“Steven?” Mom says, tilting her head. Her long, light brown hair falls over her bright green eyes. “Tell Shay.”
Dad rubs his jaw and clears his throat. “Jace came to see me last night when he got back into town.”
“Before he saw me?”
“Yes, before he came to find you.”
“Why?”
“Because your ‘bad boy,’ as you and your mother like to call us completely loyal, dedicated boys in your lives, wanted to tell your dad how sorry he was for hurting you and ask for my forgiveness. That’s why.”
“And do you forgive him?”
“Yes, I do. I never thought for one second that Jace was doing something that would hurt you, other than the obvious hurt over him not contacting you. He was wrong, and I told him he was. I’m not going to judge him for his reasons, because I believe they were valid. He wasn’t trying to separate himself from you. In fact, quite the opposite.”
“I’m just supposed to forgive him? He made me a promise when he got out, and he broke it.”
“Sometimes in life we make promises, only to have circumstances completely out of our hands break our best intentions. Nobody is perfect, Shay. We all fall short. Jace is a twenty-year-old boy who has loved you since he was a kid. He made a huge mistake, and even after spending a year in prison for fighting, then putting us through hell wondering where he was—when he walked into my office, windblown and tired from a drive that took him hours to make, he still showed me through his character that he is the only one that I want to take my place taking care of your heart.
“He’s in love with you, and I’m not going to tell you what to do. That’s for you to decide. I thank God your mom let me come home to her. If she gave up on me easily and didn’t love me through my mistakes, then you or your siblings wouldn’t be here today. Our family was meant to be, and in all my successes, the family your mom and I created is my greatest one. Now, I’m going to sit out back and watch your pretty mom pick oranges out of the grove I planted her.” He looks at Mom, who wipes tears from her eyes. “Come on, pretty lady. You need to make me some fresh juice, so get a picking.”
Mom turns to me when Dad walks out to the terrace. “You’ve been apart for so long, Shay. I wanted to make your dad suffer when he made his mistake, but looking back, I know he was hard enough on himself.”
“What did Dad do?”
“Your dad always treated me like a princess, but at that time he was young and chasing a dream. His intentions were always good, but sometimes our good intentions keep us from the ones we love. His absence had to do with people leading him to some ‘good contacts’ in the music business.” She air quotes with a twist of her lip. “He went along with the guys, hoping it would get him in the right doors. He didn’t want me to worry, so he kept me sheltered from what he was doing.”
“So, they weren’t good contacts?”
“Ended up not being what your dad thought.”
“How long did you keep him in the doghouse?”
“He was gone four days, too.” She lifts one eyebrow.
“Well, looks like my boy has four days to suffer then.”
“Don’t forget, Shay. Jace has already spent a year away from you behind bars, and we will never know what it feels like to be locked up and kept away from the ones we love. Keep his suffering at a minimum,” she says, her tone heartfelt. I nod, smiling, as she walks out to my dad, and I go home.
ALL MY HEART-SHAPED LOVE
LITTLE PINK HEARTS are all I can do to make her see me right now. I need to make her remember all my heart-shaped love, so I run to the store and pick up a stack of pink construction paper and a black marker. It’s how I’ve always expressed my love to her, especially when I didn’t have two pennies to rub together.
I used to race to the center, who had an endless supply of crafts, and I’d make her homemade cards full of hearts to show her what she meant to me—what she will always mean to me.
I write forever and love in the best heart I can draw on about one hundred pieces of torn-out pink paper for Shay to remember the boy she fell in love with through my mistakes. Just a little reminder on carved wood and eighteenth birthday moments.
It’s been hours since I left her heartbroken on her pretty little doorstep, but it’s getting dark, and I want to crawl in bed with my girl and talk. I said I’d be patient, but I miss her so much.
I sit and stare at my phone for hours with a pile of love sitting next to me. “She’s not going to call me,” I mumble to myself.
“LANDON, I’LL BE BACK.”
He peeks his head around his bedroom door. He’s been studying for hours. Walking out of his room, he falls onto the couch next to me.
“School sucks,” he says.
“It’s going to pay off for you.”
“Yeah, I hope so.” He sighs. “Did she call you?”
“No, I told her I’d give her some space today, and if it wasn’t for sleeping most of the day, I probably would’ve broken another promise already by calling her, but I want to give her what she needs.”
“What are you doing with all that pink paper?” Landon looks inside the small bag next to me.
“I’ve got to get my girl back.”
“What does pink paper have to do with you getting her back?”
“I’ve always made Shay homemade cards with pink hearts.”
He looks at the stack of paper on the table. “Good thing you got a lot of paper. You might need to make a lot of hearts to win her back, and while you’re at it, bro, why don’t you make me a fucking pink heart, too?” He smiles, placing his hand over his heart.
“Why the hell would I make you one?”
“I’m hurt, too, man. You left me stranded at the prison, and I had no idea where you were. I lost sleep over your ass.” I grab a piece of paper, scribble a heart on it, and hand it to him. “Aw, that’s so cute, Jace.” He laughs.
“Shut the fuck up, Landon.” I get up off the couch and grab my bike key. “I’m going to throw all these hearts down on my girl’s doorstep.”
“Have fun,” he says. “I’ve got to study some more.”
“Yeah, have fun with that.”
THAT LITTLE SNEAK
NOT CALLING JACE yesterday was the hardest thing ever, but my hurt is real, and I just can’t let that go easily. My mom is right. He has already suffered enough, and I know my boy’s heart was always in the right place. I’m sure he slept the entire day away after what was the longest ride ever getting back to me.
Oregon. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact Grace picked him up and took him to Oregon. We definitely have a lot to talk about.
Opening my front door to water my flowers that I’ve not paid attention to in days, I gasp when I look down, seeing little pink hearts scattered everywhere. I lean down and pick one up. In big, bold, black letters, in the handwriting I love, is the word love. I bite down on my bottom lip, holding back emotions that are ready to pour out of me, and grab another one. When I read forever written adorably like the only way Jace knows how, I can’t help it. A sad sigh escapes me.
Forever love is what he carved onto the bench on my eighteenth birthday at Inspiration Point. There are so many pieces of heart-shaped love scattered at my feet, and I’m keeping every single one. After gathering them in my hands, I spread them on our bed that waits for him. He told me he would let me take a breath, and right now, I’m inhaling the biggest amount of happiness and relief ever, knowing Jace is safe and sound. As I stare at all his love on our bed, it’s just going to make me suffer along with him to keep us apart. I grab my phone and send my sneaky boy a quick text.
JUST A LITTLE PINK HEART
I SLEPT SO MUCH yesterday that sleeping at all last night didn’t come easy. Plus, I might have sat at my girl’s doorstep half the night. When I scattered her hearts, I didn’t want to leave. A part of me wanted to bang on her door until she gave in and let me inside, but I promised to let her catch her breath, so I didn’t.
&nb
sp; Head back against the couch, I hold my cell phone tight, hoping like hell she will call me, so when it beeps, I sit up quickly. A slow smile forms on my face when I see Pretty Girl pop up. My girl had to have seen her hearts, and maybe this text is her telling me to come home.
When I look down, I see one pink heart. That’s it, no words—just a little pink heart.
Me: I love you, baby. Please let me come home.
A few minutes later, I receive another message.
Pretty Girl: You could’ve come home the second you got out of prison.
I huff loudly.
Me: Can we please talk about why I didn’t?
Pretty Girl: Why you broke a very special promise to me?
Me: Yeah, why I broke a very special promise to you.
Pretty Girl: I just don’t think I’m ready to hear what was more important than me quite yet.
Me: NOTHING is more important than you!
Pretty Girl: Well, it must have been if you broke a promise you knew I was holding on SO tight to.
Me: Baby, I want you in my arms!
Pretty Girl: And, I wanted you in my arms the moment you were released.
I lean back against the couch hard, hitting my head on the damn wall. My girl is being sassy as hell right now. She’s totally making me suffer. I know damn well she wants me home with her just as much as I want to be there, but she’s not going to budge.
Me: Okay, pretty girl, I know I don’t deserve any compassion from you right now. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to myself, and I will wait patiently for you to let me come home.
Maybe she will feel bad for me. I stare at my message, and when another one pops up, any hope I had falls straight to the floor.
Pretty Girl: Thank you for being understanding. I’ve always respected your
wishes over the years of things you felt strongly about. I wanted to know where you lived growing up, and you always denied me. I wanted to know about Grace, and you would give me very little. And, when you felt I would be in danger and denied me visits when I was desperate to see you, again, I respected you. So, thank you so much for respecting my wishes and giving me space.
Okay, now my girl needs a smack on that perfect ass of hers. She is really pushing that sassiness, but she’s right. She’s always given me everything, and those things she’s referring to, I was way too strong-headed about.
Me: You’re welcome, baby. Whatever my girl needs, I’m always going to give you.
I throw my phone onto the couch, grab the pile of pink paper, and start making her some more heart-shaped love.
THE UGLY FACE
THE NEXT MORNING, loud knocks on my front door have me jumping out of bed.
I’m letting him in. No, I’m not letting him in. Okay, let him in, Shay. No, he needs to know how hard this was on you…but, it was hard on him, too…so I’m going to let him in. No, stand your ground, girl!
As I approach the door with my internal thoughts going a hundred miles an hour, ready to throw every reason why I need to stand my ground out the window, I hear a loud, shrieking voice that’s definitely not Jace’s.
“Starkie, open the door!”
I admit, I’m a little bit bummed it’s not Jace, but when I open the door and Jules is standing in wedges on top of more pink hearts, a smile finds my face.
“You know, authors write about this kind of stuff,” she says, picking up a pink heart. She looks down and reads the word placed in the center. “Sunshine” boldly greets me in Jules’s dramatic soap opera voice she’s learned from her mom being a soap opera actress over the years. “Seriously, Shay, I always knew Jace was swoony, but I had a feeling prison life would harden him a bit. I was wrong, though. Your alpha boy is still the swooniest ever.”
“I know he is,” I reply, grabbing all his sweetness sitting at the door.
“And you still don’t have him naked and wrapped up in those sheets down the hall yet? What’s wrong with you?”
“It’s not that easy, Jules. What he did was wrong, and I’m hurt.”
“I understand that, but those light blue eyes and messy black hair, and… I’m just going to say—prison life did his body even better than it was before, and you don’t want to ‘do’ and ‘talk after’?”
I roll my eyes. “First of all, Jace doesn’t just ‘do’—”
“What does that mean?” she interrupts, all puckered face like a lemon was just thrust into her mouth. I giggle at her curiosity.
“Let’s just say, my boy likes to take his time. We are very emotionally connected, and at this moment, we aren’t.”
“Because you won’t let him be.”
“True.” I look down at all his love, walk them into our room, and throw them onto our bed. Jules follows me and sees all the hearts Jace has sent me since she left for San Francisco.
“My Lord, his hand must be sore.”
“Why would his hand be sore?” I say, picking a few hearts up and reading the sweet words printed on them.
“Well, for one, because he’s written hundreds of hearts filled with words, and two…” She smiles devilishly. “He’s had to use his hands to get off for over a year. I hope you give him a hand massage when you stop tormenting him.”
“Jules, you’re terrible!”
“No, Starkie. I’m truthful. Your boy needs some damn lovin’, so get over what happened, and talk about everything, so he can finally release the load he’s been holding into his girl. Talk about being backed up.”
“You act so tough, but until you’ve been in love and felt disappointment, you won’t understand.”
“Maybe you’re right, and that’s exactly why I will never fall in love. Because no matter how amazing it might be, it’s still going to make you cry, and I don’t like crying.”
“No one likes to cry, Jules.”
“No, it’s not the crying I don’t like. It’s how ugly someone looks while they’re doing it, and I don’t do well with ugly faces.”
“I’ve cried so much over the last year.”
“I know, Starkie. You haven’t looked your best.” She twists her lip. “You’ve had the ugly face thing going on.”
“So, I’ve looked ugly?”
“Yeah, you kinda have.”
“I wonder if Jace thinks I look ugly when I cry?”
“Well…”
“Jules!”
“I’m sure Jace thinks you’re the prettiest crier ever.”
I WANT TO EARN IT
ANOTHER NIGHT PRACTICALLY sleeping at my girl’s doorstep has me tired as hell, but I’m wide-awake when I see a text come in. Two pink hearts. I sit back and kick my feet up on Landon’s coffee table with a ghost of a smile.
“Let me guess. You just received a pink heart?” Landon asks, walking into the living room.
“Actually, I received two pink hearts.”
“Aw, she’s breaking, bro,” he says, laughing. “That’s a good sign.”
“It’s a good sign, but I want one word from her right now to make it the perfect sign.”
“What word is that?”
“I’ll tell you right now if it’s the right word.”
Landon sits down next to me on the couch as I type out a text to Shay.
Me: Can I please come home to you, baby?
Pretty Girl: No
I sigh.
“Not the right word?” he asks.
“No, not at all.”
“She’s hurt, bro. You should have called her as soon as you were released.”
“I know that now.” I rub my temples “Listen, I know I’m batting fucking zero, all right. I’m sorry I left you hanging when you came to pick me up, but I was shocked my mom showed up there, and when she told me she would take me to get my bike, my mind was on one thing. I had no idea when Grace started driving to her house she was actually taking me to Oregon. I planned on stopping by wherever she lived, getting my bike, then going back to tell you not to worry about me. Then, I was going straight to Shay. I didn’t know I would have
the detour I ended up with.” I look back down at little pink promises while another text comes in.
Pretty Girl: Do you think I look ugly when I cry?
I run my fingers through my hair and stare at her text. Why the hell would she worry about what she looks like when she cries?
Me: No way. You are the prettiest girl ever!
Pretty Girl: Even when I cry?
Me: Even when you cry!
Pretty Girl: Thank you
Me: Always, baby. Can I come home now?
Pretty Girl: No
Me: Can I see you? I’m dying without you.
Pretty Girl: I’m kind of busy on Wednesdays.
I can’t help but smile. Wednesday is the day we met, the day every week we spent together, and there’s no way I’m not seeing her today.
Me: What are you busy doing on a Wednesday? ;)
Pretty Girl: I go and hang out with a boy.
Okay, that has my blood running a little fast, because I’m the only boy she’s spent her Wednesdays with, and I’ve been locked away for a lot of fucking Wednesdays.
Me: Your Wednesdays have been free for quite a while, baby.
Pretty Girl: I found a new boy to hang out with.
Me: Guitar student? And it better not be Hunter Daniels. I think his lessons are going to be cancelled.
Pretty Girl: Nope, it’s not Hunter Daniels, and it’s not a new student, but he does need my help.
Me: Where do you help him on Wednesdays?
Pretty Girl: Where I used to spend time with another boy.
That brings me back to a calm state. My girl’s going to where we began. I don’t know who she’s seeing when she gets there, but I know she’s going to be surprised by whom she ends up spending her time with there.
Me: I want to hold you. Please let me do that today. Baby, please.
Pretty Girl: Talk later.
Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2) Page 33