by B. A. Wolfe
Inhale, one, two, three, four. Exhale, one, two, three, four.
It wasn’t working. Her angelic face was burned in my brain, mocking me as I tried like crazy to make it disappear. I popped my ear buds in, tapped the music app on my phone, turned it up as high as it would allow, and ran. If the loud shrieking of Metallica couldn’t help, I didn’t know what would.
Cassandra
WE CLIMBED THE STAIRS in our building to the second floor. I was still reeling from dinner and my meeting with Aidan, but I pushed that aside as I unlocked and opened the door. I was desperate to see my baby; he was my oxygen.
I set my purse on the entry table and strolled down the hall. And there he was, snuggled up on Moose’s chest while they lay on the couch together. Moose was a huge part of our lives. Baby Jase loved him, and I didn’t know what I would do without him. I had Mel in my life, but the way Moose had stepped in and helped out when all I wanted was to be shoved off a cliff, would stay with me forever. Mel wasn’t happy with him constantly being around, but I didn’t expect her to be. He was here any chance he got. He was getting the associate’s degree I’d urged him to work toward, and I couldn’t help but feel proud, watching him ace his exams.
I walked over to the couch, knelt down, and kissed Jase on the head. Moose’s body jerked and his eyes shot open.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I whispered.
He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “You scared the shit out of me, Cass.”
I picked up Jase, who was already changed into a pair of farm animal pajamas and kissed his head all the way to his nursery. After gently laying his sleeping body down in the crib, I turned on the monitor and left.
“You need to put that guy’s number on the fridge so you remember to call him,” Mel reminded me as she busied herself in the kitchen.
Moose headed toward her, stretching his arms above his head. He gave me a strange glance. He’d become quite protective of me over the past year. “What guy?” he asked with his eyebrows lowered.
“Oh God, he’s cockblockin’ again.” Mel huffed and set a glass down on the table.
I let out a frustrated breath. “Stop.”
“What? You’re siding with him now? He says no to every guy and you say okay?” She scowled at me, her brows almost connecting. Mel was right. Moose didn’t like any guy. What she didn’t understand was that it was nice to have someone care so much that they were protective of you. She was once upon a time, but now she was always pushing me to go chat with him, or get his number.
“It’s not like that, Mel. I said stop, as in fighting with Moose.”
“Oh, I’ll show you fight.” She grinned deviously and marched over to Moose. Her finger went straight to his chest. “I’ll have you know, TJ, this guy is amazing and really likes Cassandra. If you’re any friend at all, you’ll let her have a chance to move on.”
Moose puffed out his chest, a smile sweeping across his face. “It’s Moose.”
Her laugh bit out as she removed her hand and stepped back. “I’ll never call you that. You’re not a fucking animal.”
“How do you know? You haven’t seen me in action, sweet cheeks.” He hooked his thumbs through his belt loops, his stance more than proud.
With a grunt, she whipped around and stormed past me. If it weren’t for Jase sleeping in the next room, I knew her door would’ve slammed shut.
Moose casually made his way to the living room and I followed. He sprawled his legs out and leaned back, making himself comfortable on the couch before patting the spot beside him. I didn’t need any more invitation than that. I sank down, feeling tiny as I snuggled next to his much larger frame.
“She’ll come around, Moose.”
He squeezed my body against him for a moment. I think he knew he would crack Mel’s hard exterior soon too. Personally, I believed he loved the challenge.
“So, tell me about this guy. Should I run a background check on him?”
I pinched his side and he winced. I snuggled in closer. “It was really crazy, meeting this guy. I mean, my stomach literally dropped, and I hadn’t felt anything like that since Jason. But this guy? He was easy to talk to, and the connection . . . it was there. Nothing felt forced. It was like I already knew him. We were just so attuned. Pretty scary, huh?”
“He sounds too good to be true.” He eyed me, his face serious. “But you deserve nothing less, Cass.”
My mouth bowed at his words. “Thanks, but I just don’t know if I’m ready. How will I know?”
“You don’t have an expiration date stamped on your ass for when your dating window is up.” His body vibrated against mine as he laughed. “Oh, Cass. You’ll just know. Relax a little, okay?”
“When did you get so smart?”
“It’s these damn classes you make me take.” His lips curved upward. “Are you gonna call him?”
“I don’t know. I might when we get back. I have a lot on my mind with going to Keaton this weekend.”
“Yeah, I hear ya.”
I didn’t know what to expect, but I could feel something inside telling me this was going to be a weekend I wouldn’t forget, both good and bad.
***
It had been exactly twenty-four hours since my drink with Aidan. So what was I doing? I’d been holding the chicken scratch napkin for what felt like an eternity. Lust, doubt, and uncertainty rested in one hand; my phone in the other.
The damn napkin stared at me, its ink unrelenting each time I passed the fridge where it sat, waiting for me to pick it up. It knew the power it possessed. It could see right through my ‘I’m-not-looking-at-you’ expression each time I entered the kitchen. So I grabbed it. Held it between my nervous hands, and then what? I didn’t know. Would I dial his number and pray to God I got his voicemail, then leave a message a mile long for him to replay? “Oh, God,” I said, exasperated. “What am I doing?” I cracked my neck from side to side, in an attempt to ease the tension.
A door closed behind me, breaking my thoughts. I looked over to see Mel walking out of her room carrying a sleek black briefcase.
“Girl, you work too hard. That man has you at his beck and call.”
She dangled her keys in her hand. “I have an entry level position. I don’t have a choice, babe. Gotta play the game if you want to win.”
“And what’ll you win?”
“A big, fat bonus, that’s what,” she said, opening the front door. “I’ll be back later. It might be an all-nighter though, so don’t wait up. Greg’s got the team meeting at the office.”
I waved my hand in the air. “I’ll just be wearing a hole in the floor as I figure out what to do. Don’t worry about me.”
“Call him. Trust me.” And with her final four words she left, locking the door behind her.
Focusing on the ceiling fan that hummed incessantly, I tried to come up with reasons for not calling him. Was I ready to call him? It’s too soon, Cass. Right. Maybe I’d wait until we got back from Keaton. As I contemplated my decision, I checked on Jase. He was sound asleep in his swing. Eyeing the napkin one last time, it was clear my mind wouldn’t let the digits go. Before I realized it, I was dialing Aidan’s number.
“Please go to voicemail, please go to voicemail,” I whispered as I made my way to the kitchen.
Two rings later, a husky voice on the other end answered, “Hello?”
Suddenly, I was a one-year-old trying to grasp the concept of speech. I opened my mouth and said my first word, “Hi.”
“Hello?” his velvety voice asked once more.
Apparently, my first word was too quiet. I scrunched my face and tried again. “Hi. Is this Aidan?”
“No. I’m sorry, but you’ve reached ‘Tea Spillers Anonymous.’”
My lips formed a wide grin. “I thought we were past icebreakers?” I asked, laughing hard and enjoying his way of breaking the ice a little more.
He chuckled. “I had to.”
“Are you busy?” I bit my inner cheek.
Suddenly, I was a teenage girl in her room, twirling her phone cord as she paced with giddiness. “Sure,” I replied.
A few muffled ‘goodbyes’ and some ‘laters’ were exchanged before he was back on the other end of the receiver. I had interrupted something.
“You still there?” he asked.
I cleared the nerves from my throat. “Um, yeah. Still here. Did I take you away from something?”
“No. Just at a friend’s place. I was ready to leave, anyway. I’m really happy you called.”
My forehead creased. “You are?”
“More than you know.” His voice was an octave lower than normal, as if he were admitting it to himself too.
I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I half-hoped I’d get your voicemail to be honest,” I confessed.
“Oh, you did?” he asked, sounding intrigued.
I could almost picture the smirk on his lips. “I’m glad I didn’t, though.”
“I’m glad you didn’t too.” He chuckled. “I’m curious. What would you have said to my voicemail?”
I paused. My mouth dropped. What would I have said?
“So, you wouldn’t have left a message? All those nerves it took to call and you’d bail on the voicemail?”
I placed a hand on my hip and stopped mid-pace. “How’d you know I was nervous?”
He sighed deeply. “Because I was nervous answering the phone. I was hoping this unknown number was you and not some telemarketer.”
He was hoping I called? If he were sitting in front of me he’d have surely witnessed the rosy blush that came from the heat in my cheeks.
“Still no voicemail then, huh? Not even a few noises and a hang up?” His stifled laughter made my smile spread wider.
I cleared my throat as if I were pretending to give a speech. “Beep. Hey, Aidan. It’s Cassandra. I had a great time the other night and would love to continue our conversation. Let me know if you’re game.”
“Beep. Hey, Sweet Tea, it’s Aidan. I meant what I said on the napkin. It was, in fact, the best twenty minutes of my life. I’d love nothing more than to finish our conversation. I’m definitely game.”
There was something about him. The way he made me feel like I was talking to a high school crush, calling him for the first time. The nerves lingered, but they were the good kind. The kind that fluttered like crazy, letting you know you’re still alive and enjoying every moment of your life.
“I’d say we need to finish this game.” I bit my lip.
“I think you’re right. Ladies first.”
I could almost picture his sweet facial expressions as he spoke. My skin danced with tingles as I replied, “Why, thank you. How’s the teaching and coaching going? You enjoying the new school?”
He released a lengthy breath. “It’s going. Just busy. The budget cuts make it hard. If they didn’t have to cut jobs back, I could just coach, but now it’s required that the extracurricular activities need to be headed by teachers at the school. But the team has great potential this year. I’m really looking forward to their first game.”
“Sorry about the budget cuts. It’s a good thing you have an English degree for teaching then too, isn’t it?”
“The brains in me made sure I had something to fall back on in case the coaching didn’t pan out.”
I held up two fingers as if he could see me. “Question number two. What’s your next goal? Your next move?”
“I’d love to get into a bigger school where I could just focus on coaching. My dream was to coach college football, but those positions are hard to come by.”
I hadn’t realized the pacing I’d done throughout the house until I noticed how out of breath I was. I removed the phone from my ear and took a deep breath. I had to calm down. I went to the couch and sat, resting my legs on the coffee table in front of me. “What about you? What are your future plans?” he asked.
“I don’t really know.” Part of me knew that what I was doing was far better than the pre-planned life my parents had laid out for me. “My goals are a bit more short term than long range.” Those words drew my thoughts to the swing in front of me. The swing that gently rocked Jase.
This was unfamiliar territory. I didn’t want to scare Aidan off because I had a baby, but I also didn’t know how to approach the subject. I’d leave it for now, but what if there was another conversation or game? What then?
“Nothing wrong with that at all. Sometimes baby steps are easier to take than giant leaps.”
I tugged at a loose string on the hem of my knit tank. “You have no idea.”
“I believe I do.”
A grin swept across my face as we continued playing our game.
“What do you like to do in your free time?” he asked.
“Reading. I love to read.” He didn’t need to know about my writing. I kept that secret guarded close to my heart.
“I like to read too. But don’t tell anyone, it might ruin my reputation.”
My heart raced. A man who could admit he liked to read. That might have been a first for me to hear.
“You’re judging me for reading, aren’t you?”
I’m sure my smile touched my eyes. “Only a little.” I giggled. “I’m actually pleasantly surprised.”
“Whew. I thought you were going to hang up on me.”
I laughed harder. “Not a chance.”
“Good, because I’m definitely not ready to hang up yet.”
My breath hitched and a flash of heat ran the length of my body. Who was this guy?
He cleared his throat softly. “So, e-reader or old school?”
“Definitely old school. You?”
“The same. What’s your favorite book? Wait, let me guess. Fifty—”
I stretched my hand out as if he were there in front of me and interrupted his assumption. “No. Not that one. I haven’t even had a chance to read it.”
“Isn’t reading it a rite of passage to womanhood?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to find another rite of passage.”
“So what’s your favorite, then?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?” I asked, staring at a few of my books on the coffee table.
“Promise. But, if you say Green Eggs and Ham, I might. I can’t help that one.”
I palmed my chest. “What? We definitely aren’t going to work, then.”
“Dr. Seuss. Who’d have guessed? You fooled me.”
I wobbled my head side to side. “Okay, it’s not my fave, but it’s definitely top five.”
“Tell anyone and I’ll deny it, but it’s in my top five too,” he said in a hushed voice as if we were being recorded.
He was funny. I enjoyed it. “And the secrets come out.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“The Notebook, my final answer.” I did a quick nod of my head to show the finality of my response.
“Noah and Allie, huh?” he asked, a hint of enthusiasm in his voice.
I gripped my phone tighter. “You know about Noah and Allie?”
“I’ve heard of them. So, why Noah?” he asked nonchalantly.
The expression on my face had to have been something along the lines of come on, really? “Why not? He stops at nothing to be with the love of his life. And even when he knows his girl is with someone else, he never stops loving her. His heart is hers forever. It’s the epitome of true love.” The other end remained silent; aside from heavy breaths. “What? You don’t agree?”
“No, it’s just, well, nothing. I like your reason. That’s all. What’s your favorite movie?”
“Why all my favorites?”
“You want me to ask you all your hates instead?”
I laughed. “I guess when you put it that way.”
“Most hated movie, go.”
I giggled. “No way. I don’t like the hates. Let’s go back
to favorites.”
“Okay. Next question . . . dessert?”
“Easy. Homemade pie. You?”
“Definitely cake.”
“Well . . .” My cheeks heated as I spoke. “That’s because you haven’t had my banana cream before.”
“No, it’s because you haven’t had the German chocolate at this bakery on Larimer before.” His voice came off sexier than I think even he intended.
I tapped my finger on my cheek in deep contemplation. “This sounds like quite the predicament.”
“Easy solution.”
“How so?”
“We’ll have a battle of the desserts. I bring my cake, you make your pie.”
Did he just ask me out on a date? I released my inner cheek from my teeth. “I like the sound of that. I’m up for it,” I said faster than I expected.
“Me too. Hey, Cassandra?” he asked, almost sounding unsure.
“Yeah?” I asked, my chest knotting as I waited for whatever it was he was about to ask.
His voice lowered. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
As I went to tell him he could tell me anything, a crying Jase transformed me from flirting schoolgirl to my role as Mommy. “Uh, Aidan. I have to go. I’m sorry. Can we finish our call another time?”
The other end was silent for two breaths too many as I waited for him to answer.
“Yeah, of course we can,” he finally responded.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll call you soon.” I beamed. “Goodnight, Aidan.”
“’Night, Cassandra.”
The sweet sound of his voice chimed through my ears as I set my phone down, grinning the whole way to pick up Jase. “Aww, big boy. Mommy’s so sorry. You must be hungry.” He scrunched his tiny face as I carried him to the kitchen. “Shhh. Shhh. I know, little guy. I’m making your bottle right now.” My daydreams continued as I warmed Jase’s milk and took us both into the nursery. Sitting in the rocking chair, I fed Jase and let the phone conversation replay in my head.
The new feelings swirling inside me were warm, fuzzy, and welcome. It’d been too long since I felt like this. Excited, yet nervous. Eager, and maybe a little impatient. The thought of spending time with Aidan had awakened me like a dormant volcano getting ready to erupt.