Kayla never stopped moving. She swam and splashed with limitless energy, while the others laughed and lounged along the edge.
“Do you think the guys are watching us?”
Harper heard an eagerness in Kayla’s voice. She hated to burst Kayla’s bubble, but the only voyeurs were the trees and the sun, and even they would have trouble seeing more than vague shapes through the steamed-up glass.
“Brandon wouldn’t let them,” Harper said at the same time Marlena said, “Liam’ll make sure they don’t.”
They all laughed at that.
Kayla swam closer to Harper. “So you and Brandon are an item?”
“No. We’re friends.”
The other’s clucked in protest, and she couldn’t blame them. She hadn’t told anyone about her and Brandon’s disastrous sex, the reason they could now honestly consider each other friends, and she never planned to.
“Do you have feelings for him?” Kayla asked.
Yes. “Only platonic.”
Kayla splashed her with water. “Liar.” She floated onto her back. Her stomach was flat and toned, her breasts perky. “I hope to meet some good men in the marines, too.”
“That’s not why you’re joining, right?” Olivia said.
“No. I’m doing it for me. The men will just be a bonus of the job.”
“There’ll be some icky men in the marines, too, but don’t pay them any mind and keep yourself safe,” Harper said.
“Yeah, I know,” Kayla said, sounding bored by the lecture.
“Just remember, your body is your own,” Marlena said. “You don’t owe it to anyone, ever.”
Kayla rolled her eyes. “Okay, mom.”
“You joke, but nobody ever told me that and it took me a long time to figure it out. And even when you know logically that it’s true, it’s easier said than done. But it’s the most important lesson of all.” Marlena tipped back and floated, her head close to Kayla’s. “Your body is your own, and every decision you make for your body has to come from a place of pure, unadulterated selfishness. The good kind of selfishness. Never make a choice about your body for a man—or another woman, for that matter.”
Harper sagged back, Marlena’s words hitting her hard. Harper’s reluctance to get the double mastectomy was coming from a place of vanity. Of fear. She wanted to look good for men, and for other women. She didn’t want to lose her feminine appeal. Your body is your own. She needed to do a better job of taking care of hers, and she needed to stop caring about other people’s opinions of her.
She thought about Brandon’s analogy comparing her to the little pig in the nursery rhyme who built a brick house to keep the wolf out. She’d thought Brandon was the wolf. She’d thought the world beyond Destiny Falls was the wolf, but all this time, the wolf had been inside of her—in her very genes. It was time to go on the offensive against the big, bad wolf within her by evicting it and reclaiming her body as her own.
She watched her friends as though through a tunnel. She knew what she had to do. She’d known all along, but she’d let fear keep her from living. She was still scared of what life would be like without breasts, but she was even more scared of dying and never getting the chance to have more moments like this one.
She sank her feet to the bottom of the pool and held onto the edge. “I’m going to do it.”
Marlena swished water until she’d floated around in a circle far enough to see Harper. “Do what?”
“I’m going to get the surgery. The double mastectomy.” She felt stronger, saying the words, making that pledge to herself and saying it aloud. Strong and ready to fight.
Marlena dropped her feet and stood. “Thank goodness. That’s the right thing to do.”
Harper touched the sides of her breasts, so familiar, yet so dangerous to her. “I know. I’m ready.”
“I’d hug you right now, but boob tangling wouldn’t be in the best interest of our friendship.”
They shared a laugh at that, then swam a little longer, letting the stillness of the place and the warmth of the water carry away their thoughts. They dressed in easy silence, then set the sunroom right again. Strolling over the grassy hill of a backyard, they saw Liam and Brandon skipping rocks into the lake.
“Have fun?” Brandon asked, his eyes on Harper.
“The best.”
“Your timing’s right,” Brandon said. “I just got a call from Duke asking us to come back. He said they’ve got a surprise planned and they need us there for it.”
“I knew they wanted us gone for a reason. Something for our guest of honor, no doubt,” Marlena said.
Brandon looked pained. “I hope not. Speeches kinda make me squirm.”
Liam lobbed one last rock into the lake. “Same here.”
They walked back to the lake house in relative silence. Harper was preoccupied with letting her choice sink in.
Duke’s deck had been transformed during the hours that they’d been gone. Strands of white twinkle lights crisscrossed through the air, candles lined the deck railing, and the barbecue had been covered and pushed to the corner of the deck. Duke had transformed, too, swapping out his Bermuda shorts and tank top for a sharp gray suit and red tie.
Duke stopped Kayla for a hug when she walked by. “Have a good hike?”
“The best.”
“Why is your hair wet?” He looked at Marlena, Olivia, and Harper. “All four of you.”
Ah, so the guys hadn’t spilled the beans. Harper held her breath, wondering what Kayla would tell Duke about their little adventure.
Kayla kissed his cheek. “Nothing happened, Grandpa. Just a little slip into some sprinklers that had been left on.”
He seemed too distracted to question the flimsy excuse. “Well, you’re back just in time. There’s going to be a big surprise in just a few minutes. I’ll let Donna know that everyone’s here.”
A few minutes later, Duke stood on the raised section of his deck that held his built-in barbecue and then whistled to get everyone’s attention. “You all thought you were here just to say good-bye to our team captain and wish him well in Miami, but there’s another reason we’re gathered together one last time.” He choked on the last word and stared at his shoes for a long, quiet beat. When he looked up again, it was over the heads of the party guests to the back door of his house. “Theo, are you ready?”
Marlena’s attention whipped to the house along with everyone else’s. Theo was dressed in a fine- looking black suit. In his arms, he held Emily, who was dressed in a pretty white sundress with a daisy chain crowning her head.
“I am,” Theo said.
That answer was too serious, as was the expression on Theo’s face.
Harper slipped through the crowd to Brandon. “Something’s up. Something big.”
One corner of Brandon’s lips tugged up into a lopsided grin. “I have a good guess about what it is.”
Harper had no idea.
Everyone watched in silence as Theo made a path through the crowd and joined Duke, facing everyone. Theo’s smile was one that Harper had never seen on his face before, loving and private and blooming with emotions that defied words. Harper followed his gaze back to the house where Allison stood. She wore flowers in her hair and a simple cream-colored shift. In her hands, she held a bouquet of red roses.
Harper sucked in a deep inhale of shock, as did many others. She grabbed Brandon’s arm.
“I was right,” Brandon said. “We’re about to witness a surprise wedding.”
Chapter Nine
Before Allison started walking from the house toward Theo and Duke, Theo fixed his gaze on Brandon and Harper and gave them two thumbs-up. He was grinning from ear to ear, looking the happiest that Harper had ever seen him. She and Theo had been neighbors for a decade. He was one of her oldest and dearest friends, and she’d been looking forward to this weddi
ng since he and Allison had gotten engaged the year before. From the first time Harper had met Allison, she’d known the Niagara Falls transplant was perfect for him in every way. Knowing that she was about to witness their wedding made Harper’s heart so full of love and happiness for the two of them that she thought it might bust wide open.
Brandon clapped and let out a whoop. “’Bout time, man!”
Brandon’s words broke the spell that had been cast over the crowd. Cheers and clapping broke out all over, the perfect accompaniment as Allison walked through the crowd of their friends as though floating, her smiling, tear-stained face focused intently on Theo like he was the only man in the world.
When Allison reached him, he kissed her tenderly and took her hand. But instead of turning toward Duke, who was apparently going to officiate their ceremony, they faced their guests once more.
Theo pointed at Brandon again. “Allison and I decided we couldn’t get married without you to witness it. Get up here, would you? Be my best man.” His voice broke on the last word.
Theo and Brandon hugged and slapped each other’s backs, then Brandon took his place at Theo’s side.
In the same way that Theo had asked Brandon, Allison looked to Harper. “Since neither of my sisters could be here today, would you stand up with me as my maid of honor?”
“Of course,” Harper breathed, her throat tightening as emotion threatened to sweep her away. She took possession of Allison’s bouquet as Theo and Allison joined hands once more and faced Duke.
The wedding was simple and spectacular. Harper tried to concentrate on Duke’s words, but the rollercoaster of emotions she’d experienced over the past week consumed her. Her whole life was changing, and hour by hour, the speed of change seemed to be building to a frenetic pace.
More than anything, she knew now that she deserved more out of her life than she’d ever allowed herself. She was scared of the surgery and scared of cancer, but she was done with letting fear rule her world. Brandon was right; she had to do everything she could to reduce her risks of dying of cancer. She had to fight to live.
The world was an amazing place and filled with so much love and possibility, so much beauty. All she had to do was reach out and seize the day. She wasn’t going to wait until the surgery to do so. She was starting that fight to live her best life right now, surrounded by her friends, in this gorgeous place, with the very air around her humming with love and acceptance and harmony.
Sometime during Theo’s recitation of the vows, Harper realized she was crying. And now that she’d started, she couldn’t turn it off. They were good tears. Cleansing, healing. She might die or she might not, but she’d go down fighting like a champion. Like her mother and her aunt had. And she’d fight that fight while surrounded by all the people she loved and while living her life to its fullest.
Donna slipped her a tissue, but it wasn’t enough. If anything, the gesture of kindness made her cry harder.
When Allison and Theo sealed their vows with a kiss and the crowd erupted in cheers once more, Brandon moved next to Harper, shielding her from view of everyone. “You okay?” he said.
Then Harper lost it for real, though she tried desperately to keep her sobs quiet so Allison and Theo could enjoy their perfect moment.
Brandon guided her off the deck to where Presley stood ready to usher her to a bedroom just inside of the patio.
Harper flounced onto the bed. “I can’t stop crying,” she said between sobs and gasps for air. “I’m hysterical.”
“No, you’re human.”
She buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God, Presley. I don’t want to die.”
Presley’s arms closed around her. “You’re not going to. You’re going to fight this and I’m going to fight it with you.”
“Hey, cut that out.” Hands squeezed her knees. She cracked open her eyes to see Brandon kneeling before her, his eyes wide with concern. “You’re okay. We’re all going to fight it with you.”
“Shit,” Harper croaked, burying her face against Presley’s shoulder. She’d forgotten Brandon’s presence.
Brandon rubbed her knees harder. “You’re not going to die.”
Presley stroked her back. “No, she’s not. She’s tough, this one.”
Harper hiccupped. “Not at this exact moment.”
“We can see that,” Brandon said. He pressed a tissue into her hand.
She took a huge gulp of air and felt the tears drain away from her. “Theo and Allison’s wedding got to me, you know? I just needed a good cry.” She pet his hair. “Do you think you could give me and Presley a few minutes? We’ll be out soon.”
Thankfully, he took the hint and stood, swabbing his hand over his face. “Okay. If that’s what you need. Can I get you anything first? Water, a drink?”
“Shoo,” Presley said.
The room felt different in his absence, quiet in a way that felt empty, as the world had seemed the night before when she and Brandon had parted in the parking lot. Last night, her car had felt too quiet, too. She’d felt like crying when she’d gotten home from the Iceplex, but had rallied against the urge. Maybe that’s why everything had come to a head today during the wedding.
It was Brandon leaving and cancer and her mom’s death and the decision to give up her breasts. It was wondering if she’d ever find love like the kind Theo and Allison had. But mostly it was a profound relief to have made a decision about her future, one she’d been in limbo about for five years, and heavy dread she carried for even longer—since her mother’s first surgery—that someday she’d be forced to cut away parts of herself in the same way.
Today’s tears had been good for her, as good as skinny-dipping had been, and she felt drained in the best possible way. Now she was done with it all. It was time to stop feeling sorry for herself and stop being afraid. It was time to start thinking about creating joy in her life with the same relentless drive that she’d exhibited when holding onto her fear.
She’d start with baby steps. Optimistic words and a smile. “It’s been a great day.”
“Yes.” Presley’s voice carried a tinge of sorrow.
“I’m sorry that Marc’s being a turd.”
Presley gave a sad laugh. “Yeah. You mentioned the other day that you’re at a crossroad, and I think I’m at a crossroad, too, even though the choices I have to make aren’t life or death like yours are.”
“I’m almost past my crossroad, and I know you’re going to get through yours.” She found Presley’s hand and held it tight. “Whatever happens, you and I are going to come out of this stronger and wiser.”
“Damn straight.”
They fell back on the bed together. It was a plush duvet, soft and cozy. They nestled closer together, holding hands.
“It’s over with me and Marc. I’ve known it for a while, but seeing Theo and Allison up there on Duke’s deck getting married, in love, I realized that’s what Marc and I don’t have. He’s never looked at me the way Theo looks at Allison.”
May they all be so lucky to find a man who looked at them like Theo looked at Allison.
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Marc’s a nice guy, he really is deep down, somewhere, but his world doesn’t revolve around you. You deserve somebody who thinks you hung the moon. A guy who begs you to put that ball and chain on his leg.” How odd that she’d be dolling out a commitment-phobe’s relationship advice, but Brandon had been right.
“We both do,” Presley said.
“I don’t care much about that, not with all this going on. Maybe I’ll find love someday, someone who loves me even without breasts or the ability to make babies. But, then again, maybe I won’t. I’m working on being okay with that.”
“You’ll find someone when the time is right,” Presley said. “Just make sure you take your own advice and wait for a guy who’s worthy so I won’t have to kick his a
ss.”
“You got it.”
They lay for a long time, cuddling together and simply being, all the while listening to the festive music that had started playing on the deck, as well as the laughter and conversation of their friends.
The door opened. Harper turned, expecting Brandon or one of her other friends, but Marc poked his head in. “Pres? I’ve got to go.” He held up his phone and wiggled it. “Work. I’m sorry, babe.”
Presley stood. “What? But we carpooled. How . . .”
“I called a taxi.”
“Oh.” She looked at Harper, letting her hair fall like a curtain to block Marc’s view. She wore a look of anguish and tears threatened her mascara.
Harper squeezed her hand. “Stay strong,” she whispered. “You and I have each other.”
Presley nodded. “Thank you.” After a sniff, she shook her hair back and faced Marc again. “I’ll wait with you. We need to talk.”
“No need. The taxi’s already here.”
Which meant he waited to tell Presley until the last possible moment. Douche.
“Then I’ll walk you out,” Presley said with forced cheerfulness.
Harper rose and rubbed Presley’s back for moral support as she followed Marc outside.
The setting sun over the lake proved the perfect backdrop for the party. The strands of white twinkle lights cast the deck in a golden glow and a sound system blasted music from a table near a self-serve bar littered with bottles and cups.
Harper stood just outside the sliding door, transfixed. What an amazing sight, so many people she loved celebrating and laughing together. Theo and Allison were at the center of the action, dancing and kissing and making merry fools of themselves along with Kayla, Gabe, Elijah, Olivia, and a handful of Bomb Squad players. On the edge of the makeshift dance floor, Duke and Donna twirled and rocked in a slow swing dance, and dotting the rest of the deck, her friends and acquaintances held drink cups and little plates of cake.
Brandon was the last person she spotted. He sat alone on the upper level of the deck, watching the festivities with a beer in front of him, his face shrouded in shadow. True, the party was celebrating Allison and Theo’s wedding, but it was Brandon’s going-away party, too. He was one of the most outgoing people she knew, the life of every party, so it didn’t make sense why he was keeping to himself.
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