by Mike Sherer
given!the!history!between!you!two.”!
!
“Someone!else!is!looking!for!him,!too.”!
!
His!eyes!widened.!I!told!him!about!Keely.!
!
“Might!be!better!if!I!got!to!him!before!the!FBI,”!I!said.!“And!
maybe!Keely!can!help!him,!since!she!was!the!girl’s!sister.”!
!
“I’m!not!sure!what!advantage!that!gives!him.”!He!frowned.!
“I!might!just!advise!him!to!lay!low.!If!he!called!and!asked,!that!
is.”!
!
“I!thought!he!violated!parole.”!
!
He! waved! a! mitt.! “Minor.! He! did! his! time.! They! released!
him!a!month!early!for!good!behavior.!Technically!he’s!AWOL,!
but!really…!The!feds!are!just!pissed!they!don’t!know!where!he!
is.”!
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!
“The!two!agents!who!paid!me!a!visit!thought!he!might!be!
in!my!neck!of!the!woods.!Bearing!a!grudge.”!
!
“A!grudge?!Now!why!would!Wink!do!that?!Just!’cause!you!
bailed!on!him?”!
!
I!shifted!in!the!chair.!“What!do!you!mean?”!
!
“Where’ve! you! been! all! this! time?! You! were! around! that!
summer.! I! remember! seeing! the! two! of! you.! Never! saw! you!
again!after!the!bombing—until!now.!I!thought!friends!stood!up!
for!each!other.”!
!
I!breathed!a!little!easier.!“Like!you!said,!things!change!after!
high!school.!We!go!our!separate!ways.”!
!
“You!didn’t!even!show!at!the!trial.!Hell,!half!the!town!was!
there!at!some!point!in!the!proceedings.!Not!you.!Conspicuous!
by!your!absence.!Bunch!of!other!kids!in!our!class!took!time!off!
from!school!to!show!a!little!support.!Or!gawk,!depending.!But!
they!were!there.”!
!
Heat! climbed! into! my! face! like! mercury! creeping! up! a!
thermometer.!“I!was!two!thousand!miles!away.!In!school,!on!a!
scholarship.!And!if!you!remember,!my!old!man!blew!a!gasket!
end! of! senior! year.! We! weren’t! exactly! rolling! in! dough.! Even!
with!help!from!the!grandparents,!my!mom!was!just!squeaking!
by.! Not! like! I! could! afford! to! just! breeze! in! for! the! weekend,!
Jeff.”!
!
He! rubbed! his! cheek.! “I! suppose! you’re! right.! It’s! just! …!
you! and! Wink! seemed! so! tight.! Like! you’d! never! not! be!
friends.”!
!
“Kind!of!tough!to!hang!out!with!someone!in!jail.”!
!
“I!managed.”!
!
I!blinked.!“You!stayed!in!touch?”!
!
Those! big! shoulders! rose! and! nearly! covered! his! ears.! “I!
went!to!visit!now!and!then.!Passed!on!the!latest!gossip,!books,!
and!homemade!cookies!from!his!mom.!Brought!him!things!he!
asked! for.! He! got! a! degree! in! there.! Was! working! toward! a!
master’s.”!
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!
I!shook!my!head.!“I!didn’t!know.”!
!
“He’s!a!smart!guy.!Always!was.!Guess!he!figured!he’d!still!
have!a!life!ahead!of!him!when!he!got!out,!so!he!worked!hard.!
Studied.!Never!gave!up.”!
!
It!dawned!on!me!I’d!never!considered!what!Wink!might!or!
might!not!have!done!in!prison.!I’d!bricked!up!that!wing!of!my!
life,!gone!on!to!build!elsewhere.!
!
“You!never!presumed!he!did!it?”!I!said.!
!
“Speculated!once!or!twice,!I!suppose.”!!
!
“Hard!not!to,!based!on!the!evidence.”!
!
“Exiguous,! at! best,! though! compelling.! But! I! never! really!
believed!he!did!it,!no.”!!
!
“Not!even!by!accident?”!
!
“You!knew!him.!Think!he’d!make!that!big!a!mistake?!Not!
likely.”!!
!
“Why’d!you!help!him?!Go!see!him!and!all?!He!didn’t!exactly!
go!easy!on!you!when!we!were!kids.”!
!
He!tented!his!fingers!over!his!huge!belly!and!touched!the!
tips!to!his!lips.!“A!lot!of!our!schoolmates!said!and!did!hurtful!
things,!spiteful!things.”!
!
“Kids!were!mean!to!you.!Cruel,!even.”!
!
“People!still!are.”!He!turned!his!palms!out.!“I!mean,!look!at!
me.!Easy!target.!I’m—”!!
!
“Fat.! Huge.! Morbidly! obese.! An! example! of! why! our!
healthcare!system!is!so!expensive.”!It!came!out!before!I!could!
filter! it,! a! sign! of! how! long! I’d! been! off! my! meds.! “Sorry,! Jeff.!
You!were!chubby!before.!You’ve!gotten!big!as!a!house.”!
!
He! smiled.! “Not! quite! what! I! was! going! to! say,! but! close!
enough.! But! Wink! was! an! equal! opportunity! joker.! Sure,! he!
teased! the! geeks! and! the! fatties,! but! he! punked! the! cool! kids!
and! made! fun! of! himself,! too.! I! never! minded! the! grief! I! got!
from!Langford.!The!Chuck!Bannocks!and!Sarah!Fosters!of!the!
world!were!the!ones!who!got!under!my!skin.!They!had!it!all—
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looks,!talent,!friends.!They!needed!to!dump!on!people!like!me?!
What!was!the!point?”!
!
“Looks!like!things!turned!out!all!right!for!you.”!
!
“Hunky6dory.! Better! than! they! did! for! Wink.! A! little! time!
with!him!always!reminded!me!of!that!fact.!And!it!seemed!such!
a!small!thing,!a!few!hours!out!of!a!Saturday!once!in!a!while.”!
!
“So!where!is!he?”!
!
“I!don’t!know.”!
!
“All!that!time!you!spent!with!him,!he!didn’t!confide!in!you?!
Tell!you!his!plans!when!he!got!out?!Say!where!he!thought!he!
might!go?”!
!
Again! his! ears! almost! disappeared! as! his! shoulders! rose!
and!fell.!“No.”!
!
“But!you!saw!him!when!he!got!out.”!
!
His!eyes!flicked!away,!then!back!to!my!face.!
!
“I!thought!so.!He!told!you!where!he!was!going.”!
!
His!head!swung!back!and!forth!like!an!old!bull’s.!“Not!true,!
and!whatever!he!may!or!may!not!have!said!is!privileg—”!!
!
“Bullshit.! You’re! not! his! lawyer,! are! you?! You’re! the!
attorney!for!his!parents’!estate.”!
!
“And!by!extension,!Wink.”!
!
“Nice!try.”!
!
He! pursed! his! lips.! “Fine.! He! came! by! to! claim! his!
inheritance.!That’s!it.!I!went!over!the!estate!with!him,!he!signed!
the! papers,! and! he! left,! reasonably! better! off! than! when! he!
came!in.”!
!
“What!else?”!
!
He!stared!at!me,!silent!for!a!moment.!
!
“You!were!among!the!few!people!who!didn’t!tease!me!as!a!
kid,”!he!said.!
!
“Guess!I!was!one!of
!those!who!figured!there!was!no!point.”!
!
“No,! I! like! to! think! you! had! a! little! empathy,! Legs.! Or! did!
you!prefer!‘Spaz’?”!
!
My!turn!to!shrug.!“Whatever.”!!
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!
“I!can’t!tell!you!where!he!went.!I!honestly!don’t!know.!But!
one!of!the!things!his!parents!left!him!was!a!piece!of!property!
up!in!Washington.”!!
!
The! words! sank! in! slowly.! “My! Washington?! Washington!
State?”!!
!
“His!grandfather!on!his!mom’s!side!had!a!fishing!camp!on!
Hood!Canal.!Wink!said!he!had!good!memories!of!the!place!from!
family!vacations!as!a!kid.!Apparently,!it!was!a!little!too!rustic!
for! Mavis,! and! they! only! went! back! once! or! twice! more.! But!
Wink!said!he!remembered!it!being!quiet,!peaceful.!A!beautiful!
spot,!near!the!water.!Lots!of!trees.!The!Olympics!practically!in!
the!back!yard.”!
!
I! thought! I’d! known! Wink! pretty! well.! Now! I! wasn’t! so!
sure.!Either!he!never!told!me!about!his!trips!to!Washington!or!
my!memory!was!playing!tricks.!Then!again,!maybe!it!was!one!
of!those!things!that!never!registered.!Maybe!he!and!his!family!
had! taken! their! vacations! around! the! same! time! mine! went!
camping!in!Wisconsin!and!we!never!got!around!to!comparing!
notes.!
!
“Why!go!out!there?”!I!said.!“Why!not!stay!here?”!
!
“He!said!it!sounded!like!a!good!place!to!get!acclimated!to!
the!world!again.!Slow!and!easy.!He!didn’t!actually!say!he!was!
going!there.”!
!
“You!don’t!think!he!went!after!the!people!responsible!for!
the!bombing?”!
!
“I!imagine!he’s!contemplating!it.!Wouldn’t!you?”!
!
“I!don’t!know!what!I’d!do.!I’d!want!to!put!it!behind!me.”!
!
“Tough!when!you!don’t!think!you!should!have!been!there!
in!the!first!place.”!
!
“But! he! was! there.”! I! paused.! “Did! he! ever! suggest! a!
different!chain!of!events?!An!alternate!ending?”!
!
“He! kept! his! theories! to! himself.! But! he! seemed! to! be!
fixated!on!the!group!that!briefly!claimed!responsibility!before!
recanting.”!
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!
“E.L.F.?!I!heard!investigators!went!down!that!road!and!hit!
a!dead6end.”!
!
“He!always!thought!there!was!something!more!to!it,!but!I!
don’t!know!what!he!found!out.”!
!
“Not!likely!there!are!too!many!people!left!with!first6hand!
knowledge!of!what!happened.”!
!
He!didn’t!respond.!
!
We! tried! some! small! talk! after! that,! quickly! relating! our!
C.V.s!to!each!other,!comparing!notes!on!how!life!had!treated!us!
so! far.! Even! a! few! reminiscences! about! high! school! couldn’t!
prevent! the! conversation! from! devolving! into! an!
uncomfortable! pretense! that! we’d! ever! really! been! friends.! I!
stifled! a! yawn,! exhaustion! creeping! over! me.! I! soon! made!
excuses,!thanked!him!for!the!information!and!left.!
!
With! no! burning! sense! of! nostalgia,! no! maudlin! desire! to!
recreate! the! past,! I! skipped! a! tour! through! the! old!
neighborhood! and! a! look! at! the! house! where! I! grew! up.!
Instead,! I! got! back! in! the! rental! car! and! drove! down! to!
Carbondale,!found!a!motel!on!Main!Street!less!than!ten!minutes!
away!from!the!SIU!campus,!and!checked!in!for!the!night.!Body!
clock!totally!thrown!off!by!the!time!change!and!sudden!switch!
to!a!daylight!schedule,!I!walked!to!a!nearby!restaurant,!ordered!
takeout! and! took! it! back! to! the! room.! I! wolfed! it! down! and!
tumbled!into!bed.!
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!
! Chapter(24(
!! “Well?”!he!said.!“Have!you!gotten!anything!from!him!yet?”!
!
Keely’s!hand!shook!as!she!raised!the!glass!of!wine!to!her!
lips!and!took!a!sip,!thoughts!scrambling!for!a!way!out!of!this.!
She!came!up!empty.!
!
“No,”!she!said.!“Not!yet.”!
!
“Why! not?! I’d! have! thought! he’d! be! no! match! for! your!
feminine!charms.”!
!
Her!face!burned.! Was*he*having*her*watched? !“Is!that!what!
you!expect?!You!think!I’ll!just!fuck!him!and!he’ll!tell!me!what!I!
want!to!know?”!
!
“No!need!for!that!kind!of!language.!You!should!have!a!little!
more!self6respect.”!
!
“Sounds! like! you’re! the! one! who! doesn’t! respect! me.! I’ve!
got!a!brain.”!
!
“Then!use!it.”!
!
She! heard! the! sharpness! in! his! voice! through! the! phone!
and! blinked! back—no,! she! wouldn’t! even! consider! it.! She!
swiped! at! her! eyes! with! the! back! of! her! hand.! Had* it* always*
been* this* way?* Jill* had* gotten* all* the* attention,* all* the* praise*
growing*up.*And*then*she*was*gone.*What*about*her?*What*was*
so*wrong*with*her*that*no*one*gave*her*the*credit*she*deserved? !
She! took! a! breath! and! calmed! her! nerves,! fighting! back! the!
emotion!that!welled!up!in!her!chest.!She!was!a!grown!woman,!
for!heaven’s!sake.!It!was!ancient!history.!!
!
“I’ve! done! everything! you! asked.! I’m! the! one! who! found!
the!first!one!on!the!list.”!
!
“But!you!haven’t!yet!found!the!ones!really!responsible,”!he!
said.!“I!did!that.”!
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!
“And!look!what!happened;!they!got!away.!I’m!telling!you,!
Sanders! can! lead! us! to! Langford,! and! Langford! will! tell! us!
where!they!are.”!
!
“So,! do!it.”!
!
She! swallowed! hard.! He’d! find! out! anyway.! He! always!
seemed! to! know! what! was! going! on! before! even! she! did.! “I!
don’t!know!where!Sanders!is.”!
!
“I!thought!he!was!there!with!you.”!
!
“He!was.!Don’t!worry,!I’ll!find!him.!He’s!around.!I!just!have!
to!track!him!down.”!
!
“See!that!you!do.”!The!sharp!tone!was!back!in!his!voice.!“I!
still!say!he’s!a!liability,!a!loose!end!we!should!deal!with.”!
!
“Have! you! seen! the! news?! Half! the! police! in! the! city! are!
looking! for! the! crew! that! shot! up! the! restaurant! the! other!
night.!They!think!it’s!related!to!the!cop!who!was!shot.”!
!
“The!police!don’t!know!anything,!not!even!who!the!target!
was.! Don’t! worry.! They’re! good! men.! They! won’t! get! caught.!
And!if!any!do,!no!one!can!connect!them!to!us.”!He!paused.!“Find!
this!man,!Sanders.!Quick
ly.”!
*!*!*!*!*!
!
The! next! morning,! after! a! complementary! breakfast! of! a!
desiccated! sweet! roll! and! thin,! insipid! coffee,! I! made! my! way!
over! to! the! campus! and! found! the! administration! building.! I!
didn’t! hold! out! a! lot! of! hope! of! finding! anyone! at! school! on! a!
Saturday,! but! a! young! woman! with! a! short! utilitarian! haircut!
and! a! pleasant! demeanor! offered! to! help.! When! I! explained!
what!I!wanted,!she!roped!in!a!student!tour!guide!who!normally!
would! have! shown! applicants! around! campus! and! assigned!
him! to! me.! Clean6cut! and! Midwestern! wholesome,! he! tackled!
his!mission!cheerfully.!
!
Stepping! into! the! June! sauna! triggered! old! memories.! In!
the!hazy!sunshine!of!early!summer,!color!brought!the!campus!
to!life,!a!picture!postcard!of!bucolic!academe,!nothing!like!the!
photo!negative!the!last!time!I’d!seen!it.!Ponderous,!muggy!air!
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portended! thunderstorms! later.! The! heat! sapped! my! energy,!
but! my! guide! Alex! didn’t! seem! to! mind.! He! kept! up! a! steady!
patter! of! factoids! and! tidbits! garnered! from! university! puff!
pieces,! throwing! in! enough! personal! anecdotes! and! campus!
myths!to!give!the!spiel!his!individual!spin!without!straying!too!
far!from!an!admissions!office!script.!My!brain!tuned!out.!
!
“You!play!ball?”!he!said!on!a!path!between!buildings.!“You!
look!like!a!ball!player.”!
!
The!question!brought!me!back!from!somewhere!far!away.!
“A!long!time!ago.”!
!
“Tough!season!this!year.!You!an!alum?”!
!
“No,!just!doing!a!little!research.”!
!
He!nodded.!Sensing!the!tour!was!wasted!on!me,!he!limited!
his!comments!after!that!to!highlights.!
!
The!engineering!complex!soon!came!into!view!across!the!
main!road!that!circled!campus,!just!the!way!I!remembered!it.!
The! building’s! scars,! though,! had! faded! as! if! that! night! had!
never! happened.! Holes! rent! elsewhere! by! the! bomb’s! blast!
hadn’t! healed! so! quickly.! Alex! led! me! through! the! door! that!
obstinately!hadn’t!opened!to!my!will!back!then!to!disgorge!my!
friend! Wink! instead! of! skulking! figures! in! black.! The! dim!
interior! was! cooler! than! the! blast! furnace! outside,! but!
marginally!so,!the!still!air!humid!and!close.!Alex!wound!his!way!
through! the! hallways! and! up! two! flights! of! stairs,! navigating!
with!the!confidence!of!someone!who!knew!right!where!he!was!
going.! He! stopped! suddenly! outside! an! open! office! door.! The!