“Did you know about this?” I asked Rick.
“Not a clue, sorry, man.” He replied.
“I gotta get out of here.” I said as I started heading for the door.
“Wait, man, what about the show?” Will asked
“Screw the show!” I said, as I stormed out of the door. I saw Cindy sitting at a table in the bar, with her head in her hands. It looked like her shoulders were shaking, like she was crying. I walked over to her table and sat opposite her. I looked over to the bar and caught Esme’s eye, and nodded my head for a drink. A couple of minutes later she appeared at the table with my J and coke.
“Thanks, Esme.” I said to her, she just nodded, smiled and backed away from the table. “Why?” Was all I asked Cindy.
“... You never pay much attention to me and the guys gave me lots of attention whenever I wanted it.” She replied.
“You mean sex?” I exclaimed.
“Yes, hot dirty fucking” She sneered to me. I felt like she had kicked me in the stomach and I wanted to slap her round the face, although I would never hit a woman.
“I thought you loved me?” I asked.
“I do.” She said “But I guess I got caught up in the rockers lifestyle.”
“Rockers? I’m the fucking rocker! I’m the lead in the band!” I shouted at her, got up and walked away.
“Wait!” She yelled.
I turned around and glared at her “What?”
“Can we sort this out? I do love you.” She asked quietly.
“NO! It’s over, all of it. I don’t want to see you again, ever again. Stay away from me, Cindy.”
I walked over to the bar and slid my glass towards Esme for a refill.
Esmeralda
Jackson had been sat at the bar, propped up by his elbow, for nearly four hours and it was close to closing time. He hadn’t really said much or spoken to anyone. I didn’t really know what to do or say.
“Hey, it’s nearly closing time, you want me to call you a taxi?” I asked him. He just shook his head.
“You can’t walk home, I bet you can’t even stand.” I said, with a little humour.
“Got nowhere to go” He slurred.
Nowhere to go? What did he mean? I wasn’t getting very far with him and wasn’t sure what I should do.
“Jax, what do you mean? Did you want me to take you home?” I asked, hoping to get some sense out of him.
He nodded and said; “Yes, take me to your home.”
My home? Why did he want to come to my home? “Jax, let me take you to your home. Where do you live?” I asked again, this time hoping for a proper answer.
He shook his head and said; “Got no home, I live in the hotel with her.”
“Oh, did you want to sleep on my sofa?” I asked. He nodded. I finished up work and kept feeding Jax water, hoping to sober him up a bit.
“Ok, let’s go, my car is outside. Can you walk?” I asked him, as I grabbed his arm. He didn’t answer, he just stood, put his arm over my shoulders and we walked outside. I got him to my car. I prayed that he wasn’t sick on the journey back to my place. I pushed him into the passenger side and ran around to the driver’s side, got in and started the engine to head home. Luckily, I only lived five minutes down the road.
Once I pulled into my drive way, I cut the engine and looked over to Jax who had been very quiet on the journey. No wonder he had been so quiet, he was fast asleep. I got out and went around to open his door carefully as I didn’t want him falling out.
“Jax.” I said as I nudged his shoulder. He didn’t move or answer and I couldn’t carry him in, so I tried again and again. Just as I thought I was going to have to leave him in the car, he stirred, he opened his piercing blue eyes and looked directly at me. I smiled and said to him; “We’re home, you’re going to have to walk as I can’t carry you.” I giggled and in return he gave me that panty dropping smile again.
He got out and stumbled, but I managed to catch him. I put my arm around his waist and laid a hand on his stomach, and… Oh my God, he must work out, because all I felt was solid muscle. His abs were rock hard and so warm, I got butterflies in my stomach and a sensation a lot further south.
I started to walk him forwards and when we got to the front door, I let him go to dig out my keys. I unlocked my door and pulled him into the hall that led to an open plan kitchen and living room. I set him down on the sofa and went about making some coffee.
I watched him as I was busy in the kitchen; he was slumped on the sofa, so quiet. I saw him reach forward and pick up something and then I realised he was reading more of my music. I heard him mumble the words to himself; “Crowded room, strangers smile, now you’re here, I’ll stay a while. I catch your eye and hold your gaze; my heart won’t let me look away...” I ran over to him and grabbed it from his hands.
“Wait, what is this?” He asked “Are you writing another song?”
I just nodded and headed back into the kitchen to carry on making coffee. I wasn’t sure how he would react and the only reason I hadn’t told him that I’d written another song was because of what happened the last time we worked on a song together. As I turned around to make conversation to steer the subject away from my song, I walked straight into Jax’s chest as he was stood very closely behind me.
“Um... How do you have your coffee?” I asked quietly as I didn’t realise he was so close.
“Black, with two sugars, please... Can I see your song?”
I looked at him a little shocked, why was he interested in seeing it after what almost happened between us the last time? I just shook my head, put sugar into his coffee, handed it to him, then grabbed my mug and went to sit on the sofa. He followed me in and sat next to me and sighed.
“Are you ok? Want to talk about it?” I asked, remembering the reason he was at my house in the first place.
He exhaled loudly and said; “To be honest I don’t know, I thought we were in love and then she does that to me, I’m in a bit of shock, but relieved too, I guess.”
“Relieved?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ve been having these feelings towards someone else and I didn’t know what to make of them. I felt awful as I was with Cindy, though I would never have acted on them, as that’s not who I am. I don’t cheat, Esme.” He explained to me. I couldn’t believe there was someone else already. I felt a little gutted, as I was sure I could feel something growing between us, but then why would a rock God like him be interested in someone like me?
“Are you going to try to sort it out with her? Or see this new girl you like?” I asked. Why did I ask? Did I really want to know? As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. I couldn’t bare to hear about this other girl. Maybe I should have just gone to bed and let him rest. I went to stand up but he grabbed my hand. Tingles and funny sensations erupted all over my body.
“Where are you going?” He asked.
“To bed - you should rest.” I told him. “I will get you some blankets.”
He nodded his head, and frowned. Did he not want to be here after all? Should I have offered to drive him somewhere else?
“Did you want me to take you somewhere? A friends place? Did you want to go and see the girl you were talking about earlier? Although… it’s quite late.” I paused, not really sure what to do or say.
He just shook his head, so I turned around and went to the cupboard in my bedroom to gather some blankets for him. When I turned around he was in the doorway behind me.
“Just getting you some blankets, the bathroom is right across the hall. Do you need anything else?” I asked, looking up at him as he was a much taller than me, six foot one inch, to my five foot five inches.
“Just one thing…” He said as he walked into the bedroom towards me. He grabbed the blankets out of my hands and tossed them on the bed. He then started to move closer to me and I could feel my heart beating faster and my tummy swirling.
He reached his hand up to me and ran it through my hair. He held my fac
e and tilted it slightly as his lips drew closer to mine. I closed my eyes and felt a light brush of his lips on mine, my mind flashed back to the night we were song writing. I whimpered slightly and he must have taken that as a green light because the next thing I knew, he was kissing me, passionately. I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip, I opened my mouth and his tongue was instantly entwined with mine. I pulled back, I was a little breathless. Jax looked into my eyes and said;
“It was you, I was talking about you.”
“Oh.” Was all I could manage in reply.
“I want you.” Jax whispered in a low sultry voice, I felt my knees go weak.
I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come out, I just looked into his eyes and nodded. “Not tonight.” Jax murmured.
I felt my face drop and started to back away from him; he reached out and grabbed my hand. “I really want to, but it wouldn’t be right, I’m drunk. I don’t want you to think this was a rebound. I’m crazy about you, Esme, but I want to prove it to you when I’m sober.”
I nodded my head again, not sure what to say. I handed him the blankets, he took them from me turned around and headed towards the living room. I still couldn’t believe what he had said to me, I desperately hoped it wasn’t the drink talking.
Chapter 19
Jackson
I felt bad for leaving Esme’s before she woke up this morning; she looked so peaceful, asleep in her big bed with her hair fanned out over her pillow. I was finding it difficult to keep my distance, I really wanted to crawl in behind her and pull her body as close to mine as it could get. I couldn’t do that, I needed to take it slow, she wasn’t like other girls, she was special and there was definitely something there between us already. I was looking forward to exploring that. So I had to leave before I did something that I would regret. I left her a note hoping that she wouldn’t be mad that I had left. I needed space, time to sort out my head. I had to find somewhere to live and had to face the band – that was not going to be easy. I wouldn’t let Cindy ruin everything we had worked for. If Will and Frank didn’t like what I had to say then Rick and I would have to replace them. It wouldn’t be easy but it could be done. Firstly, I needed to straighten out another piece of this shit that Cindy had created, I was headed to the hotel to pack my stuff.
Esmeralda
I woke up feeling nervous and excited to see Jax after our kiss last night. I jumped out of bed, got dressed quickly and made my way into the living room, quietly, as I didn’t want to wake him. I had already planned to make him some coffee and breakfast to cure the hangover that he would wake up with, he was pretty drunk last night and who could blame him after he found out the truth about Cindy.
I turned around the corner of the hallway and glanced at the sofa to see the blankets folded neatly on the end. My stomach dropped and I wanted to cry at the thought of him leaving without saying goodbye. Why did he? Was it because he regretted kissing me? Then I noticed a piece of paper on top of the blankets, it was a note he had left for me and it said;
‘I meant every word, just need some time. Trust me. J x’
I smiled as I read the note, glad that he didn’t leave without saying goodbye and that he meant everything he said last night. The kiss was amazing and I couldn’t wait to kiss him again.
Chapter 20
Jackson
It was just after eleven in the morning. I was sat at one of the outside tables at The Coffee Bean. I needed to get my head straight and the only way to do that was to spend some time alone.
I had been there about thirty minutes when yet another text came through on my phone; Cindy had been texting me all morning, she just didn’t seem to get the message. I picked up my phone ready to delete the text without reading it, when I noticed it was from Esme
Thank you for the note x
I smiled to myself, relieved she wasn’t mad with me for leaving before she got up. I replied saying
Glad you liked it x
How’s your head? x
No hangover, but my head is a mess x
I’m here if you want to talk, it will all be ok x
Could be a tricky few days but you’re right, it will be ok x
I smiled to myself, Esme had a way of making me feel better about things, I hoped she realised how much she meant to me, I just needed to get a few things sorted first, before starting anything with her. I wanted it to be right, without complications and crazy ex-girlfriends ruining things for us. My head was telling me to keep right away from her until everything was sorted, my heart was in control of the text messaging today :
Band meeting at The Archer on Monday. Dreading it, will you be working? x
What time?x
1PM x
My shift starts at 12, so I will see you there x
Dreading it less now I know you will be there x
I finished my coffee and decided to head to the hotel, I needed to move out and couldn’t put it off any longer.
I got to the hotel and made my way to the room I shared with Cindy, I just wanted to get in, get my stuff and get out again. I didn’t want any more drama. As I got to the room, the door was slightly ajar so I walked on in. I was surprised as to what was in front of me; Cindy was sitting on the floor in front of the glass coffee table, she was still in last night’s clothes and she was snorting a line of coke. I had always had my suspicions that there was more than alcohol to blame for her recent behaviour, but I had never seen it with my own eyes. She knew how I felt about drugs, but now it was over, she could do whatever the hell she liked.
“Hey, baby.” Cindy called out to me as she got up and stumbled over to me. “I knew you would come back.” She slurred.
I stepped away from her and said; “I’m here to get my stuff.”
“No! Come on, Jax, we are so good together, don’t let this come between us. I’ll be good.” Cindy was begging me; “All I need to do is remind you.” She pulled her top off and started undoing her skirt.
“Stop! Cindy, I don’t have time for this, I’m getting my stuff and getting out of here.”
“Jax, please… Wait.”
“NO! You are not a person I want in my life… My friends, Cindy? You disgust me.”
As I started making my way towards the bedroom, I heard a noise and looked back at Cindy and she just shrugged her shoulders. I made my way into the bedroom just as a guy stumbled out of the bathroom.
Cindy
I was so happy when I saw Jax walk in through the door. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away from me, we were meant to be together, him and me.
I was shocked when he said he didn’t want anything to do with me and that he was actually leaving, I thought I would be able to convince him to stay, to show him just what he was walking away from. I did what I thought he would like, I started removing my clothes. He told me to stop and he walked away from me. I followed him still half-naked when I saw someone stumble out of the bathroom.
“Jax… It’s not what it looks like… I don’t know who he is.” I didn’t remember getting home last night, I guess I’d brought the guy home with me, I didn’t remember. I rubbed my forehead as if to try to clear the fog.
“Seriously, Cindy? You can’t even remember taking a guy home now?”
“It was a mistake… Jax, please, it’s you I want.”
Jax then looked at the guy stood in our bedroom and said; “You’re welcome to her.”
“Whatever, I’m outta here.” The guy mumbled and left.
“This is entirely your fault, you know.” I told Jax
“My fault? How’s that?”
He started packing up his clothes; “We were so in love, we didn’t want to be apart, so I went on tour with you. Then I got caught up in the rocker lifestyle.”
“You just couldn’t help spreading your legs for anyone or everyone.” Jax replied, he wouldn’t even look at me; he zipped up his bag, walked past me and out of the door.
Chapter 21
Esmeralda
It was Monday lunchtime and it was quiet, I always liked Mondays after working such a busy weekend, it gave me time to think. I heard the door go and looked up to see Rick walk in, I smiled at him and he made his way over to the bar.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked him.
“Jax has called a band meeting, it may just be a bit awkward.” He looked sad, this would be really hard for him, Jax and Rick were really close.
“Oh... Is he ok?.. Well, as ok as he can be?”
Rick just shrugged his shoulders and told me he would catch up with me later and made his way over to a table. I then saw Frank and Will walk in and head over to him.
“Hey.” I heard, as I was crouched on the floor filling up the fridge with the alcopops. I looked up and saw Jax peering over the bar at me.
“Oh… Hey. You ok?” I stood up and started to straighten the beer mats on the bar in front of him.
He just shrugged his shoulders and looked over towards the guys at the table and said; “I better go have this talk with the guys.” He looked down at my hands and took them in his, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand. I wanted to comfort him more but I knew he needed to be strong for this.
“I’m here for you.” He gave me a sad smile and walked away.
I was watching the guys all sat around the table and things seemed awkward, I couldn’t hear what was being said. I was a bit worried about Jax, I hadn’t seen him for a couple of days, not since he broke up with Cindy, and he spent the night sleeping on my sofa.
I’d heard he had moved out of the hotel and was sleeping on Rick’s sofa, I knew today would be hard for him but I needed to take a step back and let him sort things out, he knew I would be waiting for him once things had settled down.
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