“I’m sorry.” Ray dragged the back of her hand over her swollen mouth, staring at Carly with slightly unfocused eyes. “I honestly don’t know if I’m ready to do more than this, but I don’t want you to leave.”
Fair enough. Knowing she was likely setting herself up for a long night in which she would crave to masturbate but not be able to, Carly said, “Okay.”
“Okay?” Ray said. The excitement on her face made all Carly’s sexual frustration worth it. “Really?”
Ignoring her desire to straddle Ray’s lap and guide her tentative hands to all the right places, Carly said, “I can sleep on the couch.”
Disappointment flashed in Ray’s eyes. “Oh. I was actually hoping you’d sleep in my bed. With me.”
Carly exhaled shakily. Of course. “Okay.”
“You’re sure?” Ray took her hand.
Interlacing their fingers, Carly brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed Ray’s knuckles. “I would love for you to be the first thing I see tomorrow morning.”
Ray’s gaze searched her own. “Exactly what I was thinking.”
Carly used her free hand to brush Ray’s short hair away from her forehead. “You sure you feel comfortable having me in your bed?”
“I’m not sure comfortable is the word I’d use.” Ray’s cheeks glowed a lovely pink, most likely a combination of arousal and embarrassment. “But I want you beside me.”
The quiet confession made Carly’s pussy contract, and she gritted her teeth against the need to show Ray just how turned on she was.
“Hey, Carly?” Ray squeezed her hand. “I know this isn’t easy for you, and I’m so sorry. To be honest, it’s not easy for me either. I had no idea I would find it this difficult to keep my hands off you.”
“That’s quite the compliment.” It was actually a hell of a relief. Initially she had worried that Ray was mistaking best friendship with sexual attraction. That clearly wasn’t the case.
“I just want you to know that I don’t mean to tease you.”
“You’re not.” Though Carly had lately fallen into bed quickly with new lovers, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying the slow burn of their growing intimacy. “It’s about the journey, not the destination. And believe me, I’m loving every second of this trip.”
Ray stood and pulled Carly up by her hands. “On that note, maybe we can fool around in bed a little?”
Carly laughed. “I figured we would.” She glanced at the extra-large dog bed Ray kept next to the couch and giggled. Jagger lay stretched out across the pillow, and Jack slept curled in a ball against Jagger’s chest. “Look at those two.”
“I think they’ll approve of this sleepover. We can take that pillow to the bedroom for them to use.”
Carly whistled for the dogs to join her at the back door, and she let them out in the yard while Ray carried their pillow away. Watching Jagger sniff around for the perfect place, Carly tried to mentally prepare herself for what was about to happen. They might end up making love tonight. Even if they didn’t, they would likely go further than ever.
Jagger loped inside and Jack followed. Carly shut the back door and flipped off the outside light, then turned around to find Ray standing behind her, smiling nervously.
“They’re all squared away?” The dogs ran to Ray as though they hadn’t seen her in ages, and she patted them both. “Ready for bed, good boys?”
“They’re ready.” Carly closed the distance between them on shaking legs. “So am I.”
“Me too.” Ray took Carly’s hand and led her down the hallway.
Carly studied the pictures on the walls as she passed. Ray’s father in Vietnam with another soldier, arms around each other’s backs. One of Ray at about ten years old, holding a soccer trophy next to her father, who sat in a wheelchair and beamed with pride. The picture just outside her bedroom was of Ray and three other women, probably her mother and two sisters.
Ray stepped inside her bedroom and released Carly’s hand. This was her first time in Ray’s private domain, so Carly took in the room with interest. The bed was made neatly, corners tucked tight. Ray had placed the dog pillow at the foot of the bed, in front of a relatively small LCD television that sat on a modest entertainment center. There were no pictures on the walls in here, only shelves full of books.
“This is lovely,” Carly said. The room didn’t look very lived in, and she suspected Ray spent most of her time in the common areas. “I’ve never made a bed that well in my life.”
“Those nice people in the military taught me.” Ray smiled faintly. “Probably the best thing I learned.”
Jack and Jagger leapt onto the bed, one after the other. Jagger immediately lay down while Jack circled him with a doggy grin on his face.
“Sorry, Jagger usually sleeps with me.” Ray snapped her fingers and pointed. “Off.”
“Eh-eh,” Carly echoed, gesturing Jack down as well. “Yeah, Jack, too.”
“Sorry, buddy.” Ray stroked Jack’s head as he passed on the way to the dog pillow. “She’s all mine tonight.”
Carly’s nipples tightened. “Will you be okay without Jagger next to you?”
“I think so. He’ll be close if I need him.”
Nodding, Carly looked at the bed. For the first time it occurred to her that she didn’t have any pajamas. The shirt she was wearing was cute, but probably not ideal for sleeping. “Do you have something I could wear?”
Ray blinked and then dragged her gaze over Carly’s body. “Oh, yeah. Of course.” She opened a dresser drawer and rummaged for a moment, then offered Carly a gray T-shirt that said Army across the chest. “Would you like a pair of boxers? I don’t have any pajama pants.”
“Sure.” Carly took the clothing with a shy nod. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Why don’t you change in my bathroom? I’ll use the one down the hall.”
“Thank you.” Carly wished she had something more profound to say, but nerves were making her stupid. “See you in a minute.”
“Yup.”
Carly went into the bathroom and closed the door. This might be harder than she thought. She undressed, then held Ray’s T-shirt to her nose and inhaled. It smelled like Ray, and Carly’s Pavlovian response was to get wet again. Grabbing toilet paper, she wiped herself thoroughly, not wanting to stain Ray’s boxers. That would be embarrassing.
When Carly dressed and opened the bathroom door, Ray was sitting on the bed. Ray jumped up as Carly approached, moving her gaze up and down Carly’s body. Carly took the opportunity to sneak a lingering look at Ray’s toned arms and bare legs. Wearing a sleeveless T-shirt and boxer shorts, Ray was showing more skin than Carly had ever seen.
“You are so beautiful,” Carly said. Ray was a fascinating study in contrasts. Well-muscled with delicious curves, both hard and soft, she was everything Carly found sexy in a woman. And then some.
Ray looked bashful. “I’m nervous.”
Worried that she had given the wrong impression with her compliment, Carly said, “We don’t need to do anything except sleep.”
“Not about that.”
“Then what?”
“Sometimes I have nightmares.”
“Oh,” Carly said quietly. That made sense. If she had experienced the things Ray had, she would probably have nightmares, too. “Don’t be nervous.”
Ray met her eyes. “I don’t have them like I used to, but I want to warn you just in case. They’re pretty intense for me, so I’m guessing they might be that way for a bystander, too.”
“Can I do anything to help?”
“Just don’t startle me or wake me up. Get out of bed if I get too active. I would never hurt you on purpose, but I’ve gotten pretty worked up before.”
Carly felt a trickle of anxiety. She wanted to do right by Ray, and she hoped like hell that if something did happen, she reacted appropriately. “Understood.”
“I’ll probably be fine.” Ray gave her a careful smile. “I really don’t have them very m
uch since I moved here.”
“It’s okay.” Carly closed the distance between them. “Everything will be all right. You’ll see.”
“I hope so.”
“Even if you have a nightmare, it’s no big deal. We’ll handle it. I’ll be there for you.”
Ray held out her arms and Carly stepped into her embrace. Kissing her hair, Ray said, “Want to lie down?”
“Yes.” It was probably best now that Carly’s bare thighs were pressed against Ray’s, the soft, unrestrained breasts touching her own. “Good idea.”
Ray pulled back the covers with shaking hands, and Carly climbed into bed as Ray got under the comforter next to her. Picking up a remote, Ray turned off the overhead light with the push of a button. The room stayed dimly lit by a night-light next to Ray’s side of the bed and another near the closed bedroom door.
Carly turned on her side to face Ray. “Hi,” she whispered, as though the darkness demanded she be quiet.
“Hi.” Ray mirrored her pose. “Is it bad if we kiss now?”
Laughing, Carly murmured, “It’s not bad at all. It is a slippery slope, though.”
Ray scooted closer. “I’m willing to take my chances.”
This time Carly initiated their kiss. Moaning in response, Ray snaked her arms around Carly’s waist and pulled her close. Carly entangled their legs and put a hand on Ray’s hip, then waited for some indication that she had crossed a line, but Ray just tightened her embrace.
Carly felt drunk on their kisses, dizzy with love and desire. This was Ray she was holding, shy, gorgeous Ray who made her heart ache and her knees tremble. These were Ray’s hands touching the small of her back, then slipping inside her shirt. That was Ray’s fingertip stroking the bare skin of her side, igniting a need so fierce Carly felt like she might lose control.
Ray drew back. “It was never like this with Danny,” she murmured.
“Because he was a man?” Carly held her breath as Ray’s hands moved over her stomach, so close to the underside of her breasts.
“I don’t know. Maybe just because he wasn’t you.”
Carly needed more. She craved as much of Ray as she could get, so when Ray’s knuckles brushed lightly against the curve of her bare breasts, Carly said, “Touch them, Ray.”
Ray went still, but her breathing grew heavy.
“Please.” Carly shifted to lie on her back, then took one of Ray’s hands in her own. “May I show you?”
“Yes.” Ray’s voice came out like a gasp.
“You’re sure?” Don’t be pushy, Carly scolded herself. She played with Ray’s fingers, waiting for permission. “Only if you want.”
“Are you kidding me? Yes.” Without waiting for Carly to guide her, Ray slid her hand up so it covered Carly’s breast. She cupped Carly gently, then flexed her fingers.
Carly moaned at the contact she had been craving for days. “That feels so good.”
Ray used her thumb to stroke Carly’s erect nipple. “You’re so soft.”
“You don’t need to be that careful,” Carly murmured. “If you don’t want to.” She enjoyed Ray’s tenderness, but as turned on as she was, Carly was happy to take whatever Ray could give her.
Ray pinched Carly’s nipple between her fingertips, still treating her like she might shatter. “I love your breasts.” Ray’s voice was strained, as though she was struggling to maintain control. “You are so fucking sexy. I want to—”
“What?” Carly tucked a lock of hair behind Ray’s ear, then touched her cheek. She wanted so badly to slip her own hands inside Ray’s shirt, but waited for Ray to say when. “What do you want to do, darling?”
Growling softly, Ray moved both hands to the hem of Carly’s T-shirt and dragged it up the length of her torso, baring her stomach and her breasts. Carly whimpered as cool air hit her overheated skin, surprised and excited by Ray’s boldness. Ray climbed on top of her, settling between Carly’s thighs. Carly spread her legs wide, thrilled by the sensual weight of Ray’s body.
Carly reached to bring Ray down for another kiss, but Ray grabbed her hands and pressed them to the mattress above her head. Then she lowered her face to Carly’s, plundering her mouth with a passion that threatened to take Carly’s breath away. Carly attempted to wiggle free, but Ray held her down even harder and thrust her hips into Carly’s pussy.
Carly groaned into Ray’s mouth. Ray was so forceful. To be exposed and have all control taken away made Carly incredibly hot. She squirmed, desperate for direct contact on her breasts or her clit. Either would be fine. Both would be best.
She tore her mouth from Ray’s, turning her face to suck in much-needed air. “Please.” She lifted her hips, grinding herself into Ray’s pelvis. “Please, Ray.”
Ray released Carly as though she had been burned. Rolling off, Ray sat on the edge of the bed and choked out what sounded like a sob. “Oh, my God.”
Carly lay still for a moment, not sure what had just happened. Then she pulled her T-shirt down over her belly, raised up on her elbows, and touched Ray’s back. “Ray?”
“I am so sorry.” Ray’s whole body trembled. “Please forgive me. I got carried away.”
Concerned, Carly sat up. Ray had her back to her so Carly couldn’t see her eyes, but she was clearly fighting tears. “Hey.” Carly rubbed her hand in gentle circles over Ray’s lower back. “There’s no reason to be sorry.”
“I got too rough.”
“No, you didn’t.” Carly missed the warmth of Ray’s body next to hers, so she tugged Ray’s shirt. “Get back in here. You didn’t hurt me.”
Ray buried her face in her hands. Jagger had come to Ray’s side of the bed at the sound of her distress. What a good boy. Ray took a deep breath, then put her hand on Jagger’s head.
“I just got so excited,” Ray said quietly. “I wasn’t thinking when I held you down like that. I never wanted to scare you.”
Carly gave Ray’s hip a gentle pinch. “Listen. You didn’t scare me.” When Ray didn’t say anything, Carly added, “You turned me on. I’m soaking wet, Ray. Because of you.”
Ray shivered, then looked back at Carly. “I promise I would never hurt you.”
“I know that.” Carly tugged Ray’s shirt again, and this time Ray allowed herself to be coaxed back into bed. “It never crossed my mind that you could or would hurt me.”
Ray drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She sat next to Carly, face turned away. Carly stroked her back silently, willing her to calm down.
Finally Ray whispered, “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“It’s okay. We’ve been moving pretty fast. Maybe we should slow things down.”
“Yeah.” Ray looked at Carly, her eyes shining in the low light, filled with emotion. “A guy held me down like that once. Scared the hell out of me.”
Carly felt the confession in the pit of her stomach. She had wondered but would never have dared ask. “In Iraq?”
Ray didn’t answer for so long Carly thought she might have decided against talking about it. Finally Ray rocked back slightly, then said, “You know the soldier who was captured with me? Archer?”
The one who had been decapitated. “Yes.”
“He assaulted me in the bathroom on base about a month before we were taken.” Ray sounded like she was relating a boring news story, not an event that had clearly been traumatic. “It happens a lot. When I was over there I heard rumors about female soldiers dying of dehydration because they were too afraid to drink water late in the day. They didn’t want to have to go to the bathroom at night.” Shrugging, she said, “I like water.”
“Oh, Ray.” Carly kept her hand on Ray’s back. “I’m sorry.”
Ray’s shoulders began to shake. Carly wrapped her arm around them, only to realize that Ray wasn’t crying. She was laughing.
“It’s not funny,” Ray said, but giggled anyway. “I know it’s not, I just—Archer cornered me in the bathroom. It was just the two of us. He asked me to give him a blow
job. When I refused, he said he’d settle for a hand job. I said no again, and that’s when he decided to just try and rape me.”
Carly couldn’t imagine why this story moved Ray to laughter, but she stayed quiet and listened. Emotions were strange that way, sometimes seemingly at odds with the events that inspired them.
“Well, he got me down on the floor—it was so disgusting, that floor, you wouldn’t believe it—and he finally managed to get my pants down. I gave him the fight of his life. He had a black eye the next day. I got a split lip and a bloody nose. So anyway, he gets my pants off—” Ray’s laughter grew more uncontrolled. “And immediately he comes all over my thighs. After all that. Didn’t get close to raping me. Just took one look at my bare legs and shot his load.”
Carly sat silently at Ray’s side, holding her close. She couldn’t join Ray’s laughter, though she thought she understood where it came from. Some things were so horrific you almost had to find the humor in them, if you were going to cope at all.
“It’s not funny,” Ray repeated. Her giggles subsided. When she spoke again, her tone was sober. “He was supposed to be one of my guys. He was supposed to have my back.”
“Did you report him?”
“No. I mean, nothing really happened. It wasn’t worth the grief. The military doesn’t encourage those types of reports.”
“Don’t ever play it down like it was nothing.” Carly captured Ray’s hand and pulled it into her lap. “Something happened.”
Ray nodded. “Dr. Evans told me the same thing.”
“She’s right.”
“It just seems silly to dwell on something like that when I spent two months being held hostage. They may not have raped me, but it was a hell of a lot worse.”
“They were both traumatic experiences. I don’t think you can compare them.”
“No, I guess you can’t,” Ray said quietly. “They were both scary. The worst part about being captive was waiting. And knowing I would die.”
“But you didn’t,” Carly said. She brought Ray’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. “You’re alive and you’re here with me right now. And you’re safe.”
Battle Scars Page 14