by B. A. Wolfe
We lay post coital, tangled together like vines in his bed. The sheet covered my stomach, the rest of me bare and exposed. His elbow bent as he rested his head in his hand, his other hand lay comfortably over my thigh, his fingers softly caressing my skin.
I grinned and sank deeper into his bed. “I think make-up sex might be my favorite kind,” I murmured against his chest.
He chuckled under his breath. “I think any sex as long as you’re involved is my favorite kind.”
With my head tucked under his chin, I was glad he couldn’t see the heat that flushed my cheeks at his comment. I ghosted my fingers down his chest. I loved sleepovers with Aidan. I loved the overwhelming feeling of comfort and protection as he held me while I slept. Half of me didn’t want to fall asleep because I wanted to cherish the moment. The other half knew I’d wake up feeling as if I had the best sleep in my life.
Cassandra
I slipped out of Aidan’s hold, placed a kiss on his head, and let him sleep. It was still early and he didn’t have to be to work for hours, but my bladder would burst on his bed if I didn’t get to a bathroom soon.
The night had flashed by. I frowned at the thought. What a night it was. Suddenly my cheeks warmed and my frown was replaced with a grin. After relieving myself, I slipped on yesterday’s clothes and made my way to the kitchen. While the coffee I made finished brewing, I wandered around his apartment. An excited sigh escaped me as his wooden bookshelf caught my attention.
I hurried over to it and let my fingers graze the spines of the books one by one. There were so many titles displayed and I loved that he had such a big collection. I continued reading each title until my heart skipped two beats as I found the one that meant the most to me . . . Away. I gasped, my hand covering my open mouth. He really did have my book. I never expected to see it. I scanned the shelf for a pen. Something inside wouldn’t not let me sign his book. I wanted to, I had to. I slid the book out and held it, pressing my palm to the cover as I read the title once more. This book was so bittersweet for me. Writing it had helped me heal, but it also reminded me of a man whose life was cut far too short. I sniffled back my sadness and flipped the cover back. Putting the tip of the pen to the book, I signed Away.
Wherever you’ll be is where I’ll stay.
Please don’t ever go away.
Yours, Cassie
Tears pooled in my eyes as I read back what I wrote. I knew where I needed to be and it was with him. Wherever he was, was where I wanted to be. I turned to return the book to its spot when a folded piece of paper slipped from the pages and landed perfectly between my feet. I tucked the book in its spot before crouching to take the paper between my fingers. It was an invasion of privacy—I knew this—but as I stared at the folded paper, I couldn’t stop wondering why it was there, of all places. Did it have something to do with Jason? The book? Me? My inquisitive mind reeled with possibilities as I let my fingers unfold it and my eyes scanned the page.
It was a letter to Dan. My heart squeezed with a gnawing and familiar ache. Jason. It was Jason’s handwriting; I’d never forget it. My throat tightened. Why would a letter from Jason be in Away? My heart told me to stop, to let it go, but my mind told me to keep going. With a shaky breath I did as I was told and continued. The paper shook in my hands as I read it line by line. The trembling progressed as I reached a part I was sure I’d never forget.
Find her, watch over her, take care of her, and be there for her when I couldn’t be.
My chest constricted and my heart pounded as I read his plea to have me watched and looked after. My jaw tightened, tears spilled down my cheeks and covered the white paper one after another. Molten lava inflamed my skin as I fought the urge to rip Jason’s request to pieces with my bare and trembling hands. A loud cry escaped my wet lips. How could he? I shook my head over and over again with disbelief. How could he do this to me?
“Cassie, what’s wrong?” Aidan’s husky voice broke through my sobs.
My numb body slowly turned to face him. “What is this?” I held the letter up in my shaking hand, glaring at him through my tears. Speechless, his eyes zeroed in on the paper fisted in my hand.
“What the fuck is it?”
He stood there, still as a statue. His hand rubbed the back of his neck and his eyes closed. He shook his head as if he just realized he was caught red handed.
My hand clutched my stomach. Vomit seeped up and sat at the base of my throat. My body, my heart, my mind, felt betrayed, disgusted. “Y-You sought me out. We didn’t meet by chance, did we?”
He remained silent, only letting the anger inside me rise to the surface, scorching my skin with its rage.
“Did we?” I screamed, unable to control myself. I threw the letter at him with as much power as I could. It drifted like a feather between us, landing with ease by his feet. “I’m going to need you to explain this right now!” I demanded. My foot stomped to the floor as I pointed at him. “Right now!”
“Yes, okay?” He sighed heavily, his hand wracking through his messy morning hair. No, not okay, Aidan. “Jason asked me to look out for you.” My body suddenly felt extremely exposed as I peered at him. My intestines twisted and coiled around my upset stomach.
He drew in a heavy breath. “It’s not what you think, though. It’s not. It was chance when I saw you in that coffee shop and then in the bar that night. You have to believe me.” His eyes pleaded with me to believe him, but I couldn’t.
My broken heart refused. “You’re a fucking liar!”
He stepped forward, his hands reaching out for mine. I inched backward into the bookshelf and hugged my arms around me. No way was he touching me. “When I saw you, you took my breath away,” he muttered with a tender voice.
I remembered that moment as if it were yesterday. My head dropped as a loud cry escaped me.
“I begged you for a drink because I wanted to check on you, but after we talked I couldn’t help it; you captivated me. It took me back to when I first held you and how much I wanted you back in my arms. At that point, it was no longer for Jason. It was for me, for my heart that beat like crazy the whole time we talked, for the hazel-eyed girl that stole my sight the rest of the night.”
“Stop!” I covered my ears with my hands. I couldn’t bear to hear him say those things about me anymore. He lied! “You disgust me. You were pissed because I lied about Parker, but here you are lying about something bigger than that, something that changes everything. All I am is some brotherly request. None of it meant anything to you, did it? How could you do this to me?” My legs shook, my knees trembled and my body collapsed to the floor. I peered up; his glossy eyes connected with mine. “This is the only reason why you’re with me. It’s only because Jason asked you to be,” I whispered, my tears soaking my legs that had buckled underneath me. I palmed the carpet and let myself break apart on his floor.
Seconds later he knelt before me, his hands only centimeters from mine. “Don’t say that. You mean more to me than anything in this whole world. I . . . I lo—”
I jerked my head, tears streaking down my face. “Don’t you even say those words!” With every ounce of strength I had, I lifted myself up and took one last look at his pathetic self still kneeling on the floor. On numb legs, I headed for the front door.
“Don’t leave. Cassie . . . stop!”
I didn’t. I kept going, my hand snatching my purse by the door before I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob. I couldn’t look at his lying, sorry ass anymore; I had to leave. His hand gently touched my arm. I sucked in a breath and froze as it tingled through my body. Damn him.
“Leave me alone,” I cried. I reluctantly yanked my arm away, opened the door, and ran. I ran until I couldn’t run any longer. I ran until my lungs were out of breath and all I had left in me were tears that poured out like a damn waterfall. I was humiliated, hurt, and angry. Everything about this situation was fucked up.
As my legs carried me toward my apartment, my mind hung onto what I read in the lett
er. I thought of each thing Jase asked his brother to do. Anger so deep that I didn’t even know I possessed raged inside of me. How dare Jase ask this of his brother? How dare Aidan follow through. What was I? A game to them? I had a life of my own and these two brothers had managed to turn it upside down.
I reached my apartment, not remembering passing anything on my way there. I glanced at Aidan’s familiar car parked in front of my building. I stopped short, the breath sucking out of me. He was here. He got out of his car and stepped toward the entrance of the building, standing a few feet from me. The dam burst once more. Tears flooded my cheeks, my shirt, and soon the entire goddamn city of Denver would be washed away with my sorrow. Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone? Couldn’t he see he’d done enough?
“Just go, Aidan,” I cried.
“No. I’m not going anywhere. You have to hear me out. Cassie, I’m a brother who lost the only sibling he had. Jason, my brother, whom I took care of while he was in and out of the hospital, whom I gave my kidney to, only to have it fail him. Fail him! You understand?” His eyes pierced mine. “I feel like shit knowing the kidney I gave him didn’t give him as long a life as I prayed it would. I’d have given him my second one if he had let me. You’ll never understand what I feel because you don’t have a clue what I’ve been through.” He closed his eyes briefly. “Yes, I did the one and only thing my brother asked of me. Yes, I lied. But damn it, Cassie. I’m not perfect. I’m not . . . Jason.”
If that wasn’t the truth. Jason should be disgusted with his brother. “No, you’re not even close to being like Jason.”
He sighed. “I don’t regret it for one second. I should’ve told you who I was in the beginning, but I’m not sorry he asked me to look out for you. And I’m sure as hell not sorry that I did what he asked because it led me to you.” His eyes softened as he approached me, his arms tight to his sides.
I hugged myself tighter. “Don’t come near me!”
“Say something. Please.”
I placed my hand on my chest, covering my heart. “All I want right now is to go get Jase, hold him as close to my heart as I can and not think about the past twenty-four hours. That’s what I want.”
“Let me come up. Please. We need to talk.”
I gritted my teeth. The buildings, the cars, the street . . . everything around me was now painted in dark red. He wanted me to talk. I’d tell him exactly how I felt. “Red. Fucking. Light. Aidan.”
“No.” His eyes pinched shut for a moment. “No. You don’t hate me,” he whispered, shaking his head.
The knife twisted with vengeance. He already knew what it meant. Of course he did. “I do, Aidan. So fucking much.”
“You don’t mean it.” His voice was strained. Now he would know what it felt like to be pained and hurt by someone.
“You know, when Jason died my heart shattered. But you, Aidan—you completely broke me. I’ve never been so hurt in my life. You lied to protect yourself for selfish reasons. Sure, be noble and help your brother, but not at the expense of someone else. You did it for what? A lay? A conquer? You’re fucking sick.”
“It was real. All of it. And you know it. You’re just scared because you’re falling in love with me and you don’t want to admit it. You think it’s wrong, yet it feels so damn right it scares the living shit out of you.”
“Yes, I’m scared, but only because I knew something would eventually tear us apart, and look how right I was.” I wiped the tears from my face. “I knew that I was falling in love with you; that was never a question in my mind.” I spun around, moving past his stunned body as I dragged my lifeless self up to my apartment. He called my name out once more followed by a strained cry, but I never looked back.
Moose squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, Cass.”
Tears continued to stream out even though I fought like hell for them to stop. “Thanks for taking me to get Jase.”
Moose was inside my apartment when I came in. I didn’t even question why he was there with Mel. My heart was far too broken to care about anything other than getting my baby. “I’m always here for you, you know that.” He squeezed my hand once more.
I stared mindlessly out the window. “Did you know, Moose?”
He huffed, loudly. “No, I didn’t know about the letter.”
I turned to look at him.
“I’m gonna kill him. I told him not to hurt you and he did.” His jaw ticked. “I need to talk to him. I have to make sure this wasn’t all . . .” He paused as if he were afraid to say what he was thinking.
Too late, I’d already thought about it one too many times. “Fake. A lie. A bunch of bullshit.” I took my hand from his hold and covered my face as I wept.
“Cass, I’m sorry.” Once again, my hand was encased in his.
“Don’t be.” I shouldn’t have let myself fall for him. I thought my tornado of a life had finally come to a halt, but the aftermath still lingered.
Moose never let my hand go for the rest of our silent drive to Keaton. I wasn’t sure how I’d have ever made this drive without him. We pulled up to the Bradley’s house. The yard was covered in leaves, the chilly air and cloudy day matching my mood.
“Do you want me to go get Jase?” he asked.
I scanned the street, the driveway, and everywhere else for a certain car. Aidan wasn’t here. I sucked in a deep breath. “No, I can do it.” The tears had finally stopped about thirty minutes ago, but the closer I stepped to the front door the more they wanted to break free.
Trish opened the door and immediately her eyes widened. “Cassandra, what’s going on?” She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me inside. My heartache unleashed the moment she wrapped her motherly arms around me. “Oh, sweetie. What’s wrong?”
Before I could find the words to explain, the door behind me shut and Moose’s boots scuffed across the floor.
“Moose, what it is? Is everyone okay?” Trish asked, panic coating her voice.
I pulled away and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. Moose shot me a sad smile.
“Physically, yes,” he muttered, his hands buried in his pockets. The pain in his eyes told me this wasn’t easy for him. I stood motionless, not even sure what to say. On one hand, their son disgusted me with his betrayal. On the other, I didn’t want to cause more of a rift in the already tension-filled household. I excused myself to get Jase. I needed my baby in my arms. Moose stayed in the front room with Trish and Bart. I was sure he’d fill them in.
I returned moments later with Jase to find three sets of eyes full of concern and sadness. Moose had definitely filled them in.
Bart made his way over to me. “You’re not going to stop coming down here, are you?”
Without a second thought, I threw my free arm around him. “No. I couldn’t do that to you guys.”
“We don’t want to lose you again, darlin’.”
“You won’t.” I couldn’t desert Trish and Bart like before; they didn’t deserve that.
I’d be an adult and face Aidan if and when he came down to Keaton. The other part of me—the newly wiser part—knew it would be harder not seeing the Aidan I fell in love with than to never see him again.
Dan
I relaxed as much as possible in the wooden chair, my ankle resting over my knee. My boss sat across from me with a miffed expression, clearly upset with my resignation.
He leaned into his desk. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes sir,” I answered, nodding.
He looked puzzled. “You realize what this means?”
“With all due respect, I’m not changing my mind. I have to leave. I have to take this new job.”
“Is this because of some girl?” His fatherly expression almost made me chuckle. Almost. I hadn’t felt the urge to laugh or smile about anything since Cassie and I fought.
“She’s not just some girl, but, I have to do this. I should’ve done it a long time ago.” She was the only girl for me. And I single-handedly tossed everything away because I
was afraid. I was the one who was scared she’d realize she couldn’t love me because my last name matched Jason’s. It was me all along who was terrified. She was the strong one and there I was, a coward hiding behind a damn letter, lying to her.
“Well Bradley, we’re certainly going to miss you around here. I hope you’re making the right choice. You’re an excellent teacher and coach, young man. I wish you the best. When do you start?”
“In a few weeks.”
My hands gripped the armrests and my stomach tightened. What in the hell did I just do?
Cassandra
MY KNEE BOUNCED uncontrollably as I sat on the old wooden bench, waiting for Parker. It was Friday afternoon. The sun shone down, but the day was its usual brisk self. A week had passed since I found the letter tucked so conveniently in my book on Aidan’s shelf. I ignored the numerous apologetic texts, phone calls, and all of Aidan’s attempts to see me. I had nothing to say to him.
I peered down at Jase. He was focused on the tiny bear that dangled from the car seat handle. He seemed amused enough, but I definitely wasn’t. I felt used, betrayed, and the worst . . . lonely. I missed Aidan coming over and missed hearing his voice, but most of all . . . I missed the way he made me feel. I wanted to curl into a tight ball each time I thought about him and then I wanted to vomit, knowing it was all one big lie.
I glanced at my watch. Parker was twenty minutes late. What a great way to start. I sent him a text asking where he was. He only had a few more minutes until I decided to bail. Moments later my phone vibrated. Parker was calling. Great.
“Where are you?” I asked, a little more than pissed.
Parker cleared his throat. “I’m at work. I’m not meeting you.”
I shook my head. “I figured as much.”
“It’s not just that. I don’t want to do this. I’ve contacted my lawyer and he’s getting papers ready so I can sign my rights over to you.”
What!? I held my breath and glanced down. The tears threatened to spill as I stared silently at Jase. I tried to replay his words, but my head couldn’t grasp them. He’s signing over his rights? He didn’t want this? What in God’s name was going on?