“I was…going to check on Berta.”
“I just did. She’s not answering.”
“Hmmm.”
Frank stood motionless, staring at me. His comb-over was flying at half mast.
“Okay. See you at breakfast,” I said, and scooted back to my room.
***
Berta didn’t show at breakfast. On my way back from class, I stopped at the front desk to pick up my room key. As usual, Antonio was on duty.
“Any word from Berta Goodman?” I asked.
“No.”
“What should we do?”
“Wait a few more hours.”
The normally poker-faced Italian looked worried. That made me worry even more.
Across the lobby, I saw Peter and Tina over by the Internet room. He had her cornered between his outstretched arms, her back pinned against the wall. Curious, I took a seat with my back to them and eavesdropped on their conversation.
“I found your little present last night,” I heard Peter say.
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on. You don’t have to play shy with me.”
“Honestly, Peter. I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“These.”
I turned around to take a peek. Peter tugged at something is his pocket. My eyes followed his gangly hand down toward his crotch.
Slowly, Peter pulled a small, flimsy object from his pocket. It was almost the same shade of purple as Tina’s ticked-off face. Peter held up the scrap of material between two sets of pinched thumbs and index fingers. It was the pair of panties I’d lost to the wind last night. Oh, crap on a cracker! I looked away quickly. I could feel my face heat up like a gas stove.
“Are you alright, Miss Val?” Antonio asked, eyeing me curiously.
“Oh. Uh. Yes,” I stammered. “Uhh…just the heat. Hot. You know?”
The handsome hotel manager nodded at me. “I tell you a little secret. Do like I do.” He pulled up his pant leg enough to reveal a slim, naked ankle peeking out of his exquisite Italian loafers. “No socks.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I avoided making eye contact with Tina and Peter as I hurried along to the elevator. I stepped inside the lift and sighed with relief as the grumpy doors jerked their way toward closing. Just as I thought the coast was clear, four fingers appeared between the last few open inches between the doors. They forced the elevator open. Friedrich side-stepped his way inside.
“Hallo, Val.” He studied my red face. “Hot today, ya?”
“Yes.”
“Are you alright?”
Friedrich studied my face again. It was maddening how he seemed to calmly and clinically see right through my skin and into my soul. I, on the other hand, couldn’t read him at all. Once or twice I thought I’d seen desire register in his eyes, but most of the time I couldn’t get past his internal wall of stoicism.
“I’m fine, thanks.”
I hadn’t spoken with Friedrich once since I’d snuck out of his room after the movie. I would be leaving in three days and would never see him again. He was just a friendly face on my journey. There was no point in allowing any feelings I had for him to grow.
“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”
My heart jumped at his unanticipated invitation. The debate I thought I’d just put to rest came rushing back to life. Did Friedrich like me just as a friend? Or was there more to it?
“I hope you are not thinking to say no.” Friedrich’s mouth crinkled with concern. “After the other night, I would not blame you.”
I looked into the German’s sea-blue eyes. They were apologetic and inviting. I smiled, and his lips formed that charming little curl of a smile.
“Do you promise not to snore through dinner this time?”
“I promise.”
The tiny elevator ground to a halt. I started to get out, but Friedrich placed his hand gently on my neck and kissed me hard on the mouth, leaving no trace of doubt – or anything else – in my mind.
***
I spent the afternoon with Tina, walking around Brindisi trying to find Berta. We didn’t have a picture of her, and neither of us could speak Italian. The few shopkeepers we found that could speak English said they hadn’t seen her. We went back to the hotel empty handed and heavy hearted.
“What do you think happened to her?” I asked Tina as we walked into the lobby. “You were just kidding about the strangler guy, right?
“Yes. It was just a bad joke. I wanted to get Val II riled up. Now she’s gone nuts over it.”
“So where could Berta be?”
“Who knows? Maybe in a hospital. She’d old, you know.”
“Oh my gosh! Why didn’t I think of that?
Antonio was at the front desk.
“Antonio, could you call the hospitals? Berta might have gotten ill while she was out and been taken to one.”
“Yes,” agreed Antonio. He knitted his eyebrows together and tapped an index finger on his chin. “If she had taken a lover, she would be back by now. I make the calls.”
“Thank you.”
Tina and I walked to the elevator. She pushed the button and looked at me.
“No offense, but Berta with a lover? Yuck!”
“Wait a few decades and the idea will grow on you.”
“Yeah. Like a wart.”
***
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and adjusted the black lacey underwire bra. I’d had it on less than a minute and it was already digging into the soft flesh under my arm. The clock on my nightstand read 6:30 p.m. In half an hour, I was supposed to meet Friedrich in the lobby for a real date. I buttoned my peachy silk blouse and tried to recall what it was like to have sex with a man I wasn’t married to. Geeze. Tina probably wasn’t even born at the time!
I thought about Tina and her slim, tan body. She couldn’t be any older than twenty-three. I’d been twenty-four when I’d married Jimmy. I remembered how insecure I’d felt about my body even then. Oh, what I would have done to have those thighs back now! I thought about the cruel irony of it all. I was so self-doubting when I was young and firm and beautiful. Now that I’d gained a bit of confidence and self-worth, Mother Nature had come along and replaced my thighs with cottage cheese.
I turned and studied the backs of my legs in the mirror. Screw you, Mother-fucking Nature. For the last two years, no matter what I did, that dreaded curse of hers had crept its way slowly up the backs of my thighs, and had just recently made a gambit for my butt cheeks. Funny, I hadn’t had sex in over two years. Which had come first? The cellulite or the celibacy?
Even though my sex life had died, my vanity had remained alive and kicking. I’d hidden my married life as a nun from all my friends, including Clarice. It had just been too painful and embarrassing to mention.
I slipped on a white denim skirt and a pair of sexy sandals. Even though I didn’t look as good as I’d hoped, I tried to take comfort in the idea that at least as I’d grown wider, I’d also grown wiser. I knew I was never going to look any better than I did right now, so I might as well make the best of it. Besides, even if Friedrich did see my crater-pocked full moon, I would be leaving in a few days. I’d never see him again. As long as he didn’t secretly film us and put it on the internet, no one else would ever know.
“Ready?” I asked my image in the mirror. I took in a big breath and blew it out. “Ready.” I took a step toward the door….
***
I found Friedrich waiting for me in the lobby, dressed in chinos, a blue dress shirt and a smart sport jacket. We walked, arm-in-arm, to a romantic patio café draped in purple wisteria blooms. By candlelight, we talked and drank a bottle of rich, red wine. My pasta dinner was the best I’d ever eaten. The light shone in Friedrich’s eyes. My romance novel cliché had finally gotten back on track.
After dinner, Friedrich held my hand firmly as we slowly picked our way along the narrow, cobblestone streets that led back toward
the hotel. As the peachy walls of the Hotel Bella Vista came into view, Friedrich stopped suddenly. He took me by both hands and spoke with a brutal honesty that left me blindsided.
“Val. Seeing you last night. It cut me like a knife. The thought of you leaving makes it hurt to see you. I…I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I…I don’t know what to say, Friedrich.”
“There is nothing to say. I only wanted that you know this.”
I nodded. Friedrich dropped one of my hands and began walking toward the hotel again, gently tugging me along. When we reached the lobby, I was surprised to see the bar was closed. The sleepy night clerk who made my early-morning cappuccinos was just coming on duty. He smiled at me as we passed by. I looked at the clock. It was half past eleven. Where had the time gone? Weren’t we just sitting down to dinner a minute ago?
Our footsteps rang hollow as we crossed the empty lobby toward the elevator. When we reached the lift, Friedrich pushed the button, then took my hand again.
“I had a wonderful time with you tonight, Val. I really don’t want the evening to end. You will be gone soon. Won’t you come to my room and have a drink? I promise you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
I felt my body go limp. My heart began to pound in my chest so hard I wondered if Friedrich could hear it.
“Okay…just one drink. But first…I need to…go back…to my room and…put away my umbrella.”
As we rode the elevator to the third floor, Friedrich kissed me tenderly. His sea-blue eyes were softer than I’d seen them before. They seemed to see right through my fears. The elevator lurched to a stop on my floor.
“Take your time,” Friedrich said as I stepped out into the hallway. He didn’t mention the fact that I didn’t have an umbrella.
“See you soon,” he said as the doors began to close. He smiled in a resolute way that let me know he would honor whichever choice I made.
I watched Friedrich disappear behind the elevator doors. I took a step toward my room and my knees nearly went out from under me. I stumbled to my door, opened it and flopped onto the bed. My head spun like a garden whirligig. I was torn between desire and discretion – between romance and reality. The attraction between Friedrich and me was undeniable. So was my airplane ticket to Rome on Saturday morning.
Friedrich’s passionate kiss in the elevator had removed all my doubts about his intentions. Things were about to get real – if I wanted them to. My pulse thumped in my ears. The clock read 11:41. It was fight or flight time, and the chicken-shit jury inside my head was still frantically deliberating my fate.
When I’d announced my travel plans to Clarice, she’d told me to enjoy my freedom. Now’s your chance. Find a lover! Be free! But I just wasn’t made that way. Try as I might, I just couldn’t turn off my heart and let my body take over. I was an all-or-nothing kind of gal. Or, at least I had been. Maybe it was time to change that. It wasn’t as if that strategy had worked out so great for me. Why should I hold onto it?
“What do you want?” I asked myself aloud.
I sat on the bed and chewed my nails. I could just go for a drink. I don’t have to sleep with him. I mean, I really would like to spend more time with him. It might be nice to just kiss and cuddle a little bit. It’s been so long….
I stood up.
Come on! Who are you fooling, Val? If you go there, you’re going to have sex with him. Plain and simple.
I sat back down on the bed.
It’s not against the law. I’m single, for crying out loud! And like he said, I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.
I stood up.
But you can’t! You’re not that kind of girl! What do you really know about him, anyway? He could be that psycho killer!
I sat back down.
I might be missing the chance to find my love of a lifetime. Do I really want to blow it now?
I stood up.
It’s been so long since you’ve had sex, you probably don’t remember how. You could be all dried up down there!
I sat back down.
Shut up, stupid brain! What do I want? What do I want?
A punching bag full of unfulfilled desires swung around and hit me in the gut. I collapsed from the below-the-belt punch and folded myself up on the bed in a fetal position. My heart pounded like a sledgehammer.
So, is this it, then? You’re giving up? Another dream down the drain because you’re too afraid to admit to your own feelings?
Leave me alone!
When are you going to stop doing what you think other people want you to do – and start doing what you want to do?
What? Does that even make since? I must be drunk. I should stay here. My judgment is impaired.
I’m not buying that excuse. Not today. Now tell me. What do you want to do, Val?
I want to make love with Friedrich!
That instant, a beautiful serenity flowed over my body like warm honey. Every trace of fear washed away. I sat up in bed and calmly put on my shoes. I walked to the elevator, then rode it to the second floor. I walked down the hall to Friedrich’s apartment. At exactly midnight, I tapped lightly at the door numbered 222. It opened immediately. Friedrich smiled at me tenderly, and gathered me into his arms.
Chapter Fourteen
Friedrich’s hands felt like hot silk as they slid around my waist, over my back, along my legs. His warm, gentle touch reawakened my half-frozen body, which had begun to thaw the moment I’d finally admitted my desire for him. With tenderness and talent, Friedrich helped me return to the place lovers know.
As I lay in his arms, it finally made sense why poets made such a fuss about the act of lovemaking. I’d had sex plenty of times, but I’d never felt fully consumed like this. For the first time, it wasn’t just my body that had disintegrated into bliss, but my soul as well. I felt strange and new and completely satisfied.
The soft light of the crescent moon shone into Friedrich’s room. I could see his strong hand holding mine next to my heart. We were lying on our sides, spooning. My naked back was against his naked stomach. I could smell his musk and the scent of sex in the air. I was completely calm. Nothing else in the entire universe mattered. Complete contentment cocooned us. In the shelter of his warm embrace, I began to doze off.
Suddenly, a long-ago thought jabbed my sleepy brain like a boney finger. I wriggled out of Friedrich’s arms and sat up.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” Friedrich mumbled, half asleep.
“Yes. What time is it?”
Friedrich looked over at his clock radio. “It’s one a.m. Why?”
“That means it’s…the first of June.”
“Ya.”
“I just remembered something. I had an astrological chart done back in Florida. The woman told me I would be relieved of a heavy burden on the first day of June.”
Friedrich eyed me curiously through one sleepy eye. “And what burden was that?” he asked.
“She didn’t say. And I didn’t know…until now.”
“And what do you know now?” Friedrich sat up and wrapped his warm arms around me.
“I think it was the heavy burden of sadness I’d been feeling. I thought I would never enjoy making love again.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“Val, on this I promise you. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
We laughed softly in the dark together, then moved back into our spooning position. Soon, I heard the rhythmic rasp of Friedrich gently snoring. I quietly slipped from his arms, dressed, and crept back to my room.
It was nearly two a.m. I had class to teach in the morning. Still, as I lay in my bed alone, I couldn’t sleep. Without a naked Friedrich for evidence, I could barely convince myself that what had happened had actually, really happened. But it had. Friedrich and I had made love – and my body had responded with a passion I thought was dead and buried decades ago.
My ecstatic soul kept poking me awake,
repeating the same mantra over and over:
I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive!
Chapter Fifteen
The piercing glare of the morning sun on my face woke me from my fitful slumber. I bolted upright and looked at the clock. It was already 7:30 a.m.! My body felt like a bag of wet cement as I dragged it out of bed, showered and dressed. The only thing that kept me from falling back asleep was my mind. It spun like a looped movie reel, replaying last night over and over and over again.
I caught my breath every time I thought about it. My body shivered from tip to toe. Last night! I dragged a brush through my crazily matted hair. I worked on the snarls at the back of my head and wondered when I would see Friedrich again.
***
I didn’t have to wait long. When I stepped into the dining room for a quick cappuccino before class, I saw him sitting alone at his normal breakfast table. I’d asked Friedrich to keep our affair a secret between the two of us. I hoped he would keep his promise. As I passed his table, I tried to play it cool, but I couldn’t help it. I smirked. I felt sexy, mysterious and voluptuous, like an international spy in an old, black-and-white movie.
“Good morning, Freidrich,” I said, perhaps a bit too nonchalantly.
“Good morning,” he replied casually.
Friedrich was keeping our secret. I smiled and breathed a grateful sigh of relief and walked over to the noisy group at the volunteer table.
“Well, I was just about to call out the cavalry,” said Frank. “I don’t need another person to have to worry about.”
I studied Frank’s grouchy, arrogant mug and wondered what Val II saw in him. Oh yeah, not my problem. I shrugged and sat next to Tina.
“Sorry. I overslept.”
“Looks like the early bird didn’t get the worm this morning,” sniped Val II.
Tina poked me in the ribs and whispered. “Maybe because you got the worm last night, huh?” She studied me with her too-young-too-be-so-jaded face.
A wave of heat warmed my innards. I could feel it shoot up my neck. I forced my best poker face.
Absolute Zero: Misadventures From A Broad (Val & Pals Book 1) Page 12