“Shit,” Mia said from behind me.
“What?”
“My dress. It's soaked.” She had it draped across her front, covering herself with it.
“You must have dropped it in one of those little streams where the tide runs in. Here, put this on.” I handed her my t-shirt and pulled a cigarette out of the pocket in my shorts, lighting it and sitting down.
“You know that's bad for you?” she said, coming to sit beside me. Her dress and bra were piled up on the sand, but I smiled, seeing that she'd put her sandles back on. She'd have a complex for life about treading on stinging insects.
“So are lots of things,” I replied blowing out a smoke ring. “Doesn't mean they aren't fun though.”
“You'd know.”
“I would.” I grinned as she wrinkled her nose at me. “So, have you really never had a boyfriend?”
“I doubt you've ever had a girlfriend,” she retorted.
I shrugged. “I've had plenty. They were just pretty short lived. What can I say? I get bored.” I took another drag of my cigarette and fixed my eyes on her. “You didn't answer my question.”
She tilted her head to look at the sky, the moonlight shining on her smooth skin. “The others, Olivia, Lil, Sassy... they think the longest I've been with someone is two weeks.”
“And they're wrong?”
She nodded.
“So Mia can keep a secret. Interesting.”
She frowned. “Do you want me to tell you or not?”
I held up my hands. “Go on, tell me.”
She took a breath. “There was someone. A guy. We were together for just over five months. It was getting pretty serious.”
“And nobody knew?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“Why not?”
“He made me promise not to tell anyone. I was stupid, I suppose. I thought it was romantic, but in the end, I think he was just ashamed of me.”
“No.”
“Huh?”
“That is not the reason. Whatever the fuck it was, I guarantee it was down to him, not you.” I leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees. “Why did it end?”
She shrugged. “I found out who he really was, and I didn't like it.” She was silent for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. She looked at me and gave a little smile. “Anyway,” she said, “let's not talk about him now.”
“No, let's talk about how good you look wearing my t-shirt,” I said, watching the peaks of her nipples contract beneath the thin cotton. I waited for her to say no or to change the subject just like always. Only she didn't. She held my gaze silently waiting.
I flicked my cigarette across the sand, my eyes on hers. Challenging. Daring. And then, somehow, before I was even aware of moving, she was on her back beneath me, my mouth covering hers, her eyes fluttering shut as she opened her mouth, her tongue meeting mine with a moan. My hand ran up her thigh skimming the surface of her lacy panties, travelling past them, up the smooth skin of her waist and higher, to where I knew I'd find those beautiful, bare breasts. I cupped one, squeezing gently, the weight of it perfect in my palm. I grasped her taut nipple between my thumb and finger and she squirmed, arching up against me.
My cock chaffed against the thick material of my shorts and I pushed against her, moving into the space between her legs, the heat beneath her underwear surrounding me even through the layers of material. She ran her hand along my back and I yanked the t-shirt up, freeing her breasts, sucking, tasting, biting. She moaned into my neck and all logical thought left me. I had to have her. Now. I needed to slide inside her, feel her tight, wet pussy pulsing against my cock, see her face change as I made her come harder than she'd ever come before. I needed to own her. Hear her beg for me, scream my name. Right now.
I slid my hand back down her belly, my fingertips finding the edge of her underwear, my eyes burning into hers as I saw the same need reflected in her eyes. She wanted this just as much as I did. I could feel how ready she was for me. My fingers slipped beneath the lacy material, heading south.
“Mia!” came an echo through the darkness.
She froze. “Shit. That's Saskia.”
“Ignore her,” I said roughly into her ear.
“Mia, are you here?” came a second voice. Liliana. Mia sat up in a jolt, shaking her head, flustered and apologetic.
“I'm sorry, I should... I have to go.” She grabbed her pile of clothes and stood up, her legs shaking. She stumbled on the sand, then ran up the beach towards her friends, leaving me alone.
“Fuck,” I muttered, watching her go. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Chapter Nine
Mia
I padded downstairs in the silence of the dawn, trying not to make a sound. Everyone was still fast asleep and I was glad to be alone. Last night had been stupid. So stupid. Thank God Liliana and Saskia had come looking for me when they did. I'd been moments away from letting Liam do whatever he wanted, right there on the beach. And fuck, it would have been good. The tension had been building between us from the moment we met all those months back, and now, even the slightest touch felt like an explosion going off beneath my skin. I wanted him. Obviously I wanted him. He was as alpha male as you could get, confident, gorgeous and now that I'd had a little taste of what being in his bed would be like, I knew without a doubt that he wouldn't disappoint.
I'd never, never been kissed and touched the way I had by Liam. Cranleigh's kisses had been weird. Lizardy. His tongue darting in and out like he was catching flies. And things in the bedroom had been all about him. I'd never realised it, but now with Liam as a comparison, I couldn't remember ever actually feeling turned on by my ex. I'd certainly never needed him in the desperate, all encompassing way I'd needed Liam last night. I'd wanted him so badly I'd have let him have me out in the open, right where anyone could see. Thank god my friends had come when they did.
I poured myself a strong black coffee and carried it outside to drink on the terrace. It was barely past 6 a.m but I'd hardly slept a wink and I knew I wouldn't now. I was painfully aware of the fact that things had gone too far last night. Way past the point where I could brush it off as a silly, drunken kiss. But whatever had gone on between us, it didn't alter the facts. Nothing had changed, nor would it ever. Liam was still Liam. He'd want me until he got bored, and then I'd lose his friendship and his desire in one brutal swipe.
I'd promised myself after Cranleigh, I would never let a man get close to me again. Not romantically. But was it selfish to want to keep Liam as a friend without the benefits? I didn't have to think about it long. Liam was an all or nothing kind of guy. He was passionate. Intense. He wouldn't take kindly to being dangled like a toy on a string, and I knew instinctively, that would be how he would see it. If I brushed him off now after what we'd done, I would lose his friendship anyway. There was no way for me to win. The whole situation sucked.
I sipped my coffee slowly, an idea forming. If I told him I didn't want to pursue things between us, he would definitely be annoyed initially. He would maybe brood on it for a few days, possibly even a week, but sooner or later he would turn his attentions towards someone else. He'd realise he was wasting his time chasing me and he'd move on. His attention span – when it came to women – was weak and flighty at the best of times. I was pretty sure that if I turned him down today, he'd be with someone new by the end of the month. The thought made me feel sick, but I forced myself to keep going. If he dated another girl... maybe even found a girlfriend for a little while, after some time, he and I could find our way back to being friends. Friends with history, but friends all the same. The frisson between us was sure to burn out by then. I could keep him in my life, and nobody would have to get hurt. Except, I'd have to see him with someone else. Kissing her... looking at her the way he looked at me now... touching her.
I sighed, straightening my shoulders, resigned to the inevitable. It was just something I would have to put up with. There was no point in feeling jealous, not if I didn't want him fo
r myself. Resolved, I walked into the kitchen, refilling my coffee cup from the percolator.
“Hey,” a deep, gravelly voice said into my ear, his hand wrapping around my waist. I hated that my body responded instantly, melting against his hard chest. I had to let my mind win this battle over my body. There was no other option. I pushed out of his hold, stepping aside, creating some space between us.
“Hi.”
“Where'd you go last night?”
I pursed my lips. “Sassy's room. Some guy upset Lil. We were talking a while.” He took a step towards me, his hands going either side of my waist, landing on the counter behind me. I had to lean back to create some space between our bodies. “Look, Liam... I – I think things got a little bit crazy last night. I think we let it get out of hand.”
He gave a little smile that made my insides flip. “I don't agree,” he said. “I think, for the first time in a very long time, you stopped planning and worrying and overthinking, and let your wild side come out. And now you're embarrassed because you took what you wanted rather than following all those boring rules you like to set for yourself.”
“I'm not embarrassed. But it can't happen again.”
“You're not serious?”
“I am. I want us to be friends. Just friends. Nothing else.”
“Friends?” he repeated, taking a step back as if I'd punched him. I doubted he'd ever been turned down by a girl in his whole life. This had to be a shock to his system.
“Friends,” I said softly. “I just want us to go back to the way we were before. I don't want to complicate this, Liam.”
His brow knitted in a tight frown. “You're unbelievable, you know that? I don't get it, Mia. I know you want this as much as I do, why are you calling it off before we've even started?”
“I just am.”
He stared at me, his eyes darkening. “Fine. If that's what you want. I hope you weren't expecting me to beg, because that's not my style, sweetheart.”
“I'm sure you'll have a new girl in your bed by the weekend,” I said, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.
“Yeah. So am I.” He gave me a parting sneer, storming out of the kitchen. I hoped I wouldn't live to regret what I'd done.
Chapter Ten
Liam
I would literally never understand women. How, in the space of one night, could things between myself and Mia have gone from being ready to tear each other's clothes off, to her shoving me back into the safe little friendzone? “Friends!” I said under my breath, shoving my clothes roughly inside the black canvas suitcase on the unmade bed. “Fucking friends!” She knew as well as I did that friendship would never work between us. At least, not until we'd burnt this thing out. No. We needed to fuck, long and hard and deep. I needed to explore every inch of her body with my fingers, my tongue, my cock. I needed to fuck her until she screamed my name. Until I'd broken her hold over me. Until this fucked up obsession fizzled and died and she was just another girl I'd slept with. Then, only then would we have a shot at being “just friends.” But for her to cut it off now, when I was practically salivating at the thought of her tight, wet pussy – she was fucking crazy.
I heard the crunch of tires on gravel and strode over to the window, seeing the taxi pull up. Good. I grabbed my case, shoving my passport in my pocket, and walked out of the room. I wasn't hanging around to be her little plaything anymore. If she didn't want me, there was no point in staying. I slipped out the front door, not bothering to say goodbye. Let her realise later that I'd gone. It might make her realise what she'd missed out on. I climbed into the taxi and sat back in my seat, watching as the villa disappeared from view.
It had taken two beers and an hour in the air before I'd managed to calm down. Now, staring out over the fluffy white clouds from my seat in the first class cabin, I registered that I just felt empty. I kept replaying the look on Mia's face when I'd agreed with her about having another girl in my bed by the weekend. I'd seen the way her face hardened, but not before her eyes went wide, filled with a hurt I couldn't take back. Why had I said it? I rubbed at my eyes, exhausted with the whole situation. I wished Kai was back from his ridiculously extended honeymoon and I could get a taxi straight to his place after the plane landed. He would knock some sense into me, distract me. He would yank me right out of this fucked up rabbit hole I'd fallen into lately and set me back on the right path. I wished I could see him, even for just a few hours. But, just because he was halfway around the globe, didn't mean I couldn't talk to him. I could call. And I would, the moment I got back home.
With that decided, I relaxed for the first time all day. I pressed the call button to order another beer and leaned back in my seat, picking up the drawing pad I'd dropped on the tray table earlier. I flicked it open, taking a short pencil from behind my ear and bringing it down on the clean, white page, losing myself in the new tattoo design I planned to put up in Stallions and Sprites. As the eagle took shape, I found myself smiling, looking forward to getting back to work, back to my real life. I'd spent far too long chasing Mia. It was time to move on.
“Hello?”
“Hey man, it's me.”
I heard Kai laugh over the crackly phone-line. “I was wondering when you'd call. How are things back in the weird world of Chelsea?”
I lit a cigarette, leaning back on my bed. “Same old, man. Where the fuck are you anyway?”
“India. We're heading down to Goa. You wouldn't believe half the things I've seen since we got here, man. It's crazy. It's like the place is alive or something. You have to come here and see for yourself.”
“Not likely. Can you picture me as a backpacker?”
“Why not? Anyway, we're hardly slumming it. You should give it a go.”
I laughed. I couldn't picture ever wanting to give my life up to bum around on beaches for months on end. “Is it what you thought it would be?” I asked, taking another drag on my cigarette. “Travelling... Marriage?”
“Even better. I should have done this years ago. The travelling, I mean. The first week was strange. No work, nothing to do but – ”
“Christen the marital bed?” I interrupted.
He laughed. “Something like that. But Ryan's been keeping me informed and he's doing everything I would. So I'm free to be a bum. It's a good feeling.”
“You heard about the burlesque?”
“Uh hu. Sounds like it brought in a hell of a crowd.”
“It was a good night.” I was silent for a beat.
“So,” Kai said. “Are you going to fucking spit it out or what?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Liam.” His voice had an edge of warning to it, like when he used to try and tell me off when we were boys.
“What?”
“Okay, fine. One word. Mia.”
“How did you – ?”
“I'm married to her best friend, dude. And you should know by now, women talk.”
“I didn't realise they'd been in touch lately.”
“Every couple of days. They were on Skype this morning. Apparently you got friend-zoned and stormed off in a tantrum, without so much as a goodbye.”
“Is that what Mia said?”
“Actually, no. She was far more diplomatic than that. But I know you well enough to know that's pretty much what went down.”
I sighed. “I didn't storm off. There was just no point in staying. I was only there for a fuck. If that wasn't happening, what was the point in wasting my time? I've got other things to do, you know?”
“You really expect me to believe that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don't play the idiot, man. You know exactly what I mean.”
“Enlighten me, by all means.”
“I'd be happy to. Mia's not like the women you usually – ”
“Fuck?”
“I was going for date, but yeah, why not?”
“You think I don't know that? We've talked about this before, Kai. I know she's not
that experienced.”
“I think you're trying to treat her like a one night stand. I know you, Liam. You decide you like a girl. You take her home for a night, maybe two, and then you're done and you move on to the next woman who shakes her ass in your direction.”
“Uh, exactly like you did before you met Olivia, or had you forgotten?”
“That's exactly my point. Mia won't go for that. She's not the kind of girl who would just fall into your bed. If you're giving off the vibe you usually do, I'm not surprised she's blown you off. Olivia told me that Mia's way more sensitive than she seems.”
“So you're saying give it up? I'm wasting my time with her?” The image of her laughing face burned into my mind and I shook it away.
“No, actually. I'm not.” He sighed. “Do you remember what you told me just after I met Olivia? About how I couldn't let what mum did, walking out on us when we were still boys, affect my views on women now? You pushed me to trust her. To let myself give it a chance.”
“Kai...”
“No, don't interrupt. You were younger than me when she left us and I would guess it was even harder for you to deal with, though I have to admit, you're better at hiding it. You put on a good front. The fun loving joker without a care in the world, but you and I both know you're hiding insecurities. Mum walking out on us shaped the man you've become.”
“Oh, fuck off with your pep talk, man. Marriage has turned you into a motivational speaker. Give it a rest.”
“Think what you like, but it was true for me and I know it is for you too. Sooner or later, you're going to have to face up to that.” He gave a sudden burst of laughter. “Dude, I'm sat here in a swanky hotel room looking like a fucking vampire judging by the circles under my eyes, because my frisky new wife kept me up all night. Meanwhile, you're all alone having been blown off. So tell me, who's having more fun? Cause' from where I'm sitting, the married guy is the clear winner.”
Damaged: Dare to Decide, Book 2 Page 6