“Okay, class, that’s enough. We’ve got a lot of work to get through now.” Artemis bailed me out. She stood up and walked over to me, putting a sheet of paper on my desk. “It’s good to see you back, Miss George,” she gently told me. I nodded, not really sure how to respond. Artemis walked back up to the front of the class and carried on with the lesson, clearly picking up the fact that I didn’t want to make a fuss about being back.
The rest of the lesson passed uneventfully, despite the fact that I knew that everyone was looking at me out of the corner of their eye. I couldn’t blame them, really. I probably would have been the same, in their position, in all honesty. Not that it made any easier to deal with. Still, I managed to get through the lesson in one piece, both physically and emotionally. When the bell went, I just stood up, packed up my things and walked out, and that was it.
“So, you’re back.” I heard someone call to me as I walked across the courtyard. I turned around to see August sitting on the steps.
“Yeah…”
“Good.” She stood up, walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. That surprised me, a little. August wasn’t exactly the most affectionate person in the world, so her trying to comfort me was a strange experience, to say the least. “How are you doing, then?”
“Better. I had a bit of a dramatic epiphany the other day, kind of put things back in perspective for myself.”
“Fire-Bird’s back as well, I suppose?”
“Yeah. I don’t know where she ran off to, but that’s just Raven, I guess…” I shrugged.
“You don’t know where she was?”
“It’s not like it was the first time she’s run off like that. She always comes back. I trust her.”
I looked over in the direction of the dorms, though they weren’t actually in sight.
“Have you seen Matt?” I asked. August shook her head. “Has he even come back to Foxway since the funeral?”
August nodded.
“He’s came back a week or so ago, but he just locked himself up in his room again. Hasn’t come out at all. Are you going to go talk to him?”
“I don’t know if I should…”
“He needs to know he has a friend. And I’m not exactly the best at that kind of thing…” I sighed. “What?”
“Everything’s just so… So normal… It’s like everyone’s just forgotten about all of it...”
“Greyford told the students everything that happened. Some of it, at least,” August told me. “He didn’t mention the Syndicate specifically, just that the school had been attacked, that everyone had been put under lockdown for their own safety, and that… that a student had been killed while trying to help.”
“So, everyone knows…”
“They didn’t go into detail with anything. They didn’t use any names, other than Leigh. Though I know some people have put the details together…”
“Great…” I looked back over at the dorms. “I don’t know…” I admitted. “Should we give him more time?”
“I think you should go. He’s lost family. He’s not going to just get over it. He needs help,” August advised. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I’ve got a lesson. See you later.”
“See you…” I distantly replied.
He doesn’t want to see you… You’re the one who let his sister die… the voices whispered as I tried to think.
“Piss off.” I snapped. I feel like it was at least partially to spite the voices, but I knew I had to speak to Matt. That was what I needed to get me back from the place I’d been in. I hoped that it would help Matt, though I didn’t really have any clue what I was supposed to say, or if he would even be in the dorms in the first place.
I walked up the stairs to the room. I wasn’t really sure what to call it. Was it still Matt and Leigh’s? I don’t think they’d put anyone in the room straight away. There weren’t a lot of students moving to the school halfway through the year, so I could only assume that it would only be him in there. I spent about 10 minutes pacing up and down the corridor, arguing with the voices over whether or not to go in before I eventually forced myself to knock on the door. There wasn’t any sign of a response for a few seconds, but eventually the door started to open.
“Who is it?” Matt asked. His voice was monotonous, which I couldn’t help but be worried by.
“It’s me.”
“Emilie?”
“Yeah.”
The door opened fully. Matt sat down on his bed.
“You coming in or what?”
I walked in and looked around. It was a real mess. Clothes everywhere. It didn’t look like anything had been touched since the attack. All of Leigh’s stuff was still there. It took me a couple of seconds to adjust.
“So, you’re back at school then?” Matt asked as I closed the door behind me.
“It was the right time. I couldn’t stay hidden away forever.”
“Like I am, you mean.”
“That wasn’t…” I trailed off. “It wasn’t directed at you,” I assured him. “I’m not even trying to get you out of here… I just thought someone should check up on you.”
Matt grunted.
“How’ve you been doing?”
“Oh, I’m fine. That’s why I’ve locked myself in here for the last week.” He sighed. “Sorry… I guess I’m not doing great… I just can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes, it’s there, right in front of me”
I sat down next to Matt and sighed.
“I can’t say I haven’t had the same problem,” I admitted. “I was seeing her even when my eyes were open,” I joked. Matt looked at me. I tapped the side of my head. “It got worse after the accident, for a while. It was weird… She was there, she felt real. Honestly, that’s why I freaked out at the funeral… She was right there, taunting me the whole time… But it wasn’t Leigh. She wasn’t the same person at all...”
“Sounds like hell…”
“It gets better though. I took way too long to work that out myself. But it’s the truth. It’ll hurt. It’ll take time. But it’s only going to get better if you actually get up and do it.” So many people had told me that way too many times before, and it had taken me too long to realize that they were right. I couldn’t let the same thing happen to Matt. I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not going to get any better until you try.”
Matt looked down.
“I know… I just…”
“You can do it.” I knew exactly what he was about to say. It was the same argument I’d had so many times. “I know you can.”
Matt didn’t say anything else. I stood up and walked over to the door.
“We’re all worried about you, Matt.” I opened the door and walked out. I’d done everything I could manage, and I didn’t want to push him too far. It wasn’t going to do anything to help him. It hadn’t helped me in the slightest.
*
“So, how’s your first day back been?” Mary asked as I sat down on the edge of Raven’s bed. I figured it would be a good idea to check up on her before I went home, and honestly, Mary was the most normal person I knew at this point. She was the only proper friend I had who wasn’t there for what had happened, and it really helped being able to talk like a normal person.
“It’s been weird, but I’m doing alright. When did you get back?”
“Straight away after they said we could. My parents work a lot, so I didn’t see much point staying at home,” she explained. “Although at least I didn’t have to worry about the mess at home!”
“Neat freak!” Raven shouted back from the kitchen. I laughed. “What?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever really seen you act so… domestic,” I explained. “It’s weird.”
“It’s the mess. It stresses me out.” Mary shrugged.
“So, what about Hannah?”
“She’s fine. She was pretty shaken by the whole attack thing, but she’s doing okay,” she explained. “It’s nice to see you back, Emilie.”
/>
“I couldn’t stay away forever…” I admitted. “Raven pretty much dragged me back kicking and screaming. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to be back yet…”
“You’ll never know if you don’t at least give it a go.”
“That’s the idea…” I sighed.
“You’ll be fine.” Mary smiled. “You’re strong. Stronger than I could ever be. You’ll make it through this.”
“I know… It’s just going to take some getting used to, that’s all.”
“Just let me know if there’s anything you need, okay?”
“Sure…” I quietly agreed.
“Hey, haven’t you been shopping this week?” Raven poked her head around the kitchen door. “The fridge is completely empty.”
“You’re the one who cooks! I’ve been eating with Hannah!” Mary shouted back.
“You’re impossible…” Raven muttered under her breath as she walked out of the kitchen. “In that case, I guess we’re going shopping…”
“I’ll come.” I stood up and slipped on my shoes.
“I’ve got work to do,” Mary added. “You know what I won’t eat.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Raven sighed as she walked out of the door.
“See you later.” I called back as I closed the door behind us.
*
Raven did most of their shopping at the Foxmart. It was small, of course, but it had enough for two students. She didn’t speak much as she darted around the shop, almost automatically knowing everything that she was buying, moving like a machine. It was strangely impressive, given that all she was doing was buying food, but it was genuinely almost hypnotic to watch. She seemed to be throwing anything in the basket, but it all seemed to fit together. She paid for the food and we headed back to the dorms.
*
“Hey, Raven, I’m gonna get home.” I decided as I poked my head through to the kitchen. Raven was concentrating on the Shepherd’s Pie she was cooking. “Today’s really taken it out of me, and I need to get some sleep.”
“Oh?” Raven looked up from the oven. “Sure, that’s fine.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” I walked over and hugged her. “Thanks for being there for me today, Raven. It’s been a tough day, and I don’t think I would have come back at all if it wasn’t for you. It’s such a big adjustment, coming back here, especially when everything’s still so hard for me…”
“I get what you mean.” Raven agreed. “I’m not exactly at 100% right now either.”
“We’ll get used to it,” I assured her. “Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.” Raven smiled. “Be careful on the way home.”
“I will,” I agreed as I walked out of the kitchen. “Later, Mary.”
“See you,” Mary replied as I walked out of the door.
*
“So, how was it?” Mum asked as she walked in. I’d gotten back an hour or so before and was in the middle of cycling through the nothing that was on TV in the middle of the week.
“Better than I was expecting,” I replied. “It was pretty tiring though, emotionally at least.”
“Of course it was. It was always going to be draining for you.” Mum agreed. “I’m really proud of you for going back, Emilie.” She sat down on the edge of the sofa and stroked my hair.
“Thanks, mum.” I closed my eyes and sighed. “Shit, I’m so tired. My head’s killing me…”
“You’ve had a long day. Go get some sleep, it’s fine.” Mum smiled.
“Yeah…” I mumbled. “Good night…” I stood up and drowsily walked to my room. “You’re the best, mum.” I called back as I walked into my room and dropped down on my bed, losing consciousness as soon as my head hit the pillow.
32
I sat on the bench by the lake, staring out at the vast expanse of water. It was weird, really. I mean, this was really the place where all of the bad stuff had started, but it felt almost calming being there, despite all that had happened. It wasn’t the first time I’d been there to clear my mind in the last few months, thinking about it. It was as if there was some strange draw to the place.
What had brought me there that day was Matt. I kept going back to see him over the few days after I went back to Foxway, but it didn’t make any difference. Every time it went the same way. I’d go, I’d tell him to come back, we’d argue, I’d leave. My last attempt definitely ended up more heated than I would have liked. I’d pretty much reached my limit, and even though I knew that I couldn’t even imagine what must have been going through his head, I really snapped at him. But, at the end of the day, I did know what he was going through, at least a little. It wasn’t like I didn’t have the same issues. It had taken me less time to get past it, but I’d only lost a friend who I’d known for a short time compared to the lifetime that Matt had known her. I didn’t know what to do about it, and it was driving me crazy.
I picked up a stone off the ground and threw it into the lake, watching the small splash as it broke the surface of the water.
“Shit…” I grunted. “What am I going to do…” I asked myself as I watched the water settle.
“You know, you can’t always just fix everything on your own.” A voice said from behind me. I turned around. Raven smiled as she sat down next to me.
“I know… But I just… I hate seeing Matt like this… But I can’t do anything to help him…” I explained. “I just feel so powerless…” I looked back down at the lake.
Raven put her hand on my shoulder.
“You’re doing everything you can. You shouldn’t put all the pressure on yourself to fix him. It’ll take time. Maybe a lot of time. But there’s nothing you can do about that. Maybe you just can’t do anything to speed that up. Right now, you just need to be there for him if he needs it. You just need to be his friend.”
I felt a small smile creep along my face.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right…”
“You know, you’ve changed a lot since I met you. Back when we first met, you seemed so…”
“Resigned.” I interrupted. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot myself, and that’s the word I’ve found. I was resigned to having a normal life. There wasn’t really anything in my life that I wasn’t happy with. I was fine with letting things happen the way they did. I was going to finish school, I was going to go to uni, I was going to just live the way everyone expected me to… Because that was what there was. That was how I thought the world worked. That was what the world did work. But I never really felt comfortable with that… I knew that was all there was, but I still felt like I wanted more. When I arrived here, I realised that there’s always… there’s always something else. Always another part of the world that can open up to you…”
“I see…”
“It’s ironic, really…” I laughed slightly as I looked down at the crystal hung around my neck. “The professor… He said that the reason I found the Arch Stone is because I was able to take the world as it was. That just doesn’t sound like me anymore.”
“I don’t think that’s the truth at all.” Raven shook her head. “You didn’t take things as they were, you acknowledged that the world wasn’t something that you knew everything about. You had a mind which wouldn’t lose itself to what it thought it knew. You just seem less content to accept that,” Raven decided. “In any case, having an open mind only let you break through the perception spell. We may never know why the stone chose you.”
I laughed softly.
“I guess so…” I muttered to myself. “Strange…”
*
“Mum, do you think I’ve changed?” I asked as I dried my hair. It was the evening the same day as my conversation with Raven, and it had really made me think about things.
“What do you mean?” Mum replied from the kitchen.
“I was talking to Raven earlier, and she said that I’d really changed since we met.”
I heard mum laugh faintly in the other room.
“I
assume she means other than the obvious…” I heard her mumble as I walked into the living room.
“Hey!” I laughed as I sat down on the sofa.
“Don’t worry, I know what you mean,” Mum chuckled as she walked down and sat on the sofa next to me. “I don’t know, to be honest. What did Raven say?”
“She said that I seemed less content with… with letting things happen how they happen.” I explained. “Does that make any sense?”
“Honestly? I think I know what she means. You’d often said you weren’t sure what you wanted to do, and you definitely seem a lot more driven now…” she agreed. “It’s not a bad thing though. At the end of the day, I’m your mother, and I’ll love you no matter what. As long as you’re happy and safe and doing what you think is right, at the end of the day, you’re still my Emilie, and I’ll always love you, no matter how much you change.”
“Thanks mum…” I whispered. Mum looked concerned.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You don’t seem right at all today…”
“I…” I hesitated to answer.
“No, seriously, what’s up?” Mum pushed. “Did something happen at school?”
“Something’s always happening at school…” I sighed. “I just… I’m starting to give up on Matt…” I conceded. “I keep going to him, keep trying to find something I can say that can help him, but it doesn’t make any difference, and I get frustrated and shout, and…”
Mum put her arm around me and kissed me on the head.
“You know, you can’t always help everyone, Em.” she reminded me. I laughed a little at that.
“Raven said the same thing…” I admitted. “You’re probably right, I know that… It’s just… I hate seeing him like that…”
“You really care about him, don’t you?” Mum asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but I honestly wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about Matt before the attack, and after everything that had happened, there was just no answer I could give.
Mum laughed. “I’ll take the silence as the answer for that…” she joked. “So, is it like that?” she asked, mercifully changing the subject. I shrugged.
The Arch Stone: Foxway Academy: Book 1 Page 21