“Chris, I’m sorry. You’re a great guy but –”
He grabs my hand, cutting me off and his eyes find mine in a panic.
“Raven, lo siento. I’m sorry. Pero, I love you.”
The ‘L’ word. The fucking ‘L’ word. I already knew, and Chrissy told me as much, but it’s different hearing him say it.
“Chris…”
“I know, it’s crazy. You don’t have to say it. It’s too soon and all that. But I do. Te amo, Mami.”
He looks so defeated, so hopeless. He’s going to be crushed. But Gage is right, too. Why stay with him when I don’t feel the same?
“It’s okay. I know you’re not there yet. Just don’t rule me out.”
“Oh, Chris…”
I don’t know what to do, what to say. This is not who I am. I’m not some shy, indecisive weakling. What am I allowing these two men to do to me? I feel horrible for what I’m doing to Chris. I throw my arms around his neck and hold him tightly. Am I really going to give him up for some potentially good sex? No. I won’t. When I see Gage tonight, I’ll just have to end it. End it? It’s not like we started anything. I’ll just tell him that I changed my mind. It’s the best thing to do. The right thing.
***Gage***
“Yo!”
E barges into my room as I’m getting dressed. He closes the door and drops down on my bed.
“Don’t you knock?”
“We used to take baths together, motherfucker. You ain’t got nothin’ I ain’t never seen.”
“That was a long time ago, dickhead. I’ve changed.”
We both chuckle as I get boxers from my drawer.
“Nope. Everything looks the same to me.”
I grab the first thing I can from my dresser – my deodorant – and pitch it at him. He catches it and bursts out laughing.
“You’re just jealous because you’re literally half the man I am.”
“That’s not what Jessica Morris said,” he says with a smirk.
“Dude, we were sixteen. And Jessica Morris fucked every guy at school. She probably said that to every single one of us.”
“True.”
“Why aren’t you at work?” I ask.
“Day off. Wanna do something?”
“I gotta go look at a few properties. Wanna come?”
“Sure. But first, you gonna tell me about last night?”
I retrieve my deodorant and head to the bathroom to do something about my hair.
“Nothing happened.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“We talked, watched a movie.”
“You talked…and watched a movie,” he repeats, looking astonished.
“That’s what I said.” I sit next to him on the bed and he gawks at me like I just sprouted a second head. “I’m serious.”
“Okay, what did you talk about?”
“I want her, E.”
“That I already know.”
“Well, obviously not yet, but we’re gonna work on it.”
“Wait, is the mighty Reaper getting himself a girlfriend?” He chuckles.
“I wouldn’t go that far. But I am going to put some time into it. She’s just different. I need to find out why.”
“I already know why. I’ll tell Joe to get the ink ready.”
“I should punch you in the throat for that.”
“I’ll remember that when you’re getting her name tatted on your back.”
“Shut up.”
He laughs again, and I swear I’m about to lay him out when I remember that I need his help.
“I need a favor.”
“What? Help with tattoo designs?”
“E, I swear to God –”
“Okay, okay. What?”
“I need her on the pill, or whatever you recommend.”
He raises his brows and loses the smile.
“Planning on going bareback?”
“Of course not. I just need to cover all my bases.”
“Wanna bring her to St. John’s?”
“No. We have to be discreet. I’m supposed to see her later. You can come by, do your thing.”
“You got it, brother.”
“Thanks, man. Let’s go.”
CHAPTER 13
***Raven***
I’m sitting here staring at my phone, unsure what to do. I received a text about twenty minutes ago but I haven’t read it. I know it’s from him, most likely details for tonight. How quickly things can change. Just last night I was making plans and promising him my virginity; hell, I practically offered it to him on a silver platter. If he wasn’t the man he is, I wouldn’t still be a virgin today. I take a deep breath and read the message.
G: I’ll send someone to pick you up at 7.
I start tapping out an excuse not to go. I’m sick…I got my period…what do I say? No. That’s the coward’s way out. I need to deal with this as soon as possible, and in person. He deserves that.
R: Ok.
By five pm, I’m in the shower and nervously shaving every inch of my body. Nerves and razors are not a good combination; I nick my legs more than a few times. They’ll probably look like I had a run-in with Freddy Krueger. I dress carefully – a blue and white cotton skater dress, and a light, white jacket. After blow-drying my hair, I add some light makeup and finish my outfit with blue sandals.
At six fifty-five, I get a text telling me that my ride is outside, so I take a deep breath and head out. I step outside and there’s a black Charger in the driveway. The windows are tinted extra dark, keeping prying eyes out. The driver hops out and opens my door. He’s tall but he seems young, around my age.
“Hello.”
“Hi, I’m Ron.”
“Raven.”
He smirks at me as he closes the door. “I know.”
I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he backs out of the driveway. Damn, he’s cute. He’s like a Colton Haynes look-alike but with dark hair and tattoos.
“So, Raven. I’ve seen you around.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. You go with Chris, right?”
Shit. He knows Chris. Are they friends? Is he going to rat me out?
“Don’t worry. Boss Man explained everything to me.”
“And what exactly did Boss Man say?”
“That you’re friends, but because of the situation, you have to keep it quiet.”
“You don’t sound like you believe that.”
“It’s just hard to believe that Gage Hunter can be friends with a woman, especially one as pretty as you.”
“So, you don’t think there’s a woman who can resist the big, bad Reaper?”
“I’ve never met one.”
“Well, friends is the only thing we can be,” I tell him.
“Why is that?”
“One, I’m with Christopher and two, as you probably already know, I’m not legal.”
He waits for me to continue, glancing between me and the road.
“That’s all you got?”
“That’s all I need.”
“You’re not legal, but you will be. Soon. And Chris, well, he’ll get over it.”
“Are you friends?”
“We had a few classes together. Don’t worry; my lips are sealed,” he promises.
“Thanks. He’s already out of his mind with jealousy.”
“No problem.”
He spends the rest of the drive telling me about himself and his journey to becoming a member of the MC. He’s been a prospect for a year but thinks he’ll be sworn in soon, especially since Gage has entrusted him with such an important matter. He winked at me when he said it and I just rolled my eyes.
He slows down and then turns into the Venetian Park Community. This. Place. Is. Gorgeous! Definitely for a more affluent crowd but still family-oriented. There are mostly two-story houses with high archways and doors with stained-glass windows. There are play areas at the end of every street, and a gym with a pool. He pulls into a driveway, next to a black BMW M
3, and parks.
“We’re here.”
“Where exactly is ‘here’?”
“Come on. You’ll see,” he says with a grin.
We walk up to the door and he steps right in. It wasn’t even locked. Who lives here?
“Hey, boss! We’re here!” he calls up the stairs.
I look up and almost swallow my tongue when Gage appears at the top of the stairs. Shirtless. Baby Jesus in the manger, this man is sexy. Too sexy. He smiles down at me and throws a white T-shirt over his shoulder as he descends. Is it just me or does his body look different? He seems leaner, his stomach muscles tighter. Did he always have that V line? Fuck. Put your shirt on already. Goddammit. He thanks Ron and tells him he’ll call him later, but his eyes are glued to me. I don’t even realize that Ron’s left until Gage pulls me into his arms.
“Hey, baby doll.”
“Hi.”
“Did you miss me?”
“I…I…”
Words. I need to find words. How can I when his naked chest is inches from my lips and I just want to kiss it? His skin is cool from his shower and he smells amazing, as usual.
“Am I distracting you?”
“You know you are.”
He chuckles and releases me to put his shirt on.
“Better?”
Not really. “Better.”
“Come on. I have a surprise for you.”
He takes my hand and leads me through the house. It’s obvious no one lives here, because there’s hardly any furniture. Either they’re moving out or just moving in.
“Whose house is this?”
“Mine.”
“It’s nice.” It’s big for one man but still nice. It’s a family home, not a bachelor pad. “Not quite what I’d expect, though.”
“What did you expect?”
“Black, red, leather, reapers everywhere.”
“That’s why I bought it, to get away from all that. This is going to be my home.”
“I see. I like it.”
“Thank you. Wait ‘til I’m done with it. You’re gonna love it.”
I try to smile but I know it comes out weak. I won’t be around to see anything.
We step into the living room and my jaw almost hits the floor. The room is bare except for a blanket on the floor, laden with all kinds of food. The only light comes from candles scattered around the room. I survey everything in disbelief. He did this for me? The sound of music reaches my ears and I turn to see him in the corner. When did he move? He returns to me slowly and my breath hitches at the view. Gage by candlelight is a sight to behold.
“Well, what do you think?”
“What is all this?”
He takes my hand again and brushes my knuckles with his thumbs. A tingly sensation shoots through my body.
“I told you I would try, Raven.”
If this is him just trying, then Lord help me. It may not seem like much, but this is
Mr. I-Don’t-Do-Romance here. He leads me to the blanket and I sit as modestly as I can. After dropping down next to me, he lifts the stainless steel food cover with a smile.
“I hope you’re hungry.”
Lobster and shrimp linguine, garlic bread, crackers, cheese, cold cuts, a fruit platter, and chocolate cake. There’s a bottle of sparkling cider chilling in a champagne bucket. It’s like a mini-feast. My stomach rumbles.
“Starving.”
“Dig in, doll.”
We eat in silence until I think I’m about to go crazy. This is new for him, but guilt is quickly eating away at my sanity. Do I tell him now or wait until after dinner?
“How was your day?” I ask instead.
“Good.”
He opens the bottle of cider, pouring two glasses.
“Did some work. Hung out with E.”
“That’s nice.”
“You?”
I accept the glass he offers and brace myself. “Same. Did some chores. Hung out with Chris.”
I didn’t expect him to say ‘that’s nice.’ The angry stare? Yes. That I did expect.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. Talked.”
“Did you break up with him?” he asks.
“No.”
“Why the hell not?”
“He...he told me he loves me,” I stammer.
“I see. So I guess he stays. What are you going to do? Keep both of us around?”
Why is this so hard? If it’s the right thing it should be easy, right? I can’t even look him in the eyes.
“No.”
He chuckles, but it’s a mirthless one.
“Why did you come here, Raven?”
“I wanted to talk to you face to face.”
“Why?”
He jumps to his feet, hands on his hips as he glares down at me. He growls and kicks one of the platters. Crackers, cold cuts, and cheese go flying everywhere. I flinch, praying he doesn’t turn his anger on me.
“You could have told me earlier. Saved me all this trouble.”
He moves around the room, putting out the candles.
“Please, Gage –”
“Please what?” he shouts. “Please. What?”
“Don’t be angry.”
“You think I’m angry? You don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your apology. I need you to keep your promise.” He takes a deep breath and sits next to me once more. “Can’t you see that he’s just trying to guilt you into staying with him? He knows he’s losing you. Telling you he loves you is his half-assed attempt at getting you to stay.”
“You’re asking me to choose between a man who says he loves me and wants to be with me, and one who’s just biding his time until I’m legal so he can get me into his bed.”
“At least I’m honest. You’ve always known where you stand with me,” he states.
“And that’s the problem. I want more than that.”
“Fine. I’ll call Ron to take you home.”
I turn to him and take his hand. I don’t want to leave things between us like this. “I’d still like us to be friends.”
He drags his hand out of my grip.
“Friends? I can’t be your friend, Raven. You walk out that door, you don’t come back. That’s it. We pretend like none of this ever happened.”
He rises, extinguishes the last of the candles and walks out of the room, leaving me in darkness. I gather my courage and follow behind.
“Gage, don’t be like this.”
He turns around, his expression accusatory.
“What? You want to have your little boyfriend but keep me in the wings, is that it?”
“No…I…”
“You want him because you think he loves you. But you know he can never make you feel the way I make you feel.”
He steps closer, trailing his finger down my cheek. My breath catches.
“He doesn’t steal your breath or make your heart beat fast. His touch doesn’t make you quiver or get you hot. You don’t get wet when you hear his voice. Am I right?”
His finger is now tracing the neckline of my dress and I can barely breathe. He knows he’s right, as much as I wish he wasn’t.
“Answer me.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.”
Oh, dear God. Two words. Two simple, four-letter words and I’m like putty in his hands. I sag against him and he wraps his arm around my waist.
“You know what? I know exactly how to fix all this.”
He takes my hand and drags me along behind him.
“Where are we going?”
“Upstairs.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to fuck you. Now.”
CHAPTER 14
***Gage***
She hasn’t said a word. I made my big announcement and she’s gone mute. She allows me to lead her up the stairs and into the bedroom with absolutely no resistance. She stands by the bed and watches as I drag my T-shirt
over my head. She’s shaking, and I know it’s not from fear.
“Take off your clothes.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“You’re the one with doubts, and I’m going to dick them right out of you.”
She gasps and then slowly removes her jacket. When it falls to the floor, she reaches for the strap of her dress.
“What? No objections?”
“I thought –”
“No. I thought you wanted to be with the boy, but here you are.”
Her hands fall limply to her sides and she perches on the bed, dropping her gaze to the floor.
“You were testing me.”
“I was merely helping you make the right decision. You know it’s right because you didn’t have to think about it.”
She sighs deeply, turns and blinks up at me as I sit next to her.
“You’re right. About everything. When you touch me, it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I want you and it scares me.”
“Why? There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“You and me, it’s all physical. What happens after?”
“Doll, you worry too much. You need to relax. Just take each day as it comes,” I tell her.
“Okay, and in a couple of weeks, assuming you’re still around, you get what you want. What then?”
“What I want? You just said you want me, too.”
“Yes, but we won’t be friends. I won’t be your girlfriend. What will I be? Your little fuck toy?” she asks, cringing as she says the last words.
“Damn it, Raven! We have fun together and we have crazy chemistry. Why do you need to put a label on it?”
“Because I don’t wanna become Lonnie!”
“Oh, baby doll.”
I lace my fingers through her hair and then grab a handful, holding her steady so our gazes are locked.
“Let’s get this straight. No one’s touching you but me. Got it?”
“Gage –”
“Do you understand?” I ask forcefully.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
I place my hand on her knee and my thumb brushes against a jagged patch of skin. I look down and there’s a red line from a cut or scrape. I drop to my knees before her, rage building as I inspect her legs. That shit is all over.
“What the fuck?”
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