by Carrie Hogle
Reina took a step forward and breathed in.
“You smell like fear.”
“I have no doubt that you will use that blade if you deem me guilty.”
There was a light in his eyes that made Reina want to stab him just for spite, but as much as she loathed him her instincts told her he was speaking the truth. She retreated a few steps before she ended up hurting him regardless. He half bowed, hand over heart, and recited a formal oath to her.
“Ego iuro fidem as mortem.”
Reina sneered at him. He was quite possibly one of the strongest allies she could have, but she would never trust him.
“You can be loyal by fulfilling the requirements of your position. Assess the depth of the DiVario mess and clean it up.”
“Of course Regina.”
His tone grated on her nerves. She continued to glare at him as she spoke to Mark.
“Mark, will you please escort the Carnifex off the property, before I kill him anyway.”
The entire security team surrounded him, and everyone filed out until it was only Reina and Charles. Reina’s body began to shake trying to filter through the adrenaline, with no physical outlet. There were warning bells ringing in the back of her mind. She’d taken a man's life, not in self-defense, but because she had wanted him dead. She couldn’t make excuses, couldn’t deny that she had consciously planned and carried it out. Most frightening was that all sense of guilt seemed to be made obsolete by the clanging hollowness inside her, like midnight church bells ringing out mournfully from a long-forgotten cemetery. Once again she was faced with blood on the floor, blood on her hands, and she felt as though she were suffocating on shards of glass. No amount of vengeance was ever going to bring back what she had lost. She wrapped her hands around her middle, craving warmth, and slipped into a crouch. Her body trembled as the tears began to fall.
Charles crouched in front of her, “Reina…”
“I want him back,” she sobbed.
She looked up at him, wishing she could halt the emotions. Every time they took hold she was torn apart all over again.
“I want him back,” she repeated.
“I know,” he replied with compassion. Having been through his own loss, and been witness to the bond between James and Reina, he knew the anguish she was going through.
“Reina...you will get through this…”
“I don’t want to get through it.”
“Reina...James did everything he could to ensure your safety and now you have to fight. You have to fight for him.”
“That’s an unfair tactic,” she replied through tears and clenched teeth.
“We both know that fair is irrelevant.”
“I don’t want to fight,” she replied tiredly. She wanted to sleep forever and forget everything.
“If you give up, Reina, all the pain and sacrifice will have been for nothing. He will have died for nothing…”
“What am I going to do Charles,” she whispered.
“You’re going to do what you always do Reina. You’re going to stand up, pull yourself together, adapt, and do whatever it takes.”
She was drifting in a tumultuous sea with no anchor, nothing to keep her afloat, and as she reined in her emotions she stopped fighting the current. She let the dark waves carry her until the only thing left was blowing embers of revenge, and the person that was allowed to know love was washed away.
Chapter 14
Somehow the senator had managed to completely disappear. His wife, utterly oblivious, hadn’t seen him, and no evidence could be found that he had left word or contacted her. Her team had been looking for weeks, and even with all the syndicate contacts, there was no sign of him. Someone was likely aiding him, but as of yet Reina hadn’t been able to trace it back to the syndicate in any way.
She still wasn’t sleeping, and it was not only having serious repercussions on her mental focus, but her physical abilities as well. She’d been practicing throwing knives for hours, and all she had accomplished was being increasingly frustrated that most of her blades were clanking to the floor. The physical exertion should have helped relieve tension but instead she was wound up and ready to hurt someone. As if on cue, Charles came in and offered to spar, which subsequently made things worse because he thoroughly kicked her ass. Every time she hit the floor her anger increased until she was seeing red and irrationally out for blood. Without conscious thought she was back on her feet with her tactical dagger in hand. Charles was unfazed. He hit her square in the chest hard enough to knock the air out of her lungs. Her head smacked the floor, she dropped the knife, and Charles had it in his hand before she’d stopped seeing stars. He stood over her with his typical unruffled expression, which only served to piss her off even more.
“Stay down Reina.”
She gritted her teeth and glared at him, but didn’t attempt to rise because he was obviously prepared to knock her right back down.
“You need to sleep or you’re going to get yourself killed.”
She shrugged. “So…” she answered sarcastically.
“You can’t avenge him if you’re dead.”
She narrowed her eyes at him and emitted a low growl.
“You’re an asshole.”
“Because I tell you the damn truth, whether you want to hear it or not…”
She continued to glare at him, “Asshole tactics aren’t truth.”
He stood there staring at her silently until she sat up, rubbed her hands across her face, and rested her arms on her knees.
“I can’t,” she said quietly. “Even when I try...I just...can’t.”
“Try writing it down,” he replied.
She looked at him like he’d lost his mind and said something ridiculous.
“Your feelings…”
“I don’t have feelings,” she cut him off.
He finally showed a hint of exasperation.
“Reina, you’re being a pain in the ass.”
“Everyone needs a hobby,” she quipped.
This time he gritted his teeth, which made her laugh at him.
“Write down whatever is in your head. Don’t try to make sense of it, just write it down…”
Then he was walking away before she could give another comeback.
“It helps…” he called out as he left the room.
“Yeah right…” she murmured to herself. Asshole, she thought.
She sat in the shower hoping the hot water would ease the soreness of having her ass handed to her. She stayed in until the water was cold; when you don’t sleep there was pretty of time to waste. She slipped on one of James’ t-shirts and sat at the end of the bed rubbing her inner arms. Nights were the hardest. She usually ended up in the training room or randomly walking the halls, but she was reaching the level of sleep deprivation that her body was refusing to comply. Her body giving out on her didn’t stop the chaos of her thoughts, only James had been able to do that, and now he was the thought that her mind continuously sought.
Reina decided to try Charles’ suggestion, although she cursed him under her breathe as she dug out pen and paper. She sat there staring at it for a long time, feeling foolish, with no idea what to write. “Write down your feelings,” she mumbled sarcastically, once again calling him an ass. Her solo monologue made her inexplicably think of Amy, which brought on a new form of pain. She was someone else that she loved, who was alive but unattainable. As if the pen had a will of its own, she wrote, “Dear Amy,” at the top of the page. It was like a door flung open and the words poured onto the paper. She didn’t re-read them, had no idea if any of it was coherent but the words flowed, with random teardrops dotting and blurring the ink. Everything she had experienced, all of her feelings, and the chaotic swirl of her dark thoughts were all laid bare until her mind was temporarily as empty as her soul.
She found an envelope, sealed the letter inside, and opened the wall safe. It was the first time she’d opened it and was shocked to find it over halfway filled with stacks of ca
sh. If possible, her heart broke even further at the imaginings of reasons for James to hide away cash. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on it. She put the letter inside and locked it safely away, the same as she’d done with her emotions. The difference was her heart no longer had a key, the lock was broken and the key forever lost at sea.
One moment Reina was laying on the bed avoiding thoughts and the next thing she knew she was opening her eyes almost five hours later. She took a deep breath with the realization that she had been exhausted enough to avoid dreams. It wasn’t nearly enough sleep, but it was more than she’d had in what seemed like forever in her new timeless world. She made herself crawl out of bed and make coffee before the familiar ache of waking without James could take hold of her. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it would get her through until she had to sleep again.
Chapter 15
Reina stood at her office window looking out over her estate. The sun was setting and all of the small lights on the property were flickering to life. Security was posted at regular intervals, the guard house was manned, and there was a soft hum in the air of men alert for trouble. The wall that James had ordered matched the design of the house, other than the lines of wires across the top. It had seemed like overkill at the time, she’d envisioned it as a prison, and now it felt like a safety net. She was tucked away from a world she had never wanted to be part of, like a princess in a fairytale. But, this wasn’t a fairytale, and she wasn’t a princess. She was the dragon, disguised as a girl and marked as queen. She intended to rain down fire on anyone that tried to cross the gate. They had already torn away everything; the only thing still to lose was the remaining threads of her sanity.
Mark poked his head in the door, “Hey...the guys wanted me to invite you to play cards.”
She gave him her best sarcastic look, “Really…”
“It’s the perfect thing for someone trying to avoid sleeping,” he winked at her conspiratorially.
She laughed, “What? Now you’re my partner in crime?”
“What else do you have to do,” he shrugged.
She started to decline, but she really didn’t have much else to do other than roam the halls like a forlorn spirit. She took a deep breath seeking the courage to be social.
“O.k.,” she nodded reluctantly.
She and James hadn’t really spent time together at the estate but Reina saw him in all the details he had so carefully and thoroughly planned. A few select security guards stayed at the main house, depending on shifts, but the team had a small world of their own. Not only were there a multitude of sleeping quarters, but also an extensive layout of entertainment and eating areas. There were small groups of guys everywhere, sports and video games on multiple televisions, a game of billiards in the corner, a few tables of various card games being played, and the scent of pizza in the air. She could feel the camaraderie between them, the kind of bond that can only be had between people that worked together in certain types of situations. They were the type of friendships that develop when you’re looking out for each other’s lives.
As much as Reina usually valued her personal space, there was a comfort to being around them. They all greeted her in their own low-key ways, probably trying to scare her off. They’d all been around her enough to know she was socially skittish. Although it didn’t thaw the ice inside her, she found herself smiling at them. She wasn’t sure how it happened, was uncertain of the exact turning point, but in many ways this group of men had become her family.
As she sat down and observed their interactions, and allowed them to pull her into their conversations, she realized that they not only saw her as one of their own, they truly trusted her to lead them. It was a sobering thought, because her only road was paved with blood. Her only destination was vengeance. Everything beyond that was likely a dead end. Her only path could very well lead them to their deaths.
She had an all-powerful army of criminals to do her bidding, many of which probably wanted her dead. The only thing left of the world she’d fought so hard for was marked into her skin. The only remnant of her heart was a small lock at the base of her throat. They’d taken her grounding force; the only thing remaining was a reign of sin and corruption. Through a series of unforeseeable circumstances, by what had seemed a random twist of fate, she had become the queen of wolves, and the men surrounding her had become her loyal pack.
Epilogue
“I have a job for you,” Felan said with quiet authority.
“I no longer accept assignments. Why am I here,” Marrok questioned with disdainful impatience. If Felan weren’t family he never would have come, but he was in no way indebted to his cousin.
“I need you to make a delivery and assessment. If you can’t get cooperation, I need the target removed.”
“Get one of your lackeys to do it,” Marrok scoffed.
“This is an unusual circumstance. She’s heavily guarded at all times; a nearly impossible target.”
“She? The target is female?”
“Not just any female, the Luporum Cubilia Imperator. They refer to her as Regina.”
“I wasn’t aware they allowed females on the council, let alone have one as Imperator,” Marrok was morbidly curious despite himself.
“She’s the first on both counts. The situation is beyond formidable, which is why I need your specific...skill set…”
Playlist
A tremendous Thank You to all of the musicians of the world!
You inspire, motivate and console us.
You touch our hearts and speak to our soul.
Below is a playlist of songs I listened to while writing, listed alphabetically by song title.
(All copyrights belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended)
All I feel is you - Natalia Safran
Angel - Massive Attack
Bitter and Sick - One Two
Castle - Halsey
Damn Your Eyes - Alex Clare
Earned It - The Weekend
Gasoline - Halsey
Here With Me - Susie Suh
Hurt - Johnny Cash
I Walk The Line - Halsey
In My Veins - Andrew Belle
It’s Been Awhile - Staind
Lights - Wanderhouse
Like It Doesn’t Hurt - Charlotte Cardin (ft. Husser)
My Sweet Prince - Placebo
O’Death - Jen Titus
Papi Pacify - FKA Twigs
Sound Of Silence - Disturbed
Stealing Cars - James Bay
Sweet Dreams - Emily Browning
Terrible Love - Birdy
The Devil Within - Digital Daggers
Until It Hurts - Fransisca Hall
Thank-Yous
A huge thank you to my incredible book team for their invaluable feedback & for letting me continuously leave them in suspense. I couldn’t do it without you. I love you guys!
Crystal Jones
Carlos (Chuck) Rodriguez
Amy Harris
Michelle McCommon
Stu Kidd
Edna Staples
Andrea Hutson
Veve Zabala
Samantha Fletcher
Brandi Dunn-Murphy
Cathy Thomas
Tiffany Nichole Whitehead
Patty Beyer
Angela Green
Kimberly Garner
Ashley Vargason Brady
Kelly Fletcher
Kimmie Barnhill
Mary Montgomery
Christina Correll
Tonya Aldridge
Kari Calhoun
Continued
Shannon Hilliard - Thank you for making teasers, helping with advertising & editing on my budget. Most of all, thank you for putting up with my rebellious ways and inappropriate humor.
A huge thank you the graphic design, artist & tagging community for your continued support!
Thank you to anyone & everyone that puts up with my creative chaos. It’s an unpredictable & wild ride...but,
at least I’m fun!
Contact Me & Bibliography
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