. I’ll show you the doghouse Jacob and I built for Abby.”
As their new daughter raced after Terry, Jacob pulled Hannah back against him and ringed his arms about her. “We need to start working on the adoption papers for Gabe.”
“And Susie.”
His breath fanned her neck as he nibbled on her ear. “And then another of our own.”
“We’re gonna run out of bedrooms at this rate real quickly.”
“Then we’ll add on. We have the room, thanks to Peter.”
Hannah swept around to face him. “Living in our own home on the ranch is the best of both worlds. I’m near my job as manager of the refuge and we have plenty of room for our children.”
“Not to mention the pets they will have.”
“Peter probably will never have to go out looking for homes for his animals.”
“Especially with Terry as our son. With the addition of Abby we now have a cat, rabbit and two dogs.”
“Just so long as we never have a snake as a pet. I draw the line at that.”
“Sure, Mrs. Hartman,” he murmured right before planting a kiss on her mouth. “Of course, you’re going to have to tell Gabe he can’t bring his garter snake with him when he comes to live with us.”
She pulled back. “When did he get one?”
“He found it yesterday when Andy was visiting the refuge.”
“Which reminds me, I’d better get downstairs and start lunch. Lisa and Andy should be here soon for Nancy’s party. She’s coming early to help me set up.”
He draped his arm around her shoulder and started for the hallway. “You still don’t trust me in the kitchen?”
“No, but I trust you with my heart.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-1036-7
HEART OF THE FAMILY
Copyright © 2007 by Margaret Daley
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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