by McCoy, Katie
We sat in silence, finishing our beers before I stretched and picked up my sledgehammer again. I was ready to break shit. But before, I could swing it down on a charred section of wall that was still remaining, a familiar man in a suit stepped up to the building, standing where the front door had once been.
He waved me over, and when I got closer, I realized that he was the lawyer that Hayley and her father had called. He had gone to the police station with us when we went to make the report about Nicky, made sure that I was protected legally.
I was surprised to see him. As far as I knew, Nicky had been arrested but no court date had been arranged yet. Maybe things had changed.
“Mr. Sinclair.” I brushed off my hand before reaching out to shake his. “How can I help you?”
“Actually, I’m here to help you,” he said, holding out a folder full of papers. “Ms. Hayes asked me to gather this information and deliver it to you. It’s about the community gym and outlines several proposals to help with the rebuild.”
I took the papers, but didn’t open the folder, just stared at it in my hand, unsure what I was hearing.
“I think you’re mistaken.” I tried to hand the papers back. “There isn’t going to be a rebuild. It’s not in our budget.”
The lawyer refused to take the paperwork. “I think that if you take a look at what Ms. Hayes had me prepare, you’ll see that there are options you might not have considered.”
I opened the folder. There were pages and pages of applications—most of them almost completely filled out—for public grants and charitable organizations looking to sponsor projects exactly like what I was trying to do with the gym.
“Ms. Hayes thinks that if you apply for a few of these, you’ll be able to get enough capital to rebuild the gym and have it provide services for the neighborhood,” the lawyer continued to explain.
She did what?
I was overwhelmed with emotion.
The whole thing was so typical Hayley. She was exactly the kind of person, who—even though I had treated her like garbage—still wanted to help me. Still wanted to help the community. I was moved by the gesture, especially since it seemed, as I kept looking through the paperwork that had been given to me, as though most of the applications were a shoo-in for us.
With the help of those organizations and grants, not only could I rebuild the gym, I could make it better and newer. It could become something that would really help the community, in a way that we weren’t able to before when we were worried about income and repairs. This way, we’d have a brand-new building with all the necessary amenities—plus some extras—and we’d have the financial support of the city. My mind started whirling with all that we could accomplish with that kind of help.
“Thank you,” I told the lawyer. “I’ll review all of this and get back to you.”
He nodded and headed out, leaving me alone with Bull. I handed the paperwork over to my mentor, while I took a moment for myself.
I stared at the wreckage around me, seeing potential and opportunity.
Hayley had seen it too. She had a vision for this place and she wasn’t about to let it die. Even though I had done everything in my power to alienate her, she wasn’t going to let that keep her from helping me. From helping my friends. My community.
I got a lump in my throat when I thought of her. How good and sweet she was, but also how tough. How badass.
She didn’t need anyone to protect her, and I had been a right asshole thinking that I could or should.
Hanging my head, I realized exactly how much I had fucked up.
Behind me, Bull let out a low whistle.
“She doesn’t mess around, does she?” he asked, coming to stand next to me, holding out the papers.
I took them and managed a nod as I tucked them under my arm.
“She’s a special one, that Hayley,” Bull continued.
“Yeah,” I said gruffly.
“And you’re an ass,” Bull told me.
“Yeah,” I agreed readily.
He turned and regarded me seriously. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“About being an ass?” I asked. “Pretty sure there’s nothing I can do. It’s just the way I am.”
“Bullshit,” he said. “Don’t give me that shit.”
I shook my head. “You and I both know that I’m trouble. I’m trouble for everyone in my life. I was trouble for my mom, for my foster parents, for you. And I’m trouble for Hayley.”
“Only if you continue to act like an idiot,” Bull countered.
“An idiot?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah.” He glared at me. “You and I both know that what happened with you and your mom wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t because of anything you did. You were a baby and she was a scared kid with no one to turn to. So she turned to drugs and left you in the care of the state.”
“Best thing she could have done,” I said, like I always did when talking about my mom.
“Maybe,” Bull conceded. “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking hurt.”
I shrugged, but he was right. It did hurt.
“And you were a tough kid, there’s no doubt about that,” he continued. “But a good kid too. You just needed a firm hand. Needed guidance and discipline. It’s not your fault that your foster families weren’t equipped to deal with that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “All that’s in the past.”
“Sure.” Bull nodded. “Until it affects you now. Until it causes you to give up the best thing that ever happened to you.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Hayley is a good woman,” Bull said. “And if you can’t man up and recognize that, then maybe you don’t deserve her.”
“I don’t deserve her,” I said passionately. “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say.”
Bull shook his head. “Are you saying that because you really believe it, or are you saying that because you’re scared?” He put his hand on my shoulder. “None of us deserve a good woman. But all you can do is try your best.”
“My best isn’t good enough,” I said.
Bull blew out a breath. “Remember when you were a kid? You were coming here after school and I had never seen someone so devoted to learning how to fight. When I asked you about it, you told me about this older kid, this real bruiser, who had been harassing you. You told me you wanted to get strong enough to fight him.”
I remembered. “I did fight him, remember?” I reminded Bull. “And I lost bad. Cracked ribs, broken nose, black eye bad.”
“But you tried,” Bull insisted. “The odds were against you and the outcome wasn’t great, but you still tried. You still fought. You didn’t give up then, why are you giving up now?”
Bull’s words stayed with me all day. I remembered the fight he had been talking about. An older kid had been harassing me at school. Not just me, but anyone else who was smaller and weaker than him. No one stood up to him—not the teachers, not parents, no one. And after a while, I’d had enough.
And even though I lost that day, I didn’t give up. I kept going to Bull’s, kept getting stronger and faster and better. And eventually, I fought the kid again. And won. I embarrassed him badly enough in that fight that he stopped harassing the kids in our neighborhood.
Bull was right. Why was I giving up on me and Hayley?
I loved her. The realization had nearly knocked me on my ass, but I couldn’t deny it anymore—not to myself and not to anyone else. Hayley was everything. And she was worth the risk.
If Emerson was surprised to see me at his front door, he didn’t show it. He also didn’t punch me again, which I appreciated. My face was still healing from our last encounter. Instead, he let me in and went immediately to the fridge, pulling out two bottles of what I assumed was Chase’s latest beer creation.
He opened them and handed one to me. We drank in silence for a bit, leaning against his kitchen counter.
“Alex at work?” I asked, st
ill not exactly sure how to handle the situation.
“Yep,” Emerson said.
We’d been friends for years but had still never mastered the whole “talk about your feelings” shit. I drank some more, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said.
Emerson raised an eyebrow. “For?”
“For lying to you,” I said. “I should have told you that someone was going on between me and Hayley.”
“I’m sorry too,” Emerson said, setting his beer down.
This time, I raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t what I had expected.
“For punching you in the face,” Emerson clarified.
“We both know that I deserved it,” I told him.
He shook his head. “It wasn’t my business,” he said. “What happened between you and Hayley is between the two of you. And I’m sorry if being an overprotective asshole was a reason you two broke up.”
“I think me being an overprotective asshole was the reason we broke up,” I said.
“Lucky Hayley,” Emerson said dryly. “All she wanted was independence.”
“And she got us,” I finished for him. “A couple of jerks trying to tell her what she needs and wants.”
“We’re idiots,” Emerson said.
I lifted my beer in acknowledgement. “Such idiots.”
Emerson folded his arms across his chest. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I drank and thought.
“I don’t know,” I finally confessed.
“You love her, right?” Emerson asked, though I could tell it wasn’t easy for him.
I didn’t blame him. Despite everything, it must have been hard to realize that Hayley was a grown-up woman. One who was dating a close friend of his. There were always exceptions when it came to the bro code, but it didn’t necessarily make it easier on anyone.
“I do love her,” I said without hesitation.
Emerson seemed to relax a little. “Then, do something about it, man!” he finally said.
I hung my head. “I don’t know what to do,” I said, feeling like crap. “I want to make things right with her but I don’t know how.”
Emerson thought for a moment.
“It’s about putting your heart on the line,” he eventually said. “About taking a risk. Because she’s worth it, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” I said. “She’s absolutely worth it.”
Emerson grinned. “Good,” he said. “So here’s the plan.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “I’ll get her to Rascals tonight. You can take it from there.”
“Thanks, man,” I said, relieved to have my friend back.
He gave a hard punch on my shoulder. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “Just make my sister smile. OK?”
“OK,” I said. “I’ll do what I can.”
Because I would. For Hayley I would do anything.
22
Hayley
I didn’t want to do anything. I finally had a day to myself, a day where I could do some proper wallowing—sweatpants, ice cream, The Real Housewives. That’s all I wanted to do with my day, and I was determined not to let anything—or anyone—keep me from my private pity party.
As far as I was concerned, I had earned it. Mr. Sinclair, my father’s lawyer, had let me know that he had delivered the paperwork to Dante that afternoon. He told me that Dante had looked surprised at the package, but had read it and hadn’t thrown it away.
That gave me hope. Dante wasn’t a man who would take well to overtures that he viewed as charity, but I was hoping he would swallow his pride when it came to the gym. Because even though he had broken my heart in a billion pieces, I still wanted him to succeed. Still wanted the gym to be rebuilt and serve the community.
Maybe that was just more proof that I was naïve and needed to be protected from the realities of the big bad world, but I didn’t care. It was something that I wanted to do and I wasn’t going to let whatever had happened between me and Dante keep me from being the person I had always been. If that person was naïve and stupidly hopeful, then so be it.
I had just crawled under an enormous pile of blankets with a bowl of ice cream and the last Real Housewives of New York queued up when there was a knock at my door. I ignored it. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and if it was the mailman, he knew he could just leave packages outside my door.
But the knock came again. And again. It actually sounded like several people were knocking on my door, not just one. Letting out a frustrated groan, I emerged from my cozy cave of blankets, paused my show, and put my ice cream down.
I opened the door to find Alex and Kelsey standing there. They were dressed to kill, Alex in black leather pants and a sparkly top, and Kelsey in a sexy vintage-inspired dress that hugged her curves.
“We’re taking you out!” they declared.
Immediately I shook my head and began to retreat back into my apartment.
“Oh no,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere. I have big plans for tonight.”
They both looked past me, and I could see them taking in the pile of blankets and ice cream. They exchanged a look and shook their heads in unison.
“Nope,” Alex said with a smile.
“Not a chance,” Kelsey agreed.
Ignoring them, I went back to my couch and blankets and flopped back down, picking up my ice cream with a defiant look on my face. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Forty minutes later I was stepping out of the shower, while Alex and Kelsey rooted through my closet. If I had considered myself stubborn, well, they took the cake. I had done my best to ignore them, even putting the TV back on and turning up the volume, but they had just stood in front of the TV, arms crossed.
“You can’t stay in tonight,” Alex had told me. “I promised Emerson that we wouldn’t let you wallow.”
“I’ve earned this wallow,” I had protested. “Or did you forget about the fact that your boyfriend—and my brother—punched my boyfriend in the face. And then he broke up with me?”
At least Alex had the good sense to look a little sheepish about that. Unfortunately, Kelsey had no reason to be sheepish, so she stepped up and took over harassing me about going out with them.
“You can’t let Dante keep you from having a good time,” Kelsey had said. “We’re your friends and we love you and miss you.”
I couldn’t help but feel a little cheered by that.
“I love you guys too,” I said. “But I don’t think I’m going to be the best company tonight.” I dove back under my blankets, feeling pretty damn pathetic.
“After a few drinks, you’ll definitely be the best company,” Alex piped in.
“Besides.” Kelsey came and sat next to me on the couch. “Even if you’re not, we still love you and still want to spend time with us.”
“So you’re saying I can still wallow?” I asked, peering out from my pile of blankets.
Kelsey nodded. “I don’t think you will, but if we get to the bar and you’re still feeling sad, we’ll drink and feel sad with you.”
“That’s right,” Alex said. “I mean, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Getting our hearts broken by a guy?”
“Part of being a woman,” Kelsey said with a sigh. “But you have us.”
“Exactly!” Alex said. “We’re here for you. No matter what.”
After a good thirty minutes of convincing, they finally managed to herd me into a shower.
“You’re cute,” Kelsey had said. “But you definitely need a shower. Wash your hair. Wash your face. We’ll take care of everything else.”
I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, feeling a little better and a lot cleaner, and found that Kelsey and Alex had laid out a few outfit options for me. All of them were pretty sexy, though.
I poked my head out of the bedroom, finding them in my kitchen, eating my ice cream. They didn’t look ashamed to be caught at all.
“I can’t wear these,” I said, referring to all the
outfits that they had chosen for me. “They’re either too short or too tight or too much.”
“They are not!” Kelsey argued, coming over towards me. “They’re just right.”
I gave her a look. “Just right? Just right for what?”
Kelsey and Alex exchanged a quick look, but not quick enough for me not to notice.
“What is going on?” I asked. “Where are we going?”
“To Rascals,” Alex said cheerfully. “Where we can drink for free!”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to go to Rascals,” I said.
I had done my best to avoid the bar since everything that had gone down with Dante. I didn’t think he would be hanging out there—chances were that he was avoiding it as much as I was—but I also didn’t want to deal with Emerson and the guys. They would try their best to be understanding, but I didn’t need a group of overprotective guys telling me how much better it was now that things between Dante and me were over.
“The guys won’t be there,” Kelsey assured me.
I didn’t believe her. “They own the bar. Why wouldn’t they be there?”
“Because we told them not to be there,” Alex said confidently. “It’s girls’ karaoke night at the bar tonight, and we specifically did not invite them.”
“Girls’ karaoke night? Is that a thing?”
“Well, technically, it’s just karaoke night, but we made sure the guys were out of town for it,” Kelsey said.
“They all went to the cabin,” Alex added. “They’re not even in the Loop right now.”
I thought about it for a moment. It was unusual for them to all be out of town on a Friday night, but they did like to get away to the cabin that Sawyer owned whenever they could. No doubt the guys had jumped at the chance to take the night off.
“But still.” I gestured back at my room. “Those clothes are too sexy for karaoke.”
“Trust us,” Alex said, putting her arms around my shoulders. “A sexy outfit and a night of karaoke with your girls is exactly what you need right now.”
Against my better judgement, I put on one of the outfits that they had chosen for me. It was a short black skirt and long-sleeved black shirt that was about one size smaller than what I usually wore. They had also found a pair of sexy, knee-high stiletto boots that had a little bit of a sparkle to them. I looked a little bit like a rock star. If only I felt like one. It wasn’t until we were halfway to the bar that I realized I couldn’t remember owning any of the outfits they had laid out for me.