“Leave it Liss." I stand and stare straight at her. She's as stubborn as me. It's pointless trying to explain it to her, she wouldn't get it, anyway.
“You could at least have the decency to apologise to her. She's out here on her own, and the only people that she knows aren't around to comfort her, because one's in hospital and the other one has well and truly fucked her over and is the cause of all this pain in the first place. Do me a favour? Get your fucking shit together and fast. You’re acting like a spoilt fucking brat and it doesn't suit you one little bit." She's so sure that she knows what she's talking about, it's pointless trying to argue with her, so I leave her to storm out of my house without saying a word. What the fuck is this? Everyone take a chunk out of Max week? Jeez, I preferred it when my life was more laid back.
"Your dinner's in the oven, dear." I hear Martha down the hall before she enters my office.
“Thank you." At least someone's against giving me too much of a hard time. My stomach grumbles at the mention of food, and I can't actually remember the last time I ate anything. "Why don't you give yourself the day off tomorrow? You’ve been here an awful lot, this past week. I don’t fancy getting sued for making you ill."
“What, and leave you wallowing here on your own? Don't be so silly, Max."
“I'm just busy, that's all. You really don't need to worry about me." All I want is for people to stop fussing over me, like I’m a kid that can’t fend for myself.
“Max." She says softly, as she sits down opposite me, a maternal look present in her eyes. "I've known you an awfully long time, and I would like to think you had a little bit more respect for me, than to actually lie to my face."
“Honestly, I'm fine. I've just got a lot going on, that’s all." In a sense, I'm technically not lying to her. I can't remember the last time my head was filled with so much bullshit.
“Have you spoken to her? Have you made sure that you've told her your version of events?”
“Wow, seriously? Does everyone seem to know every fucking detail of my personal life, now?" I snap unintentionally at her and instantly feel like shit for it. When did I become so goddamn fucking interesting?
“Stella stopped by looking for Jess. She said that there had been a misunderstanding of some sort and she wanted to talk to her. It doesn't take a genius to work out what actually happened, dear. To be honest, I've never liked that Stella from the get go, but I normally like to keep my opinions to myself." The sudden pressure that fills my head causes my fingers to shoot straight to my temples. Fuck this bullshit. As if sensing my sudden unease, Martha continues "Don't worry, I didn't tell her where she was. That poor girl doesn't need any more drama and I personally will not be responsible for any further damage that whirlwind of a woman will cause."
“She's leaving anyway, so what does it matter?" I can't fucking believe that those words have just left my mouth. I can't think of anything worse than the thought of Jess being permanently out of my life, but I swore to myself I wouldn't be selfish with my needs when it comes to her and her safety. I’ve witnessed more than enough people get hurt because of me, and if anything happened to Jess, I honestly don’t think I could live with myself.
“Do you want her to go?" Martha asks the question as if it's the most simplest thing to answer in the world. If only it was that fucking easy.
“What do you think?" I finally ask her after a pause. "It would be so much easier for her to walk away now, before any more damage can be done. But will it be easy for me to watch? Hell no."
“If you want my advice, go and talk to her. Try and tell her how you feel, regardless of that male ego of yours. Just promise me something, don't turn your back on a good thing. Jess is your good thing, Max. Whatever you do, don't lose it."
Jess
The hospital still makes me feel sick to my stomach. The smells, the association of death, pain, everything you don't want to be around, is closed in, all around you under one roof. I'm on edge every time I'm in a hospital and I can't wait to get out and jump in the shower to scrub the feel and smell away.
“Hey you. How are you feeling?" I ask, leaning into Mal and placing a tender kiss on his cheek. He looks so much better, especially now that all of his wires have been removed. The last time I saw him, his face was still grey, yet now he has a healthy glow and he's rocking some rosy cheeks and a sparkle in his eyes. "I take it they've been treating you well, then?"
“Like you wouldn't believe, flower." Knowing Mal, I bet he's had these poor nurses at his beck and call, at every bloody opportunity. I can't help but laugh at him, my chest suddenly feels so much lighter now that I know he’s going to be okay. It's one thing Melissa giving me updates, but seeing him face to face makes it all feel more real.
“So what's the plan from here, then?" I'm still a little unsure as to what's happening with Mal once he's been discharged. A pang of guilt creeps in for not coming to see him more often, while he's been here. My reasons aren't that valid either, only to me, for being the selfish bitch that I am. I didn't come to see him because I was scared that I would bump into Max. Yep, definitely a selfish bitch.
“Well, it's looking pretty good for them to discharge me soon." A huge smile lights up his whole face, which instantly fills me with a sense of happiness. "I can't wait to stretch these bad boys, let me tell you."
Daisy walks in, just as I wipe away the happy tears that have made a run for it. It's so bloody good to have him back.
“Jess dear. It's so good to see you. Has Mal told you the good news? Honestly," she sighs, "I can't tell you how relieved I am. Getting him to rest is going to be the tricky part."
I watch them, as their faces light up at the thought of finally being free from this place, and how in love they still look after all these years. Now definitely isn't the time to drop my bombshell. I stay with them for a little while, laughing and joking as if everything is how it should be, and right in this moment, I don’t have to worry about anything but the three of us in this room.
I step out into the sunshine, my eyes squinting from the sudden change in brightness. I struggle to see for a moment, until my eyes slowly adjust. I take a few steps forward and my heart contracts as soon as I see the most beautiful sight before me. I stand motionless, unable to put one foot in front of the other, completely transfixed on him. My eyes never leave his, as he watches me intently. His look alone has me feeling weak at the knees. Clearly, neither of us expected to bump into each other. He slowly steps towards me and then stops just inches away from me. His mouth opens and closes a few times, as he decides whether or not he’s going to say what he was going to say.
“Hey." He says, a shy grin curving his mouth into that cocky grin that I miss so bloody much. Not that I'd ever tell him, though.
“Hi." I reply, feeling rather awkward. After all I have done to prevent this meeting from happening, yet here he is, stood in front of me, acting as if nothing has happened. "It's great news that Mal's on the mend." I say, trying my best not to look at him straight on. Whenever I do, it's as if he can see straight through me and into my soul. I step backwards, so that I can get away from him, as it all suddenly becomes too much.
“Jess, wait. Can we talk?"
“About what?" I reply, pretending I don't care, just to see if he will make a comment about Stella.
“I've not seen you much at the office. I thought you had meetings scheduled all week?"
“I did, however I postponed them until further notice. You've got access to my calendar, so surely you could have checked that? Why don't you see if Stella can fit them in, seeing as she's your current employee of the month?" Childish remark? Maybe, but fuck if I care. He doesn't say anything back to me. He just stands here, his face remaining impassive as he watches me stare him down. "Do you know what, whatever Max. I'm done." I turn to head in the opposite direction, more sure now, that going home is the best move of them all.
How could I be so stupid to think that I could be different to all the other women who have
been and gone before me? So we've fucked more than once, big deal - it obviously doesn't have to mean anything. The sooner I’m away from him, the better. I'm pulled back suddenly as big, strong, powerful hands secure my wrists so I can't break away.
“Stop fucking running, Jess. Jesus Christ, woman, will you fucking stop?"
“Do me a favour and leave me alone, Max." I plead, knowing full well that he won't, but it's all I want him to do, right now. It’s too painful to be around him. How can he not see that?
“I can't, goddamnit. No matter how much I try, I just can't get you out of my fucking head." His words cause me to look up into his deep, pleading blue eyes and I start to soften towards him, my heart trying it break free once again. All too soon, I see a massive haze of auburn hair getting closer and closer in the distance. All my walls sharply shoot back up, just as fast as they came crashing down, at the sound of that high pitched voice. She’s bloody everywhere.
“Max, what's taking you so long?" Her mouth forms a perfect O as soon as she sees that it's me who has his attention and holding him up. I pull my hand out of his grasp, now that it has slackened somewhat at the interruption of the Queen bitch, and I almost whack it against the car door next to me. I don't doubt for a second, that she would love nothing more than to witness me walking back into the hospital with an injury.
“Fucking hell, Jess. Will you just hear me out?" His voice is demanding as he stares me down.
“It looks to me, like you’re pretty busy already. I'll see you around, Max." If ever I needed further proof that they were together, today has set it in stone. Why else would she be here? I'm so fucking angry. Angry at myself and angry because I know right now, that they'll both be laughing at little old me. I knew all along I'd be the laughing stock. I guess I've only got myself to blame once again, for not going off my initial gut instinct.
The sun begins to set as I look out over the horizon. The sight really is beautiful. There's something calming about the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and watching them ripple as the sky prepares for darkness to fall, as it says goodbye to another day. I sit here and allow my mind to wander on its own account. Nothing matters while I'm sat here. Nothing but the feeling of peace that takes over my body All of the drama that has suddenly attached itself to my life takes a backseat while I'm here, in my new found happy place. Here, I don’t have to meet any expectations. Here, I can feel what I want to feel without worrying about getting hurt, or not being good enough. I'm not sure how long I have been sat here, all I know is that it's slowly getting dark and the chill is beginning to set in.
One question that I have asked repeatedly to myself today is, do I really want to give up on all of this? Do I really want to give this once in a lifetime opportunity up, because of some guy? I guess he’s not just some guy though. It would be so easy, much too easy, for me to hop onto the next plane and head home, but that would only benefit and please one person. The Queen, fucking bitch.
I miss Jen and George so much, but I'll get to see them when I get home after I have finished this project. Coming back here won’t be as easy the second time around. So what if I have to face Max and Stella eventually. Sure it will stab at my chest like crazy, but now Mal's out of hospital and I'm sure he won't mind me working away from the office. I'm sure I can pop over and keep him entertained from time to time, too while I’m at it.
I get up and dust the sand from my arse, my decision made and set firmly in my mind. Why should I give up this once in a lifetime opportunity, before I have to? Jen would only stick my stubborn backside on the next flight back over here anyway, and all that would have resulted in, would be a massive dent in my credit card. Why the hell does my life have to be so goddamn complicated?
I look behind me and see the dim glow of lights coming from Melissa's. She must have arrived back from her travels without me noticing. I've no idea how she will react at the news that she's going to have to deal with my mopey arse self for a little bit longer. I guess I’m going to find out soon enough.
I place my bag on top of the island, as I step through the kitchen and look around me.
“Liss, you home?” I shout out, but I get no reply. It’s pretty quiet, surely she’s home if the lights are on? Or maybe she has some posh automatic ones, the ones that come on with one of those fancy timers. Oh well, I guess my little announcement will have to wait until tomorrow. Looks like a shower and an early night with my kindle is in order, and I’m quite excited at the thought of it. I almost jump out of my skin, when I see a sudden movement in the living area. I stand stock still on the spot, unsure how I am going to react to this intruder. I don’t even have a weapon. Fuck, fuck, fuck. As the figure gets closer, I notice that the intruder is male, quite well built and almost naked. What the fuck.
The closer he gets, the more I can make out of the person coming towards me. With my heart still hammering in my chest, I breathe in a sigh of relief.
“Um hi.” I manage to force the words to leave my lips, my eyes still lingering on the bunched up cloth that's just about covering his manhood.
“Shit, sorry Jess. I didn’t hear you come back.” I look to Melissa and take in her sheepish expression as she dashes through to the kitchen. The poor love, I’ve never known anyone look so embarrassed.
“Hey, you don’t need to apologise. It’s your house after all. Plus, don’t look so scared, I knew you two were shagging right from the off.” I can’t help but grin as her mouth goes slack with shock.
“You did?” they both say in unison.
“Erm, yeah. It was pretty obvious, the way you two were drooling over each other and everything. Wait… Max doesn’t know does he?” I ask, but have a suspicion that I’m already going to know the answer.
“Are you fucking crazy, lady? He’d put my mother fucking balls through the ringer for even thinking about Melissa like that.” He’s really not bullshitting. He looks absolutely petrified. It’s actually quite comical to watch and I can’t help but laugh. He stands in front of me, bearing his tall, lean muscular frame, yet he looks like a little boy who has been caught out doing something that he shouldn’t have been doing.
“Well, he’s definitely not going to be hearing it from me, that’s for sure.” I mumble. I don’t realise that they both heard me, until I see them both hang their heads at the same time, unsure what to say.
“Jess…” Melissa starts to say but I cut her off by holding both of my hands up.
“You two randy dogs, go and stick some clothes on. While you obviously do it for each other, you’re doing absolutely nothing for me. I’ll stick the kettle on if anyone fancies a brew.” I give them one last smile as I walk back towards the kitchen and I’m one hundred percent positive that the image of Heath will remain etched into my mind for quite some time, possibly locked away for the next time I feel intimidated by him.
Max
I hear shouting in the distance and instantly know that he’s home. Fear and dread wriggle at the bottom of my stomach. I cover my ears to try and drown out the noise, praying that it will stop, but it’s no good. All I ever hear is him shouting, constantly from the minute he gets in until the moment that he leaves again. My mother never says anything to him when he shouts at her, and when I ask, all she says is “Daddy needs to vent every now and again honey. When he gets home your daddy’s tired from working all day. He doesn’t mean to upset anyone, sweetie.”
It doesn’t matter what she says, or how many times she says it, I don’t like it. Not one little bit. Mummy never shouts and she cleans all day, cooks and makes sure all of our school work is done; yet she never raises her voice, not once, not even to him. It’s not nice when he shouts at my mummy.
As his voice gets louder and louder from the next room, I look towards the other side of my bedroom and see that Melissa is still fast asleep. It makes me so angry that she’s going to grow up around this. No one should have to witness stuff like this, especially not Melissa. Fortunately, she’s too young to understand. At the
delicate age of five, hopefully she will forget. It’s not too bad for me, because with time I will grow bigger and I’ll be able to stand up to him and stop him from hurting us, ever again.
A knock sounds at my door pulling my mind out of the past. Shit, I really need to get my head together. Either that, or it’s looking more likely that I’m going to have to give Don a call. I slowly lift my head up from within my hands and see Daisy patiently waiting to come in. What the hell is she doing here at the office? Shouldn’t she be at home looking after Mal? Fuck, Mal. I mentally pray that she isn’t here to tell me that he’s been taken ill again. When I look at her though, I’m relieved to see her smiling. If Mal was ill again, she definitely wouldn’t be smiling.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask as I pull the door open for her to come inside my office.
“I just thought I’d stop by and bring you some lunch. You look like you could do with a decent meal. Maybe you can tell me what’s been getting you so down lately?”
“I’m good, but thanks for the offer, I really appreciate it.” Do I really look so fucking bad, that Daisy feels like she has to turn up and look after me? Her husband is at home, recovering from his near death encounter and yet here she is, making sure that I’m okay. “How’s the old man settling in?”
“Perfectly dear, just like we expected him to. He’s much better now that he’s no longer cooped up in that hospital bed all day. I left him catching up with the sports, while I quickly run some errands. To be honest with you, I think he’ll be glad of the peace and quiet. Apparently I’m mothering him too much.”
“Is that wise? You know how worked up he gets watching stuff like that...”
Down Under Complete Trilogy Box Set Page 22