by K E Osborn
After spending the night together in a five-star hotel, and me showing Mercs just how much my mind craves being with him, even though my body isn’t getting the memo, we’re back at Doctor Wakefield’s office today to hear the results of my tests. I must admit I’m a little nervous as we sit in his room patiently waiting for him to come in.
My knee agitates up and down on the spot as I gnaw on my bottom lip in frustration. “What’s taking so long?”
Mercs chuckles placing his hand on my bobbing knee to halt its movement. “It’s going to be fine. And even if there is something wrong, we will deal with it… together. Okay?”
Nodding, I swallow hard as the door opens and Doctor Wakefield walks in, his tall frame doing nothing for my nerves as he saunters in towering over me and moves to his desk taking a seat carrying a folder. “Good afternoon. How’s your day been?”
I can’t find the words to answer as Mercs glances to me and exhales looking back to the doctor. “Nervous. I think Effa’s anxious to get any results you might have.”
Doctor Wakefield’s warm smile soothes me some, but not entirely. He opens the folder on his desk and looks over the paperwork inside, and he takes a deep breath. “Okay. So we do have the results. It seems that as I suspected you’re suffering from hypopituitarism, also known as pituitary insufficiency. Basically, your pituitary gland isn’t releasing enough of a certain hormone that you need, which is causing your symptoms.”
Swallowing hard, I nod and let out a long breath. “Okay, and was this something I already had?”
He shakes his head. “No. This was caused by the anoxic brain injury you suffered. It’s not completely rare, but it’s also not common either.”
Mercs looks at me and smiles showing me some support, as he reaches out grabbing my hand.
“So, what does this mean? What will happen?”
The doctor looks at me and links his hands together on the table, making me a little more concerned. “If left untreated, the symptoms can progress and worsen. There are other symptoms that can come with hypopituitarism—”
“Like what?” I blurt out, and he exhales.
“Muscle weakness, inability to regulate body temperature, weight gain or weight loss, low blood pressure, dry skin…” he hesitates, and I furrow my brows letting out a long breath.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
He rubs his chin sitting up taller with a frown. “You might have irregular periods, even the loss of your pubic hair. If you have a baby you might have an inability to produce breast milk or…” he pauses again taking a breath, “… there’s a chance of infertility.”
My stomach tightens, and I let out a heavy sigh and sink into the chair clenching my eyes shut willing myself not to cry. This is a lot to take in. Mercs tightens his hand on mine, and I squeeze it needing his comfort.
“You said if left untreated. So there is a treatment plan then?” Mercs mentions making me open my eyes—a slight wave of hope washing through me.
Doctor Wakefield nods and smiles. “Yes. Hormone replacement therapy. Daily injections, unfortunately, similar to the diabetic kind, but with hormones instead.”
“And will that fix the infertility?” I ask, and he winces.
“Unfortunately, we won’t know about that until you start trying.”
Swallowing hard, my eyes mist up at that thought as I glance to Mercs who gives me a comforting nod.
“Also, you will need to stop taking the daily pill and seek other forms of birth control, if you don’t want to risk getting pregnant. Considering, of course, if you are still able to conceive naturally.”
I nod swallowing hard, hoping like hell I can still fall pregnant. Babies were always a part of my future, and the thought they might not be now is scaring the hell out of me.
“And what about the rest?” Mercs asks.
“The symptoms will ease, but you might get flare-ups when your hormones are out of balance. Unfortunately, it’s a lifelong condition. You will have to get used to your body and how it’s functioning.”
Sighing, I scrunch up my brows and gnaw on my bottom lip. “Is this going to affect my ability to perform on stage?”
He tilts his head and exhales sitting back in his chair. “Only you will know how your body’s feeling. Some days your energy will be lower than others, your strength will be weaker. You might need to adjust your stage shows to suit. Simple things like adding a chair on stage, so you can sit down during a few songs if you need to. I don’t think you’ll need to stop performing altogether, just… adjust.”
My eyes flood with tears, and I let out a staggered breath. “I’m such an idiot. I should have never drunk that drink.” I sniff while Mercs’ hand tightens so tight in mine my knuckles turn white.
“You’re not an idiot. I know you. You would have only drunk that shit to appease him. I know you don’t remember anything. But I can assure you, the only reason you would have taken that drink from him in the first place was because you would have felt like if you didn’t, it would have antagonized him further. This is not your fault, Effa.”
Shaking my head, I sigh. “When will I start treatment, Doctor?”
He opens his drawer pulling out an injector and a box of vials. “This is what you will be using for your treatment. Either you will inject it daily, or someone can inject it for you.”
Tensing up, a shudder runs down my spine. The thought of injecting myself scares me.
Mercs sniffs as he clears his throat. “Can you teach me how to do it, doc?” he offers, and I look to him opening my eyes wide.
Doctor Wakefield nods. “If Effa is happy with that?”
I turn to Mercs, a lump caught in my throat. “Are you sure? I feel like this is a big ask.”
He chuckles. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And it’s like we get to play doctor and nurses for real.”
I chuckle as I glance to Doctor Wakefield who’s trying to hide his smirk.
Nodding my head, I weakly smile and let go of his hand as he moves over to the doctor to learn how to inject me. Watching him, I’m filled with awe. He’s truly amazing, and I have no idea how I got so lucky to have him by my side. Now, I just have to deal with him being the one to stick a needle in me every day, but I know I need to talk with him about this. This could be a game changer.
Mercs and I make our way back to the hotel we’re staying at. Luckily it’s literally down the street from the clinic, so the car ride won’t be long. But as I slide in, I know he knows something’s wrong. He takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and I swallow hard looking out the car window as we take the short drive back.
“So, that was a lot to take in.” His voice is quiet as the car pulls down to the street of the hotel.
I sigh feeling my emotions bottled up inside of me. I’m not sure where to go from here. The information that was handed to me is a life changer. I love Kaden, there’s never been any doubt about that, but this news changes everything. I’m different. My body is different, and I can’t provide for him like I should be able to.
“Mmm,” I simply reply continuing to stare out the window as the car pulls into the valet parking area. I don’t waste time and open the car door sliding out, and Mercs follows me as I walk inside of the hotel and up to the elevators.
He’s quiet. Assessing me as he holds onto my hand tightly, not letting me go for a second. We ride the elevator in a deafening silence. Tension apparent between us. The door opens, and we walk out making it to the suite door, and I swipe the card and walk in leaving Mercs behind as he strolls in following me.
My chest is squeezing in on me so tightly I feel like I might be starting to panic. My skin rippling in a cold sweat, the fear of a hot flash reigning over me as I begin to flush hot all over. I’m tense, and I pace the room as Mercs comes in letting out a heavy sigh and steps up to me reaching out and grabs my elbow making me turn to look at him. The frown lines on his face more than apparent, showing his deep concern as he looks me over.
My chest squeezes tight as I think of the life I had planned out with him. Marriage, babies, grandbabies. I wanted it all, and now I don’t think it’s possible to have any of it. My bottom lip trembles as he shakes his head looking into my watering eyes and forcing me to face him.
“Hey, look at me,” he snaps.
I shake my head, breaking free from his grip. My heart beating frantically in my chest as I try to calm my breathing. “Kaden… I—”
“Don’t… don’t start fucking talking like I think you’re going to, Effa.”
I spin back to face him and scrunch up my face throwing my hands in the air. “I probably can’t have children, Kaden. It’s a fact, and this is monumental. You can’t stay with someone who can’t give you a family when family means everything to you.”
He rushes up, grabbing hold of me again, and looks me dead in my eyes. His stare is intense as he breathes harshly through his nose. “Effa, you are my family. And he said there’s a chance you can’t conceive. Not that you can’t. And if you can’t, then I don’t care. There’s other ways for us to be parents. Adoption… surrogates… fucking pet rocks.” I let out a stifled laugh. “You’re my life, and no matter what comes our way, babies or not, I’m with you in this, Effa. I will not let you walk away from this, from me, because you think I deserve better. I deserve you. Exactly you. As you are. No damn exceptions.”
Tears form in my eyes, and I blink rapidly to stop them from falling as I rush forward taking him into my arms. He holds onto me tightly, his hands smoothing up and down my back as his lips tenderly kiss my neck. He’s my warmth, he’s my home, and I know he deserves more than what I can give him, but if he wants to make this work, then I don’t want to lose him either.
“How am I so lucky to have you?” I ask, and he pulls back shaking his head.
“We’re lucky to have each other, baby. We’re in this together. Until the last light dims, remember?”
“Until the last light dims,” I reply softly, leaning in and pressing my lips to his tenderly needing to feel him right now. He is my warmth. My home. And I know no matter what, as much as I’m there for him through all of his trauma, he will always be here for me through mine too. We are made to keep each other strong, to build each other up. And as long as we have each other. We will be unstoppable.
Chapter Seventeen
MERCS
It’s been a crazy week of appointments, but finally, Effa and I are back in Ligonier after having to stay on in Pittsburgh for five days longer than expected. Doctor Wakefield wanted Effa to be close by once she started the hormone replacement therapy for a few days, just to make sure she was adjusting before we came back, and also to make sure I was doing okay with giving her the injections. Which I seem to have mastered exceptionally well. The first one was the hardest, but with the doctor teaching me every step it seems easy now.
It was good, empowering even, to know I can be a part of Effa’s recovery. So at least I can be here to help her maintain her health, and I certainly don’t intend on going anywhere. So for the rest of our lives, I will be helping her with her treatment.
Whatever she needs.
Although it was hard to be away from Kiera, I knew Gran had her under control. And I also knew there were a bunch of my friends and crew around to support them if need be. They weren’t alone and would be taken care of. I had Tank going to visit every day, and I know Kiera’s doing fine. Chemo is a bitch, and yeah she’s sick as fuck, but goddamn if she isn’t a fighter. And she’s fighting one hell of a battle to make sure this procedure works.
But for right now, Effa and I are having brunch with her father and Livvy at the diner. Livvy picked the place, and neither of us had the heart to tell her we didn’t want to go to Kammie’s seeing as it’s their last day here. So Effa and I are going to suck it up. Who knows, Lilah might not even be working today.
Fingers fucking crossed.
“Are you ready to go?” I call out to Effa as I pull on a leather jacket.
She rounds the corner looking smoking hot in her boho pants and woolly sweater, along with a scarf that matches the pattern on her pants. Even though it’s starting to get colder and we need to dress up warm, she still manages to look like the free-spirited woman I know, the woman I’ve fallen madly for. I can’t help but smile at her.
“Yep… why are you smiling at me like that?” she asks.
I drop my smile and furrow my brows. “Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking something ominous and conniving.”
I chuckle, reaching out and grabbing her. She squeals, and I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her tight to me. “Just thinking I’m one lucky son of a bitch, that’s all.”
She snorts, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “You’re getting sappy, you softy. Now c’mon, we gotta go,” she jests breaking free from my grip and walking away from me.
I chuckle, glancing down at her ass as she sashays out of the room, and I shake my head loving the view as I follow her down the stairs. Kiera and Gran are in the kitchen, and we make our way in there to let them know we’re heading out for the morning. Kiera’s sitting at the breakfast bar looking cozy in her pajamas and beanie, while Gran is wearing a Christmas apron already and is baking something that smells delicious in the oven.
“That smells amazing,” Effa coos as we step up to the breakfast bar.
Gran opens the oven pulling out a tray of gingerbread men. “Tis the season, sweetheart,” Gran sings placing the tray on the sink and waving her mitt over the top to cool them down.
“Isn’t it a little early to be cooking Christmas treats seeing as it’s October?” I ask and Kiera and Gran both scoff.
“Never. And anyway, we wanted you both to have some, just in case you can’t make it back for Christmas.”
“Guys! You know I’ll be coming home for the holidays, even so, I’m not sure if I will go back on tour with the girls yet. All depends on what’s happening here. But I’m not going to miss Christmas for anything, and Effa will be with me, right?” I ask, and Effa smiles wide.
“Sure will. I know we’re not one hundred percent sure on when the tour is kicking off again, but it will break for Christmas, and there’s nowhere we’d rather be than with you guys.”
Kiera jumps off her stool, her face pale and she seems to have no energy as she steps up to my side and leans in cuddling me. “Thank you, Kaden. I love having you around so much. I just want to spend as much time as possible with you.”
A somber tone fills the air, and I wrap my arms around Kiera feeling the need to cuddle her and to be close to her. I know she’s getting weaker. I can see it in the way she moves, the way she acts. It scares me and so coming home for the holidays if we do go back on tour, is going to be a major thing for me, because spending as much time with my sister is my main priority.
“Me too, booger-butt, you know I love you. And I promise when I get home tonight… you, me, that sofa, we’re getting our movie fix on.”
Kiera smiles wide and nods. “Deal. As long as you lay off Raoul, he’s been super sweet to me.”
I groan while rolling my eyes. “Fine. Only marginally fine, though.” I chuckle. “But seriously, we have to go. Moral of the story I’ll be here for Christmas, and I can spend all my time with you. Okay?” I lean out embracing her. She holds onto me tightly, and I smile leaning down and kissing her temple.
“Right. We have to go. Brunch is calling,” I tell her and she smiles at me and then Effa.
“Have fun, kids,” Kiera quips.
I roll my eyes yanking her beanie down over her eyes as I let her go. Her sweet laughter fills the air as I grab Effa’s hand and walk with her out the door and down the street toward Kammie’s.
We make it to the diner quickly, and I reach out for her hand again. She laces her fingers with mine, and we walk inside. I take a deep breath, trying my hardest not to look around and seem obvious, but I can’t help it as my eyes wander over to the counter to look for Lilah. Her strawberry blonde
hair catches my attention straight away as our eyes lock. The plate in her hand dropping to the counter with a clunk as she spots me. Effa turns to look at her and sighs as I look away hating that she has to be here.
Effa tightens her hand on mine, and I squeeze her back. We walk through the diner to where I see Donny and Livvy sitting in a booth at the back, which suits me perfectly. I won’t have a view of the counter from there so I won’t have to worry about prying eyes.
We walk up to the booth, and Livvy’s eyes light up as she notices us approaching. “Oh… hi guys. Welcome back. It’s such a shame you’ve only come back to Ligonier on our last day in the States.” She sniffs jumping up from the booth to give Effa a tight squeeze.
Effa hugs her back, and I smile leaning in to give Donny a handshake, but he pushes my hand out the way and stands up to embrace me over the table. I chuckle and hug him back.
Effa snickers and then leans in after me to embrace her father. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Baby girl, I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry we have to go home so quickly after your diagnosis. If you need us, though, I can shift things around and make it so we can stay?” Donny suggests, and Effa shakes her head.
“No. Thanks, Dad, for everything. I’ve disrupted your lives for long enough. Livvy has to get back to her students, and you have to go back to your life, too. I can’t keep you all to myself… even though I want to.”
Donny and Livvy sit down in the booth, and we follow on the opposite side as we all get comfortable. I pick up the menu and look at it as Livvy reaches out for Effa’s hands over the table. “Now darling, you know if you ever need anything we’re only a phone call away. We might be chillin’ at the pad, but that doesn’t mean we can’t come right back here lickety-split.”
I stifle a laugh at how Livvy always talks like she’s trapped in the seventies. But somehow she manages to make it cool again. I think it’s just her way. I really like her. She has an aura about her, it’s nurturing. She’s good to be around.