She felt like she could take on the world. Or at least the grocery store. She was running dangerously low on bottled water, which was as compelling a reason to venture to the store as any, and strangely, Ray barely hesitated before she picked up Jagger’s leash and service vest.
“You’re coming with me, Jagger.” When Jack quickly sat in front of her, Ray chuckled. “Sorry, Jack, you don’t have a fancy vest that gets you into grocery stores.” Patting Jack on the head, she said, “Feel free to relax on the couch while we’re gone.”
Predictably, he followed them to the door, but obeyed and stayed in a sit when they walked out. He would probably look for food on the floor for the first ten minutes or so, then veg out on the couch until they returned. Carly said he behaved well in the house alone, as long as nothing edible was within reach.
Ray’s spirit soared as she thought about Carly. To think that she’d even considered pulling back from their friendship over something as trivial as Carly’s sexuality. Like it mattered at all, between them. Carly had changed Ray’s life so much already, and they had been friends for only a few weeks. Though Ray had spent more hours with Jack than Carly, each meal and conversation together drove home just how much she had missed having a friend.
Carly was funny, she was compassionate, and in a way Ray had never expected, she seemed able to understand and relate to much of Ray’s pain. Though their experiences were nothing alike on the surface—Carly losing her partner and their unborn child, and Ray’s ordeal in Iraq—they had both suffered tremendously. And not the kind of suffering that one easily leaves behind.
Buckling into the driver’s seat, Ray patted down her pocket for her cell phone. Part of her itched to call Carly. Carly was working, of course, and Ray would never gather the courage to bother her for no reason even if she weren’t, but she burned to talk to her. Just to chat, to hear her voice. To feel a connection to another human being.
Instead Ray shifted the truck into reverse so she could pull out onto the road. And as she drove she talked to Jagger so she wouldn’t think about where they were going.
“Think Carly will stay for dinner tonight? I bet if I make stir-fry she will. She told me she likes stir-fry.”
Jagger yawned, no doubt wondering what the hell she was going on about.
“Maybe I can talk her into staying for a movie afterward.” That had gone well the first time. Really well, in fact. Sharing the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them, Ray had been surprisingly comfortable. Something about Carly put Ray’s entire body at ease.
Most of the time, anyway. Twice now she’d noticed how attractive Carly was, and not in a casual way. First in Carly’s office when her realization that Carly was a beautiful woman had struck her dumb. That had disturbed her enough, but the second time, after she knew Carly was a lesbian, really surprised her.
It was during the movie, thank God, and Carly had been engrossed in the action on-screen. Ray had turned her head just as Carly reacted to a funny line and saw Carly laughing in profile. It was like that crazy reaction in the office, only worse. Ray’s stomach clenched, her throat went dry, and she felt inexplicably light-headed. She had no idea why.
So Carly was lovely. She was a great person, an amazing friend, and genetically blessed. Sometimes Ray noticed how pretty she was and got nervous. So? Ray was just shy and apparently even more so around attractive women. That had happened even when she was a teenager, hadn’t it, like with her senior English teacher. Sometimes Ms. Leah’s radiant smiles made Ray a little nervous, too.
“Leave it to me to overthink everything,” Ray told Jagger. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Ray pulled into the parking lot of the local Safeway, only now dreading the prospect of going inside. She drew on the strength of Jagger, calm beside her, and simply breathed, thinking about how confident she felt when she worked with Jack. She was a capable person, damn it.
Surprisingly, she recalled the world-beating attitude that had sent her to the store in the first place. “I can do this,” she whispered, and for the first time, she truly believed it. Nothing bad would happen to her. Not today.
Ray got out of her truck, then opened the passenger door for Jagger. He lumbered out and stretched. Ray grabbed his leash and walked toward the front door without faltering.
Ray threw her shoulders back and strode inside the store with purpose. Jagger drew immediate stares. No surprise there. A young couple at the deli counter turned and talked quietly as they stared at Jagger, but Ray ignored them and headed for the beverage aisle. It was ten o’clock on a Wednesday morning, so luckily the store was fairly empty. She was happy to find the bottled-water area deserted, not a soul in sight. She picked up a flat and prepared to make a break for the checkout stand.
Glancing down at Jagger, she halted her escape. Carly had told her about Jack’s allergies but admitted that she occasionally allowed him to have a compressed rawhide bone, and that he loved them. Surely Jack’s performance with the weave poles had earned him a special treat. Hell, both dogs deserved bones for all the joy they brought her.
Ray walked toward the back of the store, then past the aisles, scanning signs to find the right one. A dark-haired man stood at the far end of the pet-supplies aisle. He glanced up as she approached the dog chews, his gaze immediately drawn to Jagger. Ray ignored him. She would find what she needed and get out of here. She didn’t want to blow it by overreacting to innocent curiosity.
Feminine laughter drew her attention to the dairy case at the back of the store, where two women stood holding hands. Ray quickly looked back to the dog bones, determined not to stare. Even a hint of homosexual behavior used to make her nervous, but now that she was out of the military, the idea fascinated her.
At least as it related to Carly. Had Carly and her partner acted like that? The easy intimacy, laughing together in the grocery store? The possibility sent a warm flash of envy to her belly. Danny had been her best friend as well as her boyfriend, but she couldn’t remember feeling as comfortable with him as those two women looked together. Or even as comfortable as she felt with Carly. Something about Carly put her at total ease, in a way she never was with Danny.
“Excuse me.”
The deep male voice snapped Ray out of her reverie, and she jerked back from the man who had somehow managed to approach. It was the guy from the other end of the aisle, and he put a hand up, smiling apologetically.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just…that’s an amazing dog.”
Ray relaxed slightly, almost amused by the predictability of this scenario and her over-the-top reaction. “Thank you.”
The man looked down at Jagger admiringly. “What breed is he?”
“A Great Dane.”
“Really? I didn’t know they came in this color.”
“It’s called blue,” Ray explained, used to this question. “Black and white, harlequin, is probably the most popular. Blue is a little more rare.”
“Wow, he’s gorgeous.” The man glanced at her. “I know his vest says not to pet him, but could I?”
The guy was attractive, possibly someone Ray would have noticed before she lost interest in that sort of thing. More importantly, he seemed like a nice guy. Recalling Dr. Evans’s advice to learn to revel in the admiration Jagger drew, Ray took a breath and said, “Sure.”
Jagger seemed to enjoy the attention, crowding in to the man’s affectionate caress. Ray felt a swell of pride in her dog, not only his physical beauty, but also his friendly, laid-back demeanor. He really was a good boy.
“He’s great,” the man said. “I’m not sure how my wife will react when I tell her our next dog should be a Great Dane, but this guy has totally sold me.”
“They’re awesome dogs. Jagger’s a total sweetheart.”
“He seems like it. Jagger, huh? Nice.” The man pulled back and nodded. “Thanks again. Have a great day.”
“You, too.”
As the man left, he spared one last backwa
rd glance at Jagger. Ray turned back to the bones, snagging two from the shelf. Then she walked Jagger to the front of the store, surprised to find herself fighting back full-on joy.
Chapter Eight
“Are you sure this is okay?” Stopping at a red light, Carly turned to look at Ray, who sat in the passenger seat with her eyes closed. She seemed to be in a trance, complete with deep, rhythmic breathing, and Carly worried that she was pushing Ray too far, too fast. “We could just go back to your place and watch a movie or something. I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Ray managed a tight-lipped smile. “I’m fine.” Opening her eyes, she gave Carly a resolute nod. “I told you. I trust you completely.”
Carly felt a powerful rush of warmth, just as she had the first time Ray said it. She knew how difficult it was for Ray to trust anyone and was humbled to have somehow earned such an exquisite gift. But she didn’t want to risk losing it by forcing Ray to endure a surprise outing.
“Let me tell you where we’re going, at least.”
“You said you wanted to surprise me,” Ray said quietly. “I don’t want you to ruin the surprise.”
“Yeah, well, I’m starting to realize that you probably aren’t that into surprises these days. It was a silly idea.”
“Surprises are fun.” Looking out the passenger window as they got off the exit in Santa Rosa, Ray murmured, “I used to love surprises.”
Ray obviously wanted to go through with this, so Carly shut up. She didn’t want to go too far the other way and have Ray think she was babying her. Carly was determined not to cross the fine line between being considerate and condescending.
“I promise you won’t have to really talk to anyone.” Carly hated seeing Ray anxious, especially knowing that she was the cause. Yet Ray would love what she had planned for today. “I’ll introduce you to a friend of mine, but only for a moment, and I’ll do all the talking.”
“Carly?”
“Yeah?” Carly glanced over at Ray, searching her face for a sign that her reassurances were working.
“I’m fine.”
Carly exhaled. Damn, she needed to calm down. Her own anxiety wasn’t helping. “I know you are.”
“I really am,” Ray said, almost as though she were convincing herself. “I’m doing better lately.”
“And I’m proud of you.” Without thinking, Carly reached across the console and squeezed Ray’s hand. Though Ray didn’t pull away or even react, Carly immediately realized what she had done and retreated, embarrassed. “By the way.”
“Thank you.”
Carly heard something in Ray’s voice, but couldn’t read its meaning. She hoped the physical contact hadn’t made Ray uncomfortable, either because of her aversion to being touched or her fear of being hit on. Carly didn’t realize how naturally tactile she was until she met Ray. Now every unthinking gesture put Carly on edge.
“I’m proud of me, too,” Ray said, letting go with a real smile. If being touched bothered her, she was doing a good job of hiding it.
Carly took a right turn onto the street where their destination lay. “Okay, we’re here.”
Ray looked at the building to the left, zeroing in on the sign as Carly slowed in front of the driveway. “Assistance Dog Institute?”
“A friend of mine works here and said they have a four-week-old litter right now that’s participating in their puppy-petting program.” Carly pulled into a spot near the building. “Is that something you’d be interested in?”
“Is the puppy-petting program just what it sounds like?” A slow grin spread across Ray’s face, transforming her from merely beautiful to breathtaking. “That’s seriously something people volunteer to do?”
“It seriously is. I arranged for us to spend some time with them, just the two of us. I was telling my friend about Jagger and she mentioned that she could hook us up.”
“Awesome.” Ray darted a nervous glance at the front door. “I’d love to go play with puppies.”
“Right on. I thought you might feel that way.”
Carly got out and waited for Ray to unload Jagger from the backseat. Ray stood next to the car with Jagger’s leash in hand, mentally preparing to go inside. Her face took on a look of intense concentration, and though she was clearly nervous, she also appeared to have a confidence that hadn’t been there when they first met. It apparently began when Ray started working with Jack, when their own friendship took root. The woman who had hidden behind sunglasses for most of Jagger’s first vet appointment had ditched her shades and was prepared to let Carly take her into an unfamiliar situation, based on trust alone. Amazing.
“I’m ready,” Ray said. “Lead the way.”
Carly took them inside, greeting a woman at the desk and asking for her friend Tanya. Ray hung back with Jagger, studying the walls in silence.
Carly had given Tanya a little information on Ray and her PTSD, knowing she would be sensitive to the situation. The Assistance Dog Institute trained all kinds of service dogs, including those who worked with people suffering from PTSD, so Tanya was familiar with the condition. And she was a total sweetheart, a former classmate from UC Davis who chose to work in the service-dog industry rather than complete veterinary school after deciding that she liked to help people just as much as animals. Carly hoped that Ray would feel comfortable with this brief introduction, certain that they would hit it off. Tanya was the nicest person she knew.
Sure enough, Tanya entered the lobby wearing a huge grin and swept Carly into a warm hug. “Hey, girl.”
Carly returned the hug, appreciating the human contact. Tanya was straight and Carly would never go there, but that didn’t stop her from noticing how nice it felt to be touched. “Hey, yourself. How are you?”
“Busy.” Tanya pulled away from the embrace but kept hold of Carly’s arms a moment longer. “But things are good.” Her gaze flicked over Carly’s shoulder. “Wow. Carly was right, he is gorgeous.”
Carly smiled. Poor Ray couldn’t have chosen a more attention-getting companion.
“Thank you,” Ray said.
Carly turned to make introductions. “Tanya, this is my friend Ray. Ray, this is Tanya. We were in college together.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Ray.” Tanya took a step toward Jagger. “Do you mind if I greet him?”
“Not at all,” Ray said.
Carly watched the pride swell in her eyes as Tanya stroked the top of Jagger’s head.
“He’s wonderful,” Tanya said. “What an unusual dog for service work. You said you got him through an organization?”
“Yes,” Ray said. Carly opened her mouth to take over the conversation if necessary, but Ray continued without hesitation. “His breeder’s son was killed in Iraq, so she decided to donate a puppy to the service-dog institute specifically to work with a veteran. I always wanted a Great Dane, so—”
“Match made in heaven.” Tanya turned back to Carly. “Well, let’s go find some puppies to pet.”
They followed Tanya farther into the building, to a room with a shiny tile floor, a half-door, and a wire exercise pen filled with six furry yellow puppies. “Four-week-old Lab pups,” Tanya said. “We train hearing dogs for the deaf, guide dogs for the blind, and service dogs for people with disabilities or other conditions, like PTSD. When they’re eight weeks old, they’ll go home with volunteers who will raise them until they’re about eighteen months. Then they’ll come back to us for advanced training.” Tanya opened the door, letting them all inside. “Right now, their job is to be socialized as much as possible, and that’s where you guys come in.”
Ray put Jagger into a down-stay next to the door, then stepped forward to join them. “They’re the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”
Tanya laughed, squirting some hand sanitizer onto her palm, then passing it to Carly. “Have you ever played with puppies?”
“No.” Ray used the sanitizer, then handed it back to Tanya shyly. “My dad had a dog when I was a kid, but I don’t remember him as a puppy.”
“You’re gonna love this.” Tanya scooped up a puppy from inside the pen, then offered it to Ray. “Don’t let them run around the room, but please hold them and play with them as much as you’d like. I’ll be back in a while.”
Ray took the puppy gently, cradling it as though it might break in her hands. “Oh, my gosh. He’s so small.”
Carly lifted the tail and checked. “She.” She waved good-bye to Tanya as she exited the room. “And yes, she’s tiny.” She picked up a second puppy, then sat down on the floor next to the pen. “But round.”
Ray laughed as she eased down onto the floor cross-legged so they were knee to knee. She flipped the puppy onto her back and stroked her roly-poly belly. “She sure is.”
“I can’t believe this is the first time you’ve handled puppies.” Carly brought the squirming boy she was holding to her face and breathed in deeply, savoring his puppy breath. That smell never got old.
“Thank you for bringing me,” Ray said. The puppy in her arms had fallen asleep, and she gazed upon it with pure love. “This is really cool.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Carly swapped her puppy for another, laughing as the one she released immediately jumped onto a littermate and initiated play. “I raised a puppy for a place like this once, when I was a kid.”
“Really?”
“When I was fourteen. For my birthday that year I told my parents all I wanted was to raise a service puppy. I think I was just looking for an excuse to have a baby in the house, but after I went through the orientation and started training her, I got excited about the idea that she would grow up to help someone who needed her.”
“What was her name?” Ray carefully laid the sleeping puppy on her lap, then picked up another.
“Lucy. She was a great dog. A golden retriever.”
“Was it hard to give her back when it was time?”
“Yes.” Carly remembered the tears of that day, as well as the pride she felt at what a good dog Lucy had become. “But it was worth it.”
Battle Scars Page 7