by Carrie Hogle
“I should have known,” she scoffed. “You know what...I’ll make it easy for you…” She turned and walked away from him, “don’t even worry about it.”
James watched his soul walk away feeling the familiar barbed wire around his chest. It took every ounce of his remaining control not to stop her. The need for her comfort burned through his veins. The reality he didn’t want to face was that he needed her. His entire life he’d fought to escape his father’s influence and his father had still found a way to trap him into a life he detested. He was being forced to become something he didn’t want to be. Reina was the only force in the world that could keep him sane. Her words echoed in his head. He had promised her. He hadn’t thought there was anything that could make him leave her again, he was wrong. He knew he owed it to her, to give her the choice, but she didn’t understand the stakes. He would be dragging her into a life of blood, death, favors, and lies. He loved her, wanted to protect her, but deep down he was a selfish man. If she didn’t walk away he would drag her down to hell with him and pray that she forgave him. In the end, she was his only hope for salvation.
Reina was throwing things in a duffle bag, angry tears falling as she cursed to herself. She couldn’t believe she’d come full circle. She was right back to the same place she’d been before. She felt James enter the room and moved faster. If he touched her, she’d fall apart. She wanted him to see her as an equal partner, not feel guilty because she couldn’t hold it together. Damn that man. Damn him. If she didn’t know him better she’d think maybe he simply enjoyed tearing her apart.
“Reina…”
She sensed him close to her, but didn’t turn when he called her name. He reached for her arms, turning her towards him as he said her name again. He wasn’t forceful, but Reina was over her limit. She brought her forearms down across his, breaking contact. He held his hands up in a placation, murmuring her name almost pleadingly. Her anger waned as she looked up and realized he was fighting his own tears. Regardless of what transpired between them, their bond was too strong for her to ever deny his pain.
“I won’t leave you Reina,” he whispered.
She couldn’t keep from grinding her teeth, afraid to feel relieved.
“I have to move Reina. You would have to leave it all behind. Amy, The Coffee Spot, this house...everything. You would have to leave it behind. Indefinitely. I would never ask you to do that.”
She heard his words, understood that they would have repercussions, but she also held the agonizing memory of what it meant to live without him.
“You haven’t asked me anything James. We’re supposed to be partners but you haven’t given me a choice.”
He stepped closer to her and she immediately felt his pull, the ache to be close to him.
“Once you’re in there’s no going back Reina. You don’t leave the syndicate.”
He truly was trying to give her a choice. She knew he was being honest with her, but his eyes were calling her home like a beacon.
“It’s all or nothing,” she replied softly.
He couldn’t resist any more than she could; his hand came to the back of her neck as he closed the distance between them.
“You may not like who I have to become Reina...the choices I will have to make.”
Although he said it like a warning she could see that he was afraid, fearful that his actions would make her reject him. She placed her hands on either side of his neck.
“You’re mine,” she soothed. “I know you. I will always know you.”
He pressed his forehead to hers.
“I won’t leave you...but you need to think carefully, Reina.”
Then he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck before she could respond.
“I can never stop being yours,” she whispered.
His response was to hold her tighter.
James explained the basics of the syndicate and Reina sat in the shower running the information through her mind with a heavy heart.
The syndicate was elite, each member chosen and recruited by a council of nine. Three of the seats were held only by the heirs of the three founding families. There were provisions in place if there was no fit candidate, but they’d almost never been implemented. Each of the three positions had a specific duty: the Carnifex, the Judex, and the Imperator. The Judex handled the business operations, oversaw the flow of money, and received favor requests from syndicate members. The Carnifex ensured that rules were followed, orders were carried out, and gave execution orders for the non-compliant. The Imperator was basically the alpha of the syndicate. Everything had to be approved by the Imperator. The entire council made decisions, the six remaining seats were highly sought after, but the Imperator could decide or override with the approval of the Carnifex or Judex and even that could be circumvented.
James was strong, intelligent, calculating, patient, and his predatory instincts were powerful. He was also compassionate, creative, and thoughtful. Being merciless wasn’t in his nature. Deciding the death of men and ruling over criminal activity wasn’t in his character. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a choice. He was the only living heir. If he was seen as unfit or didn’t show up to fill his role, he would be eliminated.
That left Reina with an impossible choice. She either followed him into the den of wolves or she sent her other half into the unknown alone, leaving her broken. When the water turned cold she lay in bed and cried silent tears. The thought of never seeing Amy crushed her. She’d known Amy since college. They’d been roommates more than once, and it seemed that she’d been a steadying force in Reina’s life forever. She confided in her and loved her like family. Amy did have her own life, someone to love and support her, and Reina had married James. James would never come between the two of them, but he’d always been her future. It didn’t make the loss of the other person closest to her heart any easier. No matter what she chose, she had to give up something she loved.
James walked in to find her curled into herself, still half damp from the shower, tears on her cheeks, and he was wracked with guilt. When he’d met her she never cried. She’d opened her heart to him, let him into her space, and no matter how hard he tried to give her love, he kept filling her world with pain. He wrapped his body around hers giving her everything he had to offer.
Reina breathed him in and relished the warmth of his skin. She tried to process, to understand exactly what she was getting into. Everyone knows that fire is hot; you only have to stand close enough to feel the burn, but you can’t truly know the power of the flame until you’ve touched it. She knew she was playing with fire, she was willingly walking into the flame. But she knew from experience that it was better to be consumed by heat then to live in darkness yearning for the sun.
She rolled over to look at him. He tried to keep his eyes neutral but he couldn’t hide from her. He was just as uncertain of the future as she was.
“I’m with you…” she whispered.
“Reina…”
“I’m still yours,” she answered.
She saw the anguished relief in his eyes before he kissed her. He loved her slowly, passionately, and desperately. If fate decided to set them ablaze, at least they would be setting the world on fire together.
Chapter 3
James was already busy making phone calls when Reina came downstairs. She caressed her hand across his back on her way to the coffee then took slow sips as she watched him pace. Whenever he got this way it was like watching a tiger prowl in its cage, dangerous, determined, and compelling. The laptop on the counter was open to pages of houses in New Jersey. Reina wondered if that was their destination, but bided her time thinking over her plans for the day; everything would unfold soon enough. While she waited for a break in his conversation, she texted Amy to set her plan into motion.
Reina: Have time for a sleepover?
Amy: I always have time for you.
Reina squeezed her phone and tried to breathe through the pain in her chest.
Amy: Out of town.
Reina: Perfect! I’ll bring supplies.
Amy: ETA?
Reina: Not sure...hour maybe?
Amy: An hour? Hurry up!
Reina: Brat!
Amy: Always! Haha
The exchange made Reina homesick; they hadn’t left yet but she was already putting her guard up. She’d always had the ability to emotionally separate. It was temporary, and not without consequences, but tended to be her protective fail safe. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t realize that James had stopped speaking until she felt his gaze on her, as he stalked her direction. He looked at her silently, his thumb grazing her jaw, obviously trying to read her.
“I’m staying at Amy’s tonight…”
He clenched his jaw but nodded. She could see that he was calculating his next words.
“You have to be careful…”
“I know…”
“Anything you tell her could put her in danger.”
“I understand…” she sighed and shifted her eyes away.
“Take your guards.”
Once upon a time she would have argued, but had long since learned that safe was better than sorry.
“Ok…”
She looked back into his troubled eyes when he murmured, “I’m sorry Reina.”
She wrapped her arms around him, buried her face in his neck, and tried to keep her emotions in check.
“We can do this.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” he replied brokenly.
“Like you could stop me,” she joked and nipped his neck.
He seemingly took the bait, bit her back, and chuckled.
“You better go before you find yourself tied up…”
“Tempting...but, I have plans today,” she teased as she pulled away and headed to the shower.
Under different circumstances he may have followed her, but instead he watched her go with a deep breath. He knew her. She was deflecting to save her emotional strength for the day ahead and all he could do was be there for her when she came home.
After Reina had showered and packed an overnight bag, she found James sitting on the bottom step waiting for her. He stood when she reached him, his eyes searching, and haunted.
He reached out to caress her face, “Be careful.”
Reina didn’t answer but instead worried over all the uncertainty that hung between them.
“You will be here?”
His hand grasped the back of her neck. He pulled her closer, his lips hovering near hers.
“I’ll be waiting for you to come back to me…”
He kissed her; all of the turbulent emotions between them infused into the physical connection of a single kiss.
James watched her drive away with mixed emotions. Even with the strength of their bond he was apprehensive that she wouldn’t return, and he wouldn’t blame her. He would find a way to survive hell knowing that she was thriving, like a wildflower left in its natural environment. He was also distressed with the knowledge that she would return. He had experience with seeing the emotion fade from her eyes. He could imagine watching her love and trust slowly fade to bitterness and hate because she’d had to choose. The idea of his lioness regarding him with disdain made him more afraid than anything else they may encounter.
Reina stopped by The Coffee Spot and tried to commit every detail to memory. She’d walked the same sidewalk, listened to the wind through the trees, and sought comfort in familiarity a thousand times. Amy’s mom owned the small coffee shop, but Reina felt relieved to step in and find she wasn’t there. Letting people in had never been her strong suit; saying goodbye to the few that were close to her felt impossible.
She ordered coffees, croissants, and muffins to go and tried to absorb the atmosphere while she waited. The stone and wood, the smell of coffee and baked goods, the quaint chalk written signs and spice jars all lending to the love-filled memories she was leaving behind. Although she’d always made it a point to her bodyguards that they weren’t there to cater to her, Mark stood at the door, and took her bags as she exited. She risked one last look over her shoulder, tears already threatening behind her eyelids, before taking a deep breath and letting it go. She would remember, and likely mourn the loss, but for now she couldn’t take it with her and didn’t have the emotional capacity to dwell on it. She locked it away in her heart, to be opened, loved and missed when she could afford the luxury of feeling the loss.
Mark looked at her with understanding. Reina didn’t know much about his personal history, but they’d spent enough time together to have a natural camaraderie. Mark and Charles had also bore silent witness to the myriad of trials she and James had weathered. An unspoken bond of trust and caring had become an integral piece of their partnership. When they reached Amy’s house, she stood outside the door for longer than she should while she tried to put on a smile and gain the courage to knock. Mark and Charles stood behind her holding the small bags of goodies, looking like some kind of bakery hitmen.
Before meeting James she’d lived there with Amy until one destined night, two guitars, and her brazen best friend had begun an unstoppable chain of events. Two unsuspecting souls had been drawn together like magnets, only to have fate continuously test the strength of their connection. Reina had been brought to life, awakened from her inner slumber, and felt completeness previously unimagined. Regardless of the current pain, she could never go back to who she had previously been.
She worked up the courage to knock and Amy answered almost immediately. Her golden brown hair shimmered in the sunlight; her eyes sparkled with happiness, and mischief. Reina had a moment of realization, a sudden understanding of the ways Amy and James were identical. They were both like the sun, urging her out of her shell and shining light on all the feelings she kept to herself.
“You brought the boys, huh,” Amy winked, always the flirt.
“They’re staying outside,” Reina smiled.
“After they bring in the yummies, of course.”
“Of course,” Reina laughed.
Mark and Charles sat the bags on the kitchen counter and stepped back outside with a quiet, “thank you,” and a nod from Reina.
“Be seeing you boys,” Amy said with a wave and a smile, her words causing Reina’s chest to tighten.
She sat at the breakfast bar watching Amy sip her coffee, sift through the muffins for her favorite, and chatter away cheerfully. Reina didn’t try to stop her. She took a mental picture of the moment and stored it away, the words in her memory, and basked in the love only a best friend can give. Her face must have given her away; Amy stopped mid-bite to give her a look of mock sternness.
“Reina...what’s going on with you today? Did your marital bliss wear off or something?”
Under normal circumstances she would have given an automatic sarcastic response but she couldn’t find her voice over the lump in her throat. For one of the first times in her life, she had no idea what to say. She glanced down when Amy’s jesting look became genuine concern.
“Reina…”
She didn’t look up, couldn’t look up, as tears formed.
“Reina,” Amy snapped. “What the hell?”
When she met Amy’s eyes she couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Is something going on with James?”
With everything Amy had helped her get through, it was an easy assumption. Reina shook her head with a quiet, “no.”
“Well, he’s the only thing I know that can make you cry so…”
Amy had tried to lighten the mood, but she hesitated at Reina’s expression.
“Reina, please tell me what’s wrong.”
Not seeing any way around it, she took a deep breath and let it tumble out.
“James and I have to leave...we’re...we’re moving…”
Amy smiled a small sad smile, “Not to worry...we’ll work it out. I’ll come visit...stay for the summer...or the winter…” she laughed, but her
smile faded as Reina shook her head.
“No? What do you mean...no?”
Reina tried to process what to say, tried to keep from breaking down.
“I can’t tell you…”
“Can’t tell me…” Amy whispered.
Reina shook her head, her eyes once again shifting away.
“It’s dangerous for you…”
Anyone else would have asked more questions but Amy knew Reina; after all the chaos of recent events, Reina would never say such a thing lightly.
“When will I see you?”
Reina finally met her eyes again, “I don’t know.”
She sat there watching Amy breathe, tears filling her eyes, as she obviously tried to digest what little information she’d been given. True to the Amy she knew and loved, Amy smiled through her tears.
“Well...I guess we shouldn’t waste our day crying about it.”
It didn’t matter that her heart was breaking, Reina couldn’t help but smile back at her.
“So...coffee, food, girly stuff, gossip, and chick flicks?”
Reina rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out.
“You know I love chick flicks,” she replied sarcastically.
“Don’t be a brat.”
“Can’t...that’s your job.”
They laughed knowingly at each other, the wordless sadness hanging between them.
They spent the day trying to make every minute count. Coffee in hand, feet touching on the couch, and face masks on they giggled like children. The easy love between them was pure and strong. They whispered forgotten secrets and told timeless stories of their countless escapades. They laughed, they cried, and they shared hopes for an uncertain future. Before the dawn, but after the coffee no longer sustained them, they laid in bed wishing for more time.
They slept past noon and groggily sipped coffee in melancholy silence. Reina debated staying longer but she could feel time crushing her heart. Knowing she couldn’t stay, she had to walk away before the ache became a roar she couldn’t control. They hugged at the doorway with quiet tears and heartfelt, “I love yous.”