by Anne Mercier
"Ethan," Linc murmurs.
They step back and just look at one another. No one's saying much of anything, yet the room is full of so many people. I look to the left and there's my mom.
"Mama!" I shout, running to her.
"Mija," she replies through tears. Then she continues on in Spanish, telling me how much she's missed me. How beautiful I am. How much Xander needs me so he'll smile again.
The scent of fresh earth and flowers wafts over me and my smile widens, my heart happy. I feel home. Content.
"Papa," I whisper, turning to hug him tight. He looks the same, just a little grayer hair around the edges. But this is my papa.
"Baby girl. It's about time," he tells me.
We step back and that's when I realize the room is full of people, but no Xander.
I turn to Mama and Papa. “I’m on a mission.”
“Go, go,” Mama urges with a smile and a tear in her eye. “It is time.”
"All right, boys," I say to Kennedy and Ethan. "Lead me to my husband."
I hear feminine gasps, and I cringe inwardly. That is not going to go over well. Xander is in so much trouble, and we’re going to have so much to explain.
But first, Xander.
"This way," Kennedy says, taking my hand and leading me up the stairs, Ethan trailing behind with Linc.
I look at the painting at the top of the stairs.
“That’s one of mine! When did you get this? This was from my first show.”
Kennedy shrugs. “You gotta ask Jesse.”
“Jesse,” I whisper and smile. They have some of my work hanging in their home. A piece of me was here all along.
Ethan chuckles. "This… we gotta get this on camera."
"All set," Kennedy tells him, holding his phone. "I started rolling when Mrs. M spotted Tera."
"Thank you," I tell him.
"Of course. Now, let's do it this way. You stay right here. His room is on the other side of this wall, the door just around the corner. Let me and Ethan fuck with him a bit, first?" Kennedy asks.
"Far be it from me to deny you your mischief," I tell him with a snicker. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans again. I'm so nervous. I've never been here. Yes, I've gone to him before at hotels or places he asked me to go before the attack, but never here to his home. The agoraphobia prevented that from happening, and truth be told, I’d been waiting for him to ask me to be with him. I told Dr. Wilson, my therapist, about the waiting and when she asked me why. I told her the truth: I wasn't sure he wanted me the way he once did. I wasn’t sure he’d want me here now that he has a new family. I’m wasn’t and still am unsure if I’ll fit in.
Those are things I’m here to find out, as well.
"Dude, you up?" Ethan bellows and pounds on the door. I have to stifle my laugh. I hear stomping, and Ethan winks at me.
Linc chuckles silently, looking like the little boy he once was when he was up to no good.
"Fuck, man. If I weren't, I'd be pissed," Xander growls, opening the door. I can smell his body wash from here and my heart flutters, my stomach flips and flops, my breath caught in my throat.
I’m here. In his house. What’s he going to think? What will he feel? Happiness? Annoyance?
"There's a chick here to see you," Ethan announces.
"Fuck that. It's family time and the fucking holiday. Send whoever it is away," Xander bites out.
Well. That stings some now, doesn't it? I wonder, if it wasn't family time and a holiday, would he still be fucking other women? Has he been?
Kennedy smirks. "You sure you wanna do that? She's super fucking hot, man."
Xander sighs. "Hot chicks are a dime a dozen. I'm not in the mood for a random, okay? I've got my day planned out, and it doesn't include dealing with a stranger."
Ethan gives Xan a look, like he's trying to telepathically tell him it's me. "You know her."
Linc snickers.
I hear a rustling of clothing.
Ethan blinks. "You know her well."
I bite my lip to stop from laughing out loud. This is hilarious.
"Not interested."
Yes! I fist pump the air and Kennedy snickers.
"Dude, you might want to—" Ethan begins.
"No. The answer is no. I don't want to talk to some chick. No," Xander says emphatically.
Ethan winks and tilts his head. Oh boy. That's my cue.
"Not even if that chick is your wife?" I ask as I walk up and lean against the doorjamb.
I hear him, my Xan, my husband, my heart, audibly gasp and it both swells and breaks my heart. It hurts to know how I've disappointed him.
"Tera," Xander whispers.
19
LUCY
I knew this day would come, when we’d meet her, but I’m not ready. I’m angry and hurt and my heart hurts. I had no warning.
When they finish walking up the stairs, I look to Sera. “Watch the kids?”
It sounds like a question, but it’s really not. I don’t even wait for an answer before grabbing Jesse’s hand and pulling him to our suite.
Have you ever been so frustrated you wanted to cry? That’s me right now. But I need to get my angry out first.
Jesse shuts the door and leans back against the wall—waiting.
“I knew. I knew about her. He mentioned her name. I knew she meant everything to him.” I let out a huff of exasperation and begin pacing. “Why didn’t either of you tell me!”
Jesse doesn’t flinch, but I see remorse in his eyes.
“It wasn’t my story to tell, Cupcake.”
“I’m your wife! We have no secrets from one another—or, at least, that’s what I thought.” The tears are threatening now, but I push them back.
“Tera and Xander made a deal when we went on the road,” Jesse explains.
“What kind of deal?”
He sighs. "All I know is they were keeping their relationship private, so Tera wouldn't be bombarded by fans or the press. Then something happened—something horrible, and that made the deal solid—for all of us. We all made promises. No one said anything about them being married. No one.”
“You could have told me!” I yell. A tear slips free. “He should have told me.”
“Try to understand, Luce. When that something bad happened, he didn’t know if they’d ever live the life of a traditional husband and wife. Honestly, I’m amazed she’s here. Not because she doesn’t love him—she does. She fucking loves that guy like crazy. But because of what happened,” Jesse tells me, wiping away my tears.
“You can’t tell me that either, huh?”
“No. That’s not—”
“Your story to tell. I know.” I know it’s not fair to take my anger and frustration out on him. I know, but still I snap at him.
“Luce…”
“She just showed up. No one knew. No one was prepared—I wasn’t prepared, and I really, really needed to prepare for that, for this. This… it hurts, Jesse,” I admit.
He tries to pull me into a hug, but I pull back, my angry not gone yet.
“He’s ours! Damn it, Jesse, he’s ours! He should have told me. How could he not tell me something like this? And then she shows up. Did he know?” I look up at the ceiling and raise my fisted hands to my chest, my gaze lowers to meet Jesse’s. “He’s ours!”
Jesse walks up slowly, holding my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping my tears.
“You have to understand, Cupcake. He was hers, first.”
And that’s all it takes. I burst into tears. It’s not rational, my thinking Xander is ours, but that’s how I feel.
“Do you think he’d be happy like this forever, Luce? Having no one of his own? Because, in reality, you’re mine and I’m yours. He’s part of us—yes, but he’s not part of us. He deserves his own happiness and love, doesn’t he?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes. But it hurts.”
Jesse sighs. "I know, Luce. I know. I know you love him. Maybe not how you love me, but you love him. I know he loves y
ou, too. I know it, and I know you can't help how you feel. I know you'd never act on it—either of you, but it still sucks for me."
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be sorry, Luce. I get it. Xan’s one of those guys who everyone loves. If I swung that way, I’d probably fall in love with him, too.”
“You’ve already got the bromance going on,” I remind him.
“Yeah, there’s that.” He sighs again while he rubs my back and holds me to him. “I’m sure he didn’t know she was coming. He’d have mentioned it. He’d have talked it out before she got here. You know Xan would never hurt you.”
“I know.”
“But she’s here, Luce, and she’s his wife. They’ve been apart since we started touring. Sure, he’d go stay with her for weekends, weeks, or months, but their relationship wasn’t a real marriage for a long time. She's here now to see if that's possible. It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt your feelings, but he deserves happiness, and so does she."
“I know. I do. And I want him to be happy, but this is going to be a lot to get used to,” I tell him honestly, looking up into those whiskey-colored eyes that see to my soul.
“I get it, Luce, and I’m here for you to lean on.”
“I love you, Jesse. I love you like no one else,” I remind him.
“I know, Cupcake. I love you, too.”
20
TERA
I grin.
He reaches out, touching my face, my shoulders, my hips, my ass, and my boobs. I snicker.
"She's real," he says, looking over my shoulder at Kennedy.
I grab his t-shirt in my fist and pull him to me. I nod. "I'm here. Now, what are you gonna do about it?" Oh, those are mighty big words for someone shaking so hard inside I'm afraid I might shatter.
He pulls me in and kisses me softly, so softly I can barely feel it. He breathes out my name like a prayer and a tear slips from my eye.
Then he really kisses me. All lips and tongues and hands. We're so rushed and harried, our teeth hit. We both lean back and laugh.
"I haven't had that happen since the first time I kissed you," Xan tells me.
"I love that it happened with me both times," I tell him honestly.
"Dude," my brother bellows, shoving me to the side, wrapping his arms around Xander, lifting him and bouncing him up and down. "How's my bro-in-law?"
Xan tries to catch his breath when Linc sets him down.
"I'm good, now that you're letting me breathe again."
Linc grins. "I missed you, ya fucker."
Xan laughs. "Oh, you're gonna be in so much trouble in this house, Linc."
"What do you mean?" Linc asks.
Kennedy and Ethan chuckle.
"We've got a swear jar. Fuck costs a buck. All the others, fifty cents," Ethan tells him.
"You're fucking kidding me," Linc replies.
Ethan laughs. "Nope. Serious as a heart attack, man. And Kadi? The little girl who answered the door?"
Linc nods.
"She's strict, man. She won't let it slide, at all. I'm her favorite, and she makes me pay every time," Ethan tells him.
"Well, shit. I need to get some singles and quarters. Reminds me of when we used to go to the arcade. Remember that shit?" Linc asks.
"I think Linc's going to pay the kids' college tuition all by himself," Kennedy teases.
Linc rubs his hand over his short black hair. "Good thing I've got money, or I'd have to take out a loan."
"You've got money?" Kennedy asks.
Of all the guys, Kennedy came around the least. I think it was too hard for him each time we said goodbye. Ethan kept in touch the most and stopped by for a weekend or a week. Jesse and Ben popped in now and again before they got married and Jesse's wife had the babies.
"He's been doing a higher level of the underground fighting he'd been doing before," Ethan informs Kennedy.
"No shit?"
Linc nods.
Kennedy whistles. "That explains you being built like a fucking tank. Tell me about this fighting."
"Dude," Linc begins as they turn to walk away, "It's awesome."
Xander and I just stare at one another, grinning like dorks.
"You came," he says, breaking the silence.
I nod. "I said 'yes'."
He nods in return. "You did. Did you do okay getting here?"
"Yep. We used one of Linc's friend's planes. I just couldn't do commercial. Not yet," I tell him honestly.
"Baby, you've come such a long way in such a short time. I'm so fucking proud of you," he tells me, smiling wide, his dimples making an appearance.
My heart sighs. Oh, how I've missed him.
"Thanks."
"Now, get in here," he says quickly, grabbing my arm and pulling me into his room. He shuts the door and locks it.
I turn around, slowly backing away as he advances toward me like a predator.
"It's been a long damn time, Tera. There's going to be nothing romantic or smooth about this first time. I'm gonna fuck you hard and fast until you scream my name," he tells me, his eyes filled with purpose and desire.
"Is that all?" I taunt.
"Hell no! Then I'm gonna fuck you again. Maybe a couple more times before I can go slow and gentle enough to make love to you. I've got a big need for you, wife. Think you can handle it?"
I roll my eyes. "Please."
"You don't need to beg, baby. Not yet. That'll come later," Xan says with a smirk.
"You're awfully sure of yourself."
He wraps me up in his arms and stares into my eyes. "You're here. You're finally here. I knew the day you came to me you'd be here to stay. Welcome home, wife."
It's then that I hug him tight and begin to cry.
21
XANDER
I don't know what I did, but Tera's crying her heart out against my chest.
"What's wrong, babe?" I ask. She says something through her sobs that is absolutely incoherent. "Babe. Shh. Just take deep, steady breaths." I'm trying to soothe her with my words while my hands rub circles on her back.
"Whatever it is, we'll work it out," I tell her.
"I’m afraid," she sobs.
"Of what?”
She sniffles. “That I took too long. That I won’t fit in. That they won’t accept me. That we won’t be compatible anymore.”
“Oh, is that all?” I tease.
She pushes my shoulder then wipes her tears. “It’s not funny, Xan. What if…”
I press my index finger against her lips. “You could ‘what if’ all day long and worry yourself into a frenzy, but at the end of the day the only way to find out ‘what if’ is to do it. That’s what we’re doing. Right here. Right now.”
She sniffles again. “Maybe, but—”
I shush her again. “No maybe. No but. Just right now, just this minute. Not tomorrow or the next day.”
She huffs. “When did you become a grown up?”
I laugh. “Right around the time I lost you.”
Her face scrunches up. “You’re going to make me cry again.”
I chuckle. “No more crying. Unless it’s happy tears. Then you can cry.”
I rest my hands on her cheeks and tip her head back so she's looking at me.
"We will get through this and come out even better than we are right now. I promise you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Xan," she whispers.
"I never do." I take a deep breath. I don't want her to worry. She just got here. I don't want her to be afraid—of me, of us. "Tera."
She blinks.
"Do you love me?" I ask, a little afraid of the answer because, if she doesn't, she's going to make a liar out of me. If she doesn't love me, there's no way I can keep that promise to her.
"Of course, I love you, Xan. You're everything."
Relief pours through me, but I do my best to mask it. Does it make me a hypocrite that I'm a little afraid but I don't want her to be? Yep. Sure does. But she has nothing
to fear from me. I'm still all in. I always have been.
"A better question is: Are you in love with me? Do you love me like you used to?" I ask, showing her my cards. I'll share every single piece of me with her if her answer is yes.
She shakes her head. "No, I don't."
My heart sinks. Well… fuck.
One of her hands rests against my cheek, her eyes go soft, and my stomach flips over. Always with her.
"I love you more, Xan.”
I don't even hide the shaky breath that I release. I rest my forehead against hers. "You had me worried for a minute."
"Oh—"
"Shh," I silence her with my index finger against her lips. "I know now." I kiss her lips softly. "I'm not the same guy I used to be, Tera. A lot of things about me have changed, things you couldn't have seen when I came to visit."
She nods. "I know. That's part of what I'm afraid of."
"But… why? My love for you hasn't changed."
"Maybe not, but like you said, you've changed—and I haven't. Maybe we’re too different now."
"Tera. Stop. Relax. It's me. It's us. We've never had problems being together and we won't now, either."
She eyes me warily. "How can you—"
I place my index finger over her lips—again.
"I just do. Stop thinking, okay? Just… for once in a long fucking time, just be. Be with me," I plead.
She smirks. "That's why I'm here."
"I'm so fucking glad you're here, baby."
“Me too,” she breathes against my lips then kisses me softly. “But, uh, speaking of my being here," she begins, wincing a bit, "you didn't tell everyone we're married and the women downstairs who, from the photos you’ve shared with me, are Lucy, Summer, and Nicole, well, they were throwing daggers at their men with their eyes. I think maybe you should try to smooth things over before we get naked."
"Hell no. They can handle their own women. We'll talk to them when we come up for air. Until then, we're staying in here. Just you and me. I've waited so long for this day, I won't let anything ruin it.”