Love on the Edge of Time

by Julie A. Richman

  Stepping to the mic, Jesse and the crowd sang along together to the classic Winslow tune--everyone lost in the moment before they even hit the first chorus.

  I’d still take you back.

  With your sweet sighs

  Punctuated like poison arrows to my heart.

  I know you’re killing me.

  Slowly killing me

  I can tell by your smile

  But I just can’t stop myself.

  Baby, if I could have just one more night….

  Keeping up the high-energy pace, the second and third songs were also Winslow classics and by the end of the third song, the crowd was one-hundred-percent behind him, ready and willing to go anyplace he wanted to take them. They were on the journey.

  At four songs in, the house was positively silent, when the first chords he plucked on his acoustic were ones they didn’t recognize. Listening intently to the words they were hearing for the first time, Jesse premiered the title track of his upcoming release, Fade to White.

  With his eyes closed, a single spot capturing him center stage, he was up in his falsetto, delivering the final chorus. The majority of the audience was holding their collective breaths and wiping tears from their eyes, this new, hauntingly beautiful tune rocking them to their cores.

  A movie scene fades to darkness

  But our score never ends

  After a brilliant crescendo

  It’s always ʼtil we meet again

  Fade to White

  Slowly, the stage lights rose, bathing Jesse in pure white light until all that was visible of the rocker was a shadow in the blinding glow.

  ʼtil we meet again

  Fade to White

  Every light in the house came on, momentarily blinding the teary-eyed fans. There was a moment of absolute silence as the audience processed what they had just witnessed. And then pandemonium. Every person in the crowd knew Jesse Winslow’s powerful solo performance would be the benchmark for every live show they ever saw again.

  Approaching the mic with a smile, he strummed a few chords. Looking out into the crowd, his eyes widened in surprise, “Okay, let’s have an unconventional moment here. What would a Jesse Winslow concert be without an unconventional moment or two? I have not seen my girlfriend in over a month, we’ve both been traveling. And she just got here. So, excuse me while I say hello.”

  Jumping off the stage, he waded three-deep into the crowd until he got to Kylie as the crowd cheered. Wrapping her in his arms, he pulled her into a deep embrace, “Toots, I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered in her ear.

  Letting her go, he took her face in both hands, looked into her eyes for a long moment and then planted a soft kiss on her lips.

  The crowd went wild at the impromptu, swoon-worthy moment and Jesse gave everyone another huge smile before turning and climbing back up on the stage with the ease of a mountain goat.

  “Ahhh,” he said into the microphone. “All is now right in the world.”

  If his fans hadn’t adored him before, tonight sealed the deal. He was just a guy, in love with his girl.

  “Hmm, I think I’ll play something a little different here. This is probably from before any of us were born, but I’m guessing, every one of you,” he pointed out to the audience, scanning right to left, “can sing along with me and not miss a single word. This was one of the great New York City bands of the fifties. Hey, Kylie,” he looked at his girlfriend with a shit-eating grin, “Save the Last Dance for Me.”

  Erupting with glee, the audience, as Jesse had predicted, sang every word of the classic tune at the top of their lungs and the club turned into an oversized frat party. From there, Jesse played a few Winslow classics to keep the energy up, before taking the energy down to introduce a new ballad.

  Walking to the piano, he sat down, and adjusted the microphone. “So, I wrote this the other night on the plane flying back to New York. I was in London, recording at Abbey Road Studios,” the crowd cheered, “which, by the way, was very cool. Why am I telling you guys? You probably already all know this. The pictures were all over the Internet. So, anyway, I was flying home and I wrote this. It’s still a work in progress. If I were a writer, I’d probably be calling this my first draft. Hope you like it.” He stopped after a few keys, looked at the audience and smiled, “Did you guys know I play piano?” the guitar player inquired, almost as an afterthought and then went back to the tune.

  Opening with an extended and ethereal piano solo, Jesse had the audience’s rapt attention and he was soon lost with them to someplace the music took only him. When he began to sing, the crowd stayed absolutely silent, taking in every nuance of the emotional ballad the rocker was sharing for the first time.

  I walk the studio floor at night

  Searching for a shadow that holds a memory of you.

  But in the darkness, all I find

  Is an empty reflection of the scenes in my mind.

  I may never know how our story ended,

  The final chapters were ripped from the back of that book.

  Still I yearn for a glimpse of two hearts that were mended,

  But I’ll always be at a loss as to where to look.

  So, I reach for a moment that doesn’t exist

  Hoping to pluck out some truth.

  And, Rachel, I fear I’ll never know of your fate

  ʼCause our paths won’t be crossing again.

  Not tomorrow, not someday.

  Oh, Rachel.

  You told me I taught you about love and healing

  Well, baby, you taught me more than that.

  But right now, all I’ve got are memories trapped in time

  Of that sweet, brief moment when I called you mine.

  Oh, Rachel.

  High in the hills above Jerusalem,

  The wind howls like a lone wolf’s cry.

  Maybe if I listen hard enough,

  I’ll find our love on the edge of time.

  Oh, Rachel, I know you’re out there somewhere

  Or maybe it’s just in my mind.

  I keep reaching and reaching and reaching

  To grab hold of a love on the edge of time.

  Rachel

  You told me I taught you about love and healing,

  Well, baby, you taught me more than that.

  But right now, all I’ve got are memories trapped in time

  Of that moment when you were still mine

  Oh, Rachel.

  How I wish you were mine.

  I’ll keep reaching and reaching and reaching

  To grab hold of our love on the edge of time.

  How I wish you were mine.

  I want you to be mine.

  Oh, baby, please tell me that you’re mine.

  When the houselights came up, the audience went wild. “That’s called Rachel,” he said softly into the mic before standing and taking a little bow. As he headed back to the mic at center stage and picked up a guitar, he glanced over toward Kylie, hoping she understood about him writing a song about another woman, as with their separation and the crazy time zones, they hadn’t yet discussed that regression, but surely, she would understand from the lyrics that Rachel was part of his work with Dr. S.

  It took him a moment to spot her, she was facing toward the other side of the audience and was making her way through the crowd. Scanning across, he could see Claire facing Kylie and mouthing something. And then all hell broke loose. Kylie pounced on Claire like a jaguar attacking its prey. Grabbing a handful of the other woman’s hair, Kylie yanked it hard with one hand and backhanded her cheek with the other, slapping her to the ground.

  Coming up behind Kylie, her coach, Zac, grabbed and restrained her as his dad kept Claire at bay.

  Jesse quickly mouthed to his closest security, “Get them in the back right now.”

  Grabbing the microphone, “Hey folks, we’re going to take a quick break.” And the lights went out.

  Heading backstage, Jesse was confused and in shock. What the hell had j
ust happened?

  As he approached his dressing room, he could hear Kylie’s raised voice behind the closed door, “You knew. You freaking knew. You let me walk out of your office destroyed, you saw what that last session did to me and you freaking knew the whole time, you sadistic bitch.”

  Zac had Kylie on one side of the large room and his dad stood with Claire on the opposite end. Two of the club’s security were also there. Jesse looked from Kylie to Claire and then back to Kylie.

  “Thanks for your help, gentlemen. I think the three of us can take it from here.” This was a conversation to which no outsiders needed to be privy.

  As soon as the four men vacated the room, Jesse turned to the two women, “What the hell happened out there?”

  “Would you like to tell him, Claire, or should I?” Kylie stared the woman down.

  “You know I am legally bound…” she began.

  Kylie cut her off, “Oh, stop with that legal bullshit. You are so full of it. What about being morally bound, Claire? Clearly, that means nothing to you. You fucking knew,” Kylie’s voice choked.

  “What is going on?”

  “That song.”

  Jesse looked at Kylie. “Did it upset you?”

  “Not for the reasons you’re probably thinking. But, yeah, it upset me deeply.”

  “I thought you’d understand if I wrote about another woman, but it was clear that the context was from a regression. I’m sorry if…”

  “Don’t be sorry. The last thing you said to me, David, was that you’d find me. And you did. You found me.” Kylie was almost at the point of hyperventilating.

  “What?” He looked from one woman to the other.

  “And she knew,” Kylie pointed at Claire. “She knew Daniel and I watched as you were marched to your death, the last time I saw you, you and three other rabbis were crucified, and she didn’t have the decency to tell me that you found me. Just like you promised that day.” Anger had turned to pain as she sobbed out the last words. “Your final words to me were, ‘I’ll find you.’ That was your promise to me and you did, you found me.”

  “Daniel,” he mouthed the name before turning to Claire. “Is this true?”

  “It’s not as simple as she is making it out to be. I am bound by HIPAA laws.”

  “Oh, my God, you are so full of shit, you despicable bitch. I bet you just wanted to keep us apart.” Kylie screamed.

  “Is this true, Claire? Is Kylie Rachel?” Jesse’s jaw was hanging open, his own breath ragged.

  “She appears to be,” admitted the doctor, who remained the calmest of the three.

  “Dr. S., I’m sure you have a good reason for not sharing this with us.” Jesse’s eyes were pleading for a valid reason.

  “Well, I haven’t really seen you,” she justified.

  “No. Not true. You haven’t seen me. But you’ve held sessions with Jesse every week. Did you tell him? No. And you knew before I left for Australia and you made the conscious decision to keep this from us. You didn’t want us to know. You never wanted us to find each other.”

  Claire’s lips began to move, but no sound came out. The silence was then broken by a knock on the door.

  “Yes,” Jesse called out.

  The house manager opened the door a crack. “Jesse, you’re due back on stage.”

  “Okay,” he sighed, “give me another two to three minutes.

  When the door closed, Kylie continued, “What else have you been keeping from us, Claire?”

  “Kylie, you know I can’t discuss another patient with you,” her tone was condescending.

  “It’s not what you can’t do. It’s what you don’t want to do. Which tells me you are hiding something. I already know you were Cassius Petronius, Lord knows what other wicked roles you’ve played in this crazy little psychodrama. I’m done with you, Claire. You should be brought up to the medical review board and have your license revoked.”

  “Are you threatening me?” The psychiatrist’s tone was indignant.

  Kylie shook her head. “I don’t need to threaten you. The universe will take good care of you. Of that, I have no doubt.”

  “There’s a lot of talking that needs to be done,” Trying to play peace maker, Jesse looked from Kylie to Claire. “But I’ve got to get back on stage. I’ve gotta go and finish this show.”

  “Yeah. Well, I’ve gotta go, too. Permanently. You can forgive this bitch all you want and buy all her bullshit excuses. That’s your choice. And this is mine.” And Kylie pushed past Jesse out of the dressing room toward the front of the club without so much as a backwards glance.

  ••••••

  “Toots, it’s me. Pick up your phone. I’m back at my apartment and all your luggage is here, but no you. Did you go home? We need to talk. My head is spinning right now. I’m in total shock. Where are you?”

  ••••••

  “C’mon, Kylie. Where are you? I’m worried about you. I’m worried about us. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I spoke to Dr. S. last night and she agreed not to press any assault charges. But I think you’re probably going to need to find another shrink. Call me, I’m worried about you.”

  ••••••

  “Okay, I’m giving you fair warning, I’m coming over to your apartment to make sure you’re still alive. Why aren’t you speaking to me? We need to talk now more than ever. I don’t know if you realize this, but you called me David the other night. I swear my heart just stopped beating at that second. I felt like I’d been Tasered. Well, you are not answering and I’m coming over.”

  Kylie: Don’t come over, Jesse. I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to talk to you. The door is chained from the inside, so your key won’t do any good.

  Jesse: Okay, excellent. We have text action. You are alive. Chained in your apartment. All your shit is over at my apartment, come here where your stuff is. We need to talk, Kylie.

  Kylie: I need space. Lots and lots of space. Please, have my stuff sent to me. Enjoy your sessions with your psychiatrist. I’m bowing out of this evil little triangle and you two can live in karmic bliss.

  Jesse: What the hell are you talking about? Evil triangles? What is it you know? Or think you know?

  Kylie: I know nothing. Clearly. Please have my stuff sent.

  Jesse: So, that’s it?

  Kylie: Yup. That’s it.

  Jesse: Just remember this was your call, Toots.

  ••••••

  Jesse: Two weeks and still radio silence. Can you at least tell me what I did wrong in all of this? I don’t understand why you are pissed at me.

  Kylie: Not pissed. Just want you out of my life.

  Jesse: Ouch.

  Chapter 17

  Enough was enough.

  Every day had been torturous, checking his phone a thousand times for messages that never came and not understanding why this would make her run, when all he wanted to do was talk about it and see what they could discover by sharing details.

  “You might have to come to terms with the fact that she is choosing not to have a relationship with you in this lifetime and move on.” Claire had told him in their last session.

  But he was not anywhere near remotely ready to do that. This was his Kylie. And now his Rachel. And she was running. Running scared. Hiding was out of fear. He knew that in his gut. Getting her across the threshold and alleviating what was causing this extreme anxiety was the answer. She had dealt so well with regression analysis, so now why this behavior? It was not like her to not want to confront everything head on and get to the bottom of it. Underneath the tough, New Jersey girl exterior, something had her so freaked out that she literally locked and chained the door.

  Moving on was not the answer. And he was starting to resent Claire for saying that to him.

  And as far as giving her time and space, that was a freaking chick thing and he was done with it. Kylie wasn’t the only one with the license to call bullshit. He was now calling it. And he was fed up with it.

  Enou
gh was enough.

  And that is how he found himself banging on her apartment door.

  “C’mon, Kylie. Open the door. You do know I have a key.” Pounding the door again, he shook his head, thinking exasperated didn’t even begin to describe it. “Kylie, open up.”

  Hearing a click from behind him, he quickly turned. Two twenty-something neighbors of Kylie’s peered out to see her famous boyfriend pleading for her to let him in. “Hi, Jesse,” they giggled, almost in unison. Without really looking, he lifted his hand to wave and turned back to the door.

  “I’m not going away, so you need to let me in.” He paused, “And when I need to use the bathroom, I’m sure the girls across the hall will help me out.”

  The door across the hall opened an inch. “We will.” One of them yelled, before the click of the door closing and giggles from inside.

  Without another word being spoken or anymore pounding, the door to Kylie’s apartment opened, with Kylie tucked behind it where Jesse couldn’t see her. He stepped inside the apartment, peeking behind the door to find a tear-stained redhead almost cowering. Kylie, cowering? Jesse’s heart hurt looking at her. This truly was destroying her and that was what he could not understand.

  “Toots,” he reached out for her, only for her to back away. “No. No. No. Come here.” Taking her face in both hands, he asked, “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

  “I know you are. That’s the way it’s always been. Don’t you see that? I will be left devastated. You will destroy me again.”

  What the hell was going on in her head? He had initially misread the situation, thinking it was just pissed-off, ballsy Kylie, but as time went on, he wondered. Anger would have worn off and that made him fear something more serious. And he was right. He knew it. He could feel it, feel her, even with the absence and distance.

  Her haunted eyes were but a mirror of her haunted, and now jaundiced, heart and Jesse knew if he didn’t find a way to get to her, this time he would lose her forever. “I’m not going to hurt you, Kylie. We now know, so together we can figure this out. Knowing is a gift. We can figure out the broken pieces and fix them. We’re going to change our fate this time. Karma is on our side.”