His Secret

by Brisa Starr

  “He’s hairy.”

  I burst out laughing, “They’re all hairy.”

  She stops and looks up at me. “Really?” She wrinkles her nose, and before the tarantula can change course and seek shelter, she looks back at him. “Oh, no you don’t, Pat, let’s keep it moving.”

  “Pat?” I ask, laughing at her latest.

  “Well, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, so just playing it safe,” she says, her serious face directed at me. “Right?”

  “Yes, of course,” I acquiesce, putting my hands up in sweet surrender. I’d go along with anything she says at this point.

  She successfully shoos Pat out the back door and into the desert.

  “Thank you for not squashing my spirit animal.”

  “Of course!” she replies, dead serious. “I’ll never kill another spider for the rest of my life!”

  I laugh, “Auntie would be proud of you.”

  We walk back into the kitchen and see the dogs have eaten the raw pet food mess and licked the floor spotless. “Well, I guess they’re all set,” she says. “Seems bowls are optional.”

  She heads for the wine bottle and pours more into her glass, and holds up the bottle to see if I want the rest. I nod, and she pours.

  She holds her glass up to toast, “To spiders, their webs, and to catching their prey.”

  Fuck.

  That’s good, girl.

  I clink her glass, looking deeply into her eyes, and say, “Here, here.”

  She takes a sip and smiles, and I’ve never seen her look so peaceful and content. “Um, hey,” she says. “I checked with your Auntie to make sure it was OK, and she said it was, so my best friend is coming to visit for a couple of nights and stay here with me.”

  I’m surprised by this, but I’m pleased because she’s smiling so big. “That’s cool, I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

  She looks at me, feistiness dancing the two-step in her eyes now, “Oh, it’s not her. His name is Billy.”

  What. The. Fuck.

  “Billy? A dude?” The hair on the back of my neck stands up. I roll my shoulders and crack my neck.

  “Yes,” she challenges, drawing herself up to full height. “He’s just a friend. My best friend. From high school. He lived across the street when we moved to Shaker Heights when I was thirteen. He’s the one good thing about Ohio.” She drops her gaze to the floor, her fire diffused.

  Shit. I must tread carefully, but other dudes and Alyson? My inner gorilla is banging inside my chest, demanding release and dominance. Fuuuuuuck.

  Well, maybe he’s an ugly dork. And what kind of grown man goes by “Billy”?

  “He was my rock when my parents dropped their bomb… he had issues with his parents, too. We were inseparable in high school, and we shared an apartment for a couple of years at OSU. He majored in history, and I went for teaching. Anyway, he’s a vagabond, and he’s down in Mexico surfing right now. With me being in Arizona, not too far from him, he’s coming up for a few days this week.”

  She drinks more of her wine, and I inadvertently growl at this news.

  She snaps her face in my direction. “Did you just growl? Like a bear?”

  “Maybe. Fuck, Alyson, I’m not stoked about this news.”

  “Well, then it’s good for me that you don’t get a say.” She smiles and cocks her head. “Besides, I think you’ll like him. In fact, I know you will.”

  I turn and give her a “you don’t know shit” look.

  She comes over to me and grabs my hand, putting it under her dress to pick up where we left off. She stands on her tiptoes and whispers, “Don’t be jealous. This belongs to you,” and she presses my palm against her pussy.

  I pull my hand out from under her dress. “I just got you in my bed, Alyson. Forgive me if I’m not entirely excited about the prospect of having to share you so soon.”

  She slaps my shoulder. “That sounds highly inappropriate the way you just said that. It’s not like I share his bed.”

  I appreciate her efforts to assuage my jealousy, but it’s not working. I want some breathing space to diffuse the green flame that’s burning my insides and making my pulse race. I’d better get out of here before I say something stupid and ruin the progress we’ve made so far.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I reach for it. It’s from my mom. “Fuck,” I mutter.

  She grows still. “What? Is everything OK?”

  “Yeah, look, I gotta go. I need to work on some mixes for a client. I’ll be up all night in the casita, but I’ll see you when you water the flowers at sunrise.”

  “How did you know I water the flowers in the morning?”

  “I watch you.”

  Her expression softens, and I wonder who’s the one weaving the web. I step closer to her, gently kissing her lips, the electricity surging down my spine. “We’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow.”

  I leave before I say anything I’ll regret, or do anything that will keep me in the main house. I need some air, and I have to deal with my mom. And think about things.

  I take my time walking to the casita, which seems so empty now without Alyson by my side. I take a quick walk down the driveway first to clear my head. I like this woman — I’m completely falling for her. She’s brought a sunshine so bright into my life that I’m blinded at times. Hell, sometimes it’s too much and has me running back to the comfort of my darkness. But each time I go there, it’s less dark, going from black, to gray, to browns. Like the tiger’s eye she bought me. She gives me life, gives me peace, gives me a glimpse into myself I was afraid didn’t exist. This woman saturates me.

  I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I would’ve thought it would be scary, but the only scary part is whether she feels the same about me. I think she’s coming around. It would be impossible for me to be pulled to her like a magnet if she weren’t being pulled toward me, too. And, when we connect, making love, it’s like our souls are crashing into each other. It’s otherworldly.

  Yeah, I’m going to keep at that woman until she’s really mine, with a ring on her finger to prove it. My mood lightens, despite the news that her “friend” is coming, and I head back to the casita.

  Once inside, I remember Mom texted me, so I read the rest of her message.

  Mom: How’d the date with Stephanie go?

  I take a deep breath and flick my gaze upward. Irritated, I respond.

  Adron: It didn’t.

  Mom: What? I thought you took her out.

  Adron: I did. I mean it didn’t go anywhere.

  Mom: What? Why? She comes from a prominent family!

  Adron: I wouldn’t touch that pussy with a ten-foot pole.

  Mom: Watch your mouth!

  Alyson’s lack of a filter must be rubbing off on me. But I don’t care, my mom is getting on my nerves. I rake my hand through my hair and sigh. What am I going to do? I can’t tell her about Alyson yet, she’ll flip out and drive over here. And Alyson is not ready to meet my mother.

  Adron: Well, she’s not the one.

  Mom: Dammit, Adron. Need I remind you?

  Adron: No.

  Mom: Take Leslie out then, the other girl.

  Adron: I gotta go. I’m on a client deadline.

  Mom: Adron, tick fucking tock!

  I throw my phone on my bed. Shit. The familiar darkness surrounds me again, and I can’t stop it. I have bullshit from Mom, bullshit with Alyson’s friend, Billy, coming to visit. The bullshit guilt from my parents. I crank Beastie Boys and drop down to bust out fifty push-ups, hoping the exertion will cleanse the frustration from my system.

  It doesn’t work. Not feeling any better – because my problems still stare me in the face like a neon light – I might as well get some work done.

  I think about Alyson though, which stalls my work. I take a deep breath and think about the past couple of days. We’re getting closer, and I told her she’d be in love with me before the month is up. She’s not running for the hills, though it’s n
ot like she could leave her house-sitting post, even if she wanted to. She didn’t kick me out either. In fact, we’ve only grown closer. And the sex… it’s very real. I know she feels it, too.

  My phone beeps from my bed, playing the tune that means it’s a message from Auntie, and a little happiness creeps into my shitty mood.

  Auntie: How are you and Alyson getting along?

  I shake my head, a half smile on my lips. I knew it! She planned all of this.

  Adron: Progressing

  Auntie: Good. Love you. Night.

  Maybe there is hope. Auntie has never been wrong.

  14

  Alyson

  It’s way too early to be up, but dreams of Adron woke me. I slept with my window open last night so I could listen to him working. His music drives my soul crazy with a mishmash of vibrations ranging from horniness, to darkness, to love and lightness. It’s funny that he admitted to watching me in the morning because I stay up watching and listening to him at night. My soul flutters at the thought.

  I lie in bed longer, enjoying the relaxing cool of the ceiling fan blowing down on me. It’s not quite time to take care of the animals, so I’ll stay here and enjoy rummaging through my mind. I gots things to think about! Changes in my heart and mind beckon for my attention.

  For starters, my defensive wall is crumbling, the one I painstakingly built around my heart, brick by brick. Since coming to Carefree, cracks have let light in, and every day, I’ve been building it back up. Filling in the cracks. But I’m tired of the constant repair. The idea of seeing my wall come down fucking terrifies me. It’s all I’ve known for so long. But, if I’m honest with myself, I’m just so happy when I’m with Adron. I feel so alive and safe, just by having him in the same room. He’s taking up permanent residence under my skin and, well, heck, my chest feels lighter and full of hope.

  But... maybe it’s just great sex? I mean, look at him, he’s… well, he’s amazing. Handsome, smart, strong, sexy, and the type of man who knows what he wants and goes after it. Loyalty, that’s the sense I get from him. Possessive, too, in an enticing, erotic way.

  Growing up, I dreamed of a man who would look at me the way he does. A look that shares secrets only the two of us are privileged to know. And here he is, standing in front of me, boldly proclaiming that he’s coming after me. I never would’ve thought we’d be in this situation when we first met. I laugh at the thought! He seemed so mean and uninterested, but there was that heart-stopping energy that filled the room when we locked eyes the first day.

  Though, I don’t know why he seems so pained sometimes. What does he have to be sad or angry about? Maybe, in his past, he’s experienced great love, and loss, and he’s wounded from it. I know he’s not close to his parents, but it doesn’t seem to affect him. Plus, he has his wonderful Auntie. And from what I can tell of her, she would more than compensate for any shithead parents.

  He’s lucky, actually. Apart from my parents, I have no family to speak of. Billy is the closest thing. It never really bothered me, because, well, I guess I just ignored it.

  There’s something strange about Adron, though. There’s something missing in his story. What is he not telling me?

  I open my eyes, looking around the room as if I’ll find the answers, but nothing speaks to me. I’m going to dig deeper the next time I see him. He seems adamant that we will be a thing, and while that was the last thing on my mind a month ago, the fluttering in my stomach makes me so excited at the prospect of being with him beyond the summer.

  Shit, how would that work though? I look at my palm, tracing the lines on it, and I stop to think. I don’t have a home here. Hell, I don’t have a home anywhere. I barely have two nickels to rub together with my teaching income. I could pick up more classes, but with my debt, it’d be hard making ends meet and paying rent. Still, I can’t help but wonder… what if? Could we have… a future together? What would that even look like?

  The light flickers on and off inside me, going dark in the moments I crave my secure, familiar, brick wall, but then returning to light when I imagine letting my heart go, taking a risk, and offering it to Adron.

  This is all new to me. It’s uncomfortable – terrifying – but so exciting. I hadn’t expected to find someone here, so my mind goes from one imaginary scene to the next. Ordinarily, I’d love the unknown, the adventure, but here I am, simultaneously scared, yet thrilled to let go.

  I laugh at the irony. I thrive on living boldly and throwing myself at any challenge or dare that presents itself. Yet here I am, scared to jump into the scariest challenge of all, a relationship. It means giving up control, giving up part of myself to someone else. But maybe I’m not scared anymore. Adron takes my mind and body to places I never dreamed possible. And, as badly as I didn’t want to admit it before, my heart is feeling something now, too. Wholeness.

  I look out the window and see the first bits of pre-dawn light coming through. Time to get up to take care of the animals. I roll out of bed and pad to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I look at myself in the mirror and see the satisfaction of a woman so thoroughly fucked, and owned.

  I brush my teeth and get ready for another day. I apply a light touch of makeup and brush my hair. Seeing as it’s going to be another hot-as-fucking-hell day, I pull on my short-n’-frayed jean shorts that hug my ass perfectly. I throw on a pale orange T-shirt and tie it at the waist to bare my midriff. That’s sure to drive him crazy.

  I take care of the chickens and feed the cats and dogs. Now it’s time to walk the dogs and water the flowers. Adron admitted to watching me, but his light isn’t on. Maybe he’s asleep. I look at his window, and the curtain blows gently in the morning breeze. Did he leave the window open… for me? To be closer to me? This is his time to sleep, my night owl lover.

  The dogs tug on their leashes, and it yanks me from my dreamy thoughts of the casita. I turn to walk them down the driveway. Halfway down, my phone buzzes. It’s a text message from Sammy.

  Sammy: Good morning, girl! Whatchya doing? The annual Carefree Hot Sauce Eating Competition is today at the Lazy-J Bar! I know you’re a fan of all things hot saucy, so I thought you might want to come and watch with me.

  Me: Hot sauce competition? OMG Yes! I’d love to. But I don’t want to watch! I want to do it. Is it too late to sign up? Is there a prize?

  Sammy: Haha, yeah, first place takes $3000, but I don’t know if it’s too late to sign up. Standby a minute and I’ll check.

  I run the dogs back to the house, less than twenty yards, and they’re huffing and wheezing. Hmmm, maybe they need more exercise. Whatever, a hot sauce contest?! I’ve always wanted to enter one! I watch YouTube videos of Carolina Reaper challenges, for Chrissakes. A squeal escapes my mouth as I bounce into the kitchen. I hope it’s not too late to get in on it. My phone buzzes again.

  Sammy: Yeah, you can still sign up. You in? Warning, it’s hardcore. I’ve seen grown men cry for their mammas.

  Me: Ha, bring it! What time do I meet you there?

  Sammy: 3pm

  Me: Perfect! I need some bacon, I’ll swing by the shop and get some.

  Sammy: Bacon?

  Me: Yeah, I want to eat a bowl of oatmeal, cream, and bacon before going. I’ve always wanted to try one of these contests, so I’ve studied them, and I’m supposed to eat a hearty meal first.

  Sammy: LOL sounds good, I’ll package some bacon for you, the best bacon ever. See you soon.

  We end the conversation and my mouth splits into a huge, Cheshire Cat grin, my hips shaking back and forth with equal verve. Yes! Three thousand dollars would give me a much-needed nest egg to… well… to tuck away, in case I need it for an emergency.

  I return from Sammy’s armed with my fatty, smoked bacon and even some fresh, raw cream she set aside for me. What a treat! I open up my laptop and check out the website with details about the competition. It’s at a bar in town, and it turns out there are also second and third place prizes, $2000 and $1000, respectively. I’m go
ing for first prize though. Yeah, baby!

  I enter the competition using the form on their website, and learn I actually need to arrive by 2:30 to get my T-shirt and learn the rules.

  Hot sauce rules? Um, OK.

  I fry the bacon over low heat, rendering the fat gently, so I can save the grease to cook eggs in tomorrow. I stir the oats into lightly salted, boiling water in the pot next to the sizzling bacon. This is one hearty-as-hell breakfast, perfect for filling my pre-hot-sauce-competition belly.

  I bubble over with excitement thinking about this contest. I crave a little adventure, as if yesterday’s brush with death on Black Mountain wasn’t enough. I go to the fridge and take out the raw cream Sammy gave me, and as I close the door to the fridge, Adron appears, standing behind it.

  “Whoa! You scared me.” My jumping heart climbs back inside my chest. I should’ve known he was in here because the cats are suddenly in the kitchen, and they like him. Of course. But I was so distracted thinking about the competition, I didn’t even notice them in here.

  “Hi,” I say and my heart heaves with lovey feelings from the way his eyes pin me down.

  “Hey there,” he says and reaches out and grabs me, planting a big kiss on me. Our lips smack five times before he pulls me into a hug, squeezing me like he’ll never let go. “I missed you last night.”