“Except Inez never really loved me.”
“That’s not your dad’s fault. Maybe she guessed he’d married her for the wrong reason. Imagine how she must have felt? Maybe she tried to love you but you were determined you wouldn’t love her. I’d guess the more she tried to love you, the worse you’d be and I bet your dad is as stubborn as you.”
“I’m not stubborn.”
Kate smiled.
“Whose side are you on? You’ve never met him.”
“Your side, it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Well, I’ve been wondering how come your sister is called Elisa.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“It’s like Elizabeth, isn’t it?” Kate asked. “Little Elizabeth. Maybe he was remembering your mom when he called her that, trying to find a way of making it up to you.”
Nathan pushed the pizza box aside and lay so they were face to face. “I can’t believe I never noticed that.”
“You resisted being loved and I had no one who loved me. When my parents discovered I was pregnant, they wanted to pretend it wasn’t true. Sometimes when my dad looked at me I thought my heart would snap in two.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know.” She gave a little smile.
“My father is impossible, Kate. Wait until you meet him. You’ll see what he and Inez are like.”
“Why don’t you call her Mom?” she asked. “Are you trying to hurt her or your father? Can’t you forgive—?”
“You think Jack should be forgiven?” Nathan sat up. “Sleeping with the woman I was going to marry. Kidnapping a child. Kidnapping and abusing you. Maybe killing his mother and his brother. Your mother. Stabbing some poor guy you asked for help. Jack has to pay for what he’s done.” Kate pulled back. “Is that what you’re doing? Helping me in order to punish Jack?”
He stared right at her. “No.”
“I won’t spend my life seething with anger and resentment. If I don’t let it go, I lose because he still has part of me. While you hate him so much, he’s in control of your life. It doesn’t mean anything he did was right. It doesn’t mean I have to tell him I forgive him. I don’t, but I can’t move on unless I let go of the past.” She took a shaky breath. “It’s the same for you, Nathan. You’re angry with your dad because you think he made a mistake, angry with Inez because she wasn’t the mother you wanted, angry with Alison because she betrayed and hurt you, and angry with me because I didn’t tell the police everything. There’s stuff I don’t want to ever say. Ever. I don’t want them wondering if he raped me every time, if I struggled enough. Maybe that’s what you’re already thinking.” He started to speak and Kate shook her head. “I didn’t tell my parents I’d been raped because I couldn’t stand them thinking I hadn’t fought hard enough. I didn’t want people to look at me and think—she was asking for it. That’s what would happen in court. People thinking—yeah, Jack was bad, he was cruel but hey, she married him, she stayed with him.” Kate tried to control her breathing and her hands picked at the cover on the bed.
“I tried to get away, but I’ll never know whether I did enough. That’s something I have to live with. I can’t make anyone understand what it was like, how when he even looked at me I thought my heart would stop. Can you forgive me for sometimes choosing not to fight, just letting it happen? Do you think I can forgive myself?”
“Kate.” Nathan reached for her but she pulled away. “I know you did the best that you could.”
“If I don’t know that’s true, how can you? What if I’d screamed more? What if I’d made him crash the car? What if—?”
“No point in what ifs.”
“Please don’t blame me for what I decide to do now.”
“You don’t have any choice, Kate. You saw him kill a guy and maybe he killed both our mothers.”
She twisted her hair around a finger.
“How would you feel if your daughter came home and told you she’d been raped?” he asked.
“Sad.”
“Wouldn’t you want the guy in prison so he couldn’t do it again?”
“Yes, but choosing to speak to the police would be my daughter’s decision, not mine.”
“I’d want to find the guy and kill him.”
“Then your daughter would lose her father. You have to think about what she needs. The victim is the one who matters. I’d have to relive this, back to the first time Jack touched me and I can’t prove any of it. Think about it, Nathan. I’m married to him. There’s no evidence of rape. The bite marks, bruises and cuts could all have been done with my permission. He told them we liked to play rough.”
“You know no one would believe that.”
Kate sighed. “Maybe Jack and I killed Charlie for fun. Maybe I did it on my own. Maybe taking Tommy was my idea. If Don Thompson is so rich, his lawyers would probably end up suggesting I’d engineered the whole thing to get my hands on his money. A right-wing judge in a Texas court wouldn’t believe a word I said.” She paused. She’d had enough. Going over and over everything, changed nothing.
She put her hands over her eyes.
Nathan pulled her into his arms and put his mouth to her ear. “When I think about what’s happened to you, I’m ashamed to be related to Jack Thompson. I wonder how you can look at me and not hate me.”
“I could never hate you.”
She pulled back, then reached out and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. She slid them up under his eye and ran along his cheekbone, over a bruise, down the side of his face to his chin and onto his lips. She put her other hand on his chest, felt his heart beating. Fast.
“It’s not stopped, has it?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“I’m worried it might if I kiss you, but I’m willing to take the risk,” he whispered. “Are you?”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Nathan knew better than to take advantage of this situation. He knew kissing her was a bad idea. Wrong time, wrong place but not the wrong woman. He wanted to look after her, keep her safe, help her heal. In a way, Nathan needed her more than she needed him.
He still knew this was the wrong thing to do. Fragile and vulnerable, of course she clung to him. She’d been through a horrific ordeal. He’d turned up like a knight on white charger, twice, only he’d nearly got them killed. The sensible thing was to keep his emotions out of this and wait, but knowing what he should do and doing it were two different things.
“I want to kiss you and make everything better,” he whispered. “But what if I make everything worse?”
Kate looked up at him with her chocolate eyes. “Do you really want to kiss me?”
He smiled and nodded.
“I…I’ve never…Jack’s the only….” She sighed.
Nathan was lost. His arm crept around her lower back and pulled her close.
“Look at me.”
Kate lifted her head. He held her gaze for a long time. Then his lips brushed her bruised cheek, before slipping down to her mouth. Nathan ran the tip of his tongue along the edge of hers. When she trembled, the breath caught in his throat. He ignored the voice telling him to stop. The only voice he’d listen to was Kate’s.
His hands swept over her backside and under her sweater to the bare flesh at her waist. Her skin fluttered at his touch and Nathan was gripped by a surge of longing that threatened to overpower his conscience. He shouldn’t go any further.
This was not the right thing to do. Then Kate’s fingers unfastened the buttons of his shirt. She stroked his skin and he groaned. She smelled so sweet.
“You’ve got scars, too,” Kate whispered, touching a mark on his chest.
“A guy I was arresting.”
Kate pushed his shirt off his shoulders and Nathan pulled his arms free. His brain said take things slowly, the rest of his body seemed not to be listening.
“All these bruises,” she said. “All Jack.”
“Forget him.”<
br />
Nathan moved his hands under her sweater, caressing the soft warm skin of her lower back and Kate tensed. “What is it?” he asked.
“My back.”
“Show me.”
Kate looked at him for a moment and then pulled off her sweater and unfastened the top of her shirt. She turned and let it fall to the middle of her back.
Nathan’s stomach lurched. “Oh Christ, Kate. What the hell did he do to you?” Her back was a mess. Jack’s fucking name! But it wasn’t just the jagged wounds across her shoulder where puckered skin had began to heal, there were bruises, bite marks, scratches all over. Nathan wanted to kill him. He pulled her against his chest, put his head at the side of hers, and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s a good thing his name wasn’t Sebastian or Christopher.”
“Don’t make a joke of it. Jesus, why did he do that?”
“To punish me. Mark me as his.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“I know.”
He kissed her hair. “I’m afraid of doing something that will make you think of him and not me.”
“You’re nothing like Jack.” She reached for his fingers. “I feel safe when I’m with you. I need someone to want me right now.”
“Me?”
She nodded.
Nathan’s willpower dissolved. “I need to be sure this is what you want.” Kate looked into his eyes. “I’m sure.”
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her.
***
Jack watched the cop walk out of his room, then turned to his father. “Let me come look for her, too.”
“You know that’s not the deal. You have to stay in Ashlands. I’ll look for Kate and stay at the house in Boerne until I find her. When I do, I’ll bring her to see you.”
“I thought you’d closed that place up.” Jack clutched the sweater.
“Hey, Jack, good to see you back with us.” Jack looked up. The doorway was filled by Carl Winslow, the psychiatric nurse who’d been in charge of him the last time he was in there. Carl was a six-five, pound African American with a nasty attitude. Jack despised the fat prick, but there was a different game to play now. He curled up on his bed.
“What you got there?” Carl asked, reaching for the pink sweater.
“Let him keep it. It belongs to his wife,” Don said.
“Wife?” Carl raised his brows. “What have you been up to?”
“I’ll let him tell you.” Don walked away without another glance.
Jack curled up even tighter. He had to be there when Don met Kate. He wanted to see his father’s face when he realized who she was. Carl sat on the bed and patted him on the back. Jack wrapped his body around the sweater, pressing the gun into his ribs so Carl wouldn’t feel it.
***
It was early evening by the time Nathan and Kate reached San Antonio. He wanted to take Kate straight to the police, but she looked so exhausted, he figured a couple of hours doing something more pleasurable might help. A visit to see his sister’s newborn would cheer her up and dilute Elisa’s wrath.
“Shit,” Nathan muttered as he pulled into the drive.
“What’s the matter?”
“My father’s here.”
“Should I wait in the car?” Kate asked.
“No way. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” He stroked her cheek and smiled.
Bob opened the front door. “Hey, look who’s here. The prodigal brother and…?”
“Kate. Kate meet Bob, Elisa’s long-suffering husband.”
“You got that right. Come on in both of you. Good to meet you, Kate.” He shook Kate’s hand and stepped aside to allow them in.
“Boy or girl?” Nathan whispered as he passed.
“Girl, beautiful girl. And don’t think she doesn’t know you didn’t ask before.” Nathan winced. He kept his arm around Kate’s waist as they walked through to the living room.
“Where have you been?” shrieked Elisa. “She’s already learned to walk. Piano lessons start next week!”
Nathan let Kate go, put down the presents and hugged his sister. “Sorry.
Things came up. Are you okay? Is she okay?” He looked in the crib and smiled.
“She’s beautiful, Elisa. Thank God she doesn’t take after you.”
“Oh, very funny. Now remind me, why did I want you here?”
“Babysitting? Presents from an uncle? Money from a godfather?”
“That’s true. But you’re being rude, Nathan.” She looked behind him.
Kate had retreated to the door. He cursed himself for not anticipating how overwhelmed she might feel. He stepped back and caught her hand.
“This is Kate. Kate meet my family. My sister Elisa, and baby…er?”
“Doe,” Bob said. “We haven’t decided on a name yet.”
“Baby Doe, lovely.” Nathan laughed. “This is my dad, Will, and Inez, my mom.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Kate said. Hands were held out and she moved forward to shake them. Nathan watched as she kept her wrists deep under the cuffs of her new sweater. He saw his parents look at her wedding ring and he felt a pang of disappointment Kate hadn’t taken it off.
“I spy presents,” Elisa said. “Kate, would you like to hold Baby Doe while I open them?” She walked past her brother.
“You trying to piss me off?” Nathan asked.
“Ooh, you make it so easy.” Elisa stopped in front of Kate. “Have you ever held a baby before?”
Kate shook her head.
“Sit down and I’ll give her to you.”
Nathan moved onto the couch next to Kate as Elisa handed her the baby.
“Okay?” he whispered.
She nodded. Nathan looked at the sleeping infant, her mouth puckered into a little rosebud, her head covered with dark curls, her eyelashes long and thick.
“She’s beautiful,” Kate said.
“Takes after me. I’m beautiful, aren’t I, Bob?” Elisa grinned at her husband and ripped open the first present. “A nursery rhyme book. Bi-lingual, too. That’s great. Look, Mom.” Elisa continued ripping. “Huh, a football. I wonder who picked that out.”
“Can I hold her now?” Nathan asked. “Have I been punished enough?”
“Never, but you can hold her.”
“You have to support her head.” Kate handed over the baby.
Nathan’s eyes met Kate’s. He smiled at her but she looked away. What was wrong now? He concentrated on the baby in his arms. “Don’t sleep through the night until you’re five years old, be picky about what you eat, scream in a very piercing way when you need your diaper changed and fill that diaper with as much p…”
“Hey, that’s enough, evil fairy godfather,” Elisa said.
“I’m getting even for everything I had to put up with.”
“You were a lot of trouble when you were a baby.” Inez smiled. “Nathan did everything for you and you were horrible to him.”
“Talking of trouble,” Elisa said, “and I think the words Nathan and trouble go together much too often, have you spoken to the police? Detective Foster nearly drove me mad trying to get in touch with you. I think he’d have followed me into the delivery suite if he’d thought you’d be in there.”
“Detective Foster?” Nathan looked up.
Her shoulders slumped. “Oh God, Nathan, don’t tell me you haven’t called him?”
“Who is he?”
“A detective at West Central.”
“In San Antonio?”
“Duh! We left messages on your cell,” Elisa said.
“My phone was stolen. What did he want?”
“Something about a case you were working on. I’ve got his card.”
“I did tell you the police were looking for you when I last spoke to you,” his father said.
Nathan realized he’d misunderstood. He got up and handed the baby to Inez.
“She has your beautiful eyes, Mom.”
Inez gave a little ga
sp and Nathan could feel his heart hammering. He knew he’d shocked her.
“Thank you, Nathan,” she said.
“Dad, can I have a word?” Nathan asked. “I need your advice.” His father paled. At this rate Nathan thought he’d given his whole family heart attacks.
When Nathan left the room, Kate’s anxiety level rocketed.
“So where did you two meet?” Elisa asked, sitting next to her.
“In Colorado.”
“Do you live there?” Elisa asked.
“No.” Kate could see her looking at the wedding ring. Why hadn’t she taken it off? She twisted it, but left it in place.
“So where are you from?”
Kate wanted Nathan back. “San Antonio.”
“Great,” Elisa said. “I can already tell you’re a good influence on my brother.
He’d never have chosen the book. How did you meet?” Kate took a deep breath. “Nathan saved my life.”
Three open mouths and Kate wished she’d kept hers shut.
“Wow—what did he do?” Elisa asked.
“He…rescued me from a burning house.”
“My God, what happened?” Inez rocked the baby.
“I don’t think we need to put Kate through the third degree the first time she meets us,” Bob broke in.
“Bob! Shut up,” Elisa said.
“Kate?”
She looked up to see Nathan at the door. He beckoned her over. “We have to go.” When she reached his side, he wrapped his arms around her.
“Not fair,” Elisa complained. “Can’t you go and leave Kate here? I have such a lot I need to tell her.”
“That’s a good enough reason for you never to see each other again,” Nathan said.
Will muttered something in his wife’s ear and she glanced at Kate and nodded.
“What’s happening?” Elisa asked. “Why does everyone but me know what’s going on?”
“Elisa?” Will said.
“Yes, Dad?”
“Shut up.”
***
Kate fastened her seat belt with trembling fingers.
“Are you okay?” Nathan asked as he pulled out on to the street.
“Yes.”
He reached over and squeezed her knee. “I know you’re not. But it’s going to be fine. I gave Dad a quick summary of what’s happened. He’s going to follow us to the police station at West Central. I rang the detective that’s been trying to contact me. It’s you he’s been looking for.” Kate stared at him.
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