by Mike Sherer
!
Her!smile!was!grim,!as!if!running!out!of!patience,!but!her!
eyes!were!guarded!now.!!
!
Tucker! looked! confused,! but! hadn’t! completely! lost! the!
grin.!“What!are!you!saying?”!
!
“Keely’s!your!half6sister,”!I!told!him.!“Your!mother!had!an!
affair!when!you!were!very!young.”!
!
“That’s!enough!”!she!said.!“I!think!it’s!time!you!left.”!
!
“Whoa!”! Tucker! said.! “Wait! a! minute,! Mother,! this! is! just!
getting!interesting.”!!
!
“Tucker,! you! don’t! for! one! moment! believe! him,! a!
complete!stranger.”!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
290&
!
Tucker! tipped! his! head! slightly,! eyeing! me! critically.! “He!
hasn’t! told! us! what! he! wants,! Mother.! So,! what! is! it?! A!
shakedown?!You!want!money?!You!think!we’ll!just!bow!under!
the! pressure! if! you! threaten! to! spread! a! few! lies! about! the!
family?”!
!
I!shook!my!head.!“No.!Nothing!like!that.”!
!
Turning!to!her!again,!I!spread!my!hands.!“I!don’t!care!what!
you!did,!and!I!have!no!interest!in!telling!anyone!else!about!this.!
It’s!your!business.!What!I!need!is!the!truth.”!
!
“The!truth?”!Her!nostrils!flared!and!she!sat!up!on!the!edge!
of!the!couch.!“About!what?!Exactly!what!part!of!my!private!life,!
my!family’s!life,!do!you!wish!to!pry!into?!What!purpose!would!
it!serve?!Who!are!you!trying!to!help!here,!Mr.!Sanders?!Keely?!
Your!friend,!what!was!his!name?!Or!yourself?”!
!
I! let! her! questions! bounce! around! in! my! head! for! a!
moment! before! answering.! “All! of! the! above.! And! if! I’m! right,!
maybe! it! helps! her! real! father! most! of! all.! Isn’t! it! time,! Mrs.!
Baines?”!
!
“Her! real!father?!My!husband!is!her!real!father.”!
!
I!shrugged.!!
!
“How! do! I! know! you’re! even! acquainted! with! my!
daughter?”!
!
“Get!her!on!the!phone,”!I!said.!!
!
She! called! my! bluff,! getting! up! and! walking! to! a! phone!
sitting!on!an!end!table!in!the!corner!between!two!easy!chairs.!
She!picked!up!the!receiver!and!dialed.!
!
“Keely,! dear…! Yes,! it’s! me.! I’m! surprised! I! reached! you…!
No,!I’m!fine.!There’s!a!man!here!by!the!name!of!Sanders!who!
says!he!knows!you.!Blake!Sanders…!You!do…!Yes,!he’s!standing!
right! in! front! of! me…! No,! of! course! not.! I’m! fine…! Other! than!
say!a!few!things!I!found!upsetting,!no…!No,!there’s!no!need.!I!
just!wanted!to!be!sure!you!knew!him…!No,!really,!dear,!that’s!
not!necessary.!I’ll!talk!with!you!soon…!Yes,!goodbye.”!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
291&
!
She!hung!up!and!appraised!me,!then!returned!to!the!couch!
and!sat!primly!with!her!hands!on!her!knees.!
!
“My! daughter! seems! to! think! you’re! dangerous,! Mr.!
Sanders.!Are!you?”!
!
I!shook!my!head.!“I’m!no!danger!to!you,!Mrs.!Baines.!I!wish!
I!didn’t!have!to!bother!you!at!all.!Fact!is,!I!think!Keely’s!the!one!
in!trouble.!I!think!she’s!in!over!her!head.”!
!
“You! may! be,! too,”! Tucker! said! softly.! He! glanced! at! his!
watch.! “I’d! say! you! have! about! twenty! minutes! before! the!
cavalry!gets!here.”!
!
I! blinked! at! him,! uncomprehending! for! a! moment.! The!
problem! with! an! ADD! mind! was! that! I! sometimes! focused! on!
one!thing!to!the!exclusion!of!everything!else.!It!hadn’t!occurred!
to!me!until!then!how!truly!well!Keely!had!played!me.!She!had!
the!vast!resources!of!her!father’s!company!available!to!her.!Of!
course!she’d!call!in!the!troops.!Just!like!she!had!at!Wink’s.!!
!
“Colin!Wilson,”!I!said,!the!sudden!sense!of!urgency!sending!
adrenaline!racing!through!me.!
!
The!blood!drained!from!Pepper!Baines’s!face,!painted!lips!
against!her!pale!cheeks!temporarily!giving!her!the!appearance!
of!a!very!old!geisha.!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
292&
!
!
Chapter&44&
!
!
Tucker! looked! from! his! mother! to! me! and! back! again,!
smile!gone.!“You!two!have!things!to!talk!about.!If!you’ll!excuse!
me,!Mother,!I’ve!got!work!to!do.”!
!
She!stared!blankly!until!he!was!halfway!to!the!door!before!
she!realized!he!was!leaving.!
!
“Tucker?”!
!
He! turned! and! saw! the! expression! on! her! face,! at! once!
forlorn,!fearful!and!defiant.!
!
“As! far! as! I’m! concerned,! this! is! none! of! my! business,!
Mother.!I!didn’t!hear!a!thing.!You!can!tell!me!later,!or!not.!Your!
choice.!Otherwise,!it’s!forgotten.”!
!
He!spun!on!his!heel!before!she!could!reply.!As!he!passed!
me,!in!a!low!voice!he!said,!“Careful.!I!don’t!care!what!she!did.!
But!hurt!her!and!you’re!a!dead!man.”!
!
His!words!still!hung!in!the!air!when!the!door!closed!softly!
behind! me.! I! crossed! to! a! chair! opposite! the! couch! and! sat!
leaning!forward,!elbows!on!my!knees.!
!
“I’m!sorry—”!
!
“Tell! me! what! you! think! you! know,! Mr.! Sanders.”! Her!
mouth!was!a!grim!line,!white!at!the!corners.!
!
“I!think!you!and!Colin!Wilson!met!somehow.!Had!an!affair!
of!some!kind.!Keely’s!the!result.!I!really!don’t!know!anything,!
and!can’t!surmise!much!beyond!what!I’ve!just!told!you.”!
!
“Why!do!you!want!to!dig!up!the!past?!What’s!the!point?”!
!
I! considered! the! most! convincing! way! to! tell! her.! “You!
knew! what! Wilson! was.! He! and! his! wife! and! baby! fled! to!
Canada!when!things!got!too!hot!for!them!here!in!the!’Seventies.!
After!that,!they!dropped!out!of!sight!until!they!were!linked!to!a!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
293&
campus! bombing! in! the! ’Eighties.! The! one! that! killed! your!
daughter!Jill.”!
!
“How?! How! were! they! linked?! The! man! who! did! it! was!
caught!and!convicted.”!
!
I!was!asking!her!to!give!up!too!much.!It!was!time!for!me!to!
’fess!up,!not!her.!Caprice!sent!words!tumbling!out!of!my!mouth.!
!
“He! didn’t! do! it.! I’ve! never! told! anyone! this,! but! I! was!
there.! Four! men! came! out! of! the! building! right! before! the!
explosion.! Wink—my! friend—was! still! inside! when! the! bomb!
went!off.!When!the!girl!…!when!Jill…”!Tucker’s!words!echoed!in!
my! head,! and! I! struggled! to! reign! in! the! thought.! I! wondered!
; how!long!it!had!been!since!my!last!dose!of!meds.!“One!of!the!
men!went!back!inside!just!before!the!gunshots.”!
!
“I! don’t! understand.! Why! didn’t! you! say! anything?! Why!
didn’t!you!go!to!the!police?”!
!
The! shame! I’d! felt,! had! carried! with! me! all! those! years,!
came! rushing! back.! “I! was! afraid.! Afraid! of! losing! my! college!
scholarship.! Afraid! of! going! to! jail.! I! was! a! kid.! I! couldn’t! be!
sure! that! my! friend! hadn’t! done! it.! But! I! should! have! known!
better.! He! didn’t! deserve! to! go! to! prison,! and! it’s! my! fault.! I!
have!to!live!with!that.”!
!
She! looked! at! me! with! sadness.! Pity,! too,! which! made! it!
worse.!
!
I!remembered!her!question.!“The!Wilsons!were!associated!
with! the! people! who! initially! took! credit! for! the! bombing.! An!
environmental!group.!The!group!retracted!the!claim!a!few!days!
later.”!
!
She! thought! for! a! moment.! “And! Keely?! What! does! she!
have!to!do!with!this?”!
!
“She! wants! to! avenge! Jill’s! death.! She! wants! the! people!
responsible.”!
!
“After! all! this! time?! I! thought! sure! she’d! gotten! over! it.!
Though! you! never! really! do,! do! you?! Have! you! ever! lost!
someone!close,!Mr.!Sanders?”!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
294&
!
An! image! of! Cole! flashed! through! my! head,! and! how! the!
first!time!I’d!seen!Keely’s!blond!mop!had!reminded!me!of!him.!
Before!her!face!had!reminded!me!of!someone!else,!that!is.!
!
I! nodded! slowly! and! swallowed! the! lump! rising! in! my!
throat.! “She! doesn’t! think! Perry! Langford! had! anything! to! do!
with!the!bombing.!She!says!she!didn’t!believe!it!at!his!trial,!and!
it’s!been!weighing!on!her.”!
!
“And!you?!You!believe!your!friend.”!
!
“I!always!did.!I!just!didn’t!want!to!admit!it.”!
!
She!nodded!knowingly.!“Trust!is!a!fragile!thing.”!!
!
“I! should! have! believed! him.! Doubt! was! the! only! way! I!
could!excuse!my!own!cowardice.”!
!
Her!silence!confirmed!my!self6assessment.!
!
“I!think!she!may!kill!them,”!I!said.!“The!Wilsons.”!
!
I! expected! shock,! dismay.! Instead,! she! frowned! and!
seemed!to!think!it!through.!
!
“Keely’s!no!killer.”!!
!
“Not! yet,! maybe.! Grief! does! strange! things! to! people.!
Especially!when!it’s!festered!this!long.!The!guilt,!though,!will!be!
far!worse!if!she!kills!her!own!father.”!
!
She!stared!at!me!for!a!moment,!and!sighed.!
!
“I! don’t! know! what! good! this! will! do! anyone,! but! since!
you’ve!already!guessed!so!much…!This!may!be!difficult!for!you!
to!understand,!given!your!age.!Women!had!few!opportunities!
in! my! day.! I! graduated! magna* cum* laude! from! Stanford,! Mr.!
Sanders.!But!I!was!expected!to!be!a!dutiful!wife!and!mother.!So,!
I!married!an!ambitious!man,!had!children,!and!played!my!part.!
Rather! well,! I! might! add.! My! husband! went! to! work! for! my!
father’s!company.!Now!he!runs!it.”!
!
“Ross!Industries.”!
!
She! nodded.! “I! entertained! my! husband’s! clients,! kept! a!
tidy!house!and!raised!the!children.!Don’t!get!me!wrong.!I!loved!
my! husband.! I! still! do,! I! suppose,! though! it’s! much! different!
now.”!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
295&
!
Her!gaze!wandered!off,!mind!lost!on!a!twisting!branch!of!
memory!lane.!With!a!little!shake!she!came!back!to!the!present!
and!focused!on!me.!
!
“God! help! me,! I! was! bored.! A! venial! sin,! but! a! sin!
nonetheless.! I! had! two! young! children,! a! husband! who! was!
rarely!home!at!the!time,!and!too!much!time!on!my!hands.!We!
had! household! help,! even! then,! so! I! had! little! to! do! when! I!
wasn’t! with! Jillian! and! Tucker.! And! the! world! was! changing!
around! us,! first! with! the! civil! rights! movement! and! then!
Vietnam! and! the! student! protests.! It! sounds! clichéd,! Mr.!
Sanders,! but! my! world! was! in! as! much! turmoil! as! that! of! the!
world!around!me.!
!
“I!was!raised!in!a!family!of!conservative!ideals,!in!a!society!
to! which! both! values! and! appearances! mattered.! But! for! the!
first! time,! I! saw! people! who! actually! lived! according! to! their!
values,! who! had! purpose,! and! passion! for! their! ideals.! It! was!
literally! breathtaking,! dizzying,! to! contemplate! doing!
something! that! mattered,! standing! for! something! besides! a!
certain!level!of!wealth!and!privilege.”!
!
She!paused!and!looked!out!the!window.!Tucker’s!comment!
about! the! cavalry! worried! me,! but! I! didn’t! dare! push! her.! My!
breath!caught!and!I!held!it.!She!faced!me!finally.!
!
“We! met! in! nineteen6sixty6seven,! the! ‘summer! of! love.’! I!
went!to!Haight6Ashbury!that!summer.!My!parents!still!lived!in!
the! city,! and! I! visited! often,! stayed! there! sometimes! for! days!
when!Tucker!was!gone.!I!walked!the!district!just!to!drink!in!the!
sights!and!sounds!of!all!the!kids!in!their!wild!clothes!and!long!
hair,!the!smell!of!the!hashish!they!smoked!and!the!incense!they!
burned.!I!went!to!Golden!Gate!Park!and!listened!to!the!music,!
ate!the!food!they!handed!out,!and!talked!to!people.!And!yes,!I!
met! Colin! Wilson,! young,! charming,! charismatic,! decent6
looking,! and! seemingly! fascinated! by! what! I! had! to! say.! Colin!
Wilson! was! interested! in! me,! my! ideas,! my! thoughts.! And,! I!
have!to!admit,!my!body,!too,!even!after!two!children.!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
296&
!
“He!wasn’t!dishonest!with!me.!I!knew!he!was!married.!Or!
involved,!at!least.!Corinne,!I!believe!her!name!was.!I’m!sure!she!
was!there!somewhere.!Maybe!not.!Perhaps!they!hadn’t!gotten!
married! yet! at! that! point.! Maybe! he! left! her! behind! in!
Wisconsin,!or!wherever!it!was!they!went!to!school.!I!do!know!
they!were!together!in!some!fashion.!More!important,!I!knew! I!
was!married.!
!
“You! had! to! have! been! there,! though,! to! understand! the!
atmosphere.! Free! love.! Free! everything.! People! were! taking!
drugs! and! making! love! right! out! in! the! open,! without! fear! or!
shame.! None! of! them,! myself! included,! realized! at! the! time!
there’s! truth! to! that! old! adage! about! free! lunches.! There! may!
not! be! an! entry! fee,! but! people! sure! as! hell! have! to! pay!
somewhere! down! the! line.! And! I! don’t! use! that! word! lightly,!
Mr.!Sanders.!There!is!a!hell.!I!hope!I!don’
t!end!up!there,!but!if!I!
do!it’s!because!I’ve!done!things!to!deserve!it.”!
!
“I!doubt!that.”!
!
“It! wasn’t! just! that! I! committed! adultery,! Mr.! Sanders.! I!
think!I!might!even!have!forgiven!myself!for!that!if!I’d!fallen!in!
love,!or!if!my!husband!had!become!gravely!ill!or!incapacitated!
somehow.!No,!I!deserve!whatever!comes!to!me!because!I!didn’t!
care.!I!didn’t!give!two!hoots!about!Colin!Wilson.!He!was!just!my!
excuse!to!sow!some!wild!oats.”!She!paused.!“Why!do! you!care?!
If!he!did!cause!my!other!daughter’s!death,!maybe!Keely!is!quite!
justified!in!killing!him.”!
!
I! shook! my! head.! “He! wasn’t! there.! I! care! because! he’s! a!
parent,! too.! He! and! Connie—Corinne—have! a! son! and! a!
daughter.!I’ve!known!them!ever!since!I!was!in!college.!Charlie!
was!my!roommate,!my!fraternity!brother.!He’s!a!cop!now.!He!
got! shot! trying! to! defend! his! parents! from! some! mercenaries!
Keely!seems!to!be!working!with.”!
!
“I’m!sorry!about!your!friend.!This!business!seems!to!have!
touched!you!as!much!as!me.”!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
297&
!
I!started!to!brush!her!concern!aside,!but!saw!from!her!face!
how!genuine!it!was.!!
!
“Thank! you.! Look,! if! the! Wilsons! ordered! the! bombing,!
then! they! certainly! should! pay! for! it,! and! for! Jill’s! death.! In! a!
courtroom.!It’s!not!Keely’s!call,!not!her!job.”!
!
“Keely!was!my!payment!for!all!that!free!love,”!she!said.!“I!
never!once!regretted!the!decision!to!carry!her!and!give!birth!to!
her.!I!don’t!want!anything!to!happen!to!her,!Mr.!Sanders.!Can!
you!stop!her?”!
!
“I!don’t!know.!I’ll!try.”!!
!
I! didn’t! know! where! I! stood! with! Keely! anymore.! She!
seemed! to! have! chosen! sides! in! the! shootout! at! Wink’s.! But!
then!we’d!probably!never!been!on!the!same!side.!
!
Pepper!thought!about!what!I!said.!Then,!“I!truly!believed!I!
could! easily! keep! her! paternity! a! secret! from! my! husband.! I!
thought!I!had,!until!today.!How!did!you!know?”!
!
I!shrugged.!“She!looks!more!like!her!father!than!she!does!
you.!She!kept!reminding!me!of!someone.!It!wasn’t!until!I!saw!a!
photo!of!her!as!a!young!woman!that!I!thought!I!knew!for!sure.!
She!looked!just!the!way!Charlie’s!sister!Sarah!looked!in!college.!
Being!half6sisters!explains!it.”!
!
She! lightly! rested! her! chin! on! her! thumb! and! a! curled!