by Mann, Marni
“You told me once that you didn’t judge me for working at the mansion…but how did it really make you feel?”
“Can I come sit down?”
I nodded, pulling the blanket a little tighter and straightening its folds and wrinkles so it wouldn’t bunch underneath him.
He pushed off the doorway and casually walked to the bed. I didn’t know if any of the paint on his jeans or on his body was wet, but that didn’t stop him from sitting on top of the comforter. He sat toward the center of the mattress, giving us both a little space.
“My opinion hasn’t changed. I’m not you; I’m not the one who had to make that choice. I’ll never fault you for that. But do I like the thought that other men paid to touch you?” He took several breaths, his stare never leaving mine. “No, I don’t. I fucking hate it. I wish I’d been the first man who’d ever touched you.” I wondered if I wished that, too. “You’re twenty-four years old and you’re insatiable—something I love about you—so I didn’t expect you to be a virgin. But of course a part of me wishes you didn’t have memories of anyone but me pleasuring you to the point of orgasm.”
As I searched his face, nothing but honesty came back toward me. It was then that I knew: this was the moment where I needed to let go of it all. There were questions that I hadn’t asked because the possibility of the answer—of the truth—scared me. Too much of it had been forced upon me at one timethe mansion, my father, Emma’s father, the reality that existed behind those walls—until I couldn’t take any more. Enough time had passed now.
I could handle a little more honesty.
“We’re not all that different, you know,” I told him.
“No,” he said, “we’re not. When you met me, Lora was getting much more than just my friendship. There were several other women who were, too. They didn’t pay me…but they might as well have.”
Cameron didn’t need Lora or any of those women to help his career; he had Professor Freeman for that. He slept with them because he loved to fuck. That was a main overlap between us: we were both able to disconnect, to give our bodies without attaching ourselves emotionally to the person we were having sex with.
But when I compared what we had to everyone else I had slept with, I knew what I felt for him was different. I just hoped it wasn’t because he was giving me the best sex I’d ever had.
I hoped it was because, when I was with him, I didn’t want to disconnect.
I wanted to care about him, for him, beyond anything sexual.
“What made you stop?” I asked. “You went from all of them to just me. It happened so fast…why?”
He grabbed the end of the comforter and snaked it between his fingers, wrapping the fabric tightly around his skin so his circulation was cut off. His nails turned white. “You were the first woman to not give me what I wanted.”
I wished the reason for that was because I’d been playing hard to get. It wasn’t, though. I didn’t spread my legs for him because I was working at the mansion, and it felt wrong to be with him and a client in the same night. I had done that to Dallas, and I hadn’t liked what I felt about myself afterward.
I didn’t want to do that to Cameron, too.
“That’s not quite everything.” He released the blanket and glanced down, rubbing his palms over his jeans. “I knew we had something in common before you told me anything about your mother. I felt it in you…I saw it.” He rose from the bed without warning. I heard his bare feet treading over the hardwood floors in the hallway and the clanking of glass as he opened and shut the refrigerator door. When he returned, he had two beers in his hand. He gave me one and took a sip of the other, holding the liquid in his mouth for several seconds before he swallowed. “This is hard to explain, but when I met you, I knew you were as shattered as I was. When two people come together with pasts as crippling as ours, there’s a connection that just feels… right somehow.”
“I know.”
My voice wasn’t more than a whisper. It didn’t need to be. I really did know what he was describing. I’d felt it immediately with him. The scars on his chestthe ones that resided under his tattoo confirmed it. But there was something I felt before I had seen those. I couldn’t explain it and I sensed that he couldn’t either, but it was there. It was palpable, and at times, overwhelming, even.
He was gripping the beer bottle so tightly, I was worried the glass was going to crack in his hand. I didn’t reach out, though, and I didn’t try to loosen his grip. I concentrated on his face and his words, allowing him to purge in the way he needed to.
“The way you endured all that pain is so sexy to me,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I wish none of it had ever happened, and if I could take all of it away for you, I would…really, I would. But when I look at you now, I don’t see a body marred by abuse or a mind reduced to hatred. I see a survivor…someone who came through her darkness with her spirit intact.”
“Cameron”
He moved a few inches closer and rested his hand on top of my foot, wrapping his fingers around my toes through the blankets. I could feel the emotion in his touch. He was holding on as if he truly needed our connection to give him the strength to continue. It wasn’t only in his fingers; I read it in his expression, too. The shape his lips formed when he breathed through his mouth; the way his bottom lids had a slight droop to them. How his chest rose and fell as though his stamina was being tested. I’d felt a rawness like this from him before, but always in short bursts. This was a continuous flow that was happening all at once.
“Those women were just frames…they certainly weren’t the art that formed me. I buried myself in them for a moment of silence, for a chance to make the physical part of me feel alive before the pain circled around again and took me down. They didn’t have what it takes to tame me, Charlie. Honestly, I didn’t even let them get close enough to try.” He took a sip of his beer, swishing it in his cheeks and tilting his head back as it ran down his throat. “We both had childhoods that no children should ever have to endure. I had begun to accept that this was how life would be for me: every moment an escape from something that I was never going to leave behind. But when you came into my life, something inside of me changed. You broke me almost as hard as my mother had. She drained every emotion I’d ever felt…and you gave them all right back to me.”
I lifted my arm out of the comforter and placed my fingers on top of his. I couldn’t stop the guilt that washed through me. I had questioned Cameron’s feelings. I had thought that maybe he still wished I was wearing my mask, or maybe that he wanted me to put one back on. And now I knew none of that was true.
“I need to ask you something,” I said, squeezing his hand, “and I need you to be completely honest with me when you answer.”
He nodded. “Always.”
Now I was the one who was holding on. “You’re not going to lose interest now that you’ve—”
“Never,” he said interrupting me.
“But you’ve gotten what you wanted now. What else is there?”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Charlie. You haven’t given me everything that I want.”
“I haven’t?” I couldn’t imagine what might have been missing.
He exhaled through his nose and shook his head. Then he lifted his hand and rubbed it over my cheek. The intensity in his touch hadn’t diminished at all. It was even more severe than before. But behind all that raw emotion was a softness that was pushing its way to the surface. “I’m not talking about your body.” His thumb went to my lip, dragging it out from my teeth. “It’s true that I’m as insatiable as you, and that no matter how many times I have you, it isn’t enough. I want you again…and again. And every time, you give me that.” I didn’t understand what else there was. “What you haven’t given me all of is…your love.”
Until he said it, I wasn’t sure I realized he’d wanted it from me.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
“I am, too.”
“I’m scared because…
as much as I want to be Charlie with you, I can’t seem to restrain Cee.”
He took my hand in his, kissed my palm and ran it down the side of his face. “Then don’t,” he told me. “She’s a part of you. If she needs to be free, then...” and he looked up at me from under his heavy brows, “...bring her into our bedroom. Let me fuck her while I’m making love to you.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
I’D NEVER HAD A THREESOME. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have one. I was extremely experimental when it came to sex. But the two women I had been with in the past were lesbians; they would have had no interest in having a man join us. My evening with the Recruiter was an interview, not a pleasure cruise. And the men I had slept with were so overwhelmed by me that adding a woman had never even been mentioned. But when I dropped the edge of the blanket and let it fall to my ankles, revealing my naked body underneath, and I leaned onto my knees, crawling the few feet to Cameron, I felt like there were two of us inside me. Cee was dying to get her nails on his body, her teeth on his flesh. And I was longing to press my lips against his.
Then bring her into our bedroom and let me fuck her while I’m making love to you.
Most men would think I was crazy for even mentioning Cee. As my clients, they’d have loved fucking the pain right out of me. As their lover, though? They’d find my past whorish and repulsive, no matter what name I’d used. They would have judged me for the decisions that had led me to the mansion. Cameron wasn’t like them. He wanted all of me…in his house and in his bed. And that’s what I was going to give him. For the truth he had bared to me, he deserved that…and more.
His arms opened when I reached him, and his tongue found its way inside my mouth. I fit so perfectly against his chest, my petite frame molded into the broadness of him. I straddled his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck, and I focused on our kiss. There were moments when it was rushed, when we pushed into each other as though we couldn’t get close enough. And there were seconds that were slow, our passion making our bodies as flexible and limber as contortionists.
I leaned back and reached for his zipper.
His hands immediately went on top of mine. “Not yet, baby. You’re going to have to work for that.”
My eyes widened and my brows rose, but I didn’t release my grip.
“You heard me right. You teased me earlier when you were touching yourself. Tease me again. Make me beg for it.”
My tongue touched my bottom lip and I crawled backward until I reached the headboard, flipping over onto my back and spreading my legs. Cameron sat between my ankles, his neck pointed down. But his eyes didn’t go straight to my pussy; they followed my fingers as I glided them to my breasts.
“Pinch them.”
I followed his order, but not immediately. I had the control and I wasn’t giving it back. I circled my breasts with the pads of my fingers, gently grazing my nipples as I moved to the other side.
“Just a little pain, baby,” he breathed. “Let me feel it.”
I moistened my fingers in my mouth and continued to rub, bringing goose bumps across my skin and down my stomach. When I saw that his teeth had found his lip, I cinched each nipple, feeling his breath as he exhaled it over me. The groan that came from him sounded similar to mine, but deeper, and with a need that felt even stronger than the one that was drawing me in.
“Pull them harder.”
I had started lifting them from my breasts before he had even asked, tugging the very tip until I reached the end of my skin.
His hands clenched into fists, then his fingers straightened and balled again. I knew that feelinghe wanted this so badly, his hands twitched for it as mine crept down my stomach, stopping at the very base of my belly.
“Touch it,” he demanded.
I shot one finger down the beginning of my folds, then paused for several seconds before I brought it right back up.
“Do it again.”
Every part of me throbbed, especially my clit. My body hadn’t forgotten the build it had felt earlier, or how quickly it had left when I saw Cameron in the doorway. But the tease was almost as pleasurable as the way I conformed around the orgasm itself.
This time, the dip lasted there for several more seconds. I even twirled my finger so I could experience the flick of my nail.
Cee was present for me as much as she was for him.
Cameron leaned down toward my stomach. His arm traveled over my navel and landed next to my ribcage. With his fingers holding his weight, his face dropped until he was six inches from my pussy.
“Touch it,” he repeated, “before I do.”
I could feel his breathing. I could almost feel the wetness of his mouth, the flicking of his tongue, the sucking as his lips covered that sensitive spot, bringing all the blood to the surface as if he were giving me a hickey.
I didn’t lower my hand slowly; I dropped it directly on that hard bud and circled it with my fingers, running the length to gather and spread some of my wetness. His air hit me and mixed with my arousal, and I felt that familiar twinge begin to increase and escalate.
As much as I had wanted to create my own orgasm earlier, it wasn’t what I wanted anymore. And even though I relished the control, and as much as my body blossomed from it, I wanted to relinquish it now. I wanted to feel tiny against his wide frame. I wanted him to empty me of the thoughts I had dwelled on earlier and replace every one of my concerns with his fullness.
“I need you, Cameron.”
His eyes moved up my body as my voice had gotten his attention. “Tell me, baby.”
“I need you now.”
His hand glided past my side, over my ribs and down my stomach, stopping at the same place I had just a few minutes ago. “Tell me what you want.”
“Your mouth. I need it…I need your tongue.”
His neck lowered, his mouth hovering just above me, and his hand moved downward swiftly, both reaching me at the same time. My hips jerked upward and a moan erupted loudly from my lips. I grabbed the top of his head, the strands too short to pull, and yanked him closer to me.
“Let me hear you.”
His voice was an accelerant, bringing me to that place I had been longing for. My legs tightened against his neck and he pushed them apart. My back arched and my arms reached above me, grabbing the pillow and piercing it with my nails.
“Louder,” he pleaded.
My screams were coming out in bursts with each breath, but I made sure each inhale was almost as loud as the exhale.
Until now, he had only been giving me his tongue. But suddenly he added in a finger, and the feeling started to spread even faster. A bolt shot straight through me, making me buck against his mouth and lifting my back completely off the bed. When my legs tightened, he allowed them to close in around his face and he slowed down his licking so it was just a long lap, tasting and spreading the wetness that he had created.
When the sensitivity finally died, I sat up and pushed him onto his heels so I could unclasp his belt. The leather strap came off with such ease. The button popped, the zipper lowered, and I yanked his pants down, bringing his boxers with them. He stood fully naked, moving to the end of the bed. I sat in the middle of the mattress, my feet in front of me as I admired him. The paint that had splattered across his chest only added to the meaning behind the dark script of his tattoo. His caramel skin was sculpted so tightly onto his muscles. The hardness that was waiting for me made my legs spread on their own.
But I didn’t get a chance to finish my thought, or even a moment to plan what I wanted to do next. Instead, he grabbed my heels and dragged me to him. As I reached the edge of the bed, I flipped over and got on my knees.
“This is how you want it?” he asked.
I nodded, bunching my hair and pulling it off my shoulder so I could make eye contact with him.
“Tell me you want me to fuck you.”
“Fuck”
I didn’t need to finish because he had moved in behind me, gripping my hips and guiding
me to him. He didn’t enter me slowly, allowing me to adjust to his size. He slammed into me…because that’s exactly what Cee wanted. And she begged him to go faster, harder, to slap her ass after so many strokes. He did it all, filling the air with his loud grunts, sweat dripping from his body, his hands roaming to all the places that needed his attention. I couldn’t ignore the fusion that was happening here. I had merged Cee and Charlie. Charlie had always been sexually absent in favor of Cee, and Cee had been submissive yet totally sexual. Now, she was in command.
It was one of the positions where he could get even deeper, but I didn’t allow him to reach that spot right away. My body needed to get used to the penetration before I would let him fully in. But when I didwhen I spread my legs even farther and released the muscles inside of me to allow him passagehis reaction was almost enough to make me come.
I looked over my shoulder, watching his eyes travel from the small of my back to my face and I lifted my knee, lengthening the space between my legs. Then I relaxed everything inside of me, dropping my guard so he had complete access. He could invade me at whatever depth he wanted.
When he felt the difference, his eyes lit up and I looked away, preparing myself for the intensity that was urging me closer to that peak.
“Tell me you’re close,” he said.
I knew he was; I could feel it in his stroke. I didn’t answer with words. I responded with my body instead, taking over the bouncing and grinding as his body stilled. His fingers dug into my hips, preparing for his build, and I continued to ricochet against him until I heard the orgasm come from his lips, from his body spilling into mine. I exploded at the same time and worked it out as I trembled over him, my muscles convulsing in sheer bliss.
He didn’t pull out when I stopped moving. He leaned over me instead, and flattened me onto the bed, his arms resting on top of mine and our cheeks touching.